Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for the productive responses. We do need to work on getting her out of the house on a regular basis, or setting up playdates (which I've told her she can/should feel free to do). I've encouraged her to go out every day between naps - she is from a warm weather climate and think she prefers to stay indoors during the winter... but she has to get used to it and I realize it's my job to make her get out. I will not, however, let her drive with my kids until I'm comfortable. I won't sacrifice their safety/wellbeing for her happiness... p.s. she doesn't even seem unhappy to be home, she seems to like the slower pace, but who knows.
In true DCUM fashion, there are some responses here that are sort of not so helpful (understatement) - "what did you expect?" "I wouldn't have an au pair with a BABY" -- ok ok, you are perfect and never make a bad judgment call. My bad.
For the record on WFH - I have worked at home fulltime for a major corporation for the last 4 years. With my first DD, we had a nanny for the first 11 months, which allowed me to breastfeed her for a year., avoid commuting, see her during the day, etc. I've done the same with my youngest, and I agree with PP who mentions all the good things about staying home. I stay in my office on a separate floor all day except when I need to nurse the baby. Just sharing my experience if anyone is considering this setup - there are a lot of positives.
I WFH too though we've had nannies (hopefully it's ok for me to still post). OP, I think you should consider paying for one activity, like a music class. It is tough for a new caregiver to be alone with a baby all day long, especially in the winter, especially when they don't know anyone. This will give her a little structure and a place to go. I also think you may need to take on the task of setting up playdates for her or finding a weekly playgroup, perhaps with other au pairs. Or set up a regular playgroup in your own home once a week. Really look around for activities she can attend with the baby, if you haven't done that yet. Babies can be pretty boring and some people enjoy them more than others.
I would try to flip the unhelpful responses around to recognize that your au pair doesn't have a lot of childcare experience--which is ok! But the question is how you can best support her as she gains that experience.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:If you will not let her drive, you need to drive them. Simple.
Or provide Uber or metro cards. Something.
Anonymous wrote:If you will not let her drive, you need to drive them. Simple.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Can you articulate why it’s important for you to get the baby out of the house? With two naps it can be tricky to time it or get anywhere for a play date. (Not impossible but tricky especially if not driving.)
I would pick one thing and work in that - either make her go outside in what she thinks is cold weather or find a cheap county class to send them to or pick one other thing.
The language and hesitancy might get better with time- she really just arrived and it can take 6-8 weeks to acclimate. Address issues but stay hopeful!
OP here. I don't really care about the baby getting out of the house, to be honest. It's more a reaction to all the people saying I need to get au pair out of the house and doing things but let's be honest - my 8 month old doesn't care. I'm happy for her to be outside in the neighborhood as much as possible but I despise baby classes and the like. (Rant: They're just expensive baby competitions specifically designed for parents to waste money because they feel like they need to keep up. That's for another thread...)
I appreciate the encouragement. Will focus on the most important things and give it time...
Story time is free. Free nature play (group) is free. Nature center classes are cheap, just going to interact with people outside of class is free.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Can you articulate why it’s important for you to get the baby out of the house? With two naps it can be tricky to time it or get anywhere for a play date. (Not impossible but tricky especially if not driving.)
I would pick one thing and work in that - either make her go outside in what she thinks is cold weather or find a cheap county class to send them to or pick one other thing.
The language and hesitancy might get better with time- she really just arrived and it can take 6-8 weeks to acclimate. Address issues but stay hopeful!
OP here. I don't really care about the baby getting out of the house, to be honest. It's more a reaction to all the people saying I need to get au pair out of the house and doing things but let's be honest - my 8 month old doesn't care. I'm happy for her to be outside in the neighborhood as much as possible but I despise baby classes and the like. (Rant: They're just expensive baby competitions specifically designed for parents to waste money because they feel like they need to keep up. That's for another thread...)
I appreciate the encouragement. Will focus on the most important things and give it time...
Anonymous wrote:Can you articulate why it’s important for you to get the baby out of the house? With two naps it can be tricky to time it or get anywhere for a play date. (Not impossible but tricky especially if not driving.)
I would pick one thing and work in that - either make her go outside in what she thinks is cold weather or find a cheap county class to send them to or pick one other thing.
The language and hesitancy might get better with time- she really just arrived and it can take 6-8 weeks to acclimate. Address issues but stay hopeful!
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:and this is feeling like a mistake. We are a new HF and it's been a rough transition getting adjusted to having an au pair. Our AP is fine...she's responsible and sweet, gets along fine with our kids (3 year old and 8 month old) but is really just a glorified babysitter. I'm feeling super drained by the constant training and redirection. She's not proactive but does what we ask her to, most of the time, I just have to tell her explicitly every single day what we want. She's not particularly enthusiastic and I do question why she wants to be in the US, as she spends all of her free time talking to her boyfriend back home or out with other APs from her home country, which I understand is normal but doesn't strike me as someone who wants to learn the language/take advantage of living here.
It's also wearing on my husband and me to have someone living in our house, even though we didn't think it would. I work at home, my 3 y/o is in preschool most of the day, the AP is with the baby, cooped up in the house because of the cold weather and the fact that she's not a great driver... it just feels like so much more work to have our AP here, for some reason.
Short of leaving the program early, which I understand is costly and I don't want to go back on our commitment, any tips from BTDT families on how to have a better mindset about this? Or make this work better for us?
This is exactly what thry are and why we never got one until our kids were in school.
It is cheap flexible mediocre childcare. Perfect for kids who are low needs. Not a chance in hell I'd leave my BABY with someone so apathetic and demotivated. We hired a professional nanny with references and solid years of experience during our kids formative years. I bet she is on her phone every second you aren't looking. Not good for a baby.
Please, nannies are also on the phone all the time, there are good and bad au pair and there are also good and bad nannies. OP needs to help her AP get better or find a better one.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:and this is feeling like a mistake. We are a new HF and it's been a rough transition getting adjusted to having an au pair. Our AP is fine...she's responsible and sweet, gets along fine with our kids (3 year old and 8 month old) but is really just a glorified babysitter. I'm feeling super drained by the constant training and redirection. She's not proactive but does what we ask her to, most of the time, I just have to tell her explicitly every single day what we want. She's not particularly enthusiastic and I do question why she wants to be in the US, as she spends all of her free time talking to her boyfriend back home or out with other APs from her home country, which I understand is normal but doesn't strike me as someone who wants to learn the language/take advantage of living here.
It's also wearing on my husband and me to have someone living in our house, even though we didn't think it would. I work at home, my 3 y/o is in preschool most of the day, the AP is with the baby, cooped up in the house because of the cold weather and the fact that she's not a great driver... it just feels like so much more work to have our AP here, for some reason.
Short of leaving the program early, which I understand is costly and I don't want to go back on our commitment, any tips from BTDT families on how to have a better mindset about this? Or make this work better for us?
This is exactly what thry are and why we never got one until our kids were in school.
It is cheap flexible mediocre childcare. Perfect for kids who are low needs. Not a chance in hell I'd leave my BABY with someone so apathetic and demotivated. We hired a professional nanny with references and solid years of experience during our kids formative years. I bet she is on her phone every second you aren't looking. Not good for a baby.
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for the productive responses. We do need to work on getting her out of the house on a regular basis, or setting up playdates (which I've told her she can/should feel free to do). I've encouraged her to go out every day between naps - she is from a warm weather climate and think she prefers to stay indoors during the winter... but she has to get used to it and I realize it's my job to make her get out. I will not, however, let her drive with my kids until I'm comfortable. I won't sacrifice their safety/wellbeing for her happiness... p.s. she doesn't even seem unhappy to be home, she seems to like the slower pace, but who knows.
In true DCUM fashion, there are some responses here that are sort of not so helpful (understatement) - "what did you expect?" "I wouldn't have an au pair with a BABY" -- ok ok, you are perfect and never make a bad judgment call. My bad.
For the record on WFH - I have worked at home fulltime for a major corporation for the last 4 years. With my first DD, we had a nanny for the first 11 months, which allowed me to breastfeed her for a year., avoid commuting, see her during the day, etc. I've done the same with my youngest, and I agree with PP who mentions all the good things about staying home. I stay in my office on a separate floor all day except when I need to nurse the baby. Just sharing my experience if anyone is considering this setup - there are a lot of positives.