Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are worried that you won’t be able to give your children the love and attention they need and your solution is to hire a sitter for the short time that you DO have with them??? I am 110% for working parents, I’m just not understanding how this solves the problem for your children’s nurturing needs. Maybe hire a college student for after school and summers. Someone younger that can stick around for more than a semester and be willing to work with her school schedule.

OP here, I'm not afraid to admit that I need to devote some time to me or my husband when not working to be healthy (and well rounded). We have absolutely no family around so our kids lean solely on us (and our au pair) for attention and support. They build a connection with their care givers similar to a family member - like what I (and many others have had) as a child when living close to my family. I want to help them have a connection like this - but with no family around - it's usually through a paid caregiver. Being nurtured by people/mentors/caregivers other than your parents is actually a healthy thing to do. It doesn't mean that I will stop nurturing my child, just providing them with additional support.

Again, I fully support working parents and as well as your needs and taking some time for yourself and your marriage. That doesn’t change my response, which I absolutely do not mean in a negative way. A college sitter for after school (likely not every day and likely changing each semester) and summers will lower your stress, give you the time you need to run errands after work, get dinner going, etc. That person should also be able to cover summers and be around for a while, creating a bond with your children, as well as providing date night or weekend care on occasion. It seems better to have that type of support than to be rushed and stressed most days. Then you can be fully present when you’re with your children (not implying that you aren’t, but understanding that it is sometimes difficult). I wish you nothing but the best of luck.

Who do you think is going to have a bigger stake in caring for your children? A part time sitter that is only in it for the money and job or a caring au pair that wants to be part of the family and has more vested interest?

I have been hosting for 8 years and have several that are still part of our family and act like it. Care about my kids when they were there and even now after they’ve gone home.

If I go the local sitter route I don’t think I will find a similar case. Not from a part time sitter.

It’s ok to be selfish sometime and taking care of yourself. Self care makes you a better care giver.

Some may disagree with me but I think you would do better with an au pair still, OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are worried that you won’t be able to give your children the love and attention they need and your solution is to hire a sitter for the short time that you DO have with them??? I am 110% for working parents, I’m just not understanding how this solves the problem for your children’s nurturing needs. Maybe hire a college student for after school and summers. Someone younger that can stick around for more than a semester and be willing to work with her school schedule.

OP here, I'm not afraid to admit that I need to devote some time to me or my husband when not working to be healthy (and well rounded). We have absolutely no family around so our kids lean solely on us (and our au pair) for attention and support. They build a connection with their care givers similar to a family member - like what I (and many others have had) as a child when living close to my family. I want to help them have a connection like this - but with no family around - it's usually through a paid caregiver. Being nurtured by people/mentors/caregivers other than your parents is actually a healthy thing to do. It doesn't mean that I will stop nurturing my child, just providing them with additional support.

Good for you OP, I am in the same situation that we have no family around and I know exactly what you are talking about. They way we deal with it is that we do less activities and actually spent a lot of time doing things as a family instead of running back and forth to drop kids here and there.