We exchanged gifts with our au pair this evening as she isn’t coming with us on our Christmas trip. We had a number of gifts for her and bought her tickets to a show with a friend. She got each of us, and my husband’s mother who she is friendly with, a thoughtful gift - a Disney pop toy for each of the kids, a nice bottle of wine for dh and a nice tea assortment for me. It isn’t the gifts but the thought that counts. We had a nice time exchanging gifts and sentiments and I believe everyone involved feels appreciated.

I would never tell an AP to give or not give gifts. When they see packages from us with their names on them, they tend to think about it on their own. The gifts are usually modest, in keeping with their means, but thoughtful, especially since many of our APs were Jan arrivals and knew us well by Christmas time.

All of mine have.
Some good thoughtful ones
Some really lame ones.

The gifts they give the kids are good.
I tell them not to give me ones.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gifts should trickle down. She shouldn't be buying you a gift. MAYBE something small for the kids only ($10/kid).

She's supposed to be a family member, not a nanny employee.

Okay, so she's a family member who makes $200 a week doing exactly what you say, or you send her away. She shouldn't be buying you a gift.

"Shouldnt"? Are you really a host parent? Come on. They live in your house, you're likely giving them a nice holiday bonus and presents and they shouldn't reciprocate in any way? They can't spend $5 to buy a new ornament for the tree or a few bucks to buy the kid a Hatchimal? We treat our AP very well but if she did absolutely nothing for Christmas I'd be a little surprised. (And by the way, all of our Aps have. They didn't spend more than probably $20 on the family but it was so nice to EXCHANGE presents as opposed to having it be one-sided).

We buy gifts for her birthday, none for Christmas as we/au pairs are not Christians. We explicitly ask her not to buy us/children gifts. Instead we take her shopping to buy gifts for kids and ask her to pick out things “from her” for the kids. We encourage her to spend her money on herself/save for studies.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gifts should trickle down. She shouldn't be buying you a gift. MAYBE something small for the kids only ($10/kid).

She's supposed to be a family member, not a nanny employee.

Okay, so she's a family member who makes $200 a week doing exactly what you say, or you send her away. She shouldn't be buying you a gift.

Quite ridiculous question. How much do you pay to your au pair? Au pair have families as well and of course they will put their families first. If they don give you presents it’s fine! If they give you only a card it’s also fine! What’s all this with gifts. If you want to give your au pair a gift go ahead and do it but do it because you want to do it. Ridiculous thinking the price for the gifts she should give to your kids. I was an au pair before and I only gave my HF cards I made it myself and they loved it. And they knew that anyway they gave me presents even tho I told them it wasn’t necessary because all I wanted was to share Christmas with them! Such a material families you guys are!

What a weird question. Our APs have all given gifts, generally low-cost but thoughtful toys (which is pretty easy, I know last year she got each of them something they adored from 5 Below). Reimbursing them would be really strange. They've also given us adults gifts, often things like candles or beauty products, which is thoughtful. We give them a mix of gift cards, cash and something to unwrap.

Anonymous wrote:Gifts should trickle down. She shouldn't be buying you a gift. MAYBE something small for the kids only ($10/kid).

She's supposed to be a family member, not a nanny employee.

Anonymous wrote:APs clearly expect gifts from the host family. But how many APs bother to get gifts for the host family (or at least the kids)? Do you reimburse APs if they shop for the kids (whether giving them an upfront budget to buy the kids gifts from them or giving a bonus large enough to handle a few toys)?

our first AP was a HUGE gift giver and STILL sends us gifts each Christmas. I'm currently scrambling to get someting sent over to Germany for her. She cannot help it and this is her love language. Ive accepted that it makes her happy to give.

After her, I EXPLICITLY told them not to spend more than $10 per gift for the kids (and gifts at that were optional) and to NOT give DH or I anything. They do not make enough money for that nonsense. No, we do not reimburse because I hope they take our direction to heart. We also try to stick to the real meaning of Christmas and do not give an explosion of gifts. We do spoil the helpers in our lives and this includes our AuPairs (Along with teachers, housecleaners, garbage men...ect).