We have a 'fibber' AP now also ... not bad enough for a rematch, but where there are constant little things that she 'forgets' or feigns that she did or didn't do (even when asked in a completely non confrontational way but just to deal with things)... After a dented car, broken dishwasher and a few other things that have really added up, also planning not to give an end of time cash gift as I have with all of our other APs. It may be petty, but given there really isn't anything to do about the other stuff other than to 'let it go' (unless you really are willing and at the point of rematch) - I'm self justifying that it's warranted for what I've spent. I do also, tho, factor in that I'll spend some amount of money for broken or mis-treated household items as normal course of having a young woman living in the house... I hope it' not what having teenagers will be like!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't even know if she's responsible. You sound like you are upset for other reasons and are looking for a reason not to give her a travel bonus. Petty.

For any posters actually in the au pair program -- especially those who may be new to the program -- there is no such thing as an automatic "travel bonus." Some families choose to give their departing APs extra cash, but this is not a requirement of the program. And when we have given our truly outstanding APs a farewell gift, it's been in the $200-$250 range.

Contrary to the anti-AP troll beliefs, for many of us $700 in damage to a car that won't be covered by insurance is a big deal, and a chunk out of the monthly budget. For a mediocre AP who has just caused damage to the car -- I wouldn't lose a moment's sleep about not giving her any travel bonus whatsoever.

I'll also add that out of 7 APs, only one of ours chose to stay for a travel month. The travel month itself is not automatic!
What we should refer to, is any parting gift the family chooses to offer the departing AP. In our case, we have never given cash, but treated to a nice dinner and given a heirloom present (around $100).

Again, YOU DON'T KNOW IF SHE DID IT.

It's reasonable to ask (I guess, maybe) but you can't withhold pay and if she says no you really can't do anything so good luck.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:this is what makes me nervous about hiring an au pair some day.

Make sure to get a car that is not overly expensive. Used is okay as long as it's still in good and save condition to drive. Au pairs don't usually mind minor dents and scratches and the first bump hurts less if the car is already not in pristine condition (plus the second ap won't receive a "new" car, no need to make sure the first ap has one). See if you can get a car where repairs are less expensive in general (prices for getting my mom's Audi fixed at the local dealership instead of with an independet mechanic are ridiculous). Don't expect to sell it after 5 or 10 years of au pair use. If it's still in good condition and your kids are old enough to drive by then make it their first car.

I think it's great if host families can have an AP-only beater car, but it's a case-by-case basis and no family should feel they have to buy an AP-only car. In our situation, I take Metro to work (and walk to Metro), so our AP drives my kids in our minivan and can use it with permission on her free time. We don't have room to park a third car and it makes no sense to have one either financially or logistically. We have had APs do some serious damage to the minivan, which absolutely had to be fixed (i.e. smash it into a parking garage pillar requiring replacement of the front/side. That's been a big financial hit and we have had no problem asking that AP to contribute the fixed $500 amount -- because the damage cost way more than that to us after our deductible and our subsequent raised insurance rates (which are already higher because we have to put our AP on our insurance). Even when another AP had a fender bender in the parking lot (her fault) we asked her to contribute to the repair because it was a sizable dent, and even given that our minivan is 8 years old we are planning on keeping it until it dies and we shouldn't have to drive around our family car with a giant dent in the bumper due to our AP's inattentive driving.

Which is by way of saying -- it's not possible to generalize that a) all host families can afford an AP-only car or that b) it's reasonable to expect to have to cover the AP's damage to whatever car, whether it's a beater or the family car, without asking the AP to help pay to cover the costs of the damage she caused. We are not all rich just because we live in the DC area. It varies by family, but it's totally reasonable to ask APs to contribute to cover the cost of the damage they may do to our cars.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't even know if she's responsible. You sound like you are upset for other reasons and are looking for a reason not to give her a travel bonus. Petty.

For any posters actually in the au pair program -- especially those who may be new to the program -- there is no such thing as an automatic "travel bonus." Some families choose to give their departing APs extra cash, but this is not a requirement of the program. And when we have given our truly outstanding APs a farewell gift, it's been in the $200-$250 range.

Contrary to the anti-AP troll beliefs, for many of us $700 in damage to a car that won't be covered by insurance is a big deal, and a chunk out of the monthly budget. For a mediocre AP who has just caused damage to the car -- I wouldn't lose a moment's sleep about not giving her any travel bonus whatsoever.

I'll also add that out of 7 APs, only one of ours chose to stay for a travel month. The travel month itself is not automatic!
What we should refer to, is any parting gift the family chooses to offer the departing AP. In our case, we have never given cash, but treated to a nice dinner and given a heirloom present (around $100).

Anonymous wrote:You don't even know if she's responsible. You sound like you are upset for other reasons and are looking for a reason not to give her a travel bonus. Petty.

For any posters actually in the au pair program -- especially those who may be new to the program -- there is no such thing as an automatic "travel bonus." Some families choose to give their departing APs extra cash, but this is not a requirement of the program. And when we have given our truly outstanding APs a farewell gift, it's been in the $200-$250 range.

Contrary to the anti-AP troll beliefs, for many of us $700 in damage to a car that won't be covered by insurance is a big deal, and a chunk out of the monthly budget. For a mediocre AP who has just caused damage to the car -- I wouldn't lose a moment's sleep about not giving her any travel bonus whatsoever.

You don't even know if she's responsible. You sound like you are upset for other reasons and are looking for a reason not to give her a travel bonus. Petty.

You can't make an AP pay for damages so unless you plan to sue her you have no recourse.

Anonymous wrote:this is what makes me nervous about hiring an au pair some day.

Make sure to get a car that is not overly expensive. Used is okay as long as it's still in good and save condition to drive. Au pairs don't usually mind minor dents and scratches and the first bump hurts less if the car is already not in pristine condition (plus the second ap won't receive a "new" car, no need to make sure the first ap has one). See if you can get a car where repairs are less expensive in general (prices for getting my mom's Audi fixed at the local dealership instead of with an independet mechanic are ridiculous). Don't expect to sell it after 5 or 10 years of au pair use. If it's still in good condition and your kids are old enough to drive by then make it their first car.

As long as nobody got hurt - not your kids, not your ap, nobody else - and the damage is just cosmetic... don't sweat it. Treat it as you would if it was your teenager. Be glad "nothing" happened and nobody got hurt. No reason not to be mad but be fair. It's just a car. In the big picture, a dented bumper doesn't matter. If you can't handle looking it it every morning get it fixed as cheaply as possible (you will still know it was there and ap #x caused it even after it's fixed). If you can't prove who did it and what happened and it's only minor don't fret about it. Easier said then done, I know.

Somebody just hit my (stopped) car with a shopping cart in the parking lot on Saturday. Because they weren't looking where there was going and as much as I was willing my car to jump out of the way it just wouldn't. It's amazing how big of a dent a stupid cart can leave. Currently I am trying to mark my own words. It's not a new car. Nobody is hurt. It will be fine. I am still moping a bit. My first car. My first baby.

Hi OP - it sounds like maybe her reaction to the issue, potentially lying about it, and other issues related to not being so happy with your au pair are coloring your feelings on this. Unfortunately, I agree with others that, especially if you can't prove she did it, you have to let it go. You can't make her pay $700 for a dent that doesn't affect the operation of the car. She doesn't have that money and ruining her travel month just to prove a point will not make you feel better in the end and she was absolutely lose it. Not to mention, I'm not even sure how you could make her pay since you're so close to the end of the program.

Lesson learned - if you're unhappy with your au pair, deal with it and don't let it fester until you're limping towards the end. And clearly state up front the consequences of anything happening to the car.

She doesn't sound like a great au pair, and for mediocre au pairs (just like mediocre employees at my work), I don't give end-of-year bonuses anyway. I'd skip the big celebration and gifting at the end of the year with this one, regardless of this incident.

This is one of the main reasons we stopped the au pair program actually - there are so many costs and risks like this one that it just didn't make sense anymore because it was stressing me out all the time worrying. The car one is huge - we actually carried umbrella insurance while we had an au pair because I was scared to death she'd hit someone in the car and we'd be on the hook for tens of thousands, not just $700. Driving a car is a HUGE responsibility that au pairs typically don't understand. It's another reason why I get so frustrated with people on these boards and the au pairs themselves complaining about how low paid au pairs are. They don't truly get the risk involved in having a young, foreign person joining your family.

Sorry, OP. This sucks, but cut your losses and move on. She'll be gone in two weeks and you'll feel like a giant weight has lifted from your shoulders. You'll feel even better about yourself if you take the high road.

OP,

sorry this happened. this is what makes me nervous about hiring an au pair some day. it's hard enough to drive in this area as an experienced US driver. where are you located? I know a great mechanic who has fixed my prior fender benders for reasonable prices (thankfully all done before I ever became a mom). god, i would have made a horrible au pair simply b/c of my driving skills back then.

PS; don't let her drive outside of job related tasks.

Ignore it.

The dent isn't a big deal. I wouldn't have it fixed, especially for $700. It's an AP car and the dent isn't impacting how it functions.