Anonymous wrote:Re the drinking and driving and how other cultures may act/feel about it: our Swedish APs have all said that the culture surrounding drinking and driving in Sweden is much stricter than here. There is not a legal
Limit. You just can't drink at all and then drive. And it's pretty much universally respected. Some of my APs have been partiers. Some not. But none of them (all swedes) could fathom that anyone would consider drinking n driving. I do think attitudes about this can be shaped by home country culture.

My husband grew up in Virginia and had a terrible Southerner attitudes about drinking and driving.

Re the drinking and driving and how other cultures may act/feel about it: our Swedish APs have all said that the culture surrounding drinking and driving in Sweden is much stricter than here. There is not a legal
Limit. You just can't drink at all and then drive. And it's pretty much universally respected. Some of my APs have been partiers. Some not. But none of them (all swedes) could fathom that anyone would consider drinking n driving. I do think attitudes about this can be shaped by home country culture.

I'm the PP who talked about drinking and driving. I don't know about germans in particular - but I don't think partying and breaking rules should necessarily be connected with a particular country. for instance, our current au pair is from brazil and although she goes out - she doesn't do late nights and i'm not sure if she even drinks. and brazillians are supposed to be big partiers.

our last au pair frim mexico had a dui from her first family (she was an extension). we didn't even find out until half way through her year when our insurance ran her record. later on, we found out that her friend who was sleeping at our house constantly at the time was driving home from the bars in dc, and that our au pair would drive home if she had less to drink. i won't go into all the details about what happened next, but as i talked with other families they saw this too with other au pairs. not all the time. but just like many young adults some au pairs will drink and drive.

after that au pair we put a really early curfew on the car, and don't budge an inch on it. there's no need to risk it. they can uber, take metro, etc...

Anonymous wrote:Some you people are dumb as hell if you think a young adult from a foreign country is responsible enough to respect your home without a curfew. Yes I'm the first time HM who doesn't want my au pair stumbling into my house at 5am nor do I want her staying out all night during the week when she has to watch my child. So yes I have house rules and a curfew, and my girl manages just fine. You can keep the fast ass au pairs at your house who want to stay out all night because that's unacceptable in my home.

I think you're over reacting. None of my 8 APs have ever stumbled in and woken our family at 5AM despite having no curfew. Believe me, I would not tolerate feeling disrespected in any way, nor would want to put my children in danger being driven around by a hung over au pair. But we are talking about the principle of setting a curfew which I completely disagree with. Different philosophy here. I allow until I have to restrict in some way. For example for one AP who likes to sleep at her boyfriend's and who started to come home dangerously close to her start time (and made me worried that she might be late and I would then be late to work). These are adults we are talking about. You sound like you have a very poor perception of their sense of responsibility, which still beg the question- how do you think these people are qualified to care for your children?

Anonymous wrote:Some you people are dumb as hell if you think a young adult from a foreign country is responsible enough to respect your home without a curfew. Yes I'm the first time HM who doesn't want my au pair stumbling into my house at 5am nor do I want her staying out all night during the week when she has to watch my child. So yes I have house rules and a curfew, and my girl manages just fine. You can keep the fast ass au pairs at your house who want to stay out all night because that's unacceptable in my home.

You are a first time HF that has no experience with an AP without a curfew. You would be terrible for jury duty. Presumed guilty is your default, but innocent or responsible enough to watch young children. What is the worst that could happen to your children with an AP, anyway?

I think a young adult from a foreign country is responsible enough to watch my kids, and I don't think coming home at 5 a.m. disrespects my home.

Anonymous wrote:Some you people are dumb as hell if you think a young adult from a foreign country is responsible enough to respect your home without a curfew. Yes I'm the first time HM who doesn't want my au pair stumbling into my house at 5am nor do I want her staying out all night during the week when she has to watch my child. So yes I have house rules and a curfew, and my girl manages just fine. You can keep the fast ass au pairs at your house who want to stay out all night because that's unacceptable in my home.

Wow. I've had 5? au pairs, and never had an issue. Ever. Sometimes they stay with friends or get home late, no big deal - it's never been "stumbling into my house" as you describe.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think its weird you have a curfew for your car and not for a person.
Why a car curfew?
ASk her to let you know if she is staying out all night and if she doesnt and you worry about her then reassess. Its respect.

you apparently are not an experienced host parent.
My car has a curfew too, because it is MY car- not hers. too much risk after midnight. Staying out after midnight usually involves bars and drinking and no one should be driving, especially in my car. That's what Metro and Uber are for.

Yep! I don't ever have a curfew for the Au Pairs, if they want to stay out late there is Uber, staying at friend's, etc. If there's a special circumstance - sure stay at your friend's house with the car. I'd rather that than drinking/driving if they are legal age, etc.

But generally - no curfew for the AP. She's a young adult.

For those who have a car curfew . . . one of the PPs mentioned hearing about drinking & driving stories including APs. In my experience our APs are very careful about this. They have all been from Germany where the penalties for drunk driving are really severe. Does anyone have stories about German APs drinking & driving here?

We have no curfew (car or otherwise). This has not been a problem for us with one exception. We had one AP who was not a daily partier, but was a frequent weekend partier. She would come home very early in the morning, and this would wake up the dog, who would then wake us up. We explained that while we could handle being woken up by the dog once in a while, we need our sleep, and especially on weeknights, we don't want to be woken up. This meant our AP generally would stay rotate staying with different AP friends over the weekend. Sometime they came home late and woke us up, but it wasn't our house all the time. We were OK with this, but I do look forward to the day when we don't have an AP ever waking us up at 3am.

Anonymous wrote:Some you people are dumb as hell if you think a young adult from a foreign country is responsible enough to respect your home without a curfew. Yes I'm the first time HM who doesn't want my au pair stumbling into my house at 5am nor do I want her staying out all night during the week when she has to watch my child. So yes I have house rules and a curfew, and my girl manages just fine. You can keep the fast ass au pairs at your house who want to stay out all night because that's unacceptable in my home.

Angry much?

Some you people are dumb as hell if you think a young adult from a foreign country is responsible enough to respect your home without a curfew. Yes I'm the first time HM who doesn't want my au pair stumbling into my house at 5am nor do I want her staying out all night during the week when she has to watch my child. So yes I have house rules and a curfew, and my girl manages just fine. You can keep the fast ass au pairs at your house who want to stay out all night because that's unacceptable in my home.

My HF introduced a curfew after one of their APs started showing up at home at 6am and spent all nights (as in all - Monday through Sunday) at her boyfriend's place. Left as soon as she was done working and didn't show back up until she had to wake the kids. Called twice because it had snowed and she wasn't able to make it back on time. HF introduced a curfew and told her if they had wanted a live-out nanny they would have hired one. Rules relaxed as soon as the family knew their AP was responsible enough to come home at night.

That's one of the rules I have kept.
We have an "8 hrs before work" curfew. I know they won't sleep 8 hrs just because they are home and I don't mind, they can skype with their families or read or watch tv all they want but I know they are home safe and they can wind down and relax and aren't out and about partying or driving. After we have gotten to know them a bit better we do relax that for special occasions... concerts, movies, birthday parties etc. Many of our APs have enjoyed indie movies at a small local theater that doesn't have many showings (sometimes as little as one) and can start at 8 pm or later. But I expect them to let us know (well, they ask but know I won't say no) that they will be home late.

We have a workday curfew (meaning she has to be home by a certain time before starting work in the morning because she starts early on the weekdays) and a car curfew on the weekends because we don't want anything happening to the car. She doesn't have a curfew herself on the weekends, but we ask for her to let us know if she will be out late or overnight. We tend not to see much of her on the weekends - she sleeps until the afternoon and spends most of her time home in the afternoon - so I appreciate knowing if she's home or not (we extend her the same courtesy by saying what we're up to on the weekend). She's responsible, it's not that I don't trust her, but she's 21 years old in a new country and I'm not used to having a 21 year old under our roof and just want to know enough to know she's safe. We disclose all of this in the handbook before we match.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a first time HM as well, 10pm curfew during the week and 2am on weekends. When our au pair wants to hang out late, she typically stays with a friend overnight on weekends. She definitely needs a curfew as you can't assume she's responsible.

This has to be a troll post. Or just a dumb Family that obviously is clueless and treats an AP like shit. I bet the AP cannot wait to get out of this house at every opportunity.

Long term hm and I have to agree.

Op - how is it that you think your AP is responsible enough to care for your children but not responsible enough to care for herself?! I've heard horror stories about families like this from our APs so I know they exist.

Anonymous wrote:I'm a first time HM as well, 10pm curfew during the week and 2am on weekends. When our au pair wants to hang out late, she typically stays with a friend overnight on weekends. She definitely needs a curfew as you can't assume she's responsible.

You can't assume she is responsible yet you leave her alone in charge of the care of your children.