What about on the weekends? How common is it for AP to get up with the kids on either Saturday or Sunday AM? (Wouldn’t ask for both)

And then occasionally work a weekend evening too after getting up at 7/730, working a few hours then back on for evening? Just trying to figure out how this all works. TIA

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you leave the house at 7am? If so then she should not be giving you attitude. If you are asking her to be upstairs while you are lounging around or doing stuff with the kids yourself she may resent what she sees as an unnecessary early start time. If this is the case you may need to spell out exactly what you want her to do or your expectations for the morning routine.

This is so odd to me - that an AP should resent it when parents are around the morning but wants them scheduled to do work. Maybe the parents need to tend a household task (let the dog out, empty the dishwasher, etc.) Maybe the parent is not a morning person but wants 20 minutes to have a coffee and get ready for their day. These are valid choices.

Most AP are off when a parent is home. If you expect your AP to work when you’re obviously available, give them precise instructions on what needs to be done (and possibly how to do it). APs aren’t nannies, most don’t look for things to do.

Who gets to determine when a HP is "obviously available?" If I am checking work emails and having coffee - if the AP is scheduled to work, she's on duty. The AP would not be happy if I said, "I am "obviously available" so I have decided to give you a later start time and end time today, go do something for exactly 20 minutes, you are off the clock."

I’m talking about it you’re not doing something. If you’re sitting down to drink coffee for 20 minutes, you’re choosing that. Most parents don’t. If you’re taking your time to do hair/make up, you’re doing that. If you’re doing emails for work, I would think you’d let AP know you’re working and she’s on.

Wtf? How do you know what most parents do? I get up with my daughter, change her, give her a bottle, and get her dressed by the time my AP shows up at 7:30. I then take the dog out, get showered and dressed for work, and make a second cup of coffee and sit down and sift through emails. Even if I were slothing around, it's still 7:30 and the AP is on the clock. That's why clear hours and schedules are so important. Regardless of what I am doing, the AP is "on." Just like I show up every day at the same time so that the AP can be "off."

Anonymous wrote:Ours starts at 6:45 a.m. and we are usually home for at least part of her morning hours. She makes breakfast for kids and get them out the door. I make coffee for myself, shower and get dressed for work. I think it's ridiculous to say she can't work while I'm still there, because it means I either need to leave for work by 6:45 or not start getting ready for work until after 7:45. I guess I could just get up an hour earlier to get myself ready and then spend an hour getting my kids out the door and then go to work myself, but that frankly makes no sense for our family.

You don’t do anything with kids in the morning? Everything is on AP?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you leave the house at 7am? If so then she should not be giving you attitude. If you are asking her to be upstairs while you are lounging around or doing stuff with the kids yourself she may resent what she sees as an unnecessary early start time. If this is the case you may need to spell out exactly what you want her to do or your expectations for the morning routine.

This is so odd to me - that an AP should resent it when parents are around the morning but wants them scheduled to do work. Maybe the parents need to tend a household task (let the dog out, empty the dishwasher, etc.) Maybe the parent is not a morning person but wants 20 minutes to have a coffee and get ready for their day. These are valid choices.

Most AP are off when a parent is home. If you expect your AP to work when you’re obviously available, give them precise instructions on what needs to be done (and possibly how to do it). APs aren’t nannies, most don’t look for things to do.

Who gets to determine when a HP is "obviously available?" If I am checking work emails and having coffee - if the AP is scheduled to work, she's on duty. The AP would not be happy if I said, "I am "obviously available" so I have decided to give you a later start time and end time today, go do something for exactly 20 minutes, you are off the clock."

I’m talking about it you’re not doing something. If you’re sitting down to drink coffee for 20 minutes, you’re choosing that. Most parents don’t. If you’re taking your time to do hair/make up, you’re doing that. If you’re doing emails for work, I would think you’d let AP know you’re working and she’s on.

7:15 start here year round. I'm mostly already out the door by then. HD usually leaves between 7.20 - 7.45.

Ours starts at 6:45 a.m. and we are usually home for at least part of her morning hours. She makes breakfast for kids and get them out the door. I make coffee for myself, shower and get dressed for work. I think it's ridiculous to say she can't work while I'm still there, because it means I either need to leave for work by 6:45 or not start getting ready for work until after 7:45. I guess I could just get up an hour earlier to get myself ready and then spend an hour getting my kids out the door and then go to work myself, but that frankly makes no sense for our family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you leave the house at 7am? If so then she should not be giving you attitude. If you are asking her to be upstairs while you are lounging around or doing stuff with the kids yourself she may resent what she sees as an unnecessary early start time. If this is the case you may need to spell out exactly what you want her to do or your expectations for the morning routine.

This is so odd to me - that an AP should resent it when parents are around the morning but wants them scheduled to do work. Maybe the parents need to tend a household task (let the dog out, empty the dishwasher, etc.) Maybe the parent is not a morning person but wants 20 minutes to have a coffee and get ready for their day. These are valid choices.

Most AP are off when a parent is home. If you expect your AP to work when you’re obviously available, give them precise instructions on what needs to be done (and possibly how to do it). APs aren’t nannies, most don’t look for things to do.

Who gets to determine when a HP is "obviously available?" If I am checking work emails and having coffee - if the AP is scheduled to work, she's on duty. The AP would not be happy if I said, "I am "obviously available" so I have decided to give you a later start time and end time today, go do something for exactly 20 minutes, you are off the clock."

7:30am. AP gets the backpacks together and makes sure kids are eating/hair brushed/socks on.

We actually need to back this up to 7:15am or maybe even 7:00am with our next AP. Current AP doesn't make lunches, just grabs the lunch boxes out of the fridge/fills water bottles/gets napkins. We also have kids who aren't night potty trained, so sometimes there's laundry in the morning to attend to as well.

HD goes downstairs by 7am to make coffee and often gets kids started with breakfast. HM is getting ready for work and waits for the baby, so usually isn't downstairs until closer to 7:30am. HD leaves by 7:45am.

Mornings are hectic with 3 kids and everyone getting out the door. Kids are the only ones that really sit down and have breakfast, mostly so they don't spill yogurt everywhere or crumbs. All adults are grabbing coffee and maybe a slice of toast if there's a minute.

We would not be happy if an AP wanted to make herself a full hot breakfast during the chaos (state they need to eat/shower/etc before scheduled start time) or just sat there staring at the chaos instead of helping.

Our AP starts a 7:30. Sometimes I’m still asleep at that time other times I’m already at the office.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you leave the house at 7am? If so then she should not be giving you attitude. If you are asking her to be upstairs while you are lounging around or doing stuff with the kids yourself she may resent what she sees as an unnecessary early start time. If this is the case you may need to spell out exactly what you want her to do or your expectations for the morning routine.

This is so odd to me - that an AP should resent it when parents are around the morning but wants them scheduled to do work. Maybe the parents need to tend a household task (let the dog out, empty the dishwasher, etc.) Maybe the parent is not a morning person but wants 20 minutes to have a coffee and get ready for their day. These are valid choices.

Most AP are off when a parent is home. If you expect your AP to work when you’re obviously available, give them precise instructions on what needs to be done (and possibly how to do it). APs aren’t nannies, most don’t look for things to do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you leave the house at 7am? If so then she should not be giving you attitude. If you are asking her to be upstairs while you are lounging around or doing stuff with the kids yourself she may resent what she sees as an unnecessary early start time. If this is the case you may need to spell out exactly what you want her to do or your expectations for the morning routine.

This is so odd to me - that an AP should resent it when parents are around the morning but wants them scheduled to do work. Maybe the parents need to tend a household task (let the dog out, empty the dishwasher, etc.) Maybe the parent is not a morning person but wants 20 minutes to have a coffee and get ready for their day. These are valid choices.

Our AP starts early with me there. I have MS so a lot of nerve pain issues in the morning. Having an extra pair of hands to do the bending, etc, helps me as my meds kick in.

+1. Next the cleaning lady is going to complain about her being paid to clean while you are home relaxing, it is your house! If we didn't need an AP or a cleaning lady we wouldn't get one. What the HF is doing is irrelevant. You get paid as agreed to do a job, just get it done and stop looking for excuses.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you leave the house at 7am? If so then she should not be giving you attitude. If you are asking her to be upstairs while you are lounging around or doing stuff with the kids yourself she may resent what she sees as an unnecessary early start time. If this is the case you may need to spell out exactly what you want her to do or your expectations for the morning routine.

This is so odd to me - that an AP should resent it when parents are around the morning but wants them scheduled to do work. Maybe the parents need to tend a household task (let the dog out, empty the dishwasher, etc.) Maybe the parent is not a morning person but wants 20 minutes to have a coffee and get ready for their day. These are valid choices.

As a parent I totally agree with you, but having been an au pair and then a Nanny, I am saying this is what causes resentment. They are your kids and you want us to look after them to you can sit and have coffee. Its hard to see it from the other side until youve been on both sides.

I guess it's like when American professionals expect APs, e.g., from Europe to have American work ethics. We get resentful when APs do the bare minimum because we are expecting them to have "a nose to the grindstone" ethic, and to take their responsibilities as adult women (e.g., cleaning up after one's self) and caretakers seriously, and they are used to living with their parents who did everything for them and calling out sick with a minor cold...they are our kids - and the reason we have APs is so that we have an extra pair of hands in the morning - so that we can have a coffee at home and enter stressful Washington traffic less frazzled.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you leave the house at 7am? If so then she should not be giving you attitude. If you are asking her to be upstairs while you are lounging around or doing stuff with the kids yourself she may resent what she sees as an unnecessary early start time. If this is the case you may need to spell out exactly what you want her to do or your expectations for the morning routine.

This is so odd to me - that an AP should resent it when parents are around the morning but wants them scheduled to do work. Maybe the parents need to tend a household task (let the dog out, empty the dishwasher, etc.) Maybe the parent is not a morning person but wants 20 minutes to have a coffee and get ready for their day. These are valid choices.

As a parent I totally agree with you, but having been an au pair and then a Nanny, I am saying this is what causes resentment. They are your kids and you want us to look after them to you can sit and have coffee. Its hard to see it from the other side until youve been on both sides.

Our kids are older now, so all our AP is now is a glorified afterschool driver. When our kids used to need assistance in the morning when we were at the gym (3 mornings a week) it would be 6:30. Never got any push back. This was outlined at match and in the handbook.

I have 3 kids to get ready to go to 3 different locations of schools. We only have our ap help a few mornings a week, unless one of us is out of town. It really is easier when there’s more than one person helping in the morning to share the tasks of getting kids dressed, making breakfast and lunches, making sure everyone has what they need for the day - also while trying to get ourselves ready for the day as well.