We disclosed to our top candidate and she accepted regardless and understood. We will continue the conversation and try to help her make plans she can be excited about. There is no way we can wait to leave after Christmas or even that day, we will be away several days before, but I’m sure she has ample time to come up with a fun alternative!

I would disclose. It seems super sad to leave AP alone on Christmas unless she knows in advance she can plan a trip to see her own family and friends.

Definitely disclose. We visit my parents starting Christmas night for 3-4 days and we do not bring AP (my mom is very ill). I tell APs in interview that they are on their own starting Christmas night, but we do festive stuff on Christmas Eve and morning. It has never been issue.

I would disclose it. Also, I think in general that HFs should be very clear about vacation expectations.

I would disclose. It seems super sad to leave AP alone on Christmas unless she knows in advance she can plan a trip to see her own family and friends.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the former AP that was left alone after 3 weeks.

I don't think they realized I would upset by their vacation without me. Maybe they thought I'd be happy "at home" by myself. I had the car and a cheque for some groceries. Which was a lovely gesture I didn't abuse.

What would be fair, I think, is to tell the AP that some vacation are taken with and without her so that everybody can enjoy their time off. It's always better when everything is said upfront.

How long ago was this? Have you been able to gain some perspective on how far in advance a family has to plan this sort of trip, how long (before you were in the picture) they imagined doing this as a family unit? How incredibly expensive it would have been to add you on? And how most people who go abroad for a year WANT free time to get out and see things? Sure it was somehow unexpected and hurtful at the time, but can you own your contribution to that interpretation?

It was over 20 years ago

I was disapointed back then because I wanted to be treated like family and seeing I was left out hurt me.
They weren't living in a fancy city like NYC or DC. The only place I knew where to drive to was a mall ...
So this is where I went a few times during that extra week off.
I could have planned something had I known in advance but when you arrive in the US, you can get overwhelmed by everything and organizing a simple trip by yourself can be tough.

I can see things differently now and I totally get they needed time to themselves.
They could have told me beforehand, that's it. I would have picked another family

Absolutely disclose. Many APs believe that they are going to jet all over with their HF. In fact, if you look at the AP program brochures targeted to APs, this is very much implied. We discuss the fact that we do not include AP on our vacations. We will do some local day trips, but not vacations with her. Mostly this is due to the fact that most of our vacations are taken with our extended family and I want this special time spent with them, not introducing and accommodating AP. I also think AP and HF need a few breaks from each other during the year. I am very transparent with these reasons.

I don’t say this during the interview, but my other reasons include...

- I have three boys, so bringing AP requires purchasing/renting extra room, bigger house
- I don’t need babysitting help while on vacation
- I brought our first AP on vacation and she got very sick with ear infection and we spent most of our vacation dealing with that. Bad first time experience.

I do delay our Christmas trip departure to the night of Christmas in order to spend Christmas Eve and morning with APs who want to “experience American Christmas”.

Anonymous wrote:I am the former AP that was left alone after 3 weeks.

I don't think they realized I would upset by their vacation without me. Maybe they thought I'd be happy "at home" by myself. I had the car and a cheque for some groceries. Which was a lovely gesture I didn't abuse.

What would be fair, I think, is to tell the AP that some vacation are taken with and without her so that everybody can enjoy their time off. It's always better when everything is said upfront.

How long ago was this? Have you been able to gain some perspective on how far in advance a family has to plan this sort of trip, how long (before you were in the picture) they imagined doing this as a family unit? How incredibly expensive it would have been to add you on? And how most people who go abroad for a year WANT free time to get out and see things? Sure it was somehow unexpected and hurtful at the time, but can you own your contribution to that interpretation?