DS loves his first nanny and he still sees her once a week. He is fine with his new after school babysitters (we have been thru a few) but none of them mean what his former nanny means to him. He would FaceTime her every night if I let him. He makes the distinction between babysitters and nanny which I think helps as Nanny was never replaced.

I honor his relationship with her and accept that he truly loves her.

So my advice is to not fight it. The new babysitter isn’t nanny. Don’t let your kids think that you are replacing her. But also let the former nanny know that your kids should initiate FaceTime - not her.

To old nanny: “We love you and want you in our lives, but it seems that we have a big difference of opinion about what that looks like now that we are in a new home. You seem to want to talk to the kids every day, but that is making it hard for us logistically and more importantly it is making it really hard for the kids emotionally to adjust and embrace their new life and new nanny. I know how much you love them and miss them but I also know that you want what’s best for them. We will call you every Saturday and see you in a few months.”

To new nanny: “How do you think this transition is going? What do you need from me to help and support you?”

To kids: “It’s okay to miss old nanny. In life we will often have to leave people we love a lot. Today you will go
with New Nanny to Really Fun Activity. I hope you have a nice time!”

Also make sure that you are managing transitions well in the mornings. Have a planned routine (e.g., “See you later, Alligator” and two kisses) for when you actually leave. Don’t talk about or prep them for you leaving until you are ready to walk out the door, then do your routine and LEAVE, even if they are sad. If they have had the same nanny since birth, you may have never really had to deal withseparation anxiety because you were leaving them with someone who felt like a third parent. So I wonder if some of what you are viewing as a huge issue is just the normal preschooler response from being left with a caregiver. If they cry every day when you leave, that is fine. It is only a problem if they cry all day and can’t move on. If they are being reminded mid-day of old nanny, then crying again, that is a second transition each day.

*weekly, not well

This nanny wants daily contact? I wouldn't even do well contact! No wonder the kids won't attach to their new nanny.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had this issue in the past because the old nanny of 5 years kept calling and popping by. I quit after 6 months of the kids not liking me.

Maybe one day you'll have a job where you actually form an attachment with the children and then you will understand how hard it is to leave them. But you'll also be more mature then.

[b]

My last two jobs were both 5 years, so yeah I don't regret leaving the job with stalker old nanny! But nice try!

So you first became a nanny when you were nine years old? How did you get your start?

[b]You're not very smart. I'm 41.

Anonymous wrote:i would ask the old nanny to back off for a bit. i know how hard it is to leave a long term position-i was with one family for 7.5yrs. and 5yrs after leaving the family i am still in touch with them. but at the beginning i made sure i gave the kids space to attach to the new nanny

Thanks, I wish she would do this. She said her other families had said they would keep in touch and then never did so she was worried that would happen here. The problem is, we've moved to a new place and are adjusting to our new life and don't have the time (or frankly the inclination) to be in touch with her every day. I haven't even had time to talk to my good friends as much lately. It doesn't mean we won't stay in touch, but she seems to view any day without contact as a breaking off of our relationship and it's kind of exhausting. Anyway, that's a tangent that I didn't mean to get on. If her being in touch is hampering the new relationship, then I will ask her to back off. I couldn't tell if it was harming or helping, honestly.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had this issue in the past because the old nanny of 5 years kept calling and popping by. I quit after 6 months of the kids not liking me.

Maybe one day you'll have a job where you actually form an attachment with the children and then you will understand how hard it is to leave them. But you'll also be more mature then.

[b]

My last two jobs were both 5 years, so yeah I don't regret leaving the job with stalker old nanny! But nice try!

So you first became a nanny when you were nine years old? How did you get your start?