Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Appreciate everyone's input. I actually was able to work out going part time which I thought my boss would never agree to. We are keeping nanny on full time salary in exchange for her remaining "on call" with a week advance notice in case I have a meeting I can't miss on a day off. so Hopefully that will work for everyone! Not the greatest for my short term finances, but good for my long term career path and for my son both having more time with me and getting to keep his nanny.

I think that's great for you, but I warn you that the "on call" thing can become a problem. People get used to time off pretty quickly, and if she's usually doing a 20-24 hour week, she will start to find the weeks you want her to do 35 or 40 more and more onerous.

You've already made this deal, but just keep in the back of your head that you are paying her for full time hours, and it's not a favor to you if you ask her to work them.

Also, as someone who works part time, one advantage to part time work is that you can affordably build in more overlap time. I strongly suggest your regular schedule include a block of time you can use for things like doctor and hair appointments, or running errands. It will make your evenings and weekends much, much better. Right now, you're just thinking of all the time you can spend with DC, but also think about how you can use those 40 hours a week to make your life easier for all of you and free up more time to relax as a family.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Appreciate everyone's input. I actually was able to work out going part time which I thought my boss would never agree to. We are keeping nanny on full time salary in exchange for her remaining "on call" with a week advance notice in case I have a meeting I can't miss on a day off. so Hopefully that will work for everyone! Not the greatest for my short term finances, but good for my long term career path and for my son both having more time with me and getting to keep his nanny.

Anonymous wrote:If you make up your mind to stay home that is your choice and your decision and it certainly doesn't seem to be carelessly made. Your child will NEVER NOT benefit from the time you spend with him. Do what is best for you and your family. At the same time, do the right thing by your nanny. Give her plenty of notice, give a positive reference (a letter as well as by phone) and if she is willing, continue to make her a part of your child's life one way or another. Win win situation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Find a regular scheduled way to keep the nanny in his life. It is important that the shift be gradual and she doesn't "abandon" him completely.

Stay on fantastic terms with this nanny because staying at home is really, really hard and lonely. Your relationship with your husband will change (for the better or worse - but it will change) and you may feel less-than in th eyes of your work friends. You might want to go back to work.

None of what you said makes any sense. A one year old will easily forget a beloved caregiver, sad, but true. And especially in this case where the one year old will be going from nanny to mom, it truly is a non-issue. As to staying on fantastic terms with the nanny, sure, but not for the reasons you mentioned. You think the nanny is going to wait in the wings, unemployed, to see if mom changes her mind and goes back to work? You sound like an idiot.

Yes, the nanny will easily be forgotten but the loss and abandonment will imprint his psyche. There have been studies on this, PP. Please look them up. The fact that he will not remember specifics about anything is irrelevant. A bond is an bond. I am a child psychologist as well as a mother of three.

And please stop embarrassing yourself with comments like "You sound like an idiot".

I would like to know what exactly these studies looked at, please send links. I don't doubt that an infant can feel abandonment, but I'm guessing these studies didn't involve a mother returning home to her child while the nanny gradually transitions out. The PP implied (see bolded text) that the infant will experience some irreversible trauma if the nanny is no longer in the picture, which I strongly do not believe would happen if the MB takes pains to make the transition gentle. As if this MB does not have enough to worry about, the PP is just adding to the guilt and worry load with unwarranted claims. Hence why I called BS.

NP here and google is your friend. Just look it up, PP. I remember reading studies in college about abandonment issues in newborns. It has nothing to do with conscious memory - it is about experiencing a sudden loss. The baby has no way to process why nanny/grandma/daddy isn't with them anymore.

I am an MB and I do honor the love my daughter has for her nanny. It isn't in competition with my love for her or her love for me. I am sorry you can't see that, PO.

As for OP, I hope it works out for you. I also recommend doing the transition slowly with you baby and the nanny and then keeping the nanny in her life in some capacity.

I did google and could not find any studies that conclude that an infant will be irreversibly traumatized by the gentle exit of a caregiver while still in the care of a caregiver who has been with him/her since birth. What studies I have heard about are infants abandoned by their parents and had ZERO stable caregiver, which is obviously different. So instead of flippantly suggesting use google, how about some links? Guessing there aren't any.

You can find studies to support ANY claim. The PP is a nutcase and I wouldn't take her warning seriously.

Anonymous wrote:Ugh... the responses to threads like this are so tiresome. Mothers do desperately trying to minimize the importance of the nanny to their child. Like a PP, I am not threatened by my daughter's love for her nanny nor am I about to downplay her importance to my daughter.

To OP, you sound like a happy and secure mother. Some of the others... send your kids to daycare.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Find a regular scheduled way to keep the nanny in his life. It is important that the shift be gradual and she doesn't "abandon" him completely.

Stay on fantastic terms with this nanny because staying at home is really, really hard and lonely. Your relationship with your husband will change (for the better or worse - but it will change) and you may feel less-than in th eyes of your work friends. You might want to go back to work.

None of what you said makes any sense. A one year old will easily forget a beloved caregiver, sad, but true. And especially in this case where the one year old will be going from nanny to mom, it truly is a non-issue. As to staying on fantastic terms with the nanny, sure, but not for the reasons you mentioned. You think the nanny is going to wait in the wings, unemployed, to see if mom changes her mind and goes back to work? You sound like an idiot.

Yes, the nanny will easily be forgotten but the loss and abandonment will imprint his psyche. There have been studies on this, PP. Please look them up. The fact that he will not remember specifics about anything is irrelevant. A bond is an bond. I am a child psychologist as well as a mother of three.

And please stop embarrassing yourself with comments like "You sound like an idiot".

I would like to know what exactly these studies looked at, please send links. I don't doubt that an infant can feel abandonment, but I'm guessing these studies didn't involve a mother returning home to her child while the nanny gradually transitions out. The PP implied (see bolded text) that the infant will experience some irreversible trauma if the nanny is no longer in the picture, which I strongly do not believe would happen if the MB takes pains to make the transition gentle. As if this MB does not have enough to worry about, the PP is just adding to the guilt and worry load with unwarranted claims. Hence why I called BS.

NP here and google is your friend. Just look it up, PP. I remember reading studies in college about abandonment issues in newborns. It has nothing to do with conscious memory - it is about experiencing a sudden loss. The baby has no way to process why nanny/grandma/daddy isn't with them anymore.

I am an MB and I do honor the love my daughter has for her nanny. It isn't in competition with my love for her or her love for me. I am sorry you can't see that, PO.

As for OP, I hope it works out for you. I also recommend doing the transition slowly with you baby and the nanny and then keeping the nanny in her life in some capacity.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Find a regular scheduled way to keep the nanny in his life. It is important that the shift be gradual and she doesn't "abandon" him completely.

Stay on fantastic terms with this nanny because staying at home is really, really hard and lonely. Your relationship with your husband will change (for the better or worse - but it will change) and you may feel less-than in th eyes of your work friends. You might want to go back to work.

None of what you said makes any sense. A one year old will easily forget a beloved caregiver, sad, but true. And especially in this case where the one year old will be going from nanny to mom, it truly is a non-issue. As to staying on fantastic terms with the nanny, sure, but not for the reasons you mentioned. You think the nanny is going to wait in the wings, unemployed, to see if mom changes her mind and goes back to work? You sound like an idiot.

Yes, the nanny will easily be forgotten but the loss and abandonment will imprint his psyche. There have been studies on this, PP. Please look them up. The fact that he will not remember specifics about anything is irrelevant. A bond is an bond. I am a child psychologist as well as a mother of three.

And please stop embarrassing yourself with comments like "You sound like an idiot".

I would like to know what exactly these studies looked at, please send links. I don't doubt that an infant can feel abandonment, but I'm guessing these studies didn't involve a mother returning home to her child while the nanny gradually transitions out. The PP implied (see bolded text) that the infant will experience some irreversible trauma if the nanny is no longer in the picture, which I strongly do not believe would happen if the MB takes pains to make the transition gentle. As if this MB does not have enough to worry about, the PP is just adding to the guilt and worry load with unwarranted claims. Hence why I called BS.