Anonymous wrote:So, she left the window open, causing pipes to freeze, apartment to flood, few thousand dollars of damage. Still, we were scared of rematch, did nothing other than tell her never ever to smoke around kid. Today, she said that she’s not happy and wants to go somewhere warmer where she can make more friends. She said that this is going to be her last week and she has already talked to the agency.

Do we disclose the smoking to LCC or not? We want her to be happy, but would feel awful if something similar happened in new family.

You disclose it to the LCC AND the new HF (if you get the opportunity). This AP got caught lying and should be sent home, not to Florida for the winter.

Yes, full disclosure to LCC in writing (and cc the agency office) so you can rest knowing you did your part. Most likely, the LCC won’t disclose to the new family anything other than, “this AP has a personality mismatch and hopes to match with a more inclusive family”, blah blah.

So, she left the window open, causing pipes to freeze, apartment to flood, few thousand dollars of damage. Still, we were scared of rematch, did nothing other than tell her never ever to smoke around kid. Today, she said that she’s not happy and wants to go somewhere warmer where she can make more friends. She said that this is going to be her last week and she has already talked to the agency.

Do we disclose the smoking to LCC or not? We want her to be happy, but would feel awful if something similar happened in new family.

Anonymous wrote:Even without trying to guess, she has obvouslylied to you twice and was caught on her lies: from " I don't smoke" to ' I only smoke socially when out with friends" to " I smoke in the morning outside the house" ( what is social about it?)

Rematch for lying. I once did, the au pair lied about smoking until realizing I had evidence; then said " I am not a smoker because I am not addicted". After she left, discovered the lied about many more things, and put my baby in danger multiple times.
Especially with a baby while cannot speak and tell you what goes on in your absence, you cannot have an au pair who lies.

+1

If she is lying to you about smoking then what else is she lying to you about?

OP, are you aware that babies/children of parents who smoke have found to have high levels of nicotine, even if the parents don‘t smoke in their presence? Nicotine can be transferred by skin to skin contact. You should get rid.

Even without trying to guess, she has obvouslylied to you twice and was caught on her lies: from " I don't smoke" to ' I only smoke socially when out with friends" to " I smoke in the morning outside the house" ( what is social about it?)

Rematch for lying. I once did, the au pair lied about smoking until realizing I had evidence; then said " I am not a smoker because I am not addicted". After she left, discovered the lied about many more things, and put my baby in danger multiple times.
Especially with a baby while cannot speak and tell you what goes on in your absence, you cannot have an au pair who lies.

Anonymous wrote:Pipes freezing is a potentially HUGE bill if they had burst and caused water damage throughout your home.

Take this as a sign of the risks. What if she doesn't put out a cigarette and causes a fire in your home? What if your infant gets asthma--will you wonder all the time if it's because of the lying, smoking AP who cared for them?

You can do something to mitigate these risks. There are other risks you can't and have to let go.

Stop going back and forth about this. Call your LCC immediately and tell them AP caused a potentially bad incident in your home with the pipes. Go into rematch.

This! The evidence is there; are you waiting for a fire? Are you waiting for a neighbor to tell you that the AP is smoking around the baby? She is smoking in your home!!! I would kick my own mother out for disrespecting my home and I’ll be damned if I trusted my baby with a smoker that was lying to me about it. This is crazy. Your job is to provide a safe and living environment to your child and from my persoective you are failing. Your child comes first, period.

It's your house, lady. I would never have someone who smokes and lies about it living with me. Rematch asap.

Pipes freezing is a potentially HUGE bill if they had burst and caused water damage throughout your home.

Take this as a sign of the risks. What if she doesn't put out a cigarette and causes a fire in your home? What if your infant gets asthma--will you wonder all the time if it's because of the lying, smoking AP who cared for them?

You can do something to mitigate these risks. There are other risks you can't and have to let go.

Stop going back and forth about this. Call your LCC immediately and tell them AP caused a potentially bad incident in your home with the pipes. Go into rematch.

If your AP is smoking in the bathroom, during freezing temps, she’s a heavy smoker. She’s addicted and needs a nicotine fix every hour. Rematch.

OP—she is a smoker and it sounds like a fairly heavy one. It is extremely difficult to quit and she does not seem motivated. Either you live with her smoking around your baby or rematch.

Stop “lightly” asking her things, and just tell her that you know she smokes. And then either accept that you have a smoker, or rematch.

OP: You've been fretting about this for 2 months. You probably should never have told her it was ok when she was on her own because she got the impression you were okay with smoking under certain conditions. How much longer do you have with this OP? She's a liar and a smoker, and I don't think you can tolerate that for too much longer. 2 months more ? maybe. But 10 more months? No. And if she's willing to lie about this (& she seems to do so readily and skillfully), there could and probably will be other things she tries to keep from you over the course of the year. She is privileged to live in a separate living space; that's pretty cushy. Use that to your advantage and get yourself a decent AP. And you'll improve your odds if you avoid French APs; we also had a smoker who lied on her application and ended up going home early.

If you believe that she smoked in your house (which it sounds like you do) I don't know how you don't rematch. That is a huge safety issue.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, I eventually lightly confronted her over dinner and said the cigarettes were an old pack and she only ever smokes when she’s out socially. I let it go. A few times I have smelled smoke on her. I let it go. Last night she left a bathroom window open which caused pipes to freeze, so had to go into her space. It smelled intensely of smoke. I asked her and she said no - she had gone outside in the morning and smoked outside. I suspect she was smoking in the bathroom last night and that’s why the window was open. She claims she opens it because there is water after she showers and she wants it to dry out. Not sure how to handle.

Are you in the DC area? No way anyone should have been opening any windows around here last night! It seems like she has lied a few times to you. That would bother me more than the smoking. You need to be able to trust the person living in your house and taking care of your kids. I think you may need to rematch.

In DC, we have never had pipes freeze ever. Plumber said can’t do anything until pipes thaw. First she claimed she always closes it and I’m like - hello it was open and now there is no hot water anywhere. She’s from a warm climate - so she might just not understand how ice works. She’s great with our infant, so just torn up.