Anonymous wrote:Today our au pair asked us if time off to take a travel course (those 2-4 day au pair classes in which you earn the credits in a few days) is vacation time, and explained to me that it perhaps shouldn’t be vacation time because it is for the educational component. Anyone care to opine on this? It would be weekday time off, not just weekend. I explained that because travel is not required as part of the educational component, neither is time off for that non-required travel.

Are these classes for real? Or just basically a weekend away in some other city, like a mini-vacation? Seems like a for profit scam someone came up with, in lieu of APs finding classes in their community that would fit the educational component. Send her to an ESL or accounting class or something else that requires a little sustained effort.

Today our au pair asked us if time off to take a travel course (those 2-4 day au pair classes in which you earn the credits in a few days) is vacation time, and explained to me that it perhaps shouldn’t be vacation time because it is for the educational component. Anyone care to opine on this? It would be weekday time off, not just weekend. I explained that because travel is not required as part of the educational component, neither is time off for that non-required travel.

Anonymous wrote:My husband checks his phone at the dining table because his job is crazy and he has to answer certain emails before things get out of control, how do you deal with this situation?

Unless he’s a transport surgeon, police chief or has a job of equal or higher importance AND there’s nobody else to fill in for 30-60 minutes twice per day? He can put it away for 30 minutes, and sort emails when he’s done.

It's amazing the things ppl think they *have* to check their cell phones for. Dad can let work know (does he really work 24 hours a day?? time to quit!) he is NOT available from 6-7 pm as that is family dinner time. Use those balls he was given. Don't be taken advantage of.

Kids model that behavior and it brings a lot of problems into the classroom at school, too. I know -- I am a HS teacher. I demand all phones be put in backpacks before entering my classroom. I too need to work in the evenings but NOT during family time. Why would you even have a family if you are just going to work 24 hours a day??

My husband checks his phone at the dining table because his job is crazy and he has to answer certain emails before things get out of control, how do you deal with this situation?

Anonymous wrote:^^

But phone/devices at the table is just sheer rudeness. Not habit. What if i put my feet on the dinner table because i do it at home? These au pairs are not from the backwoods of 3rd world countries with no education. Rudeness is rudeness. Phones rare, for the most part, rude in any circumstance.

Single mom going to school for 20 hours per week, working 40+ hours, and staying at the library to do her research component of her homework when I was growing up. When we got to eat together, my siblings and I made dinner, and everyone did homework/read a book. I can easily see how doing things on devices could be a habit at home, and I know how hard it was for me to break the habit of bringing a book to the table. I would definitely do as PP said and set it up as a rule in the handbook that nothing comes to the table, dinner is for conversation.

On the other hand, modeling worthwhile device time is great (worthwhile=academic, IMO), just not at the table.

^^

But phone/devices at the table is just sheer rudeness. Not habit. What if i put my feet on the dinner table because i do it at home? These au pairs are not from the backwoods of 3rd world countries with no education. Rudeness is rudeness. Phones rare, for the most part, rude in any circumstance.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's very rude to force her to be scheduled for Christmas Eve and Christmas morning. I would have hated it to be brought to me like this. Being invited to share the Christmas spirit as a family is what's supposed to be done. Not "you HAVE TO be there". Even if from what I get she won't be working.
You sound very micro managing, pp.

You know what else is rude? The AP that shows up for dinner and presents, but doesn't spend any other time with the family. No help preparing dinner or cleaning up. Stares at phone and texts throughout dinner, then leaves the minute she's done eating and not when everyone else is done. No leisurely coffee and breakfast while kids play with new toys. Grabs presents, opens them, mumbles thanks, and heads out.

This is the reason why HFs "schedule" holidays. To set an expectation that AP is there. Because some APs simply don't care enough unless they get something out of it (presents).

Whaaat? NUMBER ONE rule of the household: no phones at the table! This is family talk time. Some people really are lobotomized.

I also have a "no device at the table for EVERYONE" rule. I explain that the AP is expected to be a role model to the kids. I see lots of parents, including my own cousin allow their kids to be on smartphones, iPad, or even good ole paper books during whole meal time. If AP grew up in this kind of family culture, it is normal and acceptable and why would AP think twice about continuing this behavior when at my house UNLESS I explicitly tell her to not only put it down but better yet, don't even bring it to the table.

I have it in my handbook, I specifically call this rule out during interview and I remind AP after they arrive but sometimes, that is not enough. For some of them, this concept of "no device at the table" just doesn't sink in because they are so used to (maybe years) of this behavior at home. A concept is abstract but to put it into practice makes it real. So, the first time AP sits down at the dinner table and pulls out the phone, I immediately remind her of what we talked about and she puts it away without any drama because she "vaguely" remembers this rule but "forgot". Habits are hard to break.

Can’t you ask the coordinator to inform the AP it is not 14 weekdays? Sounds straightforward to fix.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's very rude to force her to be scheduled for Christmas Eve and Christmas morning. I would have hated it to be brought to me like this. Being invited to share the Christmas spirit as a family is what's supposed to be done. Not "you HAVE TO be there". Even if from what I get she won't be working.
You sound very micro managing, pp.

You know what else is rude? The AP that shows up for dinner and presents, but doesn't spend any other time with the family. No help preparing dinner or cleaning up. Stares at phone and texts throughout dinner, then leaves the minute she's done eating and not when everyone else is done. No leisurely coffee and breakfast while kids play with new toys. Grabs presents, opens them, mumbles thanks, and heads out.

This is the reason why HFs "schedule" holidays. To set an expectation that AP is there. Because some APs simply don't care enough unless they get something out of it (presents).

Whaaat? NUMBER ONE rule of the household: no phones at the table! This is family talk time. Some people really are lobotomized.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's very rude to force her to be scheduled for Christmas Eve and Christmas morning. I would have hated it to be brought to me like this. Being invited to share the Christmas spirit as a family is what's supposed to be done. Not "you HAVE TO be there". Even if from what I get she won't be working.
You sound very micro managing, pp.

You know what else is rude? The AP that shows up for dinner and presents, but doesn't spend any other time with the family. No help preparing dinner or cleaning up. Stares at phone and texts throughout dinner, then leaves the minute she's done eating and not when everyone else is done. No leisurely coffee and breakfast while kids play with new toys. Grabs presents, opens them, mumbles thanks, and heads out.

This is the reason why HFs "schedule" holidays. To set an expectation that AP is there. Because some APs simply don't care enough unless they get something out of it (presents).

+100, you totally have to schedule the AP to expect her to help otherwise good luck! And if she planning to spend Christmas with the family anyway she might as just be official scheduled!

Anonymous wrote:It's very rude to force her to be scheduled for Christmas Eve and Christmas morning. I would have hated it to be brought to me like this. Being invited to share the Christmas spirit as a family is what's supposed to be done. Not "you HAVE TO be there". Even if from what I get she won't be working.
You sound very micro managing, pp.

You know what else is rude? The AP that shows up for dinner and presents, but doesn't spend any other time with the family. No help preparing dinner or cleaning up. Stares at phone and texts throughout dinner, then leaves the minute she's done eating and not when everyone else is done. No leisurely coffee and breakfast while kids play with new toys. Grabs presents, opens them, mumbles thanks, and heads out.

This is the reason why HFs "schedule" holidays. To set an expectation that AP is there. Because some APs simply don't care enough unless they get something out of it (presents).

It's very rude to force her to be scheduled for Christmas Eve and Christmas morning. I would have hated it to be brought to me like this. Being invited to share the Christmas spirit as a family is what's supposed to be done. Not "you HAVE TO be there". Even if from what I get she won't be working.
You sound very micro managing, pp.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our au pair takes it to mean 14 week days, because she is entitled to 14 days of vacation, and her usual schedule is weekdays only. So, by her calculation, she could be gone from Dec 1-20 and that would be her fourteen days, because only M-F days “count”.

Plus, she believes no holidays could possibly count as vacation days, and days parents have off also don’t count as vacation days.

No way it's 14 working days. It's 45 hrs a week off. Period. That's why we never split vacation into days. Monday to Sunday off = one week of vacation. If au pair doesn't work weekends it makes the period to travel longer (Friday night or Saturday morning to next Sunday). I can't understand how she can think it's 14 working days.

This is how we take it.
AP doesn't work weekends (except for emergencies) and is off Friday evening. The weekend is simply her weekend, not part of her vacation. Her vacation starts Monday morning and runs until Friday afternoon. Followed by her (regular) weekend off. We count that as 5 days. Not 7, not 9.

When previous APs discussed number of days (10 vs. 14) we told them that they were esentially getting 90 hours of vacation (two weeks, not 14 days). They work 45 hrs in week A (Mon-Fri), have week B off (Mon-Fri), work 45 hrs in week C (Mon-Fri). As our APs work a fixed schedule with weekends off (last AP worked two weekends) it's quite easy for the APs to understand how we calculate vacation days/hours.

We also do not count holidays as vacation days (if we don't need/want AP to work), neither do we count days we have off against her vacation if we don't schedule her. "days parents have off also don’t count as vacation days" is delusional though - just because I am not at work doesn't mean that I don't need AP to work. I was off work yesterday because I had three doctor's appointments in the morning. AP worked her regular schedule.
AP is also scheduled for Christmas Eve (afternoon/evening - family dinner) and Christmas morning (until noon for presents and breakfast), I don't care what she does on Dec 26. She isn't scheduled because we will both be home, she is free to do as she pleases. If I wanted her around (or needed her to work) she would have been scheduled.

While our AP couldn't be gone from Dec 1-20 she could be gone from Dec 1-16 for all that I care (and from Dec 26 - Jan 1... she knows she isn't scheduled and if she wanted to go somewhere she'd be free to do so, as far as I know she will probably be around unless they come up with last minute plans though).

We see it as "we need her and she wants the day/week off" -> vacation, "we don't need her for a full week AND tell her in advance that this will be her vacation week" -> vacation, "wo don't need her and don't schedule her for one day" -> no vacation. Has worked well for us so far.

We always say it’s two weeks, i.e., two periods of consequitive 7 days off. We never count occasional days off against the two week vacation. Those are extra, and at our discretion.