Anonymous wrote:OP here. We talked and I think she just allowed my 4-year-old son to persuade her to do these things. Putting it another way, he forcefully lied to her that he was allowed to cut down bamboo and use the rope. I don’t like that she believed him (especially on the bamboo) but we discussed what he is allowed to use and I hope going forward we don’t have the same issues. The conversation was not hostile in any way. She does want to foster his creativity, as do we! (And nip the lying in the bud!)

It sounds like you handled the situation fine, OP. Thanks for giving us an update.

I'd just talk to her a bit and set some boundaries on what are positive and not positive outlets for creativity. I'd have a talk also with your son about using his powers for good rather than evil.

The bamboo will grow back in no time.

OP here. We talked and I think she just allowed my 4-year-old son to persuade her to do these things. Putting it another way, he forcefully lied to her that he was allowed to cut down bamboo and use the rope. I don’t like that she believed him (especially on the bamboo) but we discussed what he is allowed to use and I hope going forward we don’t have the same issues. The conversation was not hostile in any way. She does want to foster his creativity, as do we! (And nip the lying in the bud!)

I think you're overreacting about the rope because of the bamboo incident. I don't think it's out of line for a nanny to assume that common household items are available for use (unless specifically told otherwise). I wouldn't think twice about our nanny using some rope she found in the garage for a project. So, I would encourage you not to go in guns blazing, because you may upset her unnecessarily.

I like the idea of creating an "arts and crafts" cabinet. We have one. Every 4-6 months i go to Michael's and buy a whole bunch of various crafting/project stuff. I'm not at all creative, but our nanny is and she comes up with great ways to use it all.

I think if you create a dedicated cabinet, you can then have a rule -- everything in here is free to use. If you want to use something else, please ask first.

Maybe the nanny was under the assumption that because bamboo is one of the quickest growing plants, and that OP cut a bunch down already, that it wasn’t an issue. I don’t agree that it isn’t an issue, but it’s not the worst thing! And very likely the nanny has never bought and used rope, many people haven’t, and didn’t understand. This is no way makes her unfit.

Anonymous wrote:I did not know not to use knives in a pizza stone, I used pledge to clean the kitchen table, and I cooked scrambled eggs in a cast iron skillet without enough oil. A few of the mistakes I made because no one taught me when I was younger. My guess is that your nanny didn’t know, which does not make her a bad nanny, just a clueless person.

Arguably, a clueless person is by definition a bad nanny. I certainly wouldn’t leave my charges with someone who lacked all common sense.

I did not know not to use knives in a pizza stone, I used pledge to clean the kitchen table, and I cooked scrambled eggs in a cast iron skillet without enough oil. A few of the mistakes I made because no one taught me when I was younger. My guess is that your nanny didn’t know, which does not make her a bad nanny, just a clueless person.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone think it is telling that the nanny revisited the bamboo and cut up OP’s rope right after OP reminded her NOT to repeat the incident of 1.5 weeks ago? Like she was showing OP that she was going to do her job her way, regardless of what OP and DH thought?

OP here. She doesn't have an attitude at all, so I can't imagine this was her intent. She is very kind and acts loving toward my children and is friendly with us. Just seemed clueless in these instances, which isn't a good thing either.

But why that very afternoon? Unless she is not understanding you at all, she would want to steer clear of upsetting you by cutting anything new.

NP. My guess? The boy was being very persistent about wanting to build with the bamboo, possibly even crying about it or having a fit, and she just wanted it to stop. She didn't think very hard, and looked in the garage finding the first thing she saw that would work. I suspect cutting the bamboo has a similar back story.

This is what would concern me; she may be very loving, but she may also not have the skills or patience needed to deal with older children who are not easily distracted. If her go-to is to give in and do what they want, there will be more of these misjudgments.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone think it is telling that the nanny revisited the bamboo and cut up OP’s rope right after OP reminded her NOT to repeat the incident of 1.5 weeks ago? Like she was showing OP that she was going to do her job her way, regardless of what OP and DH thought?

OP here. She doesn't have an attitude at all, so I can't imagine this was her intent. She is very kind and acts loving toward my children and is friendly with us. Just seemed clueless in these instances, which isn't a good thing either.

But why that very afternoon? Unless she is not understanding you at all, she would want to steer clear of upsetting you by cutting anything new.

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone think it is telling that the nanny revisited the bamboo and cut up OP’s rope right after OP reminded her NOT to repeat the incident of 1.5 weeks ago? Like she was showing OP that she was going to do her job her way, regardless of what OP and DH thought?

OP here. She doesn't have an attitude at all, so I can't imagine this was her intent. She is very kind and acts loving toward my children and is friendly with us. Just seemed clueless in these instances, which isn't a good thing either.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree about the bamboo and dog, but unless it was a fancy rope, I don’t see the issue. I am extremely cautious and it would never occur to me that we couldn’t use some rope. That seems ridiculous, unless it was clearly a fancy rope.

Twine is for cutting. A rope is not.

Yeah, it was a brand-new rope in our garage that was pretty obviously not for cutting up; simply using it without destroying it would've been more understandable. (And my husband was like, she didn't even burn the ends, so now it's going to fray and not hold his structure together! I personally am glad they didn't add fire to all this.) We do have twine and string, and we don't know why they didn't use either of those.

Does anyone think it is telling that the nanny revisited the bamboo and cut up OP’s rope right after OP reminded her NOT to repeat the incident of 1.5 weeks ago? Like she was showing OP that she was going to do her job her way, regardless of what OP and DH thought?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree about the bamboo and dog, but unless it was a fancy rope, I don’t see the issue. I am extremely cautious and it would never occur to me that we couldn’t use some rope. That seems ridiculous, unless it was clearly a fancy rope.

Twine is for cutting. A rope is not.

Twine is a thin ROPE.

Go to a hardware store and ask for a rope. Now ask for twine. Completely different and you should know that.

The language barrier and lack of common sense is concerning. Your husband is right that this is a red flag. I hope your son doesn’t get hurt because your nanny has limited understanding of boundaries.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree about the bamboo and dog, but unless it was a fancy rope, I don’t see the issue. I am extremely cautious and it would never occur to me that we couldn’t use some rope. That seems ridiculous, unless it was clearly a fancy rope.

Twine is for cutting. A rope is not.

Twine is a thin ROPE.