Anonymous
03/22/2018 16:36
Subject: new stepfather is upsetting the applecart
Wow - I'm impressed by the MB. Good for her
Anonymous
03/22/2018 10:56
Subject: new stepfather is upsetting the applecart
I have a similar story.
I had been with this family for 8 years. I had been there as the father was diagnosed and then died of cancer. The youngest was 4 and was nonverbal (ASD). He went to preschool twice a week but was with me most days while the older kids were in school.
Boyfriend of 9 months has just moved in to the house. I hated this guy, and from the day he moved in he tried to take over everything. He tried to add duties and would interior my day or takeover despite having zero ability to handle my NK.
He was between jobs, which he was often. NK was having a massive meltdown and boyfriend came in and tried to take over. NK hit him (which he did) and boyfriend spanked NK HARD on the butt.
He told me if I told my employer, I’d never set foot in the house again.
I scoffed.
Guess who left that night? It wasn’t me.
I had been with this family for 8 years. I had been there as the father was diagnosed and then died of cancer. The youngest was 4 and was nonverbal (ASD). He went to preschool twice a week but was with me most days while the older kids were in school.
Boyfriend of 9 months has just moved in to the house. I hated this guy, and from the day he moved in he tried to take over everything. He tried to add duties and would interior my day or takeover despite having zero ability to handle my NK.
He was between jobs, which he was often. NK was having a massive meltdown and boyfriend came in and tried to take over. NK hit him (which he did) and boyfriend spanked NK HARD on the butt.
He told me if I told my employer, I’d never set foot in the house again.
I scoffed.
Guess who left that night? It wasn’t me.
Anonymous
03/20/2018 20:35
Subject: new stepfather is upsetting the applecart
Anonymous wrote:OP here,
I had a meeting with MB and her new husband to clear the air. I was hoping they has spoken and were on the same page but they are not. He actually brought up modifying my contract to include additional chores. MB shut him down right away. She said this was for all of us to talk so there was no awkwardness. Nothing was being modified. Nothing was accomplished and I think he was absolutely fine with that. This guy has serious control issues.
I am still at DB's house taking care of DC full time. She called me a couple of days later and said that after he moved in he seemed to change and it's not only about me. He wants control over other parts of her life and even tried to limit her time with her family. She did not get into more details but she is making him move out. That is all I know. As I type this he is packing his stuff! I know this was predicted on this board but to actually have it happen. Crazy!
Yikes.
I doubt this lasts long. I’ve known women who’ve married “the perfect man” only for them to do a 180 after the honeymoon. Sounds like MB doesn’t really know her new husband as much as she thought she did. I’m glad you are at DBs House. Stay safe!
Anonymous
03/20/2018 19:44
Subject: Re:new stepfather is upsetting the applecart
If he was trying to take over her life and limit contact with her family and friends, I’m glad he’s going. Those are the first steps most common in domestic abuse.
Anonymous
03/20/2018 15:18
Subject: new stepfather is upsetting the applecart
I think it's great that 1) you were able to stand up for yourself and have what I imagine was a few not-easy conversations, and 2) that MB listened and heard you and has your back. Good work to both of you!
Anonymous
03/20/2018 14:58
Subject: new stepfather is upsetting the applecart
That’s amazing! Good for her for sticking by you and for knowing what’s best for herself and her child! I’m really happy this worked out so well for you.
Anonymous
03/20/2018 14:21
Subject: new stepfather is upsetting the applecart
Anonymous wrote:OP here,
I had a meeting with MB and her new husband to clear the air. I was hoping they has spoken and were on the same page but they are not. He actually brought up modifying my contract to include additional chores. MB shut him down right away. She said this was for all of us to talk so there was no awkwardness. Nothing was being modified. Nothing was accomplished and I think he was absolutely fine with that. This guy has serious control issues.
I am still at DB's house taking care of DC full time. She called me a couple of days later and said that after he moved in he seemed to change and it's not only about me. He wants control over other parts of her life and even tried to limit her time with her family. She did not get into more details but she is making him move out. That is all I know. As I type this he is packing his stuff! I know this was predicted on this board but to actually have it happen. Crazy!
Wow! I am actually impressed with your MB. Far too many women are too scared to be alone to pull the plug that quickly. I'm glad you were able to move to DB's house, and that she is throwing the bum out!
She's probably going to be pretty emotional for awhile, but good for her!
Anonymous
03/20/2018 12:47
Subject: new stepfather is upsetting the applecart
OP here,
I had a meeting with MB and her new husband to clear the air. I was hoping they has spoken and were on the same page but they are not. He actually brought up modifying my contract to include additional chores. MB shut him down right away. She said this was for all of us to talk so there was no awkwardness. Nothing was being modified. Nothing was accomplished and I think he was absolutely fine with that. This guy has serious control issues.
I am still at DB's house taking care of DC full time. She called me a couple of days later and said that after he moved in he seemed to change and it's not only about me. He wants control over other parts of her life and even tried to limit her time with her family. She did not get into more details but she is making him move out. That is all I know. As I type this he is packing his stuff! I know this was predicted on this board but to actually have it happen. Crazy!
I had a meeting with MB and her new husband to clear the air. I was hoping they has spoken and were on the same page but they are not. He actually brought up modifying my contract to include additional chores. MB shut him down right away. She said this was for all of us to talk so there was no awkwardness. Nothing was being modified. Nothing was accomplished and I think he was absolutely fine with that. This guy has serious control issues.
I am still at DB's house taking care of DC full time. She called me a couple of days later and said that after he moved in he seemed to change and it's not only about me. He wants control over other parts of her life and even tried to limit her time with her family. She did not get into more details but she is making him move out. That is all I know. As I type this he is packing his stuff! I know this was predicted on this board but to actually have it happen. Crazy!
Anonymous
03/07/2018 12:42
Subject: new stepfather is upsetting the applecart
Aw, the mother sounds like a good person. I feel bad that you’re both in this awkward, tense situation.
I’m so happy she jumped on board with the idea of you staying at the father’s house, though! That should be a big help to you in the meantime while she has a serious talk with that jackass.
Try not to worry too much about this, it sounds like you’ve got the whole family in your corner, fortunately.
I’m so happy she jumped on board with the idea of you staying at the father’s house, though! That should be a big help to you in the meantime while she has a serious talk with that jackass.
Try not to worry too much about this, it sounds like you’ve got the whole family in your corner, fortunately.
Anonymous
03/07/2018 12:39
Subject: new stepfather is upsetting the applecart
Anonymous wrote:OP here. I spoke with MB. I told her what I overheard and I could tell she was mortified. I told her under the circumstances I don't know how I could be around her husband when he felt the way he did. She was understanding and I am going to finish out the week at DB house. Next week I will be at DB's house all week.
MB said she was going to get to the bottom of why her husband was acting like this. She said instead of working from home he might have to go into the office. I did not say anything but I don't know how that will work either. He will really be resentful then. MB said the routine we have in place for DC is what is best for him and she is not going to let her husband change those dynamics. I could tell she was really upset. MB said she would be in touch. That is where we stand now.
That's the best you can hope for right now, OP! Good luck. I hope they work out a routine that works for everyone, or at least keeps step-dad out of your face.
Anonymous
03/07/2018 12:30
Subject: new stepfather is upsetting the applecart
OP here. I spoke with MB. I told her what I overheard and I could tell she was mortified. I told her under the circumstances I don't know how I could be around her husband when he felt the way he did. She was understanding and I am going to finish out the week at DB house. Next week I will be at DB's house all week.
MB said she was going to get to the bottom of why her husband was acting like this. She said instead of working from home he might have to go into the office. I did not say anything but I don't know how that will work either. He will really be resentful then. MB said the routine we have in place for DC is what is best for him and she is not going to let her husband change those dynamics. I could tell she was really upset. MB said she would be in touch. That is where we stand now.
MB said she was going to get to the bottom of why her husband was acting like this. She said instead of working from home he might have to go into the office. I did not say anything but I don't know how that will work either. He will really be resentful then. MB said the routine we have in place for DC is what is best for him and she is not going to let her husband change those dynamics. I could tell she was really upset. MB said she would be in touch. That is where we stand now.
Anonymous
03/06/2018 16:15
Subject: new stepfather is upsetting the applecart
Anonymous wrote:They have been married a little over a month and he moved in when they got back from their honeymoon. I cannot imagine the marriage ending. I don't know why he is trying to change things that have been in place for over a year.
All I know is I am not going to stay at a job that causes me anxiety. If she does not let me watch DC during her custody time at DB's house I don't know how I can stay on. There is no way I can stay in the same house with him after hearing their argument. After I dropped off DC at school I did not even got back to the house.
The marriage is going to end because most second marriages do, especially those where the step-parent tries to direct care of the child.
If he wanted to be reasonable, he would talk to his wife privately about money and a housekeeper, or possibly offering you money to do certain tasks (which you might or might not be willing to do), or hiring someone else who was willing.
Instead, he's being an asshole to you and complaining about his position in the household heirarchy. I'm sure it's not the only area where he feels someone else (her son) is commanding resources (her money, her time, space) that he believes should be his to control. Unless your MB is a self-loathing pushover, she's going to get tired of this quickly.
Now, is it going to end tomorrow? No. But six months sounds about right.
Anonymous
03/06/2018 16:08
Subject: new stepfather is upsetting the applecart
They have been married a little over a month and he moved in when they got back from their honeymoon. I cannot imagine the marriage ending. I don't know why he is trying to change things that have been in place for over a year.
All I know is I am not going to stay at a job that causes me anxiety. If she does not let me watch DC during her custody time at DB's house I don't know how I can stay on. There is no way I can stay in the same house with him after hearing their argument. After I dropped off DC at school I did not even got back to the house.
All I know is I am not going to stay at a job that causes me anxiety. If she does not let me watch DC during her custody time at DB's house I don't know how I can stay on. There is no way I can stay in the same house with him after hearing their argument. After I dropped off DC at school I did not even got back to the house.