Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i didn't say that she should never get attention, or that you should yell at a child if they are bothering you.
if she is engaging in a behavior that you don't want to reinforce, i.e. pestering you while you are clearly doing something else like cooking, cleaning up, etc, that you should not give the child attention or she will continue to do that. all behavior has a function, and if you want to go about changing the behavior then you need to figure out why they are acting that way.

She's acting that way for two reasons:

1) She wants attention. So I don't get your argument. Somehow, magically, she should learn how to give herself attention or not want it?
2) She rarely sees her parents, and this is the third babysitter in a short time. She is trying, as best her little 7-year-old brain can, to connect with this new person, and simultaneously prove to herself tht this new person is either going to stick around or quit like the last two before she gets connected to her.

I think OP should quit, because it doesn't sound like she's up for the challenge of a needy child. This situation is really sad, and OP can't see beyond the logistics of doing her job.

Anonymous wrote:i didn't say that she should never get attention, or that you should yell at a child if they are bothering you.
if she is engaging in a behavior that you don't want to reinforce, i.e. pestering you while you are clearly doing something else like cooking, cleaning up, etc, that you should not give the child attention or she will continue to do that. all behavior has a function, and if you want to go about changing the behavior then you need to figure out why they are acting that way.

Anonymous wrote:i didn't say that she should never get attention, or that you should yell at a child if they are bothering you.
if she is engaging in a behavior that you don't want to reinforce, i.e. pestering you while you are clearly doing something else like cooking, cleaning up, etc, that you should not give the child attention or she will continue to do that. all behavior has a function, and if you want to go about changing the behavior then you need to figure out why they are acting that way.

Anonymous wrote:actually, i don't think giving children undivided attention is a good idea. it fosters this belief that they always need to be entertained and doted upon, and it isn't healthy. if you give her attention when she does these things you are reinforcing the behavior. she is doing this to get attention, and if you give it to her (even negative attention) then you are guaranteeing she will keep doing it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: Her mom is a single mom and works odd hour's in sales. She's doing the best she can. It's funny how everyone is assuming I'm doing a bad job taking care of her. We have no screen time at my house and the majority of the time I am playing with both children. I have to make dinner and clean up. I can't host at her house for lots of reasons. They have snakes is the biggest thing. I also accepted a lower pay because I host at my house. I really care about my charge. I take her to the beach and lots of activities on the weekend. I read with her and we go through educational notebooks. I cook lots of healthy meals for both kids. I know this setup is not the norm for dcum but some parents do work odd hours and they need childcare. And lot's of Americans can't afford a private nanny.

We do understand that. What we are reacting to is your characterization of her as "annoying," and your initial post that basically made it sound like you cringe when she gets near you.

We're telling you that a babysitter focused on her toddler and taking care of her own home is in no way going to compensate for a child missing the attention of her parent(s) -- surely she has a dad somewhere. The fact that you are reacting with annoyance rather than compassion tells me you're overextended and not that interested in this child.

Everything you describe above, btw, except maybe workbooks, where I imagine you give her assignments and help as needed, are things you are doing with BOTH kids. I have a 7-year-old and a 2-year-old (and a 6 and 4-year-old, but that's not as relevant). The 7-year-old loves playing with the 2-year-old, but not all day. He wants to do big-kid things, like legos, and reading, and cooking, and climbing, and having a real conversation.

Another thought: If this child is getting after 9:30 at night, when is bedtime and when does she need to get up for school? Does she get enough sleep? Even if most 7 year olds don't nap after school, perhaps she would benefit from a short after school quiet time.

+1. She may even need a nap if she's not getting to bed until 10.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: Her mom is a single mom and works odd hour's in sales. She's doing the best she can. It's funny how everyone is assuming I'm doing a bad job taking care of her. We have no screen time at my house and the majority of the time I am playing with both children. I have to make dinner and clean up. I can't host at her house for lots of reasons. They have snakes is the biggest thing. I also accepted a lower pay because I host at my house. I really care about my charge. I take her to the beach and lots of activities on the weekend. I read with her and we go through educational notebooks. I cook lots of healthy meals for both kids. I know this setup is not the norm for dcum but some parents do work odd hours and they need childcare. And lot's of Americans can't afford a private nanny.

We do understand that. What we are reacting to is your characterization of her as "annoying," and your initial post that basically made it sound like you cringe when she gets near you.

We're telling you that a babysitter focused on her toddler and taking care of her own home is in no way going to compensate for a child missing the attention of her parent(s) -- surely she has a dad somewhere. The fact that you are reacting with annoyance rather than compassion tells me you're overextended and not that interested in this child.

Everything you describe above, btw, except maybe workbooks, where I imagine you give her assignments and help as needed, are things you are doing with BOTH kids. I have a 7-year-old and a 2-year-old (and a 6 and 4-year-old, but that's not as relevant). The 7-year-old loves playing with the 2-year-old, but not all day. He wants to do big-kid things, like legos, and reading, and cooking, and climbing, and having a real conversation.

Another thought: If this child is getting after 9:30 at night, when is bedtime and when does she need to get up for school? Does she get enough sleep? Even if most 7 year olds don't nap after school, perhaps she would benefit from a short after school quiet time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: Her mom is a single mom and works odd hour's in sales. She's doing the best she can. It's funny how everyone is assuming I'm doing a bad job taking care of her. We have no screen time at my house and the majority of the time I am playing with both children. I have to make dinner and clean up. I can't host at her house for lots of reasons. They have snakes is the biggest thing. I also accepted a lower pay because I host at my house. I really care about my charge. I take her to the beach and lots of activities on the weekend. I read with her and we go through educational notebooks. I cook lots of healthy meals for both kids. I know this setup is not the norm for dcum but some parents do work odd hours and they need childcare. And lot's of Americans can't afford a private nanny.

We do understand that. What we are reacting to is your characterization of her as "annoying," and your initial post that basically made it sound like you cringe when she gets near you.

We're telling you that a babysitter focused on her toddler and taking care of her own home is in no way going to compensate for a child missing the attention of her parent(s) -- surely she has a dad somewhere. The fact that you are reacting with annoyance rather than compassion tells me you're overextended and not that interested in this child.

Everything you describe above, btw, except maybe workbooks, where I imagine you give her assignments and help as needed, are things you are doing with BOTH kids. I have a 7-year-old and a 2-year-old (and a 6 and 4-year-old, but that's not as relevant). The 7-year-old loves playing with the 2-year-old, but not all day. He wants to do big-kid things, like legos, and reading, and cooking, and climbing, and having a real conversation.

Anonymous wrote:OP here: Her mom is a single mom and works odd hour's in sales. She's doing the best she can. It's funny how everyone is assuming I'm doing a bad job taking care of her. We have no screen time at my house and the majority of the time I am playing with both children. I have to make dinner and clean up. I can't host at her house for lots of reasons. They have snakes is the biggest thing. I also accepted a lower pay because I host at my house. I really care about my charge. I take her to the beach and lots of activities on the weekend. I read with her and we go through educational notebooks. I cook lots of healthy meals for both kids. I know this setup is not the norm for dcum but some parents do work odd hours and they need childcare. And lot's of Americans can't afford a private nanny.