Anonymous wrote:First off, I respect my AP's privacy, but she does not have a "right" to privacy in our home. I always ask (text if she's not around) before going in her room, but if it's important or doesn't make sense to wait (e.g., rain coming in the windows), I go right in. I let them know this ahead of time. Same for her going in our bedroom. I don't expect it to happen often, but if she needs to go in there for something, I trust it's a good reason and I don't sweat it. We've had five au pairs and I haven't felt the need to look in drawers or closets, but if I felt there was a real safety issue, I would. Like I said, I respect privacy, but I make the rules in my house. I'll hold my kids to the same when they are the same age.

You don't make sense. How can you respect an attribute you don't think exists? You can't. I think most people would agree that there are different levels of privacy expectations for different areas. Dresser drawers is where that line is drawn. Unless there is an extreme and immediate concern for safety, there is no respect for another's privacy if you think you can open their dresser drawers. In this case OP doesn't even tell us why she went looking.

PP here-- As for those rules, we aren't too strict on the "no food in room" rule as long as it's tightly closed and on a shelf/dresser. I'd rather that than have junk food where my kids can see it. We don't keep medicine locked, but I do ask that they keep it in a drawer. My kids are old enough to know not to go in AP's room and they know not to touch medicine, but I wouldn't have trusted them when they were toddlers. That said, I didn't feel the need to lock them as long as it was out of sight or up high. We also lived in a house with low windows in the front of the house when one of my kids was a toddler. We had a safety feature on them so they couldn't be opened all the way, but she would regularly take it off, forgetting we could tell when we were outside. This used to drive me NUTS since she would forget to close her window before leaving her room. So, I get that one. I have yet to meet a toddler who hasn't opened a closed door.

First off, I respect my AP's privacy, but she does not have a "right" to privacy in our home. I always ask (text if she's not around) before going in her room, but if it's important or doesn't make sense to wait (e.g., rain coming in the windows), I go right in. I let them know this ahead of time. Same for her going in our bedroom. I don't expect it to happen often, but if she needs to go in there for something, I trust it's a good reason and I don't sweat it. We've had five au pairs and I haven't felt the need to look in drawers or closets, but if I felt there was a real safety issue, I would. Like I said, I respect privacy, but I make the rules in my house. I'll hold my kids to the same when they are the same age.

OP, you will find mixed support here. Child safety is a multi-billion $ industry because it feeds on excessive fears from over-anxious parents. No doubt that safety is very important, but not everyone feels the need to create a moat around their children.

Set common sense rules that everyone can follow: No furniture under windows, open windows from the top, put medicine out of sight, close your door when AP is not in her room… and teach your kids about safety! Half of the childproofing effort is having your own children understand boundaries. If your AP cannot follow common sense rules, then of course, this is a major concern and you should consider rematch.

Regardless, your house, your rules, but don’t be surprised if your AP feels like your rules are over the top and either wants to rematch, or says bad things about you. You may also want to run your rules by friends or your LCC to get a pulse check about how reasonable they are (since you are very concerned about safety, I suspect there must be other rules in play here, about car, guests, etc.).

Do all of you leave your medicine in a locked cabinet at all times?
I know I dont have and I have a 4yo. If your au pair takes this medicine on a daily basis it would be a pain in the ass to have to lock it up every day.
You also should not have gone in her drawers, you have control issues.

Anonymous wrote:OP is insane. How did children ever survive until the mid to late 1980's? Minimal child seats or seat belts for that matter, drinking age and smoking age were lower; how did anyone survive these dark ages?

Oh, yeah - maybe parenting and teaching children there are things you should and should not do.
Do not climb out the window.
Do not eat medicine.
Do not touch a gun. These seem kind of basic.
It is not like AP has some freaky new medicine bottles that look like candy to kids, say like some laundry detergent products that have appeared that parents have to deal with now.

I would say do the AP a favor and rematch, drop out of the program and find some land in Wyoming to homestead on and live off the land; something a kin to 1800's style of life and put quill to paper (yes, it was around back then) so your great, great children can tweet about their crazy great grandparents.

You're clueless and so apparently don't have children ages 2-4, or even know any for that matter. Toddlers/preschoolers have not yet hit the age of reason, and they are inherently unsafe and impulsive. Parents know this and that is why they lock away their hazardous materials. Child safety is a multi-billion $ industry for a reason.
The poster's AP is obviously immature and not yet an adult is she is leaving medicine laying around. Either grounds for rematch or mediation with LCC to make sure it never happens again.

As a HM, I don't like the food in the room either, but all my APs have done it, and I've learned to live with it.

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Kids are young, learning impulse control. They are taught to knock and ask permission to go in. Just like they are taught to say please and thank you, and not touch a hot stove, etc. But kids break and forget rules. Even good kids. Because they are kids. So we asked AP to follow safety precautions in case the kids do go in.

Do you only babyproof the rooms your think your kids "know" to stay in? Pretty brave.

They are learning "impulse control" from a woman who snoops through other people's clothes drawers.

LMAO. That's awesome.

OP is insane. How did children ever survive until the mid to late 1980's? Minimal child seats or seat belts for that matter, drinking age and smoking age were lower; how did anyone survive these dark ages?

Oh, yeah - maybe parenting and teaching children there are things you should and should not do.
Do not climb out the window.
Do not eat medicine.
Do not touch a gun. These seem kind of basic.
It is not like AP has some freaky new medicine bottles that look like candy to kids, say like some laundry detergent products that have appeared that parents have to deal with now.

I would say do the AP a favor and rematch, drop out of the program and find some land in Wyoming to homestead on and live off the land; something a kin to 1800's style of life and put quill to paper (yes, it was around back then) so your great, great children can tweet about their crazy great grandparents.

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Kids are young, learning impulse control. They are taught to knock and ask permission to go in. Just like they are taught to say please and thank you, and not touch a hot stove, etc. But kids break and forget rules. Even good kids. Because they are kids. So we asked AP to follow safety precautions in case the kids do go in.

Do you only babyproof the rooms your think your kids "know" to stay in? Pretty brave.

OP, I posted above thread, but please - just stress to the AP to use her lock. Either she does (in which case all is well) or she doesn't (in which case you rematch). It's that simple. No need to worry at all.

OP here.

Kids are young, learning impulse control. They are taught to knock and ask permission to go in. Just like they are taught to say please and thank you, and not touch a hot stove, etc. But kids break and forget rules. Even good kids. Because they are kids. So we asked AP to follow safety precautions in case the kids do go in.

Do you only babyproof the rooms your think your kids "know" to stay in? Pretty brave.

Why does it matter when the meds and food etc are in the aupairs room? Has she no expectation of privacy? Give me a break.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I did ask her to go in to install something. She consented.

I noticed 2 SAFETY issues we had addressed multiple times:
1. medication left on counter in reach of children.
2. open window on the 2nd floor allowing child to fall through if child entered.

I was concerned there were other pills or SAFETY issues, so I opened the drawer. Wrong I know. Justified. My kids' life and safety is of more concern than her privacy.

[b]

Excuse me but why would your kids be in the aupairs room anyway??? Maybe YOU and your kids need to learn about boundaries. You sound awful.

Wow. Tough crowd. If I were perceived to put someone else's child in danger, I'd say I'd have lost my right to privacy as it relates to that situation.

I agree - she doesn't lose her right to privacy. If you are concerned enough, you bring up the issue: "Larla, I was in your room to install the furniture, and I saw your meds out. This is a major issue to us, as you know, and if I can't trust you to lock your meds away AND lock your door every time you leave your room, then we will need to rematch. Do you understand how serious this is for us?"

You then test her door - test it, don't go in - and if it's unlocked, you say OK I can't trust her and you rematch. But you never, never, never snoop in anyone's drawer. Ever.

10 year HM writing.

Have a sit down meeting with her.

Talk about your concerns.
Say something like you've noticed bugs or something and how important that food stays in the kitchen.
Put a lock on her windows and show her how to take them off in an emergency.

Have a glass of wine and relax.