Anonymous
10/07/2018 10:07
Subject: Nanny is in charge
Anonymous wrote:Nanny who has been with the same family 8 years here- When they are under 2 I was pretty strict with the schedule. Now the the boys are older I just kind of sit back and read a book while grandma is 'in charge'. They always ask before they do anything and defer to me, but I like them to feel like they're planning the day because they don't live locally. If they lived locally I'd probably be more involved in the schedule since crackers for dinner grandma style wold not be okay on the regular. For visits twice a year theckids will survive.
Nanny for over 20 years, this is how I approach it.
Anonymous
10/06/2018 23:15
Subject: Nanny is in charge
The family that I am working for, always says: "She is the boss" referring to me. It delights me the way that everybody in this family including its friends respect me, take very seriously my opinion or suggestions about the kids, ask me for my opinion and even permission. Even the parents when they get home, and the kids ask them for something (yogurts, a cookie, a gummie, you name it) they ask me if they can have it. I guess it is because I am the one who has been all day with the them, and knows if they have had enough snack for the day.
When grandparents come from Canada to visit, they ask me permission for every single thing related to the kids. If I am taking the boys to the library, they ask me if they can come with us. Of course Grandma and Papa!
When grandparents come from Canada to visit, they ask me permission for every single thing related to the kids. If I am taking the boys to the library, they ask me if they can come with us. Of course Grandma and Papa!
Anonymous
10/06/2018 07:15
Subject: Re:Nanny is in charge
Anonymous wrote:Different Grandma of 4 under 5 years old here. In DS's household, the parents are in charge. Nanny and I follow the schedule set by the parents. With this many children, especially given their ages, Nanny needs my help. I am local, and we try to establish a rotating schedule--some of it dictated by the older children's preschool children and recreational classes-- so that I take one or more of the children for some weekly "Grandma time" on a weekly schedule. Their parents decide the school schedule and classes and nap times are pretty rigid (maybe a little too rigid on weekends). But if they are at my house, we follow the same nap schedule as at home). Back at their house, the children who stayed at home get more of nanny's attention, and she gets an easier day with fewer charges. If there is something I'd like to do with one of the children that is NOT part of our regular routine, I clear it with the parents and give the nanny a heads up because she often has crafts and other activities planned. She seems to be more than willing to do this. This arrangement is helpful as it relieves her quite a bit. When I am spending time with one or more of my grandchildren, we never stay at DS's home, we're either at some venue, park, rec center, etc, or at my house. This way, I remain close to all my grandchildren without assuming full charge of all the children for long days, which I know is something I could NOT easily do.
Can you not see that this is a completely different setup? No one is saying or implying that the parents are not ultimately in charge, but I don’t know a single nanny employer who wants a phone call every half hour during their work day to approve the next activity, and my guess is that your grandkids parents also didn’t arbitrarily declare “This is The Schedule nanny and grandma must follow!” I’ll bet that even in your unrelated example, what actually happened is that the schedule evolved over time with input from the parents AND from the people who will actually be executing the schedule day-to-day.
In OP’s example, the schedule already exists, but she doesn’t know what it is because she is a short term visitor. She is aware that it would be disruptive and rude to call her child at work and ask them to overrule the nanny, but ahe feels that the nanny should defer to her preferences (in this case to take child to the park solo at a specific time), rather than the routine that nanny and parents have worked together to establish. The person biolating rhe parents wishes here is NOT the nanny.
Anonymous
10/06/2018 05:46
Subject: Re:Nanny is in charge
Different Grandma of 4 under 5 years old here. In DS's household, the parents are in charge. Nanny and I follow the schedule set by the parents. With this many children, especially given their ages, Nanny needs my help. I am local, and we try to establish a rotating schedule--some of it dictated by the older children's preschool children and recreational classes-- so that I take one or more of the children for some weekly "Grandma time" on a weekly schedule. Their parents decide the school schedule and classes and nap times are pretty rigid (maybe a little too rigid on weekends). But if they are at my house, we follow the same nap schedule as at home). Back at their house, the children who stayed at home get more of nanny's attention, and she gets an easier day with fewer charges. If there is something I'd like to do with one of the children that is NOT part of our regular routine, I clear it with the parents and give the nanny a heads up because she often has crafts and other activities planned. She seems to be more than willing to do this. This arrangement is helpful as it relieves her quite a bit. When I am spending time with one or more of my grandchildren, we never stay at DS's home, we're either at some venue, park, rec center, etc, or at my house. This way, I remain close to all my grandchildren without assuming full charge of all the children for long days, which I know is something I could NOT easily do.
Anonymous
10/05/2018 22:46
Subject: Nanny is in charge
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I am the grandmother. When I go to visit my grandchild when my son and DIL aren’t there, the nanny is very much in charge. My son and DIL support this.
Example: I want to go to the park with my grandchild. Nanny said that my grandchild has been at school all morning and she wants to keep her home to play.
I have to ask to do everything.
Is this the norm?
Yes and it should be.
I am a parent and employer of a nanny and I agree.
Anonymous
10/05/2018 20:25
Subject: Nanny is in charge
Anonymous wrote:I am the grandmother. When I go to visit my grandchild when my son and DIL aren’t there, the nanny is very much in charge. My son and DIL support this.
Example: I want to go to the park with my grandchild. Nanny said that my grandchild has been at school all morning and she wants to keep her home to play.
I have to ask to do everything.
Is this the norm?
Yes and it should be.
Anonymous
10/05/2018 15:44
Subject: Nanny is in charge
OP, there are 3 different ways families handle this:
1) Grandparents are in charge and nanny gets the day off or reorganizes the art supplies or something
2) Nanny is on duty and in charge
3) Parents stay home and are in charge
It may be that this is nanny’s preference (perhaps she has had bad experiences in the past with grandparents biting off more than they can chew or not supervising) or maybe it is the parents’ preference (they may want to keep everything consistent so that evenings go smoothly). If I were you I would tell your child that you’d like some one-on-one time with junior and ask if you can schedule that. If they tell you to work it out with the nanny, do so. If they hem and haw, then they may not want you to be a solo caregiver.
1) Grandparents are in charge and nanny gets the day off or reorganizes the art supplies or something
2) Nanny is on duty and in charge
3) Parents stay home and are in charge
It may be that this is nanny’s preference (perhaps she has had bad experiences in the past with grandparents biting off more than they can chew or not supervising) or maybe it is the parents’ preference (they may want to keep everything consistent so that evenings go smoothly). If I were you I would tell your child that you’d like some one-on-one time with junior and ask if you can schedule that. If they tell you to work it out with the nanny, do so. If they hem and haw, then they may not want you to be a solo caregiver.
Anonymous
10/05/2018 15:02
Subject: Re:Nanny is in charge
The nanny is, and should be, in charge when DH and I aren’t home. My mother and in laws know this. Big things and little things, it is our nanny’s call.
Anonymous
10/05/2018 14:46
Subject: Nanny is in charge
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Jeezus you people are nuts. Grandma wants to take the child to the park, for crying out loud. She's not looking to take her on a 4 hour car ride.
I get that the nanny is in charge, but the nanny has no common sense.
Nanny knows what the child needs in the moment. That is more than common sense.
Lol, again. Grandma is asking to take her to the park. For a kid, that's actually healthier than staying indoors. Is it remotely possible that nanny doesn't always know best? Maybe nanny hates going to the park b/c it's hot out or whatever.
You have no clue what the situation is!!!
My DD goes to a Reggio preschool here in Southern California where they are outside all morning. After nap, she just wants to play on her room.
And like another poster said - stop focusing on the example!! Is the nanny in charge or not?
Neither do you. My goodness - it swings both ways.
Preschools in the DC area are not "outside all morning" - sporadically, yes, but "always"? nope.
Sure nanny is in charge, but again, it's grandma coming over for a visit - she should respect the schedule of the child but a short walk.visit to the park is hardly turning the child's day upside down. Is your child's schedule so sacred or planned to the minute that this kind of thing is not possible? If not, I weep for your child.
Glad you agree that nanny is in charge.
Anonymous
10/05/2018 14:44
Subject: Nanny is in charge
Nanny who has been with the same family 8 years here- When they are under 2 I was pretty strict with the schedule. Now the the boys are older I just kind of sit back and read a book while grandma is 'in charge'. They always ask before they do anything and defer to me, but I like them to feel like they're planning the day because they don't live locally. If they lived locally I'd probably be more involved in the schedule since crackers for dinner grandma style wold not be okay on the regular. For visits twice a year theckids will survive.
Anonymous
10/05/2018 14:41
Subject: Nanny is in charge
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Jeezus you people are nuts. Grandma wants to take the child to the park, for crying out loud. She's not looking to take her on a 4 hour car ride.
I get that the nanny is in charge, but the nanny has no common sense.
Nanny knows what the child needs in the moment. That is more than common sense.
Lol, again. Grandma is asking to take her to the park. For a kid, that's actually healthier than staying indoors. Is it remotely possible that nanny doesn't always know best? Maybe nanny hates going to the park b/c it's hot out or whatever.
You have no clue what the situation is!!!
My DD goes to a Reggio preschool here in Southern California where they are outside all morning. After nap, she just wants to play on her room.
And like another poster said - stop focusing on the example!! Is the nanny in charge or not?
Neither do you. My goodness - it swings both ways.
Preschools in the DC area are not "outside all morning" - sporadically, yes, but "always"? nope.
Sure nanny is in charge, but again, it's grandma coming over for a visit - she should respect the schedule of the child but a short walk.visit to the park is hardly turning the child's day upside down. Is your child's schedule so sacred or planned to the minute that this kind of thing is not possible? If not, I weep for your child.
Anonymous
10/05/2018 14:40
Subject: Re:Nanny is in charge
Yes, OP, it should always be the nanny’s call when she is working. I insist on this with our nanny and grandparents who visit.
Anonymous
10/05/2018 14:33
Subject: Nanny is in charge
Personally, I agree with all the posters except the lazy one. Yes, the nanny knows the child’s schedule and needs and is in charge 100%. I made the mistake of taking my eyes off a child when the grandparents were with him and he had an accident that was not severe Butte the worst one on my watch. I felt terrible and I was 100% responsible for that. At the same time, I try my best to accommodate grandparents when they are visiting. It’s is an important bond and is important for the grandparents to have that relationship. Maybe ask the nanny (texting is ideal) when would be a good time for the park, a special ice cream treat, or whatever. Ask her what her plans are and when would be a good time for you to join.
Anonymous
10/05/2018 14:32
Subject: Nanny is in charge
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Jeezus you people are nuts. Grandma wants to take the child to the park, for crying out loud. She's not looking to take her on a 4 hour car ride.
I get that the nanny is in charge, but the nanny has no common sense.
Nanny knows what the child needs in the moment. That is more than common sense.
Lol, again. Grandma is asking to take her to the park. For a kid, that's actually healthier than staying indoors. Is it remotely possible that nanny doesn't always know best? Maybe nanny hates going to the park b/c it's hot out or whatever.
You have no clue what the situation is!!!
My DD goes to a Reggio preschool here in Southern California where they are outside all morning. After nap, she just wants to play on her room.
And like another poster said - stop focusing on the example!! Is the nanny in charge or not?
Anonymous
10/05/2018 14:31
Subject: Nanny is in charge
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Jeezus you people are nuts. Grandma wants to take the child to the park, for crying out loud. She's not looking to take her on a 4 hour car ride.
I get that the nanny is in charge, but the nanny has no common sense.
Nanny knows what the child needs in the moment. That is more than common sense.
Lol, again. Grandma is asking to take her to the park. For a kid, that's actually healthier than staying indoors. Is it remotely possible that nanny doesn't always know best? Maybe nanny hates going to the park b/c it's hot out or whatever.
Even if the nanny is wrong and the kid would be fine going to the park, the question is who gets to make the call--the nanny or the grandparent?