Anonymous wrote:Our nanny is great and does a great job with our toddler DS. She takes the bus to our home in the morning, and her husband picks her up at night on his way home from work. Often I come home from work to find her husband hanging out with her and DS. She has never let him inside our home (that I know of), but they will be hanging around in our front yard, walking around the neighborhood, etc. It kind of bothers me and I don't know why- I see her husband every day and he is a really nice guy. It just feels kind of inappropriate that she is spending her work time socializing. I don't know whether to say something- I don't want to make a big deal, especially when I don't know how long he has been there (he may have just gotten there 5 mins before I get home for all I know). Would this bother you?

Anonymous wrote:I will say this: finding my first nanny was hard. I didn't know what I was looking for exactly, and the costs were staggering.

I now don't find the search that difficult. I know what it costs and I plan accordingly, and I know what I'm looking for. Yes, a nanny who quit abruptly would cause me difficulties. But, if it's that or someone doing something with my children that makes me uncomfortable, well, I know my job comes with attractive pay and benefits, and it would be better if we both find a better fit.

Anonymous wrote:Huge, huge difference between meeting a friend or spouse at your office or a restaurant for lunch, vs. bringing someone a family doesn't know around that family's children, with out the family's prior approval. But lets not delve into the differences between caring for children vs. other work settings. They're obvious, and if you don't like them, chose a profession other than child care.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had a nanny where this got out of control. It started out with him coming a few minutes early to pick her up and say hi to the kids, then he started coming to have lunch with her, then he started sometimes meeting them at the park, and finally we got into territory where I felt like she was, at times, letting him share childcare duties (especially at the park or something -- there were three children 3 and under).

So, I did sit down with her and say exactly what you said here: I had hired her, not him, he seemed great and I trusted her judgement, but I had also run background checks on her, interviewed her, she had the CPR and First Aid training, and I had trust in her. I also said that I knew they were young and newlywed, and loved being together, but that I would appreciate keeping the lunch dates to a rare treat (like once a month, maybe), and that she let me know if she needed help for outings.

I also said it was fine with me if he joined them sometimes at the park or somewhere (because it was fine with me), but that she was in charge, and she needed to make sure everyone was safe, and he was following whatever the rules were, too (things like, if a child says "stop," you stop if you're tickling him).

My other thought was liability, actually. I didn't have worker's comp on him, and was not interested in covering damage to his car or belongings. In fact, before we had this conversation, he broke his phone when he forgot to take it out his pocket while playing with the kids at the park (he went upside down on a bar). I did not offer to pay for that.

Wow. This is all ridiculous. Do you really think your nanny needs to be reminded to tell her husband to stop if her husband is tickling them?
Why would you be liable for him at a park? Did they ask you to pay for the phone?

No one thinks they have liability until something happens and they do. Yes, if my nanny's husband was watching my children and got badly injured doing something like climbing up a slide, did I want to get into a "thing" with them over who owed for the doctor bills that my worker's comp would not cover? As for the phone, again, he was entertaining my children. I would have paid for the nanny's phone no question. The fact that she told me about the broken phone, twice, suggested that maybe she was thinking I should chip in. I don't know. I didn't want there to be any grey area. If there's one thing I've learned from this board, if there's any grey area at all, nannies expect the NFs to pay.

And she was not telling him to stop, not in the moment, at least not when they were in the playroom at my house. I think she didn't like to be authoritarian with her husband, so she was making little "suggestions" like, "maybe you should tone it down," or, "I don't think he likes that," and he was ignoring her. I needed her to be in charge.

This is one of those job issues where I needed to be an actual manager. If you blur the lines between your personal and employment lives, you invite your boss to tell you how to manage it on the boss's dime.