I think that last point is key - there will always be someone with more perks than you can provide. Ultimately, I think that's one of the main reasons we quit the program a year ago. We are one of the families for whom it was a stretch to cover the approx $25k it costs for an au pair. Is that cheaper than a full-time live-out nanny? Yep, but still a lot of money. The au pairs we had at the end and the candidates we were interviewing seemed to get more and more interested in what they could get out the relationship and less about forming a close relationship with their host family, and we felt like we couldn't live up to current expectations of au pairs with our shared car, small house, close living space with shared bathroom, etc. I found the program incredibly stressful anyway and have never missed it. We have great relationships still with our first two au pairs, which is wonderful. So I don't regret it, but it definitely was too hard and expensive for us longer term.

Anonymous wrote:The only point on which I would disagree with the PPs in this thread is that, IME, most APs in the DC area are getting at least one "nice" vacation and a couple of lower key ones. If OP is really not taking her AP anywhere (i.e., not even a long weekend at a Delaware beach or whatever), it's perfectly acceptable/within her rights/etc, but it is outside of the norm for the DC AP experience.

Yeah, I kind of agree with this. Having an AP is a luxury, not many people can afford a FT nanny or AP - so they expect you to walk the walk to some extent.

We fly our APs to Disney every year with the family, they have their own room on property; we have a beach house at Rehoboth, etc. God forbid we have all the family at the beach house and do not need AP/have room - it is a grave injustice to them. You have to balance it, but even if you have the means there will always be someone with more perks than you can provide.

The only point on which I would disagree with the PPs in this thread is that, IME, most APs in the DC area are getting at least one "nice" vacation and a couple of lower key ones. If OP is really not taking her AP anywhere (i.e., not even a long weekend at a Delaware beach or whatever), it's perfectly acceptable/within her rights/etc, but it is outside of the norm for the DC AP experience.

how far along are you into the year? If it's early - seriously would consider rematch. Sounds like you had a mediocre or worse AP - and also agree with previous posters about setting more expectations firmly up front and also telling candidates what you for vacation or not (we clearly say with young kids and budget we end up going to the local beach a week or two and then during Xmas break, that's when our past APs have taken vacation time). I've had three APs. The first one really kind of was Mary Poppins. Second was pretty spoiled and would complain about other APs having every weekend off and vacations - and we basically said, well that's not our situation and not the agreement she signed on for, and she sucked it up (she was kind of sullen to us but was good with the kids). Our third was 'so sweet' and 'so friendly' I wish wish wish we had rematched, she was also really so un-bright and actually didn't have as good a bond or relationship with the kids - and I could barely stand living with her & counting down til she leaves.

Try again. And as pp's have said, don't advertise your job on perks. I actually make the job sound much harder than it is, and don't mention perks at all, and generally make it sound like the AP may have a rough year. Unhappiness is the result of unmet expectations. If you set your AP's expectations below reality, you'll have a cheerful, happy au pair. I made many of the same mistakes as a first time HM and was extremely unhappy. I tried again using a combination of "hard to get" and "hard to want" in the interviews, and now I've had 2 excellent au pairs who I also really liked.