Anonymous
Post 03/14/2018 22:06     Subject: Re:New AP never leaves the house...
Anonymous wrote:OP, this is not going to fix itself. You are going to have to be very proactive and involve your LCC ASAP.

Your AP should have had a bank card/paperwork 1 1/2 months ago. If she can’t get paperwork to drive and you live in a suburb, it just isn’t going to work. She should rematch to family in the city and you get an AP who can drive.


Thanks, it's just been one delay after another, some weather related, then paperwork, now weather again.
She did get the bank card, but she didn't put her full name on it, which was on the other paperwork, so it wasn't deemed valid by the DMV.
Anonymous
Post 03/14/2018 22:06     Subject: Re:New AP never leaves the house...
What are you doing about the driving situation?!
Anonymous
Post 03/14/2018 22:04     Subject: Re:New AP never leaves the house...
Anonymous wrote:Where in Europe is she from where English is such an issue?


She's Italian.
Anonymous
Post 03/14/2018 22:03     Subject: Re:New AP never leaves the house...
Anonymous wrote:She works 30 hours for an 8 and 10 year old and she can’t drive? What is she doing during 30 work hours?

You have to drive/pick her up from class?

I would have rematched a month ago.


We also have a 2yo, who she's good with, so she does split shifts, early am, late afternoon, a few mornings with 2yo.
Anonymous
Post 03/14/2018 22:02     Subject: Re:New AP never leaves the house...
So let me get this straight....you are frustrated because she doesn’t leave the house, but she can’t drive, you live in a suburb, the weather has been awful, and it’s too far to walk anywhere? Where exactly do you want her to go and how do you want her to get there?

Anonymous
Post 03/14/2018 22:01     Subject: Re:New AP never leaves the house...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It also sounds like she may be going through culture shock and is retreating to her bedroom so she can talk with her family and friends from home. Def get your LCC involved asap. That's your LCC"s job and she would want to know sooner rather than later


Thanks so much for this advice. Our family is also going through a bit of a shock because it's been such a change to have someone we don't know in our home!
Any idea how long it might take her to improve her English? She's smart, and she's trying, but I think that's a big part of the challenge.

She can't drive, but then she also can't really communicate with my kids who are 8 and 10. My daughter likes to hang with her a bit but then gets frustrated because they don't understand each other.


Culture shock can happen both ways, and if you're feeling uncomfortable having her in your home, she is probably picking up on those feelings. Plus it looks like she has a lot of free time on her hands without many ideas on how to fill up those hours. She needs to practice English in order to improve it, so she should be talking to your kids, making friends with other au pairs who don't speak her language, going to her ESL class, signing up for free ESL conversation groups at the library, watching American shows on Netflix/Amazon (Glee, The Royals, Younger, The Arrangement, anything the WB produces) etc. If she's staying in her room talking with her family and friends in her native language then she isn't giving herself a chance to truly switch to English. Once she is saturated with the language, she will start thinking in English, dreaming in English etc. I'm a LCC in another state and I can't overemphasize the importance of getting your LCC involved. This is her job and you are not the first host family who has reached out to her about this issue. As an LCC, I can tell you I prefer to know about these issues ASAP when there is still time to fix them.


One more thing- she also sounds like she is homesick (which often goes hand in hand with culture shock).
Anonymous
Post 03/14/2018 22:00     Subject: Re:New AP never leaves the house...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It also sounds like she may be going through culture shock and is retreating to her bedroom so she can talk with her family and friends from home. Def get your LCC involved asap. That's your LCC"s job and she would want to know sooner rather than later


Thanks so much for this advice. Our family is also going through a bit of a shock because it's been such a change to have someone we don't know in our home!
Any idea how long it might take her to improve her English? She's smart, and she's trying, but I think that's a big part of the challenge.

She can't drive, but then she also can't really communicate with my kids who are 8 and 10. My daughter likes to hang with her a bit but then gets frustrated because they don't understand each other.


Culture shock can happen both ways, and if you're feeling uncomfortable having her in your home, she is probably picking up on those feelings. Plus it looks like she has a lot of free time on her hands without many ideas on how to fill up those hours. She needs to practice English in order to improve it, so she should be talking to your kids, making friends with other au pairs who don't speak her language, going to her ESL class, signing up for free ESL conversation groups at the library, watching American shows on Netflix/Amazon (Glee, The Royals, Younger, The Arrangement, anything the WB produces) etc. If she's staying in her room talking with her family and friends in her native language then she isn't giving herself a chance to truly switch to English. Once she is saturated with the language, she will start thinking in English, dreaming in English etc. I'm a LCC in another state and I can't overemphasize the importance of getting your LCC involved. This is her job and you are not the first host family who has reached out to her about this issue. As an LCC, I can tell you I prefer to know about these issues ASAP when there is still time to fix them.
Anonymous
Post 03/14/2018 21:58     Subject: Re:New AP never leaves the house...
OP, this is not going to fix itself. You are going to have to be very proactive and involve your LCC ASAP.

Your AP should have had a bank card/paperwork 1 1/2 months ago. If she can’t get paperwork to drive and you live in a suburb, it just isn’t going to work. She should rematch to family in the city and you get an AP who can drive.
Anonymous
Post 03/14/2018 21:54     Subject: Re:New AP never leaves the house...
Where in Europe is she from where English is such an issue?
Anonymous
Post 03/14/2018 21:53     Subject: Re:New AP never leaves the house...
She works 30 hours for an 8 and 10 year old and she can’t drive? What is she doing during 30 work hours?

You have to drive/pick her up from class?

I would have rematched a month ago.
Anonymous
Post 03/14/2018 21:38     Subject: Re:New AP never leaves the house...
Anonymous wrote:
She has an intl. DL but couldn't get a NY one yet because her name isn't the same on the different ID she brought with her, so she has to get a new bank card.



This makes absolutely no sense to me. If you live in the suburbs, your AP needs to drive. She isn't going to leave the house or meet people if she can't drive. She isn't going to learn English if she isn't leaving your house.

How is she getting to class?


We take her to class and pick her up each time.

She was supposed to get her DL last month, when she went she didn't have the right paperwork so they told her to come back.
Now we've had two snow storms so it's been harder to get around a lot of places have been closed.
Anonymous
Post 03/14/2018 21:36     Subject: Re:New AP never leaves the house...
Anonymous wrote:Aside from the meetings, is she going to cluster events? I am outside of NJ, and our cluster goes to shows, sporting event, volunteer activities. I think these are more important than the meetings.

Yes, talk to LCC. She can get an experienced and outgoing AP to come pick her up.

If you are in a suburb, the inability to drive a is big issue! So, she doesn't need to drive your kids? That really needs to get figured out ASAP. How is she supposed to leave the house if she can't drive and you live in a suburb?



Thank you, we also live in a suburb and no she doesn't go to any events. She gets invited, and about twice a month she's had a friend pick her up to go to dinner, but that's it.
I think she might be trying to save money, I offered to pay for some of these things but she declined.
She only works about 30 hours a week, and the rest of the time she's in her room or hanging around the house.

She's our first AP and we hired her early to be ready for summer when our long term nanny is leaving, in June.
So right now our nanny is doing more than she's supposed to be doing, as we haven't been able to transition any of the responsibilities.

Anonymous
Post 03/14/2018 21:30     Subject: Re:New AP never leaves the house...
She has an intl. DL but couldn't get a NY one yet because her name isn't the same on the different ID she brought with her, so she has to get a new bank card.



This makes absolutely no sense to me. If you live in the suburbs, your AP needs to drive. She isn't going to leave the house or meet people if she can't drive. She isn't going to learn English if she isn't leaving your house.

How is she getting to class?
Anonymous
Post 03/14/2018 21:26     Subject: Re:New AP never leaves the house...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It also sounds like she may be going through culture shock and is retreating to her bedroom so she can talk with her family and friends from home. Def get your LCC involved asap. That's your LCC"s job and she would want to know sooner rather than later


Thanks so much for this advice. Our family is also going through a bit of a shock because it's been such a change to have someone we don't know in our home!
Any idea how long it might take her to improve her English? She's smart, and she's trying, but I think that's a big part of the challenge.

She can't drive, but then she also can't really communicate with my kids who are 8 and 10. My daughter likes to hang with her a bit but then gets frustrated because they don't understand each other.


This sounds miserable for everyone involved. Doesn’t she ever leave the house with the kids? Speaking as someone who has had a non-driving au pair for the last two years (but we live inside DC proper), you’ve go to come up with a plan for her to easily go places, and in the suburbs that means driving or maybe you could give her credits for an Uber. Also, all our European au pairs have been good drivers, and drove when they just had the IL. Our South America au pairs, not so much (but as I said not relevant in our case).
Anonymous
Post 03/14/2018 21:08     Subject: Re:New AP never leaves the house...
she's also kind of lazy and entitled


what is she doing that is entitled? Entitled to what?

You don't sound happy with her all around...not just because she isn't leaving the house. I do not understand why she isn't driving on her IL? That really needs to get sorted out. But really, sounds like she is not a good personality fit for your family.

Also, do you really want/need an AP if you are working from home and clearly don't need an AP who drives if she has been with you for a couple of months and isn't driving. Most APs are going to spend time in your house in the middle of the day. Yes, they may go to the gym or for coffee, but they are going to be in the house.

How is she getting to class in the morning?