Anonymous wrote:Thanks all. And to clarify my nanny started in June and the baby was born in December. She had 6 months with just my son and they got along well. But he senses the neglect I think.

He is jealous of the attention nanny gives to baby as well as the attention you give to baby. Are you really this stupid? Good lord, try using your brain OP.

Thanks all. And to clarify my nanny started in June and the baby was born in December. She had 6 months with just my son and they got along well. But he senses the neglect I think.

You need a new nanny. She is both not very good to begin with and getting worse. I'd almost say she is showing contempt for you and for this job.

Please find someone new. You'll be so happy once you do!

Thanks all. this is OP. I understand it is normal for my kid to want to follow me upstairs, the issue is she doesn't do anything to stop it. she says nothing to try to get him to come back down. I finally addressed it with her today and she said it is normal for him to want to be with his mom (agree, but engage him) and that he should be able to do engage in other activities especially at his age. he is very independent and can play alone however if i wanted him to play alone all day i don't think I'd need a nanny. Luckily he is back to school tomorrow. Yes we have many other issues. She will leave my toddler alone to eat lunch while going upstairs to put the baby down for a nap. This is concerning because he could choke. My baby was sleeping when she arrived one day last week and she made a phone call so and laughed so loud that she woke him, after I told her he was exhausted and had been up since 4 in the morning.
We live near a huge park so while the baby was young I encouraged walks and trips to the park. She rarely did it and if she did it wouldn't be more than 30 minutes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is great with my baby but not my toddler. Toddler cries as soon as she arrives and chases me upstairs as I go get ready for work. She's been with us for almost a year and I don't get the feeling that toddler really likes her. She doesn't engage him much.

Almost a year? And only now does the breakfast thing bother you?

It sounds like you need to have a serious talk at her one-year review, or plan to replace her.

the breakfast thing is new. within the past month or 2. usually she arrives, I go upstairs to get ready and when I come back down I can tell she's prepared breakfast for herself because are out and so are the eggs, oatmeal, whatever she's making. one time I came down and there was a cutting board, strawberries, bananas and my blender out! I wish I had that kind of time to make breakfast when my kids were around!

She's bored and trying to kill time. My guess is she's doing similar things all day long -- taking a lot longer than necessary to do something that benefits her, too. She's either burned out or doesn't have enough to do. Do they go any places?

Nanny arriving and immediately making and eating breakfast while on the clock is very unprofessional. For one thing, it feels like she's taking advantage of the free food you provide. For another, you say the toddler follows you upstairs while you get ready for work; presumably if nanny was focused on the kids instead of her own breakfast, she could engage the child and prevent that from happening. I would definitely speak with nanny and tell her that you expect her to eat breakfast before she arrives because you need her to engage with the children upon her arrival.

I'm a nanny with an early arrival time and I eat something small as I'm heading out the door and driving to work (a banana, almonds, granola bar, etc), and then don't eat again until morning snack time with the children (9:45am). Usually when I arrive the kids are just sitting down to breakfast, but sometimes I need to help prepare breakfast. Even then there's so much going on between taking care of the baby and preschooler and a brief morning chat with MB and DB while they head out the door, I wouldn't be able to do my job and eat at that time anyway.

Now, you say this is one of many issues. But, the only other issue you've mentioned is that your toddler cries when she arrives, and follows you upstairs while you get ready for work, and you "don't think toddler likes the nanny." It is difficult to find fault with the nanny for this. For one thing, a toddler crying when nanny arrives and MB starts to get ready to go is VERY normal, it's separation anxiety, and probably almost every nanny has experienced this as well as many MBs. Separation anxiety isn't indicative of any other issues between your toddler and your nanny.

With a recent nanny family their toddler would cry every morning when mommy left. But guess what -- he also cried every afternoon when I left. I've had many toddlers cry in the ten mins leading up to mommy walking out the door, but the very second she's out of sight, the toddler is happy and playing with me.

Other than the separation anxiety, which is developmentally normal and not nanny's fault, do you have any other evidence that your toddler isn't bonding well with your nanny? As I said, if nanny wasn't making and eating her breakfast she could at least try to engage your child so they don't follow you upstairs in the morning, but if you address the breakfast issue then that should resolve the toddler going upstairs issue.

You say the breakfast issue is one of many issues you have with nanny. Based on what you've said so far I think the best advice is to address the breakfast issue and ignore the separation anxiety issue for now (as one pp suggested, trying to leave asap after nanny's arrival will reduce the amount of crying and frustration, otherwise there's not much you can do about separation anxiety). If there are other big issues going on, perhaps this nanny isn't a good fit, but without more to go on I wouldn't advise letting her go for just what has been described here.

And with regard to the timeline... you say you have a baby, so presumably under 12 months old, and a toddler, and nanny has been with you almost a year. Introducing a new nanny and a new baby right around the same time may have hindered the bonding process between toddler and nanny. Likewise, having a baby in the picture could also trigger more separation anxiety in the toddler. Just something to consider.

Anonymous wrote:She is great with my baby but not my toddler. Toddler cries as soon as she arrives and chases me upstairs as I go get ready for work. She's been with us for almost a year and I don't get the feeling that toddler really likes her. She doesn't engage him much.

Try to be ready by the time she arrives and immediately fly out the door when she comes in. Why not try that?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is great with my baby but not my toddler. Toddler cries as soon as she arrives and chases me upstairs as I go get ready for work. She's been with us for almost a year and I don't get the feeling that toddler really likes her. She doesn't engage him much.

Almost a year? And only now does the breakfast thing bother you?

It sounds like you need to have a serious talk at her one-year review, or plan to replace her.

the breakfast thing is new. within the past month or 2. usually she arrives, I go upstairs to get ready and when I come back down I can tell she's prepared breakfast for herself because are out and so are the eggs, oatmeal, whatever she's making. one time I came down and there was a cutting board, strawberries, bananas and my blender out! I wish I had that kind of time to make breakfast when my kids were around!

Anonymous wrote:She is great with my baby but not my toddler. Toddler cries as soon as she arrives and chases me upstairs as I go get ready for work. She's been with us for almost a year and I don't get the feeling that toddler really likes her. She doesn't engage him much.

Almost a year? And only now does the breakfast thing bother you?

It sounds like you need to have a serious talk at her one-year review, or plan to replace her.

Anonymous wrote:Are you happy with how she cares for your children? If yes, them what difference does it make if she cooks her breakfast as the care of your children is all that matters. I eat breakfast at office and so do many people.

Hey, I eat breakfast at work too. But my ass is at my desk working by the time I'm supposed to be working, it takes me less than 60 seconds to make my breakfast at work (oatmeal and cut up fruit) and then I eat it while sitting at my desk going through emails. I am literally WORKING while eating. If I were supposed to be engaging a baby/toddler/child for my job, I would not be spending ten minutes ON THE CLOCK making my breakfast.

This is definitely weird. The family I work for had another nanny before me (who quit to go to nursing school). That nanny was referred to the family by the mom's fertility doctor...so what I consider a good reference. The family had a 2.5 yr old and 9 month old twins and I overlapped with the nanny one day. She had a big bag of produce and spent at least 30 min making and eating a fresh breakfast with things like kale she had to cut and destem. She told me that was part of the routine. It was easily the weirdest thing I've ever seen.

Sounds like you need to get rid.

She is great with my baby but not my toddler. Toddler cries as soon as she arrives and chases me upstairs as I go get ready for work. She's been with us for almost a year and I don't get the feeling that toddler really likes her. She doesn't engage him much.

Are you happy with how she cares for your children? If yes, them what difference does it make if she cooks her breakfast as the care of your children is all that matters. I eat breakfast at office and so do many people.

Not normal at all!! Even when I was a cook in a restaurant I would never dream of doing that!!

Your nanny needs to start work the moment she walks in the door. Tell her this must stop.