Anonymous
10/07/2015 12:04
Subject: Re:Need an outside perspective.
Anonymous wrote:OP here with an update. It took several days, but I did finally get more of an explanation from DD about why she suddenly doesn't like the babysitter. For days she just kept saying, I don't like the babysitter anymore. Finally we had a relaxed talk about it one day on our way home from school. It turned out it was completely my faux pas.
The day that it happened, I'd asked the sitter to pick dd up from school, which she's done before. But I always usually give DD a heads up if someone else is picking her up, and that day I was so crazy busy, I forgot to. It was also the first time I had the sitter pick her up in my car (usually she walks back). And it was also the first time I had her take her somewhere else after school (the library) instead of straight home, and also the first time she tried to take her to the potty at a place that wasn't in our home.
So DD was understandably, completely freaked out - first by the surprise of me not picking her up, and having the sitter pick her up instead, and then seeing the sitter drive my car, and then not being taken home after school as usual and taken somewhere else, and then she felt uncomfortable when she tried to take her to the potty. I guess in her head, it was just like the sitter showed up unannounced and tried to take her away, and I was nowhere in sight. DD said, "Mommy, you should have told me. Next time you have to tell me." I apologized profusely and promised her I'd tell her or the teacher next time.
So mystery solved. I never brought it up with the sitter, apart from asking how it went with DD that day.
Thanks all for the input.
Oh whatever, like your 3 year old would have even remembered you telling her. I guess we know who is in charge at your house.
D-ATX
10/07/2015 12:03
Subject: Re:Need an outside perspective.
Personally, I wouldn't mind being asked what happened if the parent is respectful. It's your child after all, not hers, and she is being paid, and you are the boss. I see it as the parent and I are a team. Team members cooperate and share information. It's what you do with that information that can cause problems, or when you assume something without all the information.
Also, a three-year-old is going to be testy and moody. It's always kind of sad when they stop being the sweet toddler that follows instructions so well. As a provider, it is my job to be a disciplinarian as well as a friend. I'm very clear about my boundaries with a child. I'm not mean. I don't humiliate. I say sorry if I make a mistake. I don't neglect children. Nevertheless, I don't budge when there's a boundary violation. Ex: If I warned the child that the car is going to get a time-out if it's thrown, then that's exactly what is going to happen if the car is thrown.
Disciplinary acts like this can make the kiddo hate me for the day. I have to be thick skinned enough to deal with that. It's the nature of the job.
Also, a three-year-old is going to be testy and moody. It's always kind of sad when they stop being the sweet toddler that follows instructions so well. As a provider, it is my job to be a disciplinarian as well as a friend. I'm very clear about my boundaries with a child. I'm not mean. I don't humiliate. I say sorry if I make a mistake. I don't neglect children. Nevertheless, I don't budge when there's a boundary violation. Ex: If I warned the child that the car is going to get a time-out if it's thrown, then that's exactly what is going to happen if the car is thrown.
Disciplinary acts like this can make the kiddo hate me for the day. I have to be thick skinned enough to deal with that. It's the nature of the job.
Anonymous
10/07/2015 11:51
Subject: Re:Need an outside perspective.
OP here with an update. It took several days, but I did finally get more of an explanation from DD about why she suddenly doesn't like the babysitter. For days she just kept saying, I don't like the babysitter anymore. Finally we had a relaxed talk about it one day on our way home from school. It turned out it was completely my faux pas.
The day that it happened, I'd asked the sitter to pick dd up from school, which she's done before. But I always usually give DD a heads up if someone else is picking her up, and that day I was so crazy busy, I forgot to. It was also the first time I had the sitter pick her up in my car (usually she walks back). And it was also the first time I had her take her somewhere else after school (the library) instead of straight home, and also the first time she tried to take her to the potty at a place that wasn't in our home.
So DD was understandably, completely freaked out - first by the surprise of me not picking her up, and having the sitter pick her up instead, and then seeing the sitter drive my car, and then not being taken home after school as usual and taken somewhere else, and then she felt uncomfortable when she tried to take her to the potty. I guess in her head, it was just like the sitter showed up unannounced and tried to take her away, and I was nowhere in sight. DD said, "Mommy, you should have told me. Next time you have to tell me." I apologized profusely and promised her I'd tell her or the teacher next time.
So mystery solved. I never brought it up with the sitter, apart from asking how it went with DD that day.
Thanks all for the input.
The day that it happened, I'd asked the sitter to pick dd up from school, which she's done before. But I always usually give DD a heads up if someone else is picking her up, and that day I was so crazy busy, I forgot to. It was also the first time I had the sitter pick her up in my car (usually she walks back). And it was also the first time I had her take her somewhere else after school (the library) instead of straight home, and also the first time she tried to take her to the potty at a place that wasn't in our home.
So DD was understandably, completely freaked out - first by the surprise of me not picking her up, and having the sitter pick her up instead, and then seeing the sitter drive my car, and then not being taken home after school as usual and taken somewhere else, and then she felt uncomfortable when she tried to take her to the potty. I guess in her head, it was just like the sitter showed up unannounced and tried to take her away, and I was nowhere in sight. DD said, "Mommy, you should have told me. Next time you have to tell me." I apologized profusely and promised her I'd tell her or the teacher next time.
So mystery solved. I never brought it up with the sitter, apart from asking how it went with DD that day.
Thanks all for the input.
Anonymous
10/06/2015 19:18
Subject: Need an outside perspective.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Here's how you address it with DD:
"I'm sorry to hear that you don't like Sitter. You two usually have so much fun? What happened this time that made it less fun?"
Then listen, but remember: leading questions will get you wrong answers!
Here's how you address it with the sitter:
"Normally, Larla has nothing but glowing things to say about you, but last time she was really negative. Is there something that went wrong? Of there was a behavior issue, I want to make sure to reinforce your authority, and if there's some kind of personality clash, I want to talk her through how to communicate with your respectfully. Let me know how I can help prepare her for next time!"
You should get two versions of what happened and then you have to go with your gut about whether the sitter was inappropriately short or something or whether this is threenager drama.
I hope the babysitter quits on the spot.
If you are too insecure to work with the parents of a child in your charge, you should quit on the spot. I would fire you, personally, and would not serve you as a reference, or give you severance or any of the extras you will expect. The PP before you detailed a very respectful and responsible response to a sudden change in her child and your reaction is the exact opposite.
You are not goood enough to work with children.
Anonymous
10/06/2015 13:43
Subject: Need an outside perspective.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:12:25 here and I am a nanny/sitter. If a kid you worked with suddenly had negative feelings about you coming, you wouldn't want to know? I would WANT to work with the parents to find a solution.
I would move on. If the parent doesn't trust me and believes the lies of a child, I am better off with another family.
I am very sought after as a sitter - I do not need the third degree based on the fabrications of a child.
In my recommended dialogue, there is no mention of blame or of miss trust. There is simply a statement that the child's impression of her time with the sitter was not positive, as had been in the past, and a request that the sitter work with the family to resolve whatever the issue was.
So what you are saying is that you would rather pass on a family who in anyway acknowledge that you might not be 100% perfect at all times? Because I am also highly in demand both as a nanny and a sitter (by the definition that I turn down far more jobs that I applied for) and in my mind a big piece of that is that I care about the children that I work with (and would therefore want to know if they were not enjoying our time together) and I care about my "brand," which means that I would be highly motivated to resolve any issue with the parents rather than blow them off and leave them with an unpleasant overall impression of me. While I agree that if the parent brings up a conversation that indicates that they strongly believe that some sort of wrongdoing has occurred that my guard would be up as to whether they were open to being worked with in a reasonable manner, there is a lot of space for parents to question and even disagree with A sitter without there being a trust problem on the parents' part.
Anonymous
10/05/2015 18:30
Subject: Need an outside perspective.
16.16 here. Today my MB daughter was so happy to see me. I told the mom what had happened last Friday and she told me not to worry. She said her daughter sometimes like to bossy around.
Anonymous
10/05/2015 16:45
Subject: Need an outside perspective.
The kid is probably a spoiled brat.
Anonymous
10/04/2015 21:46
Subject: Need an outside perspective.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:12:25 here and I am a nanny/sitter. If a kid you worked with suddenly had negative feelings about you coming, you wouldn't want to know? I would WANT to work with the parents to find a solution.
I would move on. If the parent doesn't trust me and believes the lies of a child, I am better off with another family.
I am very sought after as a sitter - I do not need the third degree based on the fabrications of a child.
Actually, by asking you, the parent is demonstrating that he or she does trust you. but wants to help figure out what is bothering his or her child. That's pretty much standard good parenting ... Also, how did you mean the leap that the child is lying or fabricating anything? OP's DD said only that she does not like the sitter and refused to elaborate. She's entitled to her feelings. There is nothing in there that sounds like either a lie or a fabrication.
Anonymous
10/04/2015 21:42
Subject: Need an outside perspective.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Here's how you address it with DD:
"I'm sorry to hear that you don't like Sitter. You two usually have so much fun? What happened this time that made it less fun?"
Then listen, but remember: leading questions will get you wrong answers!
Here's how you address it with the sitter:
"Normally, Larla has nothing but glowing things to say about you, but last time she was really negative. Is there something that went wrong? Of there was a behavior issue, I want to make sure to reinforce your authority, and if there's some kind of personality clash, I want to talk her through how to communicate with your respectfully. Let me know how I can help prepare her for next time!"
You should get two versions of what happened and then you have to go with your gut about whether the sitter was inappropriately short or something or whether this is threenager drama.
I hope the babysitter quits on the spot.
Why? The proposed language sounds pretty respectful and considerate to me. I would hope any good nanny or sitter would want to work with the parents to do what is best for the child. What exactly do you object to?
Anonymous
10/04/2015 21:29
Subject: Need an outside perspective.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:12:25 here and I am a nanny/sitter. If a kid you worked with suddenly had negative feelings about you coming, you wouldn't want to know? I would WANT to work with the parents to find a solution.
I would move on. If the parent doesn't trust me and believes the lies of a child, I am better off with another family.
I am very sought after as a sitter - I do not need the third degree based on the fabrications of a child.
If a parent does not look into such a sudden change closely, they need their head checked. You are not a good babysitter if this concept is lost on you.
I'm amazed at how clueless some childcare providers are in regards to 102 shit. Check your ego at the door.