Anonymous
Post 11/22/2015 23:14     Subject: Rematch when AP endangered my child
OP here - just now checking back in. This is my fourth year of hosting an AP. She was driving our car. We had taken the car seat out so a friend could take our son somewhere and hadn't put it back yet. This should not have been a concern as there was no need for her to be driving anywhere. I guess she was running late to pick up my son at school and decided to drive. (School is only a few blocks away and we generally expect her to walk to/from school.) She not only drove him home without a car seat, she also drove past our house to go run an errand in the neighborhood. She did not mention this to us, our son did.

Anonymous
Post 11/22/2015 14:59     Subject: Rematch when AP endangered my child
Anonymous wrote:I'd want to know WHY she drove without the carseat. Was she in someone else's car and they didn't have one for use? Was she in your car? If so why wasn't she using the carseat? Was it there and she put the kid in a regular seatbelt? Was it not installed? Was she in a taxi or uber car? You're leaving out a significant detail that answers the question WHY.


I asked that above. OP clearly stated she was driving. So, it was probably OP car. So, why was there NOT a car seat installed safely in that car? Something doesn't make sense.
Anonymous
Post 11/22/2015 14:36     Subject: Rematch when AP endangered my child
I'd want to know WHY she drove without the carseat. Was she in someone else's car and they didn't have one for use? Was she in your car? If so why wasn't she using the carseat? Was it there and she put the kid in a regular seatbelt? Was it not installed? Was she in a taxi or uber car? You're leaving out a significant detail that answers the question WHY.
Anonymous
Post 11/22/2015 12:56     Subject: Rematch when AP endangered my child
Yes the training school makes a big deal about seat belts, drinking and driving and other big-deal issues in America. She should know better. Face it, she was likely on her phone and forgot.
Anonymous
Post 11/22/2015 12:05     Subject: Rematch when AP endangered my child
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:DID THE AP KNOW THAT IT IS ILLEGAL TO DRIVE THE CHILD AROUND WITHOUT A SAFETY SEAT?
Perhaps before all of you jump to conclusions, you should wait for this question to be answered.


If she's with CCAP, she was told this a dozen times.


Or APIA. It is covered in training. This is so basic -- it shows a serious lack of judgment.
Anonymous
Post 11/21/2015 23:31     Subject: Rematch when AP endangered my child
Anonymous wrote:DID THE AP KNOW THAT IT IS ILLEGAL TO DRIVE THE CHILD AROUND WITHOUT A SAFETY SEAT?
Perhaps before all of you jump to conclusions, you should wait for this question to be answered.


If she's with CCAP, she was told this a dozen times.
Anonymous
Post 11/21/2015 23:31     Subject: Re:Rematch when AP endangered my child
Anonymous wrote:Many of you are missing the point. We all agree that children should be in car seats. We are addressing the OPs issue regarding an AP who may not have known how serious this is. In many countries they don't have these laws and in fact many can't afford many years of car seats for kids. Several of us are trying to help the OP and are asking these questions.

Many of you are clearly not able to have a nuanced and adult discussion. Go ahead and rematch and let's see the fantastic candidates available especially this time of year. Good luck to you.

Again, OP, have there been other warning signs with this OP.


Who cares? I've had 7 APs and all of them have been bright enough to follow the safety rules. They've done stupid shit like come in too late, sometimes drunk, or let the kids eat too much junk, or in one case let them kids watch PG13 movies at age 5. All forgivable. You have to have a real knucklehead who does what the OPS AP did. They even cover this issue extensively at the AP school that CCAP has them attend their first week.

She's a dud, she needs to go.
Anonymous
Post 11/21/2015 20:08     Subject: Re:Rematch when AP endangered my child
Many of you are missing the point. We all agree that children should be in car seats. We are addressing the OPs issue regarding an AP who may not have known how serious this is. In many countries they don't have these laws and in fact many can't afford many years of car seats for kids. Several of us are trying to help the OP and are asking these questions.

Many of you are clearly not able to have a nuanced and adult discussion. Go ahead and rematch and let's see the fantastic candidates available especially this time of year. Good luck to you.

Again, OP, have there been other warning signs with this OP.
Anonymous
Post 11/21/2015 18:38     Subject: Rematch when AP endangered my child
Saying that not using a car seat is and being upset is over-reacting is ridiculous. A minor accident that may not injure an adult can do serious harm to a small child. The AP should have read the handbook and know to use it. If the car seat wasn't installed and she didn't know how to put it in, then she shouldn't have gone anywhere. You are right to rematch, don't second guess yourself. If you feel she can still look after your kids, don't let her drive.
Anonymous
Post 11/21/2015 17:58     Subject: Rematch when AP endangered my child
Ok, I'm confused. She is driving your kid around without a car seat? Aren't you providing the car and an installed car seat? If yes, I'd be pissed. If she was with a friend, I'd be pissed not only about the car seat but someone I did not know driving my child. But, if you didn't have the seat installed, she may have not known how to install it.
Anonymous
Post 11/21/2015 16:00     Subject: Re:Rematch when AP endangered my child
Op, have there been other similar safety issues? If so then ok this is the last straw. But if not, you are
Overreacting. How long have you been a HM and how long has this AP been with you.
Anonymous
Post 11/21/2015 15:37     Subject: Re:Rematch when AP endangered my child
Anonymous wrote:OP - It sounds like this girl made a mistake and one she is not likely to make again. Have you never made a mistake? This is a training issue as much as an issue for her. Frankly if you are not willing to use this as a lesson for her and show her some sympathy I do not think you should be a host mom. You whole tone on this issue is just incredibly unforgiving and judgmental. People make mistakes and au pairs are people - people getting used to a new culture and living with a strange family. If you are this tense I am sure the au pair picked up on it and felt stressed - when we are stressed we are more likely to make mistakes.... Just a thought....


I agree with this. This girl has never been a mom. This girl might come from a country where it's not that huge of a deal to drive without a car seat. Not trying to excuse the behavior, but I too find the reaction extreme.
Anonymous
Post 11/21/2015 12:16     Subject: Re:Rematch when AP endangered my child
OP - It sounds like this girl made a mistake and one she is not likely to make again. Have you never made a mistake? This is a training issue as much as an issue for her. Frankly if you are not willing to use this as a lesson for her and show her some sympathy I do not think you should be a host mom. You whole tone on this issue is just incredibly unforgiving and judgmental. People make mistakes and au pairs are people - people getting used to a new culture and living with a strange family. If you are this tense I am sure the au pair picked up on it and felt stressed - when we are stressed we are more likely to make mistakes.... Just a thought....
Anonymous
Post 11/21/2015 08:47     Subject: Rematch when AP endangered my child
OP here - of course my AP knew it was illegal to drive without a car seat. She also knew that it was expressly forbidden to do so in our family. Its in our handbook that if she did so she would be going home. Now, did she remember this in the moment, no I don't think so, but that's also indicative of a major problem.

I have calmed down somewhat, I'm not kicking her out of my house. I don't know what the agency will decide to do with her, but they say they practice full disclosure, so I can't imagine anyone else will take her if the let her try to rematch.

We'll find out more over the weekend and on Monday.

Anonymous
Post 11/21/2015 07:38     Subject: Rematch when AP endangered my child
DID THE AP KNOW THAT IT IS ILLEGAL TO DRIVE THE CHILD AROUND WITHOUT A SAFETY SEAT?
Perhaps before all of you jump to conclusions, you should wait for this question to be answered.