My nanny mentioned once that at the end of the day her throat hurt from talking with the baby so much throughout the day. It's actually because of her that we started stocking honey in our house.

Talk to your nanny - tell her exactly what you want her to do - and fire her if she cannot do it.

If you are with a good agency, you will not be charged when you ask for new nanny candidates within six months.

Anonymous wrote:I understand that you would like a Nanny who interacts, stimulates + teaches your son.....

However at six months this can be a little tough.

Babies at this age need multiple feedings, diaper changes, soothing as well as lots of comfort when they cry.
These are the main needs that need fulfilling.

A tummy time where Nanny lies on the floor & speaks, sings, reads and plays w/him are nice but not something to be expected for the entire time he is awake.

It is ideal to do tummy time when he is well-rested, fed and dry.
Say for 20 minutes or so.
Then perhaps some time in the baby swing and/or a walk in the stroller.

I wouldn’t expect any Nanny to sing and read to my baby for the entire three hours he is awake.

However it is your son and if you honestly are not 100% satisfied w/your child’s caregiver then you know you have every right in the world to replace her.

Especially if you are paying a high salary for her.
Contact the agency and see if they can assist you in finding a replacement.

They should want their clients to be 110% satisfied.

Good luck.

A sensory bin for a 6 month old will keep his attention for 2 mins, then he'll want to throw everything or try and it eat. It's pointless.

What do you do with your 6mo when you are with him all day- same as nanny? Either way, I don't agree with you 100% BUT it's your baby and you should feel satisfied with the service.

Anonymous wrote:Nanny here. My perspective:

1) I do find 6mo a little boring. I sometimes zone out on my phone for 2 minutes but not for 25% of the day, eapecially if you mean 25% of waking hours, more like literally 2 minutes when they are happily engaged.

2) I looooove babies and think every one of my charges is the cutest, smartest and best baby in the entire world when I am with them. We have special routines for each part pf the day where we sing certain songs during morning wakeup, talk about X during diaper change, sing different songs during feeding, do certain types of activities during different parts of the day, recite poems as we get ready for nap, etc. even if I am having an off day and go on autopilot, the routine has a ton of interaction built in and we have tons of planned activities that I’ve created that are laid out and ready to go, so I would hit a minimum of 50% interaction and stimulation even if I was working with a headache or something.

3) The biggest issue here though is that she isn’t interested in working with you to resolve your concerns. Now it may be that she is a crappy nanny with an attitude problem or it may be that you are a micromanaging control-freak and she has developed this as a coping mechanism but either way this dynamic has become toxic. Try to really look at your behavior and think about how many critical comments you make vs positive ones. I advise parents to try for the same as they would in a marriage—5 positive interactions for every 1 negative one. If you can’t meet that threshhold then you either aren’t a good fit for any nanny and should look at daycare or something else or you aren’t a good fit for THIS nanny and you should look for someone you feel genuinely positive about.

This is what a stellar nanny deserving of a top rate sounds like, OP,

Anonymous wrote:If you think she will resent you or take it out on your son, then you have your answer. It's time to get a new nanny.

+1. If you feel like you can't interact with this person as an employer, then you need to move on. I think you overpaid, I think the agency sold her on the job as she would be the expert, you would be the newbie mom, because look how badly you want her (the top rate). Now, she doesn't respect you, and thinks you'll defer to everything she wants.

I would also have a long talk with the agency about what happened; I would not have given in on that point, even if it meant they had to start from scratch with candidates who didn't know your top rate.

Also, I have four kids of my own. I hired a nanny to do a lot of that developmental stuff that I don't have the patience for. You can parent your kid however you want, but if you're hired as a nanny, you need to be actively engaging the child more.

OP, your nanny is not acting by terms of contract reg phone usage. This is a huge red flag and a problem down line too think your nanny is going to be in phone on playground, when out and about every. Paying top dollar does not automatically get you a great nanny. You need to screen and hire carefully and not solely rely on the agency. Time to fire her and get a better nanny who actually does her job.

I'm also guessing that you are paying so much that your expectations are Mary Poppins high and she isn't meeting those. (Not that most of us would actually put up with Mary's shenanigans!) So it is partly "getting your money's worth." I get that, knowing that the baby has nap time for a good part of the day.

Nanny here. My perspective:

1) I do find 6mo a little boring. I sometimes zone out on my phone for 2 minutes but not for 25% of the day, eapecially if you mean 25% of waking hours, more like literally 2 minutes when they are happily engaged.

2) I looooove babies and think every one of my charges is the cutest, smartest and best baby in the entire world when I am with them. We have special routines for each part pf the day where we sing certain songs during morning wakeup, talk about X during diaper change, sing different songs during feeding, do certain types of activities during different parts of the day, recite poems as we get ready for nap, etc. even if I am having an off day and go on autopilot, the routine has a ton of interaction built in and we have tons of planned activities that I’ve created that are laid out and ready to go, so I would hit a minimum of 50% interaction and stimulation even if I was working with a headache or something.

3) The biggest issue here though is that she isn’t interested in working with you to resolve your concerns. Now it may be that she is a crappy nanny with an attitude problem or it may be that you are a micromanaging control-freak and she has developed this as a coping mechanism but either way this dynamic has become toxic. Try to really look at your behavior and think about how many critical comments you make vs positive ones. I advise parents to try for the same as they would in a marriage—5 positive interactions for every 1 negative one. If you can’t meet that threshhold then you either aren’t a good fit for any nanny and should look at daycare or something else or you aren’t a good fit for THIS nanny and you should look for someone you feel genuinely positive about.

I understand that you would like a Nanny who interacts, stimulates + teaches your son.....

However at six months this can be a little tough.

Babies at this age need multiple feedings, diaper changes, soothing as well as lots of comfort when they cry.
These are the main needs that need fulfilling.

A tummy time where Nanny lies on the floor & speaks, sings, reads and plays w/him are nice but not something to be expected for the entire time he is awake.

It is ideal to do tummy time when he is well-rested, fed and dry.
Say for 20 minutes or so.
Then perhaps some time in the baby swing and/or a walk in the stroller.

I wouldn’t expect any Nanny to sing and read to my baby for the entire three hours he is awake.

However it is your son and if you honestly are not 100% satisfied w/your child’s caregiver then you know you have every right in the world to replace her.

Especially if you are paying a high salary for her.
Contact the agency and see if they can assist you in finding a replacement.

They should want their clients to be 110% satisfied.

Good luck.

We have a highly educated and very expensive nanny, too. She read to DD from the moment she was born, narrated for her, played with her (lots of hand games and songs), did sign language - basically fired all parts of my DD's brain. Nanny had "sensory stations", played music, NEVER used her phone and took her outside as much as possible (narrating everything she saw for DD) Nanny also found appropriate classes for DD and took her to them. And is so loving and affectionate with DD. My DD loves her nanny.

It is hard work to be a great nanny! I understand why she could demand such a high hourly rate.

DD is now two and an incredibly verbal and communicative child - certainly way ahead of her peers. She is also empathetic and can define emotions in other. She is amazing at pretending! She is polite - please, thank you, excuse me - and just a really great, funny little kid. I give so much of the credit to our nanny.


So yeah - I understand, OP. Talk to your nanny and tell her exactly what you want. If not, you will have to replace her before your baby gets attached.

Anonymous wrote:She had been a nanny for many years, stellar references, and three kids if her own. Fire her because you, as a FTM, are an expert and know everything there is to know about rearing children. You are so knowledgeable that you should write a book.

You are ridiculous.

I don't think OP is being ridiculous at all. The nanny should be interacting with the baby and reading to the baby more.

And lose the pathetic attempt at sarcasm - you just embarrass yourself, PP.

Your nanny should engage your baby more and certainly read to him much more. I think this is something you have to discuss with her in very concrete terms - how many minutes she is to read to your baby, how many minutes she should be doing finger-play songs (Itsy Bitsy Spider, etc) and how many minutes to narrate for him. I am a nanny and I know how important it is.

Is your nanny foreign? I have worked with three foreign nannies and two of them were excellent but refused to talk to the baby. These were for extremely wealthy families and both came from a top agency.

Anonymous wrote:Excellent nannies are very hard to find, and they usually have high rates.

They also think babies are magical. If you think I'm joking OP I'm not. Use your instincts. Do you think your nanny thinks all babies and ESPECIALLY your baby are magical. The reason I'm asking is because while infants don't need to be engaged constantly by their caregivers, they do need to be engaged consistently. Does your nanny talk to your baby and explain what's going when changing or bathing or feeding her? Is she excited in the morning to see your baby? How do you communicate with your nanny? Do you respect her opinion and guidance? Does she respect yours? Your gut will tell you what to do.

I didlike cams, I cant interact wrll with the baby. I feel like im not trusted. She is doing fine a nd your baby. If you wirry too much then quit your job and raise your OWN baby. Its yours right?
I dont think youll ever be happy with any nanny

She had been a nanny for many years, stellar references, and three kids if her own. Fire her because you, as a FTM, are an expert and know everything there is to know about rearing children. You are so knowledgeable that you should write a book.

You are ridiculous.