Anonymous
Post 01/16/2019 23:55     Subject: Truth of being a Nanny
Being that I actually do not have a family (am adopted,) when a Nanny family refers to me as family, it is always “like” family.

But I don’t get invited to every Holiday event or my charge’s piano or ballet recital so I know my employers are just being kind.

I just wish they would leave out the “family” comparison.
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2019 21:21     Subject: Truth of being a Nanny
Anonymous wrote:My current job I see the kids more than the parents do COMBINED. Parents are divorced so they each get a few weeknights and one weekend of custody each week. I am with the kids from when they wake until when they sleep 5 days a week. Parents see them maybe 2 hours each total during the week, then they each have one 13-hour weekend day. I am the person teaching these kids how to connect and have a relationship with another human being. How to love and how to be loved. I talked them to walk, taught them to speak, and taught them basic life skills from potty training to shaking someone’s hand and looking them in the eye. But I am supposed to do all of that while constantly keeping in the back of my mind that I am 100% disposable and could be tossed out on my ear tomorrow if I said or did the wrong thing, or if one of the parents just decided they don’t like the look on my face. Regardless of how well-intentioned a given family is, that is the truth about being a nanny. When we talk about the imbalance of power, we are not talking about a paycheck. We are talking about the fact that we love your children exactly as much as you do, and frankly in some cases more, but you could rip this child from me so easily, without even a backward glance.


So true. And so sad.
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2019 20:50     Subject: Re:Truth of being a Nanny
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
The MBs who are the most seemingly open and effusive are the biggest phonys. Beware of the employers who pretend to be so loving and caring - they are lying. Because you and the parents share a love for their child, the parents can manipulate you into turning down better jobs or complaining about late returns and added nanny-tasks. And they will fire you in an instant.

It is a job. Love the child and do right by your charge - but never believe that your employers love or even care about you.

Lessons learned the hard way.


But it's not the parents' fault that you thought they loved you. You are one part of the employee/employer dynamic. That means you have SOME control over it. You could have set the tone for a professional relationship.


True. I should have had much stronger boundaries. I am absolutely at fault for believing my employer when they said how much they loved me and how I would always be a part of their lives. And in loving my charge so much. I was sincere - my employers were not. Believe me, lesson learned.


Yeah, you fell for the equivalent of a verbal tip. At restaurants the guests who are most effusive in praising the waitstaff always tip the least. I never tell our nanny I love them, except once by accident (I was sleep-deprived - we laughed it off). I invite the nanny to the kids birthday parties and stress they absolutely shouldn't feel obligated to attend, and when they do DH and I both quietly stress they are off the clock and not to work. But we ARE employers and we WILL eventually let our nanny go when services are no longer needed. And I don't think we'll feel guilty at all about it. Because it's a job.


I don't think any of the nanny's are asking to not be let go. They are asking that the relationship that they had with the child be recognized as meaningful and they would appreciate that relationship not having an abrupt end as though they were insignificant in the child's life.
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2019 19:46     Subject: Re:Truth of being a Nanny
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
The MBs who are the most seemingly open and effusive are the biggest phonys. Beware of the employers who pretend to be so loving and caring - they are lying. Because you and the parents share a love for their child, the parents can manipulate you into turning down better jobs or complaining about late returns and added nanny-tasks. And they will fire you in an instant.

It is a job. Love the child and do right by your charge - but never believe that your employers love or even care about you.

Lessons learned the hard way.


But it's not the parents' fault that you thought they loved you. You are one part of the employee/employer dynamic. That means you have SOME control over it. You could have set the tone for a professional relationship.


True. I should have had much stronger boundaries. I am absolutely at fault for believing my employer when they said how much they loved me and how I would always be a part of their lives. And in loving my charge so much. I was sincere - my employers were not. Believe me, lesson learned.


Yeah, you fell for the equivalent of a verbal tip. At restaurants the guests who are most effusive in praising the waitstaff always tip the least. I never tell our nanny I love them, except once by accident (I was sleep-deprived - we laughed it off). I invite the nanny to the kids birthday parties and stress they absolutely shouldn't feel obligated to attend, and when they do DH and I both quietly stress they are off the clock and not to work. But we ARE employers and we WILL eventually let our nanny go when services are no longer needed. And I don't think we'll feel guilty at all about it. Because it's a job.


I think most nannies would be fine with your approach. You don’t seem to be one of the employers discussed here who tell their nannies they are part of the family, will be with them forever, love them, etc. I think that is what the PPs and OP were referring to. Basically the nanny being manipulated to do more because they are “family”.

And regardless, leaving the children is always hard. Most nannies do love their charges.
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2019 19:33     Subject: Re:Truth of being a Nanny
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
The MBs who are the most seemingly open and effusive are the biggest phonys. Beware of the employers who pretend to be so loving and caring - they are lying. Because you and the parents share a love for their child, the parents can manipulate you into turning down better jobs or complaining about late returns and added nanny-tasks. And they will fire you in an instant.

It is a job. Love the child and do right by your charge - but never believe that your employers love or even care about you.

Lessons learned the hard way.


But it's not the parents' fault that you thought they loved you. You are one part of the employee/employer dynamic. That means you have SOME control over it. You could have set the tone for a professional relationship.


True. I should have had much stronger boundaries. I am absolutely at fault for believing my employer when they said how much they loved me and how I would always be a part of their lives. And in loving my charge so much. I was sincere - my employers were not. Believe me, lesson learned.


Yeah, you fell for the equivalent of a verbal tip. At restaurants the guests who are most effusive in praising the waitstaff always tip the least. I never tell our nanny I love them, except once by accident (I was sleep-deprived - we laughed it off). I invite the nanny to the kids birthday parties and stress they absolutely shouldn't feel obligated to attend, and when they do DH and I both quietly stress they are off the clock and not to work. But we ARE employers and we WILL eventually let our nanny go when services are no longer needed. And I don't think we'll feel guilty at all about it. Because it's a job.
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2019 19:20     Subject: Truth of being a Nanny
My current job I see the kids more than the parents do COMBINED. Parents are divorced so they each get a few weeknights and one weekend of custody each week. I am with the kids from when they wake until when they sleep 5 days a week. Parents see them maybe 2 hours each total during the week, then they each have one 13-hour weekend day. I am the person teaching these kids how to connect and have a relationship with another human being. How to love and how to be loved. I talked them to walk, taught them to speak, and taught them basic life skills from potty training to shaking someone’s hand and looking them in the eye. But I am supposed to do all of that while constantly keeping in the back of my mind that I am 100% disposable and could be tossed out on my ear tomorrow if I said or did the wrong thing, or if one of the parents just decided they don’t like the look on my face. Regardless of how well-intentioned a given family is, that is the truth about being a nanny. When we talk about the imbalance of power, we are not talking about a paycheck. We are talking about the fact that we love your children exactly as much as you do, and frankly in some cases more, but you could rip this child from me so easily, without even a backward glance.
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2019 16:52     Subject: Truth of being a Nanny
Anonymous wrote:I understand what you’re saying, Op, but it’s a job. Your employers may value you because of your work ethics, the love their children have for you and how much you do in general but it’s a job that will end at some point; whether you decide to move on or you’re let go. It’s no different than any other occupation. I have worked for companies and have had great relationships with my bosses (because I was good at my job) but when I decided to move on, that’s it. They wish me the best and I never look back.




NP and a nanny here. In all those other jobs there is not a child who loved you and depended on you and who had no idea your role was just a job. For me, that is the tough part. I feel so bad for my charges who saw me five days a week from birth and had no clue I would just not be there one morning. I can always move on from my employers without looking back or giving a tiny rat’s ass. But it is the sweet child I worry about. And my own pain from missing the child.

Anonymous
Post 01/16/2019 16:13     Subject: Truth of being a Nanny
I understand what you’re saying, Op, but it’s a job. Your employers may value you because of your work ethics, the love their children have for you and how much you do in general but it’s a job that will end at some point; whether you decide to move on or you’re let go. It’s no different than any other occupation. I have worked for companies and have had great relationships with my bosses (because I was good at my job) but when I decided to move on, that’s it. They wish me the best and I never look back.


Anonymous
Post 01/16/2019 16:02     Subject: Re:Truth of being a Nanny
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
The MBs who are the most seemingly open and effusive are the biggest phonys. Beware of the employers who pretend to be so loving and caring - they are lying. Because you and the parents share a love for their child, the parents can manipulate you into turning down better jobs or complaining about late returns and added nanny-tasks. And they will fire you in an instant.

It is a job. Love the child and do right by your charge - but never believe that your employers love or even care about you.

Lessons learned the hard way.


But it's not the parents' fault that you thought they loved you. You are one part of the employee/employer dynamic. That means you have SOME control over it. You could have set the tone for a professional relationship.


True. I should have had much stronger boundaries. I am absolutely at fault for believing my employer when they said how much they loved me and how I would always be a part of their lives. And in loving my charge so much. I was sincere - my employers were not. Believe me, lesson learned.


I am sorry. You got a really pathetic MB. Let her phoniness, lying and manipulation be her problems. Please don’t take this out on other employers.
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2019 15:53     Subject: Truth of being a Nanny
Anonymous wrote:You do matter!.... for 3-5 years, then your role is over. This is part of the job. As a nanny, I generally remain in contact, but that is time consuming and not super convenient. That’s life. And no, you’re not part of their family, grow up and act professional.


I suspect that most nannies go above the call of duty to help parents--staying late, job creep, low pay, cametad, trcto g/email/telephone calls from MBs during nanny's off time--and most don't get paid what they are worth. They stay because they love the children and do feel a family relationship. How could they not?

Nannies need to be strict about their contract and the duties outlined therein and at the very first instance of deviance from their contract they should speak up.

Also, as noted, this is a job for a specified time until kids are in school or MB finds cheaper child care
You are ships that pass in the night not a permanent relationship.
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2019 14:59     Subject: Truth of being a Nanny
You do matter!.... for 3-5 years, then your role is over. This is part of the job. As a nanny, I generally remain in contact, but that is time consuming and not super convenient. That’s life. And no, you’re not part of their family, grow up and act professional.
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2019 13:44     Subject: Re:Truth of being a Nanny
Anonymous wrote:The MBs who are the most seemingly open and effusive are the biggest phonys. Beware of the employers who pretend to be so loving and caring - they are lying. Because you and the parents share a love for their child, the parents can manipulate you into turning down better jobs or complaining about late returns and added nanny-tasks. And they will fire you in an instant.

It is a job. Love the child and do right by your charge - but never believe that your employers love or even care about you.

Lessons learned the hard way.



Sadly, you had a bad experience and are understandably bitter. Not all MBs are lying and manipulative. My two nannies have remained close to our family. The first one was married in our backyard and stays overnight with her family when she is in town. We purchased a new car for last nanny as a parting gift because we love her and want her to be safe in her new job.
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2019 13:05     Subject: Re:Truth of being a Nanny
Anonymous wrote:
The MBs who are the most seemingly open and effusive are the biggest phonys. Beware of the employers who pretend to be so loving and caring - they are lying. Because you and the parents share a love for their child, the parents can manipulate you into turning down better jobs or complaining about late returns and added nanny-tasks. And they will fire you in an instant.

It is a job. Love the child and do right by your charge - but never believe that your employers love or even care about you.

Lessons learned the hard way.


But it's not the parents' fault that you thought they loved you. You are one part of the employee/employer dynamic. That means you have SOME control over it. You could have set the tone for a professional relationship.



Clearly it is the parent’s fault for lying to the nanny about their love, devotion or loyalty. This nanny’s post is about never believing what your employers say!
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2019 13:03     Subject: Re:Truth of being a Nanny
Anonymous wrote:
The MBs who are the most seemingly open and effusive are the biggest phonys. Beware of the employers who pretend to be so loving and caring - they are lying. Because you and the parents share a love for their child, the parents can manipulate you into turning down better jobs or complaining about late returns and added nanny-tasks. And they will fire you in an instant.

It is a job. Love the child and do right by your charge - but never believe that your employers love or even care about you.

Lessons learned the hard way.


But it's not the parents' fault that you thought they loved you. You are one part of the employee/employer dynamic. That means you have SOME control over it. You could have set the tone for a professional relationship.


True. I should have had much stronger boundaries. I am absolutely at fault for believing my employer when they said how much they loved me and how I would always be a part of their lives. And in loving my charge so much. I was sincere - my employers were not. Believe me, lesson learned.
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2019 12:25     Subject: Re:Truth of being a Nanny
The MBs who are the most seemingly open and effusive are the biggest phonys. Beware of the employers who pretend to be so loving and caring - they are lying. Because you and the parents share a love for their child, the parents can manipulate you into turning down better jobs or complaining about late returns and added nanny-tasks. And they will fire you in an instant.

It is a job. Love the child and do right by your charge - but never believe that your employers love or even care about you.

Lessons learned the hard way.


But it's not the parents' fault that you thought they loved you. You are one part of the employee/employer dynamic. That means you have SOME control over it. You could have set the tone for a professional relationship.