Anonymous
11/22/2017 16:43
Subject: So angry.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Let it go for now, but bring it up after the holiday. And give her a break. There are a ton of people in her house, who are apparently high-maintenance guests, her autistic toddlers are out of their routine so her evenings and overnights arw probably a train wreck and her child was lost. I am sure she was losing it with worry about her kid and embarassment that her neighbor witnessed the whole thing. Bring it up, but have some empathy too. She needs a wake-up call, but she probably needs a stiff drink too.
So it's fine for her to go off on OP be sure poor MB is stressed. She invited all these people and she should have told them that OP has absolute authority over children. What a jerk.
No one has said to let it go permanently. We have advised that a little empathy will go a long way towards resolving this to everyone’s satisfaction. Y’know, like a grown up.
That goes both ways and THE MB should have acted like a grown up.
Anonymous
11/22/2017 16:16
Subject: Re:So angry.
PS. Don't fall for the "poor stressed out mother" crap. This is her family, she invited them or agreed to let them come, and these are her children. All empathy goes to you.
Anonymous
11/22/2017 16:14
Subject: Re:So angry.
I am so sorry, OP. I hope you address this with your employer and get a heartfelt apology and acknowledgement that she was 100% in the wrong or you quit. As another PP pointed out, experience with autistic twins puts you in high demand.
This is one of the worst behaved MBs I have ever read. You deserve better.
This is one of the worst behaved MBs I have ever read. You deserve better.
Anonymous
11/22/2017 15:26
Subject: So angry.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Let it go for now, but bring it up after the holiday. And give her a break. There are a ton of people in her house, who are apparently high-maintenance guests, her autistic toddlers are out of their routine so her evenings and overnights arw probably a train wreck and her child was lost. I am sure she was losing it with worry about her kid and embarassment that her neighbor witnessed the whole thing. Bring it up, but have some empathy too. She needs a wake-up call, but she probably needs a stiff drink too.
So it's fine for her to go off on OP be sure poor MB is stressed. She invited all these people and she should have told them that OP has absolute authority over children. What a jerk.
No one has said to let it go permanently. We have advised that a little empathy will go a long way towards resolving this to everyone’s satisfaction. Y’know, like a grown up.
The mother certainly did not behave like a grown up nor did her miserable relatives. And the empathy for the nanny is where exactly?
How long are some of you mothers going to play the " poor me" card?
I am an employer of a nanny and a mother and I truly loathe responses like yours, PO. Insinuating that the nanny is behaving like a child and the mother - who behaved horribly - deserves sympathy.
Anonymous
11/22/2017 14:35
Subject: So angry.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Let it go for now, but bring it up after the holiday. And give her a break. There are a ton of people in her house, who are apparently high-maintenance guests, her autistic toddlers are out of their routine so her evenings and overnights arw probably a train wreck and her child was lost. I am sure she was losing it with worry about her kid and embarassment that her neighbor witnessed the whole thing. Bring it up, but have some empathy too. She needs a wake-up call, but she probably needs a stiff drink too.
So it's fine for her to go off on OP be sure poor MB is stressed. She invited all these people and she should have told them that OP has absolute authority over children. What a jerk.
No one has said to let it go permanently. We have advised that a little empathy will go a long way towards resolving this to everyone’s satisfaction. Y’know, like a grown up.
Anonymous
11/22/2017 13:55
Subject: So angry.
Anonymous wrote:I have been in an very similar situation before. I have posted about it before here as well. The situation was that my NF had a 6 year old with autism (low functioning) and 3 year old twins. Because B6 had such a tendency to run away, we simply couldn't leave the house with him at all, which really wasn't ideal with 10 hour days and 3 year old twins also. They had extra locks on the doors because he was so prone to running off.
The grandparents lived nearby and MB arranged for them to come one morning to stay with B6 so I could take the twins to the park. MB explicitly told me "the grandparents will be in charge of B6 today from 9-1 so you can focus on your outing with the twins."
The grandparents arrived. They were very familiar with the locks and B6's tendencies. I made sure they came inside and locked the doors again behind them. They sat down on the couch with B6 and some books. I was finishing up packing snacks and getting the twins shoes on and trying to hurry out the door with them when I heard grandma scream. Grandpa had gone out to their car "just for a second" to grab something and had left the door unlocked, and B6 had run outside.
After several days stuck inside, the twins and I had been so excited to go to the park, but instead we spent the next few hours searching for B6; after 60 mins the police were called, MB came home from work. B6 was found 3.5 hours after he'd left, hiding in a neighbors backyard shed.
I'd been explicitly told I wasn't in charge of B6 once grandma and grandpa arrived, but who do you think took the blame? I understand MB was upset, and she felt like she couldn't blame her parents, so she took it out on me. She fired me.
I don't think you're going to get fired (I was fired the same day), but it is extremely upsetting that MB thinks you are in any way to blame for what happened here. I would definitely send a follow up text or email AND I would speak with her in person about it the next time you see her. If she doesn't apologize AND admit that you were not to blame AND tell you a clear plan for what will happen next time relatives are in town (either you are fully in charge and she will explain this to the relatives who will let you do your job OR you need to be off with pay when relatives are in town), then I'd definitely be looking for a new job.
That is really awful. I hope you're in a good place now.
Anonymous
11/22/2017 13:06
Subject: So angry.
I have been in an very similar situation before. I have posted about it before here as well. The situation was that my NF had a 6 year old with autism (low functioning) and 3 year old twins. Because B6 had such a tendency to run away, we simply couldn't leave the house with him at all, which really wasn't ideal with 10 hour days and 3 year old twins also. They had extra locks on the doors because he was so prone to running off.
The grandparents lived nearby and MB arranged for them to come one morning to stay with B6 so I could take the twins to the park. MB explicitly told me "the grandparents will be in charge of B6 today from 9-1 so you can focus on your outing with the twins."
The grandparents arrived. They were very familiar with the locks and B6's tendencies. I made sure they came inside and locked the doors again behind them. They sat down on the couch with B6 and some books. I was finishing up packing snacks and getting the twins shoes on and trying to hurry out the door with them when I heard grandma scream. Grandpa had gone out to their car "just for a second" to grab something and had left the door unlocked, and B6 had run outside.
After several days stuck inside, the twins and I had been so excited to go to the park, but instead we spent the next few hours searching for B6; after 60 mins the police were called, MB came home from work. B6 was found 3.5 hours after he'd left, hiding in a neighbors backyard shed.
I'd been explicitly told I wasn't in charge of B6 once grandma and grandpa arrived, but who do you think took the blame? I understand MB was upset, and she felt like she couldn't blame her parents, so she took it out on me. She fired me.
I don't think you're going to get fired (I was fired the same day), but it is extremely upsetting that MB thinks you are in any way to blame for what happened here. I would definitely send a follow up text or email AND I would speak with her in person about it the next time you see her. If she doesn't apologize AND admit that you were not to blame AND tell you a clear plan for what will happen next time relatives are in town (either you are fully in charge and she will explain this to the relatives who will let you do your job OR you need to be off with pay when relatives are in town), then I'd definitely be looking for a new job.
The grandparents lived nearby and MB arranged for them to come one morning to stay with B6 so I could take the twins to the park. MB explicitly told me "the grandparents will be in charge of B6 today from 9-1 so you can focus on your outing with the twins."
The grandparents arrived. They were very familiar with the locks and B6's tendencies. I made sure they came inside and locked the doors again behind them. They sat down on the couch with B6 and some books. I was finishing up packing snacks and getting the twins shoes on and trying to hurry out the door with them when I heard grandma scream. Grandpa had gone out to their car "just for a second" to grab something and had left the door unlocked, and B6 had run outside.
After several days stuck inside, the twins and I had been so excited to go to the park, but instead we spent the next few hours searching for B6; after 60 mins the police were called, MB came home from work. B6 was found 3.5 hours after he'd left, hiding in a neighbors backyard shed.
I'd been explicitly told I wasn't in charge of B6 once grandma and grandpa arrived, but who do you think took the blame? I understand MB was upset, and she felt like she couldn't blame her parents, so she took it out on me. She fired me.
I don't think you're going to get fired (I was fired the same day), but it is extremely upsetting that MB thinks you are in any way to blame for what happened here. I would definitely send a follow up text or email AND I would speak with her in person about it the next time you see her. If she doesn't apologize AND admit that you were not to blame AND tell you a clear plan for what will happen next time relatives are in town (either you are fully in charge and she will explain this to the relatives who will let you do your job OR you need to be off with pay when relatives are in town), then I'd definitely be looking for a new job.
Anonymous
11/22/2017 12:48
Subject: So angry.
That's good that you have the day off. And good for you for waiting until you calm down - that's smart.
This also gives you time to craft an email to your employers that you can rework/edit for tone etc...
This also gives you time to craft an email to your employers that you can rework/edit for tone etc...
Anonymous
11/22/2017 11:08
Subject: So angry.
Thank you for all your replies.
I am off today and have yet to say anything because I’m still angry and don’t want that to cloud my judgment.
I’m angry at this situation and I’m angry that I was allowed to be spoken to so poorly by her family members. I feel disrespected.
I adore my charges, I’ve been with them for 18 months and have dealt with family members. Her family in particular can be rude, but these past few days have been awful.
I am off today and have yet to say anything because I’m still angry and don’t want that to cloud my judgment.
I’m angry at this situation and I’m angry that I was allowed to be spoken to so poorly by her family members. I feel disrespected.
I adore my charges, I’ve been with them for 18 months and have dealt with family members. Her family in particular can be rude, but these past few days have been awful.
Anonymous
11/22/2017 10:30
Subject: So angry.
MB here.
OP, your MB was completely out of line. I am sure she is miserable, stressed, upset, worried, etc... but that is no excuse.
I hope that today you were met w/ an apology and a clarification (for everyone in the house) regarding who is in charge.
If you weren't met with that, and assuming you want to give them a chance and retain the job for the time being, perhaps say (or email) something like this:
"MB, I was very upset about what happened yesterday. I will do whatever you want me to do when there are family staying at the house, but yesterday was impossible. You told me to "relax and take a back seat, and only intervene if they asked for help". So I did. I get snapped at by Frieda when I offer help so tried to stay out of their way. Then I get a call about Jack being in the neighbor's yard, all six adults have managed to lose one of the kids, and you tell me it's my fault because i'm supposed to be in charge. I'm in an impossible situation and this is bad for everyone - first and foremost the kids. If you want me to be in charge that's great - just make that clear to everyone else so they let me do my job. If you want them to be in charge that's great also, but please don't blame me for their oversights. Let me know how you'd like me to proceed for the rest of the week. Thank you."
Good luck!!
OP, your MB was completely out of line. I am sure she is miserable, stressed, upset, worried, etc... but that is no excuse.
I hope that today you were met w/ an apology and a clarification (for everyone in the house) regarding who is in charge.
If you weren't met with that, and assuming you want to give them a chance and retain the job for the time being, perhaps say (or email) something like this:
"MB, I was very upset about what happened yesterday. I will do whatever you want me to do when there are family staying at the house, but yesterday was impossible. You told me to "relax and take a back seat, and only intervene if they asked for help". So I did. I get snapped at by Frieda when I offer help so tried to stay out of their way. Then I get a call about Jack being in the neighbor's yard, all six adults have managed to lose one of the kids, and you tell me it's my fault because i'm supposed to be in charge. I'm in an impossible situation and this is bad for everyone - first and foremost the kids. If you want me to be in charge that's great - just make that clear to everyone else so they let me do my job. If you want them to be in charge that's great also, but please don't blame me for their oversights. Let me know how you'd like me to proceed for the rest of the week. Thank you."
Good luck!!
Anonymous
11/22/2017 09:29
Subject: So angry.
Anonymous wrote:Let it go for now, but bring it up after the holiday. And give her a break. There are a ton of people in her house, who are apparently high-maintenance guests, her autistic toddlers are out of their routine so her evenings and overnights arw probably a train wreck and her child was lost. I am sure she was losing it with worry about her kid and embarassment that her neighbor witnessed the whole thing. Bring it up, but have some empathy too. She needs a wake-up call, but she probably needs a stiff drink too.
So it's fine for her to go off on OP be sure poor MB is stressed. She invited all these people and she should have told them that OP has absolute authority over children. What a jerk.
Anonymous
11/22/2017 08:42
Subject: Re:So angry.
I hope you wrote her an email yesterday, OP. If not please do it today while you are off. A situation so terribly unfair to you should be discussed and she should apologize.
Don't just let this go. While I cannot possibly understand how you could possibly enjoy this particular job even under the best circumstances, if you do enjoy the job then you have to work this out and get your apology - otherwise it will eat at you like a cancer.
Don't just let this go. While I cannot possibly understand how you could possibly enjoy this particular job even under the best circumstances, if you do enjoy the job then you have to work this out and get your apology - otherwise it will eat at you like a cancer.
Anonymous
11/22/2017 07:58
Subject: So angry.
Never ever agree to work when family is in town
Anonymous
11/22/2017 07:41
Subject: So angry.
She deserves for you to quit. Next time she can babysit her own relatives and watch her own kids. Please keep in mind the family is likely telling her how incompetent you are as we speak.
I’d calmly tell her “you told me not to intervene, you told me to only help if asked. You will no longer have to worry about either of those issues”
I’d calmly tell her “you told me not to intervene, you told me to only help if asked. You will no longer have to worry about either of those issues”
Anonymous
11/22/2017 07:33
Subject: So angry.
OMG, I can feel for you OP.
Is your MB usually a good person to work for?
Is your MB usually a good person to work for?