My take on this thread is that OP's friend thought it was weird that Nanny was not chatting with OP's kid while he ate lunch and mentioned it. (No idea how this became "napping;" obviously there is no actual napping going on at a cafe or in a public park or OP's post would be totally different in tone.) I would also think that was weird. But OP's friend didn't know that OP's kid can't be "distracted" while eating, which apparently OP is aware of/had already warned Nanny not to do. Rather than fess up about this to friend, OP bizarrely wants to save face by coming up with make work tasks for Nanny to do while kid eats. This is clearly stupid. Even if you want her to meal plan or whatever, she's unlikely to do it during lunch unless you specifically ask her to. If you do that, she will think you are insane.

Anonymous wrote:I'm so confused. Is nanny napping while your kid eats? That is not ok in any way!

At the same thing I don't think she should have to come up with a bunch of lists while your child eats.

I eat out all the time with my toddler and the other toddler I watch...both together and alone with each of them at times. Mostly I also eat, help them eat (cut up food, encourage a bit of something healthy) but mostly I talk to them and try to unwind....but NOT SLEEP! Included in relaxing would be asking them about their day, talking about something we see, etc but there are certainly moments of silence, but again never moments of napping. That is dangerous! and worrisome.

How on earth are you unclear whether this woman is napping while she is supposed to be watching your kid???

PP here again. My own son eats fast but the little girl I watch eats slow...super slow. I talked to her mom and we OK'ed a plan reducing snacks and eventually setting some limits on meals especially those out in public. She is welcome to sit and take as long as she likes when we have nowhere to go but if we do have a schedule I tell her in advance (she is 3) and give a few reminders. Whatever she has not finished I take with us if she wants it and offer as a snack later. I think its important to find a balance between allowing a slow eater to be themselves and not rush but also set some boundaries. She goes to preschool this fall and will have a set amount of time for lunch. Its good practice now to understand what that means. We don't ever do TV or books but after 20 minutes or so I would excuse myself to do work in the kitchen while she finishes at the table. Since her mom is paying me I just clean and clean till she she finally finishes but out at a restaurant its 20/30 min and we are out of there.

I'm so confused. Is nanny napping while your kid eats? That is not ok in any way!

At the same thing I don't think she should have to come up with a bunch of lists while your child eats.

I eat out all the time with my toddler and the other toddler I watch...both together and alone with each of them at times. Mostly I also eat, help them eat (cut up food, encourage a bit of something healthy) but mostly I talk to them and try to unwind....but NOT SLEEP! Included in relaxing would be asking them about their day, talking about something we see, etc but there are certainly moments of silence, but again never moments of napping. That is dangerous! and worrisome.

How on earth are you unclear whether this woman is napping while she is supposed to be watching your kid???

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nanny here- my charges take an hour to eat and I do not act like a clown distracting them or reading books because it's meal time. I sit beside them and read a book. I don't need to make meals take two hours by entertaining them! No I would never sleep but I'm also not prolonging meals.

Do you also read books when you go out to eat with your friends? No, you sit and talk to them. Why is it so foreign to people that you would talk to the child while he is eating? I don't think constitutes "entertaining." I don't even care if the child doesn't talk back. How do you think kids learn words and, beyond that, how to string them into sentences and be conversational?

I'm going to guess you haven't worked with a child who can't be entertained while eatjng. I've had three charges who would talk to me or themselves instead of eating unless I actively discouraged them from talking. I ccould read to two, not to the other one. One could listen to music, but the other two couldn't. Most kids would eat the meals they were served in 20-40 minutes, but none of those three children could eat a meal in less than 50 minutes, not even one serving of oatmeal or scrambled eggs...

Anonymous wrote:Nanny here- my charges take an hour to eat and I do not act like a clown distracting them or reading books because it's meal time. I sit beside them and read a book. I don't need to make meals take two hours by entertaining them! No I would never sleep but I'm also not prolonging meals.

Do you also read books when you go out to eat with your friends? No, you sit and talk to them. Why is it so foreign to people that you would talk to the child while he is eating? I don't think constitutes "entertaining." I don't even care if the child doesn't talk back. How do you think kids learn words and, beyond that, how to string them into sentences and be conversational?

^ nanny again- I read my own book, not for the kids. They can focus on eating!

Nanny here- my charges take an hour to eat and I do not act like a clown distracting them or reading books because it's meal time. I sit beside them and read a book. I don't need to make meals take two hours by entertaining them! No I would never sleep but I'm also not prolonging meals.

This micromanaging is bananas.

If you try to tell her what to do with the 45 minutes your kid is rolling around grapes, you won't have to worry much about giving instructions to this particular nanny for long.

Also your friend is a nosy jerk.

(And I'm an MB)

Anonymous wrote:I think light talking during meals is okay.
How about she schedules her lunch time at the same time each day so that she can eat her lunch with your son?

I am sorry to say this, but expecting her to perform any other form of work while your child is eating his lunch sounds extremely outrageous to me.

I am a Nanny who never ever has been asked to use a child's mealtime as an opportunity to engage in anything else that needs to be done.

Re:Napping Nanny.
If she is indeed putting down her head and closing her eyes, she needs to be issued her walking papers stat.
No warning and no second chances.

Seriously? So when your charge is eating lunch at home, you're not... clearing the plates, doing the dishes, etc.? Are you incapable of multitasking?

I am a MB and I think the MB just resents the nanny being paid for those 45 min. How long does it take one to make a grocery list or plan menus? Just less than 20 min once a week!! Are you going to come up with more things she's supposed to brainstorm about? Yoy want your nanny to on 100% of the time since hours are not FT, I get that (mine literally took naps because she had around 3-4.5 hours of downtime daily during her 10 hrs because as an infant, the baby napped a ton during that period). But what you are asking her to do makes you sound difficult and petty.

I think light talking during meals is okay.
How about she schedules her lunch time at the same time each day so that she can eat her lunch with your son?

I am sorry to say this, but expecting her to perform any other form of work while your child is eating his lunch sounds extremely outrageous to me.

I am a Nanny who never ever has been asked to use a child's mealtime as an opportunity to engage in anything else that needs to be done.

Re:Napping Nanny.
If she is indeed putting down her head and closing her eyes, she needs to be issued her walking papers stat.
No warning and no second chances.

Anonymous wrote:If she is napping I would want to see a picture. Ask your friend to take a pic next time she is asleep and then show it to Nanny. Tell her if you ever get a picture like that again she will be fired.

Will your friend do this, OP?

OP, it is perfectly fine to ask your nanny to write you a grocery list of new foods for DC, or to ask her to mix up his schedule a bit. It is even fine to suggest that she might want to use some of his long lunch to do these things. But it's weird to tell her to do them during lunch just so she appears busy.