Anonymous
Post 11/19/2018 11:34     Subject: Re:Dress code in off hours?
Anonymous wrote:OP again: I don't think I'm going to quit over this, especially since I just started the job two weeks ago. Although, it is a little worrisome I'll give it a chance to play out. As I mentioned before, it's otherwise a pretty good job.

I brought up the fact that MB doesn't follow the dress code (as I mentioned she often wears workout clothes and I've seen her wear a dress shorter than what I'm allowed to wear) to point out that I don't think it's based on religion or conservative values or anything. The hypocrisy doesn't bother me that much, I get that she's the boss and it's her house and can make rules for me that she doesn't have to follow herself. But, it does make the whole situation seem weirder and harder to understand.


What exactly is the dress code? I'm OK with dress codes for the hours you are on duty but I would not for any off hours. It is very controlling and if it is because her husband has a wandering eye, I would watch out for any accusations of flirting or worse.

Does your boss follow her own dress code or just you?
Anonymous
Post 11/19/2018 10:23     Subject: Dress code in off hours?
You can’t wear yoga pants!?! Ha, that is all I wear to work. I have to be up and down all day, I play in the dirt, on the rocks, etc.; comfy and srtong clothes are a must for me.
Anonymous
Post 11/19/2018 06:43     Subject: Dress code in off hours?
Anonymous wrote:Sounds like the mom is insecure, she doesn’t want you dresses better than her.


Insecurities like this usually don’t develop out of nowhere. My guess is that either DH has strayed before or she knows he likes looking
Anonymous
Post 11/19/2018 05:41     Subject: Dress code in off hours?
I’ve heard parents complain about camisoles being too sexy
Anonymous
Post 11/18/2018 22:40     Subject: Re:Dress code in off hours?
Anonymous wrote:OP again: I don't think I'm going to quit over this, especially since I just started the job two weeks ago. Although, it is a little worrisome I'll give it a chance to play out. As I mentioned before, it's otherwise a pretty good job.

I brought up the fact that MB doesn't follow the dress code (as I mentioned she often wears workout clothes and I've seen her wear a dress shorter than what I'm allowed to wear) to point out that I don't think it's based on religion or conservative values or anything. The hypocrisy doesn't bother me that much, I get that she's the boss and it's her house and can make rules for me that she doesn't have to follow herself. But, it does make the whole situation seem weirder and harder to understand.


I think you are smart, OP. Take the job as a whole and judge after a few months. Whatever her reasons (and I suspect her worrying about her husband’s wandering eye) just accept them and move forward. Be open to both loving this job as well as maybe needing to quit in a few weeks. Take the whole position into consideration not just this weird incident.
Anonymous
Post 11/18/2018 22:26     Subject: Re:Dress code in off hours?
OP again: I don't think I'm going to quit over this, especially since I just started the job two weeks ago. Although, it is a little worrisome I'll give it a chance to play out. As I mentioned before, it's otherwise a pretty good job.

I brought up the fact that MB doesn't follow the dress code (as I mentioned she often wears workout clothes and I've seen her wear a dress shorter than what I'm allowed to wear) to point out that I don't think it's based on religion or conservative values or anything. The hypocrisy doesn't bother me that much, I get that she's the boss and it's her house and can make rules for me that she doesn't have to follow herself. But, it does make the whole situation seem weirder and harder to understand.
Anonymous
Post 11/18/2018 21:30     Subject: Re:Dress code in off hours?
Anonymous wrote:OP again: to those asking if this is related to their religious background, I don't think that's the case. They're not religious and don't seem to be generally socially conservative. Also, MB does not follow the dress code herself, particularly with respect to wearing workout clothes and yoga pants.


The fact that the mom does not also follow the "dress code" would bother me. But honestly wearing a "camisole" around the house might be a bit too risque, regardless of any official "dress code." You later changed it to "sleeveless top" which makes me wonder if you were wearing something like this:
https://www.kohls.com/product/prd-3288519/womens-croft-barrow-wrinkle-resistant-sleeveless-shirt.jsp?skuid=63314927&ci_mcc=ci&utm_campaign=CROFT%20%26%20BARROW&utm_medium=CSE&utm_source=google&utm_product=63314927&CID=shopping15&utm_campaignid=196833452&pid=googleadwords_int&af_channel=CSE&gclid=CjwKCAiAuMTfBRAcEiwAV4SDkeohrr7WrqE0--2lGfXovHiNdqtjLGuBNgnGa17Us-zRHxiWFL9bohoCO3MQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

or something more like this
https://www.amazon.com/Mommesilk-Camisole-Women-Mulberry-V-Neck/dp/B07585Y2X4
Anonymous
Post 11/18/2018 16:39     Subject: Dress code in off hours?
Definitely get a new job! Your mb is a hypocrite.

Signed a middle eastern lady who has to deal with this crap too!
Anonymous
Post 11/18/2018 13:51     Subject: Dress code in off hours?
Honestly, get a new job. I’m not one to quickly say get a new job. But this is a red flag. I was a live in nanny for years and never did I have a dress code. In fact my MB told me I could wear yoga pants and workout clothes. Her theory was I’m running around with the kids, I might as well be comfortable.

I do understand having a dress code during work hours, but what you do on your off time is up to you. Would she be mad if you went out to the bar and wore a short dress (the horror). My DH is in the military- so we deal with dress code a lot but what he can wear what ever he wants off duty.
Anonymous
Post 11/18/2018 13:22     Subject: Dress code in off hours?
Sounds like the mom is insecure, she doesn’t want you dresses better than her.
Anonymous
Post 11/18/2018 11:39     Subject: Re:Dress code in off hours?
I would take the job and judge it as a whole - not this one quirk. No job is perfect.
Anonymous
Post 11/18/2018 10:55     Subject: Re:Dress code in off hours?
OP again: to those asking if this is related to their religious background, I don't think that's the case. They're not religious and don't seem to be generally socially conservative. Also, MB does not follow the dress code herself, particularly with respect to wearing workout clothes and yoga pants.
Anonymous
Post 11/18/2018 09:51     Subject: Dress code in off hours?
Get a new job OP. As quickly as possible.
Anonymous
Post 11/18/2018 09:24     Subject: Dress code in off hours?
Anonymous wrote:Sorry but for me this would be a huge red flag and I would be looking for a new position.

A dress code during work hours is fine (although I would never take a job that had that requirement). However, having one outside of work hours is just too much. It reeks of control issues.


Agree. Situation will only get worse.
Anonymous
Post 11/18/2018 07:57     Subject: Dress code in off hours?
Are they middle eastern? What’s their background? If it’s your run of the mill white family, perhaps DB strayed from the marriage at one point and MB is looking to clamp down on any potential temptations.

Regardless, it’s weird and a red flag.