Anonymous
Post 10/01/2015 19:42     Subject: Nanny raises after 3 years
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:


You are a silly little woman, PP, and haven't the faintest idea what so many of us MBs want for our children. NP here and I have been around this forum for a long time and for some reason, certain mothers feel the need to put down any MB who treats their nanny with respect, trust and pays her very well.

I have a ten year old and an eight year old who have had the same wonderful nanny since my eldest was born. I love her as well for all the stability and security she has given to my children. Yes, I pay her well and can afford her, Beyond that, I respect her loving relationship with my children more than I want a household manager. And I am happy to pay her a very good wage for her loyalty to our family.


If you are happy with your arrangement, you have no reason to be upset. I just reminded you that 1. your nanny's loyalty is only as long as the money keeps coming 2. Money doesn't turn a so so nanny into a great nanny. Did you not know that?


The PP is not the OP.

I am the OP, and I am fully aware that our nanny is a paid employee and not a family member. I'm not sure why you think that "loyalty" is an issue here. We think that she is a great nanny. We pay her commensurate to her experience and our needs. So your point is to, what, exactly? Remind us that nannies are paid employees? Maybe suggest that we can get a great nanny for less money? OK. Thanks. Got it.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2015 19:36     Subject: Nanny raises after 3 years
Anonymous wrote:


You are a silly little woman, PP, and haven't the faintest idea what so many of us MBs want for our children. NP here and I have been around this forum for a long time and for some reason, certain mothers feel the need to put down any MB who treats their nanny with respect, trust and pays her very well.

I have a ten year old and an eight year old who have had the same wonderful nanny since my eldest was born. I love her as well for all the stability and security she has given to my children. Yes, I pay her well and can afford her, Beyond that, I respect her loving relationship with my children more than I want a household manager. And I am happy to pay her a very good wage for her loyalty to our family.


If you are happy with your arrangement, you have no reason to be upset. I just reminded you that 1. your nanny's loyalty is only as long as the money keeps coming 2. Money doesn't turn a so so nanny into a great nanny. Did you not know that?
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2015 19:28     Subject: Nanny raises after 3 years
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Look. If you give someone more money than market rate and send them lots of appreciation and love, they will really like the job, really like working for you. They know what's out there and know that they have a good deal. Yes, if you want to keep someone for a long time, that's what you can do.

But, don't think that the nanny will be invested in your child for the long term and will make sacrifices for you out of love as you did to pay her the amount you did. You are not banking love by paying her more. Raising a child is a labor of love. Perfect nanny will go through the trouble of getting your child to achieve their highest potential which means explaining the world all day, where toys come from, what to say to friends to advance social skills, etc etc etc? The average nanny only really makes sure they are fed, clean and not crying and the MB is reasonably happy about the cleanliness of the house.. High pay and excellent benefits does not bring the motivation to be the "best" nanny as described above. It just makes an average nanny do an average job but be happier while doing it. And when the pay ends, she will be gone, hopefully gradually after a string of social visits. When your child is applying to college, she will be a million miles away and she will not give a flippant care what tier school your child is applying to. No amount of money will make them care. Only the type of person that they are, which are exemplified by people who love children, may possibly make them care to the point of "oh that's nice."

Finding the nanny who love children and are in it for the children are one in a million. If you have found that person, and want to share your wealth, good for you. I highly doubt that you have found the one in a million though.

After being in your shoes and being an MB for over 10 years now, I give this recommendation. Save your money for the kids' college.


Kids' college taken care of, thanks. Nanny may very well be the one in a million--she was the nanny for her former family for almost 20 years, and is still very much in touch with them.


OH! Well this tells me a lot. It's very hard to give advice on the internet without knowing the full situation.

If she was with her former family for almost 20 years, kids were probably 18 and she sent them to college. Teenagers don't need a lot of care so she was probably keeping house. Most nannies, especially nannies on DCUM do not think that is within the responsibilities of the nanny. But, I do know neighbors and collegues who have nannies who watch kids and keep house. Housemanagers are paid more than nannies. They have a different skillset required too. If something breaks, she calls the repairman, writes the check, etc. Do you have this kind of "nanny?" If so, you should not be paying the nanny salary described here.





You are a silly little woman, PP, and haven't the faintest idea what so many of us MBs want for our children. NP here and I have been around this forum for a long time and for some reason, certain mothers feel the need to put down any MB who treats their nanny with respect, trust and pays her very well.

I have a ten year old and an eight year old who have had the same wonderful nanny since my eldest was born. I love her as well for all the stability and security she has given to my children. Yes, I pay her well and can afford her, Beyond that, I respect her loving relationship with my children more than I want a household manager. And I am happy to pay her a very good wage for her loyalty to our family.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2015 14:02     Subject: Nanny raises after 3 years
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Look. If you give someone more money than market rate and send them lots of appreciation and love, they will really like the job, really like working for you. They know what's out there and know that they have a good deal. Yes, if you want to keep someone for a long time, that's what you can do.

But, don't think that the nanny will be invested in your child for the long term and will make sacrifices for you out of love as you did to pay her the amount you did. You are not banking love by paying her more. Raising a child is a labor of love. Perfect nanny will go through the trouble of getting your child to achieve their highest potential which means explaining the world all day, where toys come from, what to say to friends to advance social skills, etc etc etc? The average nanny only really makes sure they are fed, clean and not crying and the MB is reasonably happy about the cleanliness of the house.. High pay and excellent benefits does not bring the motivation to be the "best" nanny as described above. It just makes an average nanny do an average job but be happier while doing it. And when the pay ends, she will be gone, hopefully gradually after a string of social visits. When your child is applying to college, she will be a million miles away and she will not give a flippant care what tier school your child is applying to. No amount of money will make them care. Only the type of person that they are, which are exemplified by people who love children, may possibly make them care to the point of "oh that's nice."

Finding the nanny who love children and are in it for the children are one in a million. If you have found that person, and want to share your wealth, good for you. I highly doubt that you have found the one in a million though.

After being in your shoes and being an MB for over 10 years now, I give this recommendation. Save your money for the kids' college.


Kids' college taken care of, thanks. Nanny may very well be the one in a million--she was the nanny for her former family for almost 20 years, and is still very much in touch with them.


OH! Well this tells me a lot. It's very hard to give advice on the internet without knowing the full situation.

If she was with her former family for almost 20 years, kids were probably 18 and she sent them to college. Teenagers don't need a lot of care so she was probably keeping house. Most nannies, especially nannies on DCUM do not think that is within the responsibilities of the nanny. But, I do know neighbors and collegues who have nannies who watch kids and keep house. Housemanagers are paid more than nannies. They have a different skillset required too. If something breaks, she calls the repairman, writes the check, etc. Do you have this kind of "nanny?" If so, you should not be paying the nanny salary described here.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2015 13:50     Subject: Nanny raises after 3 years
Anonymous wrote:Look. If you give someone more money than market rate and send them lots of appreciation and love, they will really like the job, really like working for you. They know what's out there and know that they have a good deal. Yes, if you want to keep someone for a long time, that's what you can do.

But, don't think that the nanny will be invested in your child for the long term and will make sacrifices for you out of love as you did to pay her the amount you did. You are not banking love by paying her more. Raising a child is a labor of love. Perfect nanny will go through the trouble of getting your child to achieve their highest potential which means explaining the world all day, where toys come from, what to say to friends to advance social skills, etc etc etc? The average nanny only really makes sure they are fed, clean and not crying and the MB is reasonably happy about the cleanliness of the house.. High pay and excellent benefits does not bring the motivation to be the "best" nanny as described above. It just makes an average nanny do an average job but be happier while doing it. And when the pay ends, she will be gone, hopefully gradually after a string of social visits. When your child is applying to college, she will be a million miles away and she will not give a flippant care what tier school your child is applying to. No amount of money will make them care. Only the type of person that they are, which are exemplified by people who love children, may possibly make them care to the point of "oh that's nice."

Finding the nanny who love children and are in it for the children are one in a million. If you have found that person, and want to share your wealth, good for you. I highly doubt that you have found the one in a million though.

After being in your shoes and being an MB for over 10 years now, I give this recommendation. Save your money for the kids' college.


Kids' college taken care of, thanks. Nanny may very well be the one in a million--she was the nanny for her former family for almost 20 years, and is still very much in touch with them.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2015 13:38     Subject: Nanny raises after 3 years
Look. If you give someone more money than market rate and send them lots of appreciation and love, they will really like the job, really like working for you. They know what's out there and know that they have a good deal. Yes, if you want to keep someone for a long time, that's what you can do.

But, don't think that the nanny will be invested in your child for the long term and will make sacrifices for you out of love as you did to pay her the amount you did. You are not banking love by paying her more. Raising a child is a labor of love. Perfect nanny will go through the trouble of getting your child to achieve their highest potential which means explaining the world all day, where toys come from, what to say to friends to advance social skills, etc etc etc? The average nanny only really makes sure they are fed, clean and not crying and the MB is reasonably happy about the cleanliness of the house.. High pay and excellent benefits does not bring the motivation to be the "best" nanny as described above. It just makes an average nanny do an average job but be happier while doing it. And when the pay ends, she will be gone, hopefully gradually after a string of social visits. When your child is applying to college, she will be a million miles away and she will not give a flippant care what tier school your child is applying to. No amount of money will make them care. Only the type of person that they are, which are exemplified by people who love children, may possibly make them care to the point of "oh that's nice."

Finding the nanny who love children and are in it for the children are one in a million. If you have found that person, and want to share your wealth, good for you. I highly doubt that you have found the one in a million though.

After being in your shoes and being an MB for over 10 years now, I give this recommendation. Save your money for the kids' college.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2015 13:14     Subject: Nanny raises after 3 years
I'm the OP, and a long-time lurker on DCUM, so the attacks don't bother me. I figure that they are mostly from parents who don't share my worldview, or have some other point to prove. Whatever. I know where I stand, and what and whom I value. I hope that my children will grow up learning how to treat others thoughtfully and with kindness and respect.

Thanks for the great ideas.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2015 10:00     Subject: Nanny raises after 3 years
Anonymous wrote:I have no idea why the OP is being attacked. She is paying above market prices and giving an annual raise.

COL increases, or other increases in benefits (additional time off, greater flexibility on how/where to spend her time when the child is in preschool, a bonus, etc...) are all good ways to compensate a long term employee.

Don't take the harassment seriously OP - it's the way of the world on DCUM. Take the best ideas and run with them.



+1 I would do a COL and merit increase, OP. As others have written, it does not need to be $1 an hour.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2015 09:48     Subject: Nanny raises after 3 years
I have no idea why the OP is being attacked. She is paying above market prices and giving an annual raise.

COL increases, or other increases in benefits (additional time off, greater flexibility on how/where to spend her time when the child is in preschool, a bonus, etc...) are all good ways to compensate a long term employee.

Don't take the harassment seriously OP - it's the way of the world on DCUM. Take the best ideas and run with them.

Anonymous
Post 10/01/2015 09:28     Subject: Nanny raises after 3 years
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Is daycare cheaper?

OP?


OP here. We are not interested in daycare because DC is already in a great mornings-only preschool program. We like the flexibility of having a nanny, especially one who drives and is able to take DC to various playdates and activities in the afternoons.

BTW, the cost of the nanny is not an issue for us. HHI is very comfortable, and we could afford to pay her more if the market demanded. We are aware that her pay is on the higher side, but we are also ethically committed to paying a living wage+ for the DC area. I like the idea of a COL pay increase.

We try very hard to be good bosses, and frankly I am uncomfortable with the PP stating that we are paying too much. PP must either not be familiar with DC or is willfully ignorant of what it costs to live in DC. DC is a really expensive area to live in, and I feel that if you are fortunate enough to be able to hire a nanny that you should be willing to pay a wage that affords your nanny to live humanely in DC. Of course, this doesn't mean that as a nanny you ought to be paid as much per hour as, say, a nurse practitioner with a masters degree, but you shouldn't be paying the nanny the same wage as a fast food checkout clerk.

I was in your shoes with my first child.

Then my nanny moved on and I learned that the things she did, choices she made, in light of the more years of experience I gained as a mom and mb were not good and I was misled. She was a 40 year old woman who made choices in her own life that she has to live on 40k a year. I don't know why I trusted her so much and it was my fault.

You must have at least a three year old since your nanny has been with you that long. You should really look into all day private school instead of a nanny if cost is not a factor. Cirriculums are thought out by educators, teachers have master degrees in education. Kids learn how to speak to other kids, be completely surrounded in a learning environment. They make a huge mess in art projects and there is not 1 nanny but 2 other assistants to clean it up.

You get your kitchen back. Get a housekeeper to put dinner on the table.

Unless your nanny is really really super exceptional, and I doubt it, you could be having the same and give 5k to charity, people who really need it and will appreciate it.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2015 09:13     Subject: Nanny raises after 3 years
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Is daycare cheaper?

OP?


OP here. We are not interested in daycare because DC is already in a great mornings-only preschool program. We like the flexibility of having a nanny, especially one who drives and is able to take DC to various playdates and activities in the afternoons.

BTW, the cost of the nanny is not an issue for us. HHI is very comfortable, and we could afford to pay her more if the market demanded. We are aware that her pay is on the higher side, but we are also ethically committed to paying a living wage+ for the DC area. I like the idea of a COL pay increase.

We try very hard to be good bosses, and frankly I am uncomfortable with the PP stating that we are paying too much. PP must either not be familiar with DC or is willfully ignorant of what it costs to live in DC. DC is a really expensive area to live in, and I feel that if you are fortunate enough to be able to hire a nanny that you should be willing to pay a wage that affords your nanny to live humanely in DC. Of course, this doesn't mean that as a nanny you ought to be paid as much per hour as, say, a nurse practitioner with a masters degree, but you shouldn't be paying the nanny the same wage as a fast food checkout clerk.


You are insufferable, OP.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2015 08:50     Subject: Nanny raises after 3 years
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Is daycare cheaper?

OP?


OP here. We are not interested in daycare because DC is already in a great mornings-only preschool program. We like the flexibility of having a nanny, especially one who drives and is able to take DC to various playdates and activities in the afternoons.

BTW, the cost of the nanny is not an issue for us. HHI is very comfortable, and we could afford to pay her more if the market demanded. We are aware that her pay is on the higher side, but we are also ethically committed to paying a living wage+ for the DC area. I like the idea of a COL pay increase.

We try very hard to be good bosses, and frankly I am uncomfortable with the PP stating that we are paying too much. PP must either not be familiar with DC or is willfully ignorant of what it costs to live in DC. DC is a really expensive area to live in, and I feel that if you are fortunate enough to be able to hire a nanny that you should be willing to pay a wage that affords your nanny to live humanely in DC. Of course, this doesn't mean that as a nanny you ought to be paid as much per hour as, say, a nurse practitioner with a masters degree, but you shouldn't be paying the nanny the same wage as a fast food checkout clerk.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2015 08:08     Subject: Nanny raises after 3 years
Anonymous wrote:Is daycare cheaper?

OP?
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2015 08:07     Subject: Nanny raises after 3 years
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't know why you think this is a troll post. --OP


+1 I just started a new nanny position at $23 an hour for one six-month-old baby.

I believe there are women on this board who want to believe that excellent childcare can be had for $12 an hour. It simply is not true. You might get a warm body to watch your child for that but not a nanny.

COL increases are always acceptable, OP, with something added for merit.

+2 She thinks she's entitled to great cheap childcare. Just because.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2015 07:47     Subject: Nanny raises after 3 years
Anonymous wrote:I don't know why you think this is a troll post. --OP


+1 I just started a new nanny position at $23 an hour for one six-month-old baby.

I believe there are women on this board who want to believe that excellent childcare can be had for $12 an hour. It simply is not true. You might get a warm body to watch your child for that but not a nanny.

COL increases are always acceptable, OP, with something added for merit.