I can see the OP's uneasiness. I don't think that she's looking for something specific, but rather an indication through proactive follow up that the AP is interested in her kids beyond the bare minimum requirement. I disagree that it's a lot to expect. The AP should still be trying to impress at this point regarding her interest in kids and she's not demonstrating that. I don't think OP is overreacting on this one.

Anonymous wrote:Tried to lead her with a question like "So now that you spent a little time with them do they seem in real life the way we described them?" (She had only met them individually prior match). And she said yes, they are just like we described, but not much more.

OP, what kind of reply did you expect from her? Where did you try to "lead" her?
Not trying to defend her, if you feel uneasy with her behavior do something about it now but I genuinely wonder what you wanted her to say?

She obviously did what you expected her to when skyping with the kids (showing interest, patience and concern for their well being). You asked if the kids were like she thought they would be and she said yes. What kind of answer would have made you more comfortable? Did you expect her to ask you about the kids' day/week? About their favorite color? If they liked the shirt they were wearing? Why? I assume you covered "everything" about the kids during matching. What is there you think she should be asking about a 3 and a 5 year old? If they were 12 and 14 and you had told her about an important baseball match that was to take place on Monday and she didn't ask how it went in her Tuesday email then yes, I'd see a red flag but I don't know what you expect her to say or ask at this point. And I worry that she might not know either.

Do you want her to throw in more "the kids are so cute"s? Were you expecting her to ask about the kids' easter egg hunt that you went to? About the kids' easter dresses?
I assume you sent her photographs you took of the kids? Not pictures the kids drew for her? If it's the latter I understand being upset as that should at least trigger a thank you but just sending pictures? I of course understand where she could have thrown in "the kids were so cute on the video" or "wow your five year old is tall for his age" or "what a lovely picture" but... I don't know if you don't expect too much from her at this point.

Not to add to the confusion, but I wonder how much information you can really get from having her Skype alone with the kids. I can't imagine her ignoring them or turning away if she were alone with them and kind of being tested. And, to play devil's advocate, her apparent concern about your son falling off the chair could also be worry that she would somehow be viewed as not being able to control the situation (as opposed to having real concern). I promise you that I'm not trying to stir the pot, but it's just that we are finishing up a very long year with an AP who genuinely had no interest in our kids and was only here to travel and play in the U.S. She wasn't awful, but she also won't be missed because she really just doesn't care about our family. I had nagging red flag concerns before she got here--namely, that she never mentioned the kids after matching, but readily talked about herself-- and I rationalized them away. It's honestly been a very long year with her. I'd hate to see the same thing happen to you.

What if you found a reason to Skype or email with her again about something important going on in one of your kids lives that would necessitate a response from her that had some kind of depth to it regarding her opinion, how she might be involved once she gets here, etc. It would put her on the spot, but her attempt to involve herself (or not) might give you some sense of how invested she is in the kids (and not just her own experience). I think if I had done his with my current AP, I might have spotted her lack of interest/initiative/investment a lot earlier in the process when it was easier to do something about it.

OP here...sorry, busy day...so we did the skype and set it to record the conversation. Just the kids and her and we let them skype directly for about 15 minutes. We were in and out of the room (mainly to make sure kids were not standing on chairs or climbing on desk to get closer to screen). Native English speakers would have been challenged to keep up but she did well. We watched the playback and she was genuinely interested and concerned, patient and attentive and engaging. Laughing and not once could we see her look away, or exhibit any disinterest. At one point our little one stood up on the chair and you could see in her face that she was concerned and was trying to correct him over skype.

Even when we removed the children and I skyped with her for a while and she was pleasant and someone I genuinely would not mind have being in my home, caring for my kids this did not make it any worse but was not a silver bullet. Tried to lead her with a question like "So now that you spent a little time with them do they seem in real life the way we described them?" (She had only met them individually prior match). And she said yes, they are just like we described, but not much more.

This is really vexing, seems like a great girl but maybe she is guarded or something...or maybe I am making excuses for her.

OP?

OP - How did it go? If you don't feel any better after the skype or certain about her I would cut bait ASAP. I was talking to my au pair who thought what you were describing was not a good sign.