Anonymous
12/07/2017 23:26
Subject: How to detach from needy ex-nanny
What about setting up some kind of regular, but not necessarily frequent visit. Maybe if she knew that she would continue seeing the kids she wouldn't feel the need to be contacting you as often.
Anonymous
12/07/2017 20:05
Subject: How to detach from needy ex-nanny
Anonymous wrote:you need therapy. For real. And a life of your own. Good grief woman, back off and stop smothering people. It’s neither normal nor healthy.Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Sorry you're getting just nasty replies OP. I think your concerns are valid. (I'm a nanny BTW.) Her communication should be tapering off by now. I don't know exactly what you can say to her that won't be profoundly hurtful, but I agree that replying less often is a good starting point. She probably feels very attached to your kids after seven years with them; most people don't even spend that much time with nieces and nephews.
Reply less often, and less enthusiastically. When she asks how the kids are, just say their loving their new friends, or they're staying busy...that type of thing. Then close with enjoy your new charge, or happy holidays. It's one or two lines and won't take that long to type out. Reply at intervals you're comfortable with...like 2x a month or whatever. I wouldn't cut her off entirely unless she seems stalkerish, but cutting back is totally fine.
As a nanny, this makes me sad.
I stay in touch with all my precious employers and charges. I have one family I was with for 4 years, and I see them 1-2 times a week! I’m still very involved in their life despite not being employed.
I’m sorry you only view what you do as a paycheck.
I have a wonderful life of my own. Loving partner and a new job I enjoy. I visit NKs at the request of my former employers and the children themselves. That’s what happens when you are a great employee and happen to work for a great family.
Anonymous
12/07/2017 19:02
Subject: How to detach from needy ex-nanny
you need therapy. For real. And a life of your own. Good grief woman, back off and stop smothering people. It’s neither normal nor healthy.Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Sorry you're getting just nasty replies OP. I think your concerns are valid. (I'm a nanny BTW.) Her communication should be tapering off by now. I don't know exactly what you can say to her that won't be profoundly hurtful, but I agree that replying less often is a good starting point. She probably feels very attached to your kids after seven years with them; most people don't even spend that much time with nieces and nephews.
Reply less often, and less enthusiastically. When she asks how the kids are, just say their loving their new friends, or they're staying busy...that type of thing. Then close with enjoy your new charge, or happy holidays. It's one or two lines and won't take that long to type out. Reply at intervals you're comfortable with...like 2x a month or whatever. I wouldn't cut her off entirely unless she seems stalkerish, but cutting back is totally fine.
As a nanny, this makes me sad.
I stay in touch with all my precious employers and charges. I have one family I was with for 4 years, and I see them 1-2 times a week! I’m still very involved in their life despite not being employed.
I’m sorry you only view what you do as a paycheck.
Anonymous
12/07/2017 18:05
Subject: How to detach from needy ex-nanny
OP, I am truly shocked by all the mean responses on here.
You have every right to be a little bothered by the amount of text messages you are receiving from your ex-Nanny.
I agree that it IS in fact, a little much.
Sure....
She loves your kiddos & that is wonderful.
However she needs to respect certain boundaries which she clearly cannot.
She needs to learn to take a step back + move on from her attachment to your children.
It just is not normal.
Keep your responses to her brief and do not respond necessarily to every single text.
Eventually she should get the point and contact you less.
If she cannot do this, then it will be very obvious that she would need professional help for why she cannot let go at this stage.
Good luck.
You have every right to be a little bothered by the amount of text messages you are receiving from your ex-Nanny.
I agree that it IS in fact, a little much.
Sure....
She loves your kiddos & that is wonderful.
However she needs to respect certain boundaries which she clearly cannot.
She needs to learn to take a step back + move on from her attachment to your children.
It just is not normal.
Keep your responses to her brief and do not respond necessarily to every single text.
Eventually she should get the point and contact you less.
If she cannot do this, then it will be very obvious that she would need professional help for why she cannot let go at this stage.
Good luck.
Anonymous
12/07/2017 15:54
Subject: How to detach from needy ex-nanny
No one said love ends when the job changes. OP doesn’t like the EX nanny texting several times a week when she is busy trying to work and makes new life after moving. Nanny is weird for texting so much. If you defend that creepy stalker behavior then you’re weird too. And you lack boundaries. OP hasn’t employed this person for several months. It’s not like they parted ways last week. If OP did the same thing to her old boss she’d be labeled a lunatic.
Anonymous
12/07/2017 15:43
Subject: Re:How to detach from needy ex-nanny
Good nannies love their charges. Love doesn't end when the paycheck does. End of discussion
Anonymous
12/07/2017 15:20
Subject: How to detach from needy ex-nanny
Anonymous wrote:Sorry you're getting just nasty replies OP. I think your concerns are valid. (I'm a nanny BTW.) Her communication should be tapering off by now. I don't know exactly what you can say to her that won't be profoundly hurtful, but I agree that replying less often is a good starting point. She probably feels very attached to your kids after seven years with them; most people don't even spend that much time with nieces and nephews.
Reply less often, and less enthusiastically. When she asks how the kids are, just say their loving their new friends, or they're staying busy...that type of thing. Then close with enjoy your new charge, or happy holidays. It's one or two lines and won't take that long to type out. Reply at intervals you're comfortable with...like 2x a month or whatever. I wouldn't cut her off entirely unless she seems stalkerish, but cutting back is totally fine.
As a nanny, this makes me sad.
I stay in touch with all my precious employers and charges. I have one family I was with for 4 years, and I see them 1-2 times a week! I’m still very involved in their life despite not being employed.
I’m sorry you only view what you do as a paycheck.
Anonymous
12/07/2017 13:53
Subject: How to detach from needy ex-nanny
Anonymous wrote:Sorry you're getting just nasty replies OP. I think your concerns are valid. (I'm a nanny BTW.) Her communication should be tapering off by now. I don't know exactly what you can say to her that won't be profoundly hurtful, but I agree that replying less often is a good starting point. She probably feels very attached to your kids after seven years with them; most people don't even spend that much time with nieces and nephews.
Reply less often, and less enthusiastically. When she asks how the kids are, just say their loving their new friends, or they're staying busy...that type of thing. Then close with enjoy your new charge, or happy holidays. It's one or two lines and won't take that long to type out. Reply at intervals you're comfortable with...like 2x a month or whatever. I wouldn't cut her off entirely unless she seems stalkerish, but cutting back is totally fine.
I wondered when Nanny Uriah Heep would chime in.
Anonymous
12/07/2017 13:51
Subject: How to detach from needy ex-nanny
Anonymous wrote:Sorry you're getting just nasty replies OP. I think your concerns are valid. (I'm a nanny BTW.) Her communication should be tapering off by now. I don't know exactly what you can say to her that won't be profoundly hurtful, but I agree that replying less often is a good starting point. She probably feels very attached to your kids after seven years with them; most people don't even spend that much time with nieces and nephews.
Reply less often, and less enthusiastically. When she asks how the kids are, just say their loving their new friends, or they're staying busy...that type of thing. Then close with enjoy your new charge, or happy holidays. It's one or two lines and won't take that long to type out. Reply at intervals you're comfortable with...like 2x a month or whatever. I wouldn't cut her off entirely unless she seems stalkerish, but cutting back is totally fine.
I agree. I mean, 7 years...
Anonymous
12/07/2017 13:30
Subject: How to detach from needy ex-nanny
Sorry you're getting just nasty replies OP. I think your concerns are valid. (I'm a nanny BTW.) Her communication should be tapering off by now. I don't know exactly what you can say to her that won't be profoundly hurtful, but I agree that replying less often is a good starting point. She probably feels very attached to your kids after seven years with them; most people don't even spend that much time with nieces and nephews.
Reply less often, and less enthusiastically. When she asks how the kids are, just say their loving their new friends, or they're staying busy...that type of thing. Then close with enjoy your new charge, or happy holidays. It's one or two lines and won't take that long to type out. Reply at intervals you're comfortable with...like 2x a month or whatever. I wouldn't cut her off entirely unless she seems stalkerish, but cutting back is totally fine.
Reply less often, and less enthusiastically. When she asks how the kids are, just say their loving their new friends, or they're staying busy...that type of thing. Then close with enjoy your new charge, or happy holidays. It's one or two lines and won't take that long to type out. Reply at intervals you're comfortable with...like 2x a month or whatever. I wouldn't cut her off entirely unless she seems stalkerish, but cutting back is totally fine.
Anonymous
12/07/2017 12:40
Subject: Re:How to detach from needy ex-nanny
I am terrified of being viewed like this nanny. I left my NF of the past 4 years in August and have been careful about how often I reach out or visit. Of course I miss the kids terribly but I understand that the relationship has and must change. Fortunately they are normal and told me I could visit anytime and would love if I wanted to see the kids more often, so we've arranged to do so. It's just a hard thing leaving a family you've grown close to! The relationship has changed drastically and balancing that is hard. Text too often, you're clingy. Don't text enough, you're cold hearted. I don't think OP is wrong and I don't think the old nanny is wrong. It's just a tough thing to navigate!