Anonymous wrote:Older age does not equal maturity.

I’ve hosted many 19 yo APs who were mature beyond their age and even more mature and grounded than the 22-23 yo I’ve hired.

OP. Our AP has talked about how micromanaging her home family is and how this is her first time out from under thumb. I think she is good hearted, sheltered, and lacks some abilities when it comes to good judgement. We seem to have one serious incident per month (4 months in) and I know she and I both have been on a learning curve - it is the communication piece that bothers me. I will more clearly lay out expectations, but there are some things I really didn't think I would have to explain (like, call immediately if you are going to be late). Thank you for letting me vent and for sharing insights.

Older age does not equal maturity.

I’ve hosted many 19 yo APs who were mature beyond their age and even more mature and grounded than the 22-23 yo I’ve hired.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. We know AP didn’t call you, but did she call the school at all?
2. If she left the appointment an hour before pick up, school is 20 minutes from there, but she was 50 minutes late, where did she go?!
3. Did she say she needs to GET a new phone (and pay) or that she just needs a new phone (and wants you to pay)?
4. Was she using Waze, google map or something else? Switch her to Waze immediately.
5. How much communicating does she normally do? Does school call her or you to pick up the kid? What if kid gets sick with her at home?
6. How old is the child?


I don’t think her actions are okay at all, but I’m not sure if a reset conversation would be worth it. Rematch is tricky, and sorting out the actual reason can be even worse.

OP. Kindergartener. She left but says gps routed her a strange way (my guess is an increase in traffic caused rerouting to an unfamiliar area) and she spent the entire time driving around. I put waze on her phone during her first week, and she indicated she was using Waze and Google maps. School calls me, and I make the plan from there (she is closest to school since the house is 5 min away and my office is 45 min....which is why I pay for most of her phone services monthly, so she can be "on call" if needed). She didn't ask me to pay for her new phone but asked if I have an old iPhone she could have. And no, AP did not call the school to tell them she was running late.

Okay, so we’re not talking oblivious toddler or scared preschooler. Why would school call you to arrange pick up? Was this a special circumstance? Or did they call once she was late?

If she was trying to use google maps and Waze simultaneously, I’m not surprised that she got lost and confused. Waze will frequently route me down into Arlington and then back over a different bridge, going from Georgetown to downtown or NE dc. Google tries to route me straight through rush hour traffic. If she was listening to two conflicting sets of directions, she could have found herself miles from where she needed to be, with two different routes to get back. And with both rerouting every time she thought she had her bearings, it just got worse.

I would suggest a reset conversation, solely for the lack of communication. Explain (and have LCC back up!) that she should have called as soon as gps was telling her that she’d only have 5 extra minutes. Getting lost isn’t the problem, it can happen to anyone, but if you’d known or the school had known, it wouldn’t have been such an issue. In the same meeting, I would discuss using only one gps app at a time. Waze has had several instances that it went on the fritz for me, so I opened google maps, but as soon as Waze was working again, I closed google. She needs to understand that using two conflicting gps is worse than having two navigators in the car, because you can argue with a person holding a map!

Anonymous wrote: not one that late that would give her plenty of time to get home.

While I agree she should have called OP or the school when she noticed she was lost... if her appointment ended an hour before pick-up and she left from there an hour before pick-up with the school being 20 minutes away that did give her plenty of time to get to school in time. I totally agree that the whole story sounds off (who needs 2 hrs for a 20 minute trip because their GPS routs them a strange way?! Like how strange?) but I wouldn't generally rematch an AP who "only" left a 40 minute buffer when leaving for pick-up.

I have had the GPS route me crazy ways or not route it properly but she had all day to get her hair done and should have done a 10 AM appointment and not one that late that would give her plenty of time to get home. She should have called you. This is neglect and not ok. I would not give her a new phone. She's using it as an excuse. You are better off paying for before/after school care at the school.

Anonymous wrote:1. We know AP didn’t call you, but did she call the school at all?
2. If she left the appointment an hour before pick up, school is 20 minutes from there, but she was 50 minutes late, where did she go?!
3. Did she say she needs to GET a new phone (and pay) or that she just needs a new phone (and wants you to pay)?
4. Was she using Waze, google map or something else? Switch her to Waze immediately.
5. How much communicating does she normally do? Does school call her or you to pick up the kid? What if kid gets sick with her at home?
6. How old is the child?


I don’t think her actions are okay at all, but I’m not sure if a reset conversation would be worth it. Rematch is tricky, and sorting out the actual reason can be even worse.

OP. Kindergartener. She left but says gps routed her a strange way (my guess is an increase in traffic caused rerouting to an unfamiliar area) and she spent the entire time driving around. I put waze on her phone during her first week, and she indicated she was using Waze and Google maps. School calls me, and I make the plan from there (she is closest to school since the house is 5 min away and my office is 45 min....which is why I pay for most of her phone services monthly, so she can be "on call" if needed). She didn't ask me to pay for her new phone but asked if I have an old iPhone she could have. And no, AP did not call the school to tell them she was running late.

1. We know AP didn’t call you, but did she call the school at all?
2. If she left the appointment an hour before pick up, school is 20 minutes from there, but she was 50 minutes late, where did she go?!
3. Did she say she needs to GET a new phone (and pay) or that she just needs a new phone (and wants you to pay)?
4. Was she using Waze, google map or something else? Switch her to Waze immediately.
5. How much communicating does she normally do? Does school call her or you to pick up the kid? What if kid gets sick with her at home?
6. How old is the child?

I don’t think her actions are okay at all, but I’m not sure if a reset conversation would be worth it. Rematch is tricky, and sorting out the actual reason can be even worse.

Depending on agency and AP agreement, you can set a delayed rematch date to bridge the gap better. Or you can start searching other agencies now. Or if you’re friendly with LCC, ask about rematch possibilities. CC is bad for closed door rematches that happen even before APs hit the website.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. How exactly does rematch work? I would want to onboard her replacement as soon as possible after letting her know. Are there strategies for streamlining?? The CC rematch pool is pretty skinny right now, and I am not averse to switching agencies but haven't researched them....could I engage a new agency and begin interviews before pulling the trigger on the rematch? I've been in touch with LCC to let her know we have had this issue but AP has a family wedding she is attending next weekend and I don't want to do anything until after that...

Rematch is not a pretty picture, but it is sometimes necessary. We got temporary nannies to fill the gap a couple of times, so we could take our time and get a new out of country AP. You can probably get a college student nanny --live in from another area-- for the summer, and it will feel like having an AP minus the language and driving skills issues PLUS the admin burden of paperwork and employment taxes. Take advantage of the timing --May is perfect for this --and seriously consider a summer nanny. We worked with an agency and got a girl who was great for us -- very quiet, not a partier, and went home to PA (her own car) many weekends. (If you establish a relationship with an agency, you'll also have a fallback if you have an issue in the future. Don't be put off by the tax stuff---it's only for a few months.) She'll likely need to return to school in mid-August, but you'll have some breathing room.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. How exactly does rematch work? I would want to onboard her replacement as soon as possible after letting her know. Are there strategies for streamlining?? The CC rematch pool is pretty skinny right now, and I am not averse to switching agencies but haven't researched them....could I engage a new agency and begin interviews before pulling the trigger on the rematch? I've been in touch with LCC to let her know we have had this issue but AP has a family wedding she is attending next weekend and I don't want to do anything until after that...

Wouldn't you most of your money if you switch agency half way?

OP here. How exactly does rematch work? I would want to onboard her replacement as soon as possible after letting her know. Are there strategies for streamlining?? The CC rematch pool is pretty skinny right now, and I am not averse to switching agencies but haven't researched them....could I engage a new agency and begin interviews before pulling the trigger on the rematch? I've been in touch with LCC to let her know we have had this issue but AP has a family wedding she is attending next weekend and I don't want to do anything until after that...

50 minutes late is CRAZY late to pick up a child. 20 minutes is bad, but forgivable. 50 minutes without a call and wanting a new phone? Call your LCC.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had to laugh My own mother was always the last mom to pick me up at birthday parties or after school or at the movies. Many times I/ the school/ the birthday host had to call to remind her. I just take this stuff in stride. No helicoptering.

"Just take it in stride" when you (or your mom, or the OP's AP) are causing an issue for the teacher/party host to have to accommodate your irresponsibility. Yes, it's definitely laugh worthy when someone else has to hang around for nearly an hour because your mom/AP are too selfish to honor their responsibilities.

+1 Not to mention how a child feels to be "abandoned" at school. Not acceptable, especially when the AP's #1 priority should be her charge(s). The lack of communication and then blaming it on the phone, shows poor character, which will recur. I didn't catch how many months you have to go, but more than 2-3, and I'd rematch in as orderly way as possible.

Anonymous wrote:

OP here, thank you and yes. If she is telling the truth (and I think she is), she left her hair appointment an hour ahead of pick up time and hit some traffic (school is about 20 min away from where she was sans traffic). BUT she had at least half an hour after pick up time to alert me. When I asked how she would have done it differently if she could rewind time, she didn't mention calling me. When I told her she always needs to call me in any kind of situation when late or if kids are hurt, she said it would have added to her stress in the car. (!!) She also said she thinks her GPS isn't working and wants to get a new phone...

I have laid out the requirement clearly (call immediately). While we selected a college graduate, 23 years old, a teacher who wants to work with kids for her career and there are many wonderful things about yet personality, this isn't the first time we've had something come up around poor judgement. I have not gone through rematch and really dread the idea of it...

Wait, she is using this as an opportunity to claim she needs a new phone?! I would rematch. Someone who is irresponsible AND demanding more/ better perks is not going to magically become a good au pair.

Anonymous wrote:I had to laugh My own mother was always the last mom to pick me up at birthday parties or after school or at the movies. Many times I/ the school/ the birthday host had to call to remind her. I just take this stuff in stride. No helicoptering.

BS. this is her job. she is not the mom. too many responsible APs out there to put up with an irresponsible one.