NYC mom here. I stumbled upon this thread, trying to find some info for my sister, who lives in Virginia.

I'm shocked at what I'm reading! I cannot imagine something like that ever happening where I live. We generally expect a much higher degree of professionalism from our nannies. I know people who would fire a nanny for even proposing something like this.

She is your EMPLOYEE, so NO, she does not get to make those decisions.

Wow!

Wow.

As a MB...here are the issues I see.

Your nanny has poor judgment about what is/is not ok here.

You now have a TOTAL STRANGER picking up her kid at your house. Are you f'ing kidding me?

Said stranger is perfectly fine allowing her child to be cared for at the home of someone she has never met. To whom she has never spoken. By whom someone she met randomly. Again-wtf?

You are paying for a reduced level of care. Stranger is getting FREE childcare. Have I mentioned are you F'ing kidding me?

Legal liability. Your insurance agent would kill you.

Break off the arrangement now.

I would just directly tell the other mom that you're happy to arrange play dates between the girls since they get along so well, but that you're not looking for a share at this time.

Put a stop to it. I would contact the mom directly. Your nanny may be too nice but really both the mom and the nanny should know better.

My neighbor took advantage of our AuPair a few times dumping her kid at out house (cheap ass neighbor does not have childcare for her 9yr old all summer), I told her to call if her kid wanted a playdate. She then called and basically asked for an 8hr playdate. I told her it would be $10/hr. I was shameless about it. Our AP was too nice to say no. This lady was so bold, I give zero fucks what she thinks about me.

OMG, no just no.

She is running free childcare out of your house? No, hell to the no.

I think it is a good sign that your nanny wanted to help this other child, shows she is a compassionate and caring person, not a nanny who is only interested in making an extra dime for each and every little thing.

OP, my friend had this happen in her neighborhood. One neighbor tired her own family out (they live next door!!! - literally in the next house over!!!). So, that neighbor went ahead and called my friend's nanny. It might have been the neighbor's family that called, so as to "release the neighbor", but not really. Of course, the nanny told my friend immediately, and asked that the neighbor cease and desist. My friend told her neighbor to not do that, and the neighbor went ballistic. The friend warned other people, who knew the neighbor. Of course, everyone already knew that neighbor's intentions and ways, so it was no surprise to anyone.

Some people have no problem doing the unthinkable, and will deny it to their dying day. Stay far away from troublemakers like that, because she will try to drag you into her drama next.

The other parent was way off the mark, OP, and that parent knew they were way off the mark.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The nanny spoke to me about it the day she met the mom, just never "asked." She just said "I met so & so and she said she is unhappy with aftercare, so I offered to take her daughter home a few days a week. The two girls play nicely together..." I guess my hesitation is 1) I think it's weird the other mom never asked or said thank you for this, and 2) my 1 year old is newly on the move and I wonder if it would be hard to watch all 3 kids if they start going in different directions.

I do trust my nanny, so you think ultimately it is her decision?

I do think it is your nanny's decision. It is no skin off your nose, no one is double-dipping and your girls get along.

Unfortunately it is skin off your nose. That child is now your responsibility. In this situation you have 100% of the risk.

The nanny and mom take on 0 risk.

I would consider that double dipping (the other mom gets a $x n hour nanny for free and the mom paying gets 2/3 of a nanny while paying full fare.

By the way-what happens if there is an emergency (with this random child or yours). Having an extra kid around makes it much more difficult to address.

Any nanny or mom that says its the nanny's decision must then agree that nannies of twins and single babies should make the same hourly pay and that nannies who watch 2 kids vs 3 should get the same pay.

The whole situation is CRAZY!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While I fully can understand your nanny being a compassionate as well as caring individual, it was inappropriate for her to agree to care for another child alongside yours.

This other child will be having contact w/your own plus she will have access to your home. This is something that she should have asked you for permission first rather than agree to w/out your consent.

I am not saying your nanny is irresponsible or stupid, she truly enjoys helping others & I commend her on that principle alone.

However in the common sense department, she is missing something very fundamental here.

Just let her know that you are not okay w/it and she should ask you in the future if she plans on caring for other kids alongside yours.

Good luck.

+1.

She should not be taking on additional responsibilities during her hours of employment without clearing it with your first.

I would put an end to this immediately. It's very presumptuous of the nanny and the other mom to think this would be okay without discussing it with you first.

Yep. This was my thought, too. If the arrangement had been floated to your nanny, who then said to the other mom, "that would be fine with me, but I need to ask MB first. What is your phone number so we can all talk?" that would be one thing, and it possibly would have worked out fine.

As it is, I would care less about the girl coming over than the way it went down, and would be undoing the arrangement until I was sure my nanny understood why it was problem how she went about this.

Anonymous wrote:While I fully can understand your nanny being a compassionate as well as caring individual, it was inappropriate for her to agree to care for another child alongside yours.

This other child will be having contact w/your own plus she will have access to your home. This is something that she should have asked you for permission first rather than agree to w/out your consent.

I am not saying your nanny is irresponsible or stupid, she truly enjoys helping others & I commend her on that principle alone.

However in the common sense department, she is missing something very fundamental here.

Just let her know that you are not okay w/it and she should ask you in the future if she plans on caring for other kids alongside yours.

Good luck.

+1.

She should not be taking on additional responsibilities during her hours of employment without clearing it with your first.

I would put an end to this immediately. It's very presumptuous of the nanny and the other mom to think this would be okay without discussing it with you first.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The nanny spoke to me about it the day she met the mom, just never "asked." She just said "I met so & so and she said she is unhappy with aftercare, so I offered to take her daughter home a few days a week. The two girls play nicely together..." I guess my hesitation is 1) I think it's weird the other mom never asked or said thank you for this, and 2) my 1 year old is newly on the move and I wonder if it would be hard to watch all 3 kids if they start going in different directions.

I do trust my nanny, so you think ultimately it is her decision?

I do think it is your nanny's decision. It is no skin off your nose, no one is double-dipping and your girls get along.

That's an incredibly stupid thing to say. OP is not hosting a nanny share and there is no contract in place. Huge liability and OP stands to lose a lot more if something were to go wrong.

While I fully can understand your nanny being a compassionate as well as caring individual, it was inappropriate for her to agree to care for another child alongside yours.

This other child will be having contact w/your own plus she will have access to your home. This is something that she should have asked you for permission first rather than agree to w/out your consent.

I am not saying your nanny is irresponsible or stupid, she truly enjoys helping others & I commend her on that principle alone.

However in the common sense department, she is missing something very fundamental here.

Just let her know that you are not okay w/it and she should ask you in the future if she plans on caring for other kids alongside yours.

Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:It actually probably makes it easier for your nanny to have a playmate for the older child - they play together, she focuses on the 1yo. I love to host playdates for my older charge - way less work for me, and she's having fun. That said, I don't think it's okay that she hasn't cleared it with you, and I think she should probably be paid if it's a regular thing - what if one day she decides she doesn't want the kid, or she starts taking your older girl to an afterschool club or you're on vacation? Either it's a job (sounds like it is), or she's doing a favour for a friend. You should definitely bring it up, if only to wonder exactly what sort of arrangement this is.

Agree, slippery slope. Who knows what mystery mom will ask your nanny to do next.