Anonymous wrote:When i was 3 we did what our parents told us to do. THEY were the parents, in charge. I raise my kids the same way.

I wouldn't want to AP your brats, either.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you need to have a ZERO tolerance policy regarding the kicking and throwing things. If what you have been doing hasn't been working then you need to change your technique. Looking after a kid who kicks and throws things at the most minor irritation is a PITA especially with no (or very little support from the parents!) so if you haven't really sympathized with her and all you have done is tell her you cannot phanthom "punishing your kid" then I am not surprised she walked out.


When your kid throws a tantrum you need to difuse the situation. You don't need to yell or spank but you do need to say.

" X, I understand you are upset, being upset is fine rolling on the floor/ throwing things/ kicking is NOT, if you do not stop doing those things I will remove you, I will remove you from the room and there will be no more XYZ for you today, have I made myself understood?"

If he keeps doing it, and the second he hits or throw things you need to remove your child, put him in time out re-explain "why" and say " 5 minutes ago, I have told you that throwing things/kicking was not the right way to channel your anger and that if you kept doing it, I would remove you from the room, you did NOT listen so now you will be staying here as a time out for X minutes, to think over what happened in the living room and when the time is up and you are calm again, we can talk about things you can do when you are angry. "

And let him do the time. If he tries to get out, you put him back and increase the time, even if it ends up making it a 30 minutes or an hour (or more) punishment. He will stop finding it funny to run away from time out when he sees he is losing hours of playtime by going back and forth to the time out spot and will end up sitting still for 5 minutes.

Once the time is up AGAIN go through what happened with him. Ask him to tell you what happened and why he was in time out, and why what he did was wrong? (aka because it hurt people and throwing things can break things) Then sit down with him and go through ideas of things he could do next time he is angry that is not hitting or kicking. And then tell him "see, isn't it a shame to have kicked and hit because now you have lost precious minutes of playtime and won't be able to do XYZ today. Now let's have a hug before you go apologize to the rest of the family and we'll put it all behind us."

Then have him apologize and pick up whatever it is that he threw.

And do this repeatedly. Kids will cry and throw tantrums but their anger should not affect other people, and it should definitely not lead to physical violence.

In my house growing up it was the "you can cry but we don't have to hear it." policy so if you want to cry and scream that's fine but it's not happening in the living room where people are trying to enjoy themselves putting everyone in a mood.

You wouldn't be happy if other parents let their "precious little one" throw things and kick your kid in anger because they couldn't bother to parent, so don't let your kid do it to other people. It's not okay, it's not cute, and tolerating him is teaching him that violence is an okay way to deal with anger and it's not.

This is reactive rather than proactive. The first thing AP should be doing is avoiding the tantrum, if possible. AP needs to do the work too, not just tell parents and expect them to spank a 3 yo into submission.

3yo tantrum for the most random and small things. The OP doesn't mention that her child's tantrums could have been avoided had the AP reacted differently. The OP also doesn't say that the AP requested her to spank her child, the only words she seems to have said are "lack of support" and "lack of punishment" punishment doesn't equal spanking which seems to me like what the OP think is the only punishment available.

Tantrums aren't always avoidable, kids will tantrum, she didn't walk away because he tantrums she walked away because while he tantrums he KICKS and THROW THINGS (potentially at AP) and parents have been of no help and provided little support and/or implemented very little consequences.

They even seem to expect that AP should be the one coming up with suggestions as to how to make it stop when it is their child and their job to educate him (hers is to supervise and ensure they remain safe and their needs are met during her shift).

The thread isn't about how to avoid him ever throwing a tantrum (it's impossible) but to stop him from resulting to violence and hurting others when he is upset because it has obviously reached a point where
Caregivers don't feel comfortable working with him.

If AP walked out after a week I very much doubt it only happened once during her stay and it's much more likely it was a daily and even maybe repetitive thing happening throughout the day. No one would walk out after one tantrum but if you arrive into a new family and you end up having a 3yo kicking you and throwing things at you several times a day/week and all you hear is parents telling you they don't do "punishment" and don't raise their voice, I can understand one would want to walk out and not spend the next 12 months in that environment.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you need to have a ZERO tolerance policy regarding the kicking and throwing things. If what you have been doing hasn't been working then you need to change your technique. Looking after a kid who kicks and throws things at the most minor irritation is a PITA especially with no (or very little support from the parents!) so if you haven't really sympathized with her and all you have done is tell her you cannot phanthom "punishing your kid" then I am not surprised she walked out.


When your kid throws a tantrum you need to difuse the situation. You don't need to yell or spank but you do need to say.

" X, I understand you are upset, being upset is fine rolling on the floor/ throwing things/ kicking is NOT, if you do not stop doing those things I will remove you, I will remove you from the room and there will be no more XYZ for you today, have I made myself understood?"

If he keeps doing it, and the second he hits or throw things you need to remove your child, put him in time out re-explain "why" and say " 5 minutes ago, I have told you that throwing things/kicking was not the right way to channel your anger and that if you kept doing it, I would remove you from the room, you did NOT listen so now you will be staying here as a time out for X minutes, to think over what happened in the living room and when the time is up and you are calm again, we can talk about things you can do when you are angry. "

And let him do the time. If he tries to get out, you put him back and increase the time, even if it ends up making it a 30 minutes or an hour (or more) punishment. He will stop finding it funny to run away from time out when he sees he is losing hours of playtime by going back and forth to the time out spot and will end up sitting still for 5 minutes.

Once the time is up AGAIN go through what happened with him. Ask him to tell you what happened and why he was in time out, and why what he did was wrong? (aka because it hurt people and throwing things can break things) Then sit down with him and go through ideas of things he could do next time he is angry that is not hitting or kicking. And then tell him "see, isn't it a shame to have kicked and hit because now you have lost precious minutes of playtime and won't be able to do XYZ today. Now let's have a hug before you go apologize to the rest of the family and we'll put it all behind us."

Then have him apologize and pick up whatever it is that he threw.

And do this repeatedly. Kids will cry and throw tantrums but their anger should not affect other people, and it should definitely not lead to physical violence.

In my house growing up it was the "you can cry but we don't have to hear it." policy so if you want to cry and scream that's fine but it's not happening in the living room where people are trying to enjoy themselves putting everyone in a mood.

You wouldn't be happy if other parents let their "precious little one" throw things and kick your kid in anger because they couldn't bother to parent, so don't let your kid do it to other people. It's not okay, it's not cute, and tolerating him is teaching him that violence is an okay way to deal with anger and it's not.

This is reactive rather than proactive. The first thing AP should be doing is avoiding the tantrum, if possible. AP needs to do the work too, not just tell parents and expect them to spank a 3 yo into submission.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you need to have a ZERO tolerance policy regarding the kicking and throwing things. If what you have been doing hasn't been working then you need to change your technique. Looking after a kid who kicks and throws things at the most minor irritation is a PITA especially with no (or very little support from the parents!) so if you haven't really sympathized with her and all you have done is tell her you cannot phanthom "punishing your kid" then I am not surprised she walked out.


When your kid throws a tantrum you need to difuse the situation. You don't need to yell or spank but you do need to say.

" X, I understand you are upset, being upset is fine rolling on the floor/ throwing things/ kicking is NOT, if you do not stop doing those things I will remove you, I will remove you from the room and there will be no more XYZ for you today, have I made myself understood?"

If he keeps doing it, and the second he hits or throw things you need to remove your child, put him in time out re-explain "why" and say " 5 minutes ago, I have told you that throwing things/kicking was not the right way to channel your anger and that if you kept doing it, I would remove you from the room, you did NOT listen so now you will be staying here as a time out for X minutes, to think over what happened in the living room and when the time is up and you are calm again, we can talk about things you can do when you are angry. "

And let him do the time. If he tries to get out, you put him back and increase the time, even if it ends up making it a 30 minutes or an hour (or more) punishment. He will stop finding it funny to run away from time out when he sees he is losing hours of playtime by going back and forth to the time out spot and will end up sitting still for 5 minutes.

Once the time is up AGAIN go through what happened with him. Ask him to tell you what happened and why he was in time out, and why what he did was wrong? (aka because it hurt people and throwing things can break things) Then sit down with him and go through ideas of things he could do next time he is angry that is not hitting or kicking. And then tell him "see, isn't it a shame to have kicked and hit because now you have lost precious minutes of playtime and won't be able to do XYZ today. Now let's have a hug before you go apologize to the rest of the family and we'll put it all behind us."

Then have him apologize and pick up whatever it is that he threw.

And do this repeatedly. Kids will cry and throw tantrums but their anger should not affect other people, and it should definitely not lead to physical violence.

In my house growing up it was the "you can cry but we don't have to hear it." policy so if you want to cry and scream that's fine but it's not happening in the living room where people are trying to enjoy themselves putting everyone in a mood.

You wouldn't be happy if other parents let their "precious little one" throw things and kick your kid in anger because they couldn't bother to parent, so don't let your kid do it to other people. It's not okay, it's not cute, and tolerating him is teaching him that violence is an okay way to deal with anger and it's not.

This is reactive rather than proactive. The first thing AP should be doing is avoiding the tantrum, if possible. AP needs to do the work too, not just tell parents and expect them to spank a 3 yo into submission.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you need to have a ZERO tolerance policy regarding the kicking and throwing things. If what you have been doing hasn't been working then you need to change your technique. Looking after a kid who kicks and throws things at the most minor irritation is a PITA especially with no (or very little support from the parents!) so if you haven't really sympathized with her and all you have done is tell her you cannot phanthom "punishing your kid" then I am not surprised she walked out.


When your kid throws a tantrum you need to difuse the situation. You don't need to yell or spank but you do need to say.

" X, I understand you are upset, being upset is fine rolling on the floor/ throwing things/ kicking is NOT, if you do not stop doing those things I will remove you, I will remove you from the room and there will be no more XYZ for you today, have I made myself understood?"

If he keeps doing it, and the second he hits or throw things you need to remove your child, put him in time out re-explain "why" and say " 5 minutes ago, I have told you that throwing things/kicking was not the right way to channel your anger and that if you kept doing it, I would remove you from the room, you did NOT listen so now you will be staying here as a time out for X minutes, to think over what happened in the living room and when the time is up and you are calm again, we can talk about things you can do when you are angry. "

And let him do the time. If he tries to get out, you put him back and increase the time, even if it ends up making it a 30 minutes or an hour (or more) punishment. He will stop finding it funny to run away from time out when he sees he is losing hours of playtime by going back and forth to the time out spot and will end up sitting still for 5 minutes.

Once the time is up AGAIN go through what happened with him. Ask him to tell you what happened and why he was in time out, and why what he did was wrong? (aka because it hurt people and throwing things can break things) Then sit down with him and go through ideas of things he could do next time he is angry that is not hitting or kicking. And then tell him "see, isn't it a shame to have kicked and hit because now you have lost precious minutes of playtime and won't be able to do XYZ today. Now let's have a hug before you go apologize to the rest of the family and we'll put it all behind us."

Then have him apologize and pick up whatever it is that he threw.

And do this repeatedly. Kids will cry and throw tantrums but their anger should not affect other people, and it should definitely not lead to physical violence.

In my house growing up it was the "you can cry but we don't have to hear it." policy so if you want to cry and scream that's fine but it's not happening in the living room where people are trying to enjoy themselves putting everyone in a mood.

You wouldn't be happy if other parents let their "precious little one" throw things and kick your kid in anger because they couldn't bother to parent, so don't let your kid do it to other people. It's not okay, it's not cute, and tolerating him is teaching him that violence is an okay way to deal with anger and it's not.

This is reactive rather than proactive. The first thing AP should be doing is avoiding the tantrum, if possible. AP needs to do the work too, not just tell parents and expect them to spank a 3 yo into submission.

Anonymous wrote:OP, you need to have a ZERO tolerance policy regarding the kicking and throwing things. If what you have been doing hasn't been working then you need to change your technique. Looking after a kid who kicks and throws things at the most minor irritation is a PITA especially with no (or very little support from the parents!) so if you haven't really sympathized with her and all you have done is tell her you cannot phanthom "punishing your kid" then I am not surprised she walked out.


When your kid throws a tantrum you need to difuse the situation. You don't need to yell or spank but you do need to say.

" X, I understand you are upset, being upset is fine rolling on the floor/ throwing things/ kicking is NOT, if you do not stop doing those things I will remove you, I will remove you from the room and there will be no more XYZ for you today, have I made myself understood?"

If he keeps doing it, and the second he hits or throw things you need to remove your child, put him in time out re-explain "why" and say " 5 minutes ago, I have told you that throwing things/kicking was not the right way to channel your anger and that if you kept doing it, I would remove you from the room, you did NOT listen so now you will be staying here as a time out for X minutes, to think over what happened in the living room and when the time is up and you are calm again, we can talk about things you can do when you are angry. "

And let him do the time. If he tries to get out, you put him back and increase the time, even if it ends up making it a 30 minutes or an hour (or more) punishment. He will stop finding it funny to run away from time out when he sees he is losing hours of playtime by going back and forth to the time out spot and will end up sitting still for 5 minutes.

Once the time is up AGAIN go through what happened with him. Ask him to tell you what happened and why he was in time out, and why what he did was wrong? (aka because it hurt people and throwing things can break things) Then sit down with him and go through ideas of things he could do next time he is angry that is not hitting or kicking. And then tell him "see, isn't it a shame to have kicked and hit because now you have lost precious minutes of playtime and won't be able to do XYZ today. Now let's have a hug before you go apologize to the rest of the family and we'll put it all behind us."

Then have him apologize and pick up whatever it is that he threw.

And do this repeatedly. Kids will cry and throw tantrums but their anger should not affect other people, and it should definitely not lead to physical violence.

In my house growing up it was the "you can cry but we don't have to hear it." policy so if you want to cry and scream that's fine but it's not happening in the living room where people are trying to enjoy themselves putting everyone in a mood.

You wouldn't be happy if other parents let their "precious little one" throw things and kick your kid in anger because they couldn't bother to parent, so don't let your kid do it to other people. It's not okay, it's not cute, and tolerating him is teaching him that violence is an okay way to deal with anger and it's not.