Anonymous
08/23/2018 09:25
Subject: Mental health issues
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Some of y'all are so dramatic! OP, I think the hardest part of this may be keeping the reason for the appointment a secret, and if you don't need to, don't.
If you can tell them it's only for a few weeks, my guess is they'll be fine with it. They may even be fine with it indefinitely. I WAH, and when my children were very small, I needed every minute of nanny time. As they got older, though, and slept better, I got a lot more efficient in my work, to the point that one year we gave her more PTO in lieu a raise, because I could cover the days off without too much trouble.
Op here
I felt like everyone was basically saying I’ll get fired for even trying to take time off. Every family is different. As I stated before, they can fire me if fhey want, but they wont. We have a good relationship but of course I realize this can be highly inconvenient for them. I love my charges amen my employers have been good to me as I have been to them. The relationship is reciprocal.
Also. As much as I like my employers, MB tends to meddle in my personal life soooo I know for a fact she’ll try to get me to say why I’m going. Which is why I posted in the first place.
I think if you don't tell her, she's going to guess and keep bringing it up. Yes, it's a huge boundary transgression, but it's not illegal and there's no HR to complain to. You may have to decide if keeping the information private is worth it. I'd probably opt for a white lie about weekly therapy, either saying it's for physical therapy or just very short term counseling due to school and life transitions or something.
Anonymous
08/22/2018 23:00
Subject: Mental health issues
Anonymous wrote:Some of y'all are so dramatic! OP, I think the hardest part of this may be keeping the reason for the appointment a secret, and if you don't need to, don't.
If you can tell them it's only for a few weeks, my guess is they'll be fine with it. They may even be fine with it indefinitely. I WAH, and when my children were very small, I needed every minute of nanny time. As they got older, though, and slept better, I got a lot more efficient in my work, to the point that one year we gave her more PTO in lieu a raise, because I could cover the days off without too much trouble.
Op here
I felt like everyone was basically saying I’ll get fired for even trying to take time off. Every family is different. As I stated before, they can fire me if fhey want, but they wont. We have a good relationship but of course I realize this can be highly inconvenient for them. I love my charges amen my employers have been good to me as I have been to them. The relationship is reciprocal.
Also. As much as I like my employers, MB tends to meddle in my personal life soooo I know for a fact she’ll try to get me to say why I’m going. Which is why I posted in the first place.
Anonymous
08/22/2018 20:52
Subject: Mental health issues
Some of y'all are so dramatic! OP, I think the hardest part of this may be keeping the reason for the appointment a secret, and if you don't need to, don't.
If you can tell them it's only for a few weeks, my guess is they'll be fine with it. They may even be fine with it indefinitely. I WAH, and when my children were very small, I needed every minute of nanny time. As they got older, though, and slept better, I got a lot more efficient in my work, to the point that one year we gave her more PTO in lieu a raise, because I could cover the days off without too much trouble.
If you can tell them it's only for a few weeks, my guess is they'll be fine with it. They may even be fine with it indefinitely. I WAH, and when my children were very small, I needed every minute of nanny time. As they got older, though, and slept better, I got a lot more efficient in my work, to the point that one year we gave her more PTO in lieu a raise, because I could cover the days off without too much trouble.
Anonymous
08/22/2018 20:28
Subject: Mental health issues
Op it sounds like your NF has been pretty understanding in the past, so that's good! You mention your doctor is close to your job, is that your PCP or therapist? If it's your PCP, you shouldn't need weeks worth of appointments for them. There are many therapists with late hours, and I've also had great success with online therapy. Take care of yourself OP, that's the most important thing.
Anonymous
08/22/2018 17:36
Subject: Mental health issues
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I feel like if you have mental health issues it's better to quit and seek treatment. There are many services that offer support for these kind of issues plus you should qualify for disability. Once your issues are resolved or under control you can seek employment. Also you are not obliged to tell current employers about this but be aware that your HCP can notify them if it's determined that you may be capable of harm to yourself or them.
Having anxiety does not mean she is suicidal or wants to hurt others! Please know what you are talking about.
Why should she quit a job she likes just to go to the doctor once a week? How does she support herself and pay the doctor bills with no job?
While I agree with your first point, unfortunately, being a nanny isn’t the type of job that you can just leave early once a week. If the schedule is 8-5 then I expect the nanny to work the agreed upon hours. Being hired for the position means that is the coverage needed. If your employer has to now either find coverage for you or take the time off themselves that presents an issue for them. It’s easier to just find a new nanny. Op doesn’t have to quit but she will most likely be fired.
A nanny employer is no different than any other employer. Obviously you can treat your nanny like shit if you do choose, but most don’t. OP, I haven’t read through the entire head yet, but don’t let this particular MB cause you any concern. There is no chance I would be fired for anything like this and my bosses are extremely busy.
Op here
I really don’t think my bosses will fire me just for this. That’s a little extreme. They can definitely do so but I can also quit anytime as well. It works both ways
Nanny here and you both are in such denial it’s actually comical. Firing a nanny bc they can no longer commit to the schedule doesn’t mean they are treating you like sh*t nor is it extreme. And yes, a nanny employer is very much different than say any job with an actual union. Sorry that you cannot fathom that leaving early once a week wouldn’t put your boss in a bind, and maybe it won’t, but then maybe it will. Maybe they won’t fire you, but maybe they will. This isn’t the same as say, working for the government or school systems, where no they cannot fire you for this but, then you also have to go through a lengthy process to get it approved by HR. Reality check...you’re a nanny, you can get fired anytime for anything and easily replaced.
Op here. I see your point and you’re absolutely correct. But just how they can replace me I can also easily find another employer as well.
Anonymous
08/22/2018 16:22
Subject: Mental health issues
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I feel like if you have mental health issues it's better to quit and seek treatment. There are many services that offer support for these kind of issues plus you should qualify for disability. Once your issues are resolved or under control you can seek employment. Also you are not obliged to tell current employers about this but be aware that your HCP can notify them if it's determined that you may be capable of harm to yourself or them.
Having anxiety does not mean she is suicidal or wants to hurt others! Please know what you are talking about.
Why should she quit a job she likes just to go to the doctor once a week? How does she support herself and pay the doctor bills with no job?
While I agree with your first point, unfortunately, being a nanny isn’t the type of job that you can just leave early once a week. If the schedule is 8-5 then I expect the nanny to work the agreed upon hours. Being hired for the position means that is the coverage needed. If your employer has to now either find coverage for you or take the time off themselves that presents an issue for them. It’s easier to just find a new nanny. Op doesn’t have to quit but she will most likely be fired.
A nanny employer is no different than any other employer. Obviously you can treat your nanny like shit if you do choose, but most don’t. OP, I haven’t read through the entire head yet, but don’t let this particular MB cause you any concern. There is no chance I would be fired for anything like this and my bosses are extremely busy.
Op here
I really don’t think my bosses will fire me just for this. That’s a little extreme. They can definitely do so but I can also quit anytime as well. It works both ways
Nanny here and you both are in such denial it’s actually comical. Firing a nanny bc they can no longer commit to the schedule doesn’t mean they are treating you like sh*t nor is it extreme. And yes, a nanny employer is very much different than say any job with an actual union. Sorry that you cannot fathom that leaving early once a week wouldn’t put your boss in a bind, and maybe it won’t, but then maybe it will. Maybe they won’t fire you, but maybe they will. This isn’t the same as say, working for the government or school systems, where no they cannot fire you for this but, then you also have to go through a lengthy process to get it approved by HR. Reality check...you’re a nanny, you can get fired anytime for anything and easily replaced.
Anonymous
08/22/2018 15:24
Subject: Mental health issues
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I feel like if you have mental health issues it's better to quit and seek treatment. There are many services that offer support for these kind of issues plus you should qualify for disability. Once your issues are resolved or under control you can seek employment. Also you are not obliged to tell current employers about this but be aware that your HCP can notify them if it's determined that you may be capable of harm to yourself or them.
Having anxiety does not mean she is suicidal or wants to hurt others! Please know what you are talking about.
Why should she quit a job she likes just to go to the doctor once a week? How does she support herself and pay the doctor bills with no job?
While I agree with your first point, unfortunately, being a nanny isn’t the type of job that you can just leave early once a week. If the schedule is 8-5 then I expect the nanny to work the agreed upon hours. Being hired for the position means that is the coverage needed. If your employer has to now either find coverage for you or take the time off themselves that presents an issue for them. It’s easier to just find a new nanny. Op doesn’t have to quit but she will most likely be fired.
Please shut up! It might not work for you but as a nanny who has worked many years, there is definitely flexibility in this field! You may be the parent who doesn’t allow your nanny to use leave, want them to tell why the need time off and only offer 1 week of their chosen.
I’m the PP you are responding to. You work with children with all that hostility? Hmmm...You do need a therapist ASAP and a reality check. I’m a nanny btw and no this field is not all that flexible. Flexibility means letting your boss know on Monday that you will not be there Wednesday and it not being an issue. Most families need at least a week notice in order to confirm back up care. You can act like your boss would be ok with you leaving early every week and maybe they will, but in reality most would not be ok with that situation. Hence why the hours are set. I stand by what I said, OP doesn’t have to quit, but know it’s easier to find a new nanny and fire the nanny who can no longer commit to the schedule.
Op here again
Most MB/DBs who work out of the home need a consistent nanny which is understandable
The only nanny jobs that are flexible are those who have a stay at home parent. At least in my experience
Yes and no. A SAH or WAH parent may be more flexible, but that doesn't mean it's not inconvenient for them to have to accommodate schedule changes, especially if the request comes last minute. Even if it's a request made a week in advance, it's still highly inconvenient unless the parents have solid back-up options. The difference between SAH and WOH parents is that for the WOHP, it might be like moving mountains to have to accommodate while for the SAHP, it's not as difficult, but still a PITA (calling around to cancel and change appointments) to do so. So the SAHP might be able to be more flexible, but that doesn't mean that s/he won't be very annoyed by it.
Anonymous
08/22/2018 14:50
Subject: Mental health issues
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I feel like if you have mental health issues it's better to quit and seek treatment. There are many services that offer support for these kind of issues plus you should qualify for disability. Once your issues are resolved or under control you can seek employment. Also you are not obliged to tell current employers about this but be aware that your HCP can notify them if it's determined that you may be capable of harm to yourself or them.
Having anxiety does not mean she is suicidal or wants to hurt others! Please know what you are talking about.
Why should she quit a job she likes just to go to the doctor once a week? How does she support herself and pay the doctor bills with no job?
While I agree with your first point, unfortunately, being a nanny isn’t the type of job that you can just leave early once a week. If the schedule is 8-5 then I expect the nanny to work the agreed upon hours. Being hired for the position means that is the coverage needed. If your employer has to now either find coverage for you or take the time off themselves that presents an issue for them. It’s easier to just find a new nanny. Op doesn’t have to quit but she will most likely be fired.
A nanny employer is no different than any other employer. Obviously you can treat your nanny like shit if you do choose, but most don’t. OP, I haven’t read through the entire head yet, but don’t let this particular MB cause you any concern. There is no chance I would be fired for anything like this and my bosses are extremely busy.
Op here
I really don’t think my bosses will fire me just for this. That’s a little extreme. They can definitely do so but I can also quit anytime as well. It works both ways
Anonymous
08/22/2018 14:40
Subject: Mental health issues
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I feel like if you have mental health issues it's better to quit and seek treatment. There are many services that offer support for these kind of issues plus you should qualify for disability. Once your issues are resolved or under control you can seek employment. Also you are not obliged to tell current employers about this but be aware that your HCP can notify them if it's determined that you may be capable of harm to yourself or them.
Having anxiety does not mean she is suicidal or wants to hurt others! Please know what you are talking about.
Why should she quit a job she likes just to go to the doctor once a week? How does she support herself and pay the doctor bills with no job?
While I agree with your first point, unfortunately, being a nanny isn’t the type of job that you can just leave early once a week. If the schedule is 8-5 then I expect the nanny to work the agreed upon hours. Being hired for the position means that is the coverage needed. If your employer has to now either find coverage for you or take the time off themselves that presents an issue for them. It’s easier to just find a new nanny. Op doesn’t have to quit but she will most likely be fired.
A nanny employer is no different than any other employer. Obviously you can treat your nanny like shit if you do choose, but most don’t. OP, I haven’t read through the entire head yet, but don’t let this particular MB cause you any concern. There is no chance I would be fired for anything like this and my bosses are extremely busy.
Anonymous
08/22/2018 14:37
Subject: Mental health issues
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I feel like if you have mental health issues it's better to quit and seek treatment. There are many services that offer support for these kind of issues plus you should qualify for disability. Once your issues are resolved or under control you can seek employment. Also you are not obliged to tell current employers about this but be aware that your HCP can notify them if it's determined that you may be capable of harm to yourself or them.
Having anxiety does not mean she is suicidal or wants to hurt others! Please know what you are talking about.
Why should she quit a job she likes just to go to the doctor once a week? How does she support herself and pay the doctor bills with no job?
While I agree with your first point, unfortunately, being a nanny isn’t the type of job that you can just leave early once a week. If the schedule is 8-5 then I expect the nanny to work the agreed upon hours. Being hired for the position means that is the coverage needed. If your employer has to now either find coverage for you or take the time off themselves that presents an issue for them. It’s easier to just find a new nanny. Op doesn’t have to quit but she will most likely be fired.
Please shut up! It might not work for you but as a nanny who has worked many years, there is definitely flexibility in this field! You may be the parent who doesn’t allow your nanny to use leave, want them to tell why the need time off and only offer 1 week of their chosen.
I’m the PP you are responding to. You work with children with all that hostility? Hmmm...You do need a therapist ASAP and a reality check. I’m a nanny btw and no this field is not all that flexible. Flexibility means letting your boss know on Monday that you will not be there Wednesday and it not being an issue. Most families need at least a week notice in order to confirm back up care. You can act like your boss would be ok with you leaving early every week and maybe they will, but in reality most would not be ok with that situation. Hence why the hours are set. I stand by what I said, OP doesn’t have to quit, but know it’s easier to find a new nanny and fire the nanny who can no longer commit to the schedule.
Op here again
Most MB/DBs who work out of the home need a consistent nanny which is understandable
The only nanny jobs that are flexible are those who have a stay at home parent. At least in my experience
Anonymous
08/22/2018 14:36
Subject: Re:Mental health issues
Anonymous wrote:NP here. Some parents are going to be okay with leaving early once a week, others would be outraged even if on a temporary basis. It just depends on them, their schedule constraints (how easy is it for the WAH MB to finish work 1.5 hours early?), their personalities (easy-going or particular), the age of the kids and so on.
OP, if your work performance record is not spotless, and it sounds like it isn't if you have previously asked for schedule accommodation, don't be surprised if this request comes back to haunt you. Just because your bosses have accommodated up to this point, they might be annoyed by it and this might be the straw that breaks the camel's back. We once had a nanny who made similar requests to yours and eventually, I got tired of them and decided to let her go once my daughter started preschool although our original plan had been to keep her. You are probably very focused on YOUR needs and thinking 1.5 hours once a week is not a big deal, but it can be HUGE to your MB. Try to look at the situation from your MB's point of view. If you can avoid asking for yet-another-accommodation, you should. Unless your bosses have unlimited reserves of patience, they might already be fed up with you.
Op here
Thank you for your perspective.
In a previous comment I stated. At they had been accommodating to me, but it wasn’t a bunch of times. I just couldn’t stay late because I had nice classes. Which wasn’t an issue because they only need me until 5. I also asked months in advance that I had to leave early 2 Times because of finals.
I have been much more accommodating to them than they have to me. Which doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll be ok with this request. MB can finish her work early. I know she can because most of the time she spends 3-4 hours a day watching tv, etc
Anonymous
08/22/2018 14:06
Subject: Re:Mental health issues
Just say "I need to make a doctor's appointment with a doctor who only has hours from 8-5, next week. Is Thursday or Friday better for you?"
You never have to say what your medical condition is.
You never have to say what your medical condition is.
Anonymous
08/22/2018 12:46
Subject: Re:Mental health issues
NP here. Some parents are going to be okay with leaving early once a week, others would be outraged even if on a temporary basis. It just depends on them, their schedule constraints (how easy is it for the WAH MB to finish work 1.5 hours early?), their personalities (easy-going or particular), the age of the kids and so on.
OP, if your work performance record is not spotless, and it sounds like it isn't if you have previously asked for schedule accommodation, don't be surprised if this request comes back to haunt you. Just because your bosses have accommodated up to this point, they might be annoyed by it and this might be the straw that breaks the camel's back. We once had a nanny who made similar requests to yours and eventually, I got tired of them and decided to let her go once my daughter started preschool although our original plan had been to keep her. You are probably very focused on YOUR needs and thinking 1.5 hours once a week is not a big deal, but it can be HUGE to your MB. Try to look at the situation from your MB's point of view. If you can avoid asking for yet-another-accommodation, you should. Unless your bosses have unlimited reserves of patience, they might already be fed up with you.
OP, if your work performance record is not spotless, and it sounds like it isn't if you have previously asked for schedule accommodation, don't be surprised if this request comes back to haunt you. Just because your bosses have accommodated up to this point, they might be annoyed by it and this might be the straw that breaks the camel's back. We once had a nanny who made similar requests to yours and eventually, I got tired of them and decided to let her go once my daughter started preschool although our original plan had been to keep her. You are probably very focused on YOUR needs and thinking 1.5 hours once a week is not a big deal, but it can be HUGE to your MB. Try to look at the situation from your MB's point of view. If you can avoid asking for yet-another-accommodation, you should. Unless your bosses have unlimited reserves of patience, they might already be fed up with you.
Anonymous
08/22/2018 11:37
Subject: Mental health issues
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I feel like if you have mental health issues it's better to quit and seek treatment. There are many services that offer support for these kind of issues plus you should qualify for disability. Once your issues are resolved or under control you can seek employment. Also you are not obliged to tell current employers about this but be aware that your HCP can notify them if it's determined that you may be capable of harm to yourself or them.
Having anxiety does not mean she is suicidal or wants to hurt others! Please know what you are talking about.
Why should she quit a job she likes just to go to the doctor once a week? How does she support herself and pay the doctor bills with no job?
While I agree with your first point, unfortunately, being a nanny isn’t the type of job that you can just leave early once a week. If the schedule is 8-5 then I expect the nanny to work the agreed upon hours. Being hired for the position means that is the coverage needed. If your employer has to now either find coverage for you or take the time off themselves that presents an issue for them. It’s easier to just find a new nanny. Op doesn’t have to quit but she will most likely be fired.
Please shut up! It might not work for you but as a nanny who has worked many years, there is definitely flexibility in this field! You may be the parent who doesn’t allow your nanny to use leave, want them to tell why the need time off and only offer 1 week of their chosen.
I’m the PP you are responding to. You work with children with all that hostility? Hmmm...You do need a therapist ASAP and a reality check. I’m a nanny btw and no this field is not all that flexible. Flexibility means letting your boss know on Monday that you will not be there Wednesday and it not being an issue. Most families need at least a week notice in order to confirm back up care. You can act like your boss would be ok with you leaving early every week and maybe they will, but in reality most would not be ok with that situation. Hence why the hours are set. I stand by what I said, OP doesn’t have to quit, but know it’s easier to find a new nanny and fire the nanny who can no longer commit to the schedule.
Anonymous
08/22/2018 10:53
Subject: Mental health issues
Op again. Also, for that person that said to quit my job. What are you nuts?! Disbabilty would not be enough for my rent car student loans in the thousands. Like other posters suggested m, anxiety does not mean I’m suicidal. Do your research. Don’t assume. I have a degree in psych and although I’m not a doctor I can definitely say everyone is different from all the different clients I’ve seen in a past job.