Anonymous
07/18/2015 21:48
Subject: Is it mandatory to go on vacation with host family?
Host Mom here. Your are being abused by your host parents. They are breaking the rules and you need to speak with your LCC immediately. Either ask to rematch OR ask her to help you have a conversation with your host parents. No separate room, no time off, working too many hours, unclear boundaries of when you are off or not off - all not ok.
Our au pair joins us on most family vacations. We talk upfront about expectations - usually she takes the kids for an hour or two but most of the time she is free to join us at the beach, pool, kayaking. Most times she does or she grabs a book, a bike and goes to read somewhere. She always has her own room.
Our au pair joins us on most family vacations. We talk upfront about expectations - usually she takes the kids for an hour or two but most of the time she is free to join us at the beach, pool, kayaking. Most times she does or she grabs a book, a bike and goes to read somewhere. She always has her own room.
Anonymous
07/16/2015 20:00
Subject: Is it mandatory to go on vacation with host family?
Are the hours you are supposed to work clearly defined?
I would ask your host family to write down your hours that you are supposed to work so that you can plan when you can do "personal things." Those personal things can even be to finish a book you wanted to watch.
Your host family sounds terrible and breaking rules knowingly, rematch. While rematch process may take time, asking them to write down the hours you work is something you can do right now. If it is absolutely clear, then say something to confirm -- "Today I'm working 9-6, right?" Then at 6pm, go find the MB and say "I have to do something now and it is 6pm." Then go to anywhere, bury your face in a book, disappear.
I would ask your host family to write down your hours that you are supposed to work so that you can plan when you can do "personal things." Those personal things can even be to finish a book you wanted to watch.
Your host family sounds terrible and breaking rules knowingly, rematch. While rematch process may take time, asking them to write down the hours you work is something you can do right now. If it is absolutely clear, then say something to confirm -- "Today I'm working 9-6, right?" Then at 6pm, go find the MB and say "I have to do something now and it is 6pm." Then go to anywhere, bury your face in a book, disappear.
Anonymous
07/16/2015 15:04
Subject: Is it mandatory to go on vacation with host family?
As a live-in getting paid each and every week, yes the family can decide whether to take you on local or non-local vacations and have you work your usual hours.
If your hours are getting unusual, please have a talk with them. Maybe it was so costly to take you along (flights, food, entertainment) they think you can work way above your hours? Maybe next time you stay home and get paid to do nothing. Or maybe you take your own vacation while they are on theirs. Or you get paid to do nothing but make it half up with date night babysitting.
Many families that have live out or live in nannies and take many vacations a year have to come up with an acceptable solution for both sides. Meeting in the middle and minding the long-term relationship is always the best way to go.
If your hours are getting unusual, please have a talk with them. Maybe it was so costly to take you along (flights, food, entertainment) they think you can work way above your hours? Maybe next time you stay home and get paid to do nothing. Or maybe you take your own vacation while they are on theirs. Or you get paid to do nothing but make it half up with date night babysitting.
Many families that have live out or live in nannies and take many vacations a year have to come up with an acceptable solution for both sides. Meeting in the middle and minding the long-term relationship is always the best way to go.
Anonymous
07/16/2015 14:20
Subject: Is it mandatory to go on vacation with host family?
OP, I think you're getting more of a "suck it up" response because you posted this on the general forum. On the AP forum, people are more familiar with the rules and you'd probably get broader consensus that it is the family in this situation that is in the wrong - they are breaking at least two rules (not providing you a separate room while on a working trip, and exceeding hours) and have some other gray area activities.
Anonymous
07/16/2015 13:20
Subject: Is it mandatory to go on vacation with host family?
As for the family "fighting" about various things, that's what you get as a live-in: Insight into how households are run and marriages work.
Post in the au pair section on other sites. This is for mainly live-out nannies in Wash DC area. THe whole having someone live with a family is a concept both sides have to be comfortable because each side absolutely gives up privacy.
Post in the au pair section on other sites. This is for mainly live-out nannies in Wash DC area. THe whole having someone live with a family is a concept both sides have to be comfortable because each side absolutely gives up privacy.
Anonymous
07/16/2015 13:11
Subject: Is it mandatory to go on vacation with host family?
Sounds like you don't like families that spend time at their "country house" since there is nothing for you to do.
Either bring some of your own books and retire to relax someplace in/around the house or next post only go with urban families that don't get out of the city.
Either bring some of your own books and retire to relax someplace in/around the house or next post only go with urban families that don't get out of the city.
Anonymous
07/16/2015 12:38
Subject: Is it mandatory to go on vacation with host family?
Your family is breaking the rules and they don't care. I think you should rematch.
Anonymous
07/16/2015 12:31
Subject: Is it mandatory to go on vacation with host family?
Host mom here-
Yes, it is mandatory to go with your host family on vacation and work your 10 hours/day, 45 hours/week...
but the host family is required to provide you with your own bedroom.
the rules are the same as if you were working at their main home- always a separate bedroom for the AP. Talk to your LCC and tell her of the situation, and that you are severely uncomfortable. If she doesn't respond well, contact your agency.
Also, if you don't feel comfortable telling your host family you are off duty and will not watch the kids, then leave the house after your shift, so they can't "expect you" to watch the kids. Go for a walk, or sit on the porch or go hang out at a coffee shop.
Yes, it is mandatory to go with your host family on vacation and work your 10 hours/day, 45 hours/week...
but the host family is required to provide you with your own bedroom.
the rules are the same as if you were working at their main home- always a separate bedroom for the AP. Talk to your LCC and tell her of the situation, and that you are severely uncomfortable. If she doesn't respond well, contact your agency.
Also, if you don't feel comfortable telling your host family you are off duty and will not watch the kids, then leave the house after your shift, so they can't "expect you" to watch the kids. Go for a walk, or sit on the porch or go hang out at a coffee shop.
Anonymous
07/16/2015 03:38
Subject: Is it mandatory to go on vacation with host family?
That sounds like a nightmare. Call your LCC and tell them all of this, and get out of that situation!
Anonymous
07/16/2015 03:13
Subject: Re:Is it mandatory to go on vacation with host family?
Anonymous wrote:I wonder if this might be a miscommunication issue. I wonder if the family expects this to be a working vacation or a "member of the family" vacation. You said that you are working your normal schedule while there, but did they ask you to do that, or discuss it with you? You said that the parents never leave, and you never leave with the kids, so I wonder if they really consider you to be the adult in charge. It sounds like these are school aged kids, so not babies that are needing fed, diapers changed, constantly monitored, etc. I know that my 5 and 7 year old might be playing a game while I am in a different part of the house doing something else, and I still consider myself to be in charge. Even if my au pair is playing with them, I don't consider those working hours, and I consider her free to leave at any time.
Your post also made me think of our previous au pair and some things that drove me nuts about her. This may or may not apply to you. It's hard to know much about someone from two paragraphs.
1) The incessant phone use. It is rude to pull out your phone or even a book or a magazine in a room where everyone else is socializing. You can join in the socializing or go somewhere else. I put a lot of time and effort into family events, and having someone there looking distracted and bored does not make it more pleasant. If your HM has the kids set up doing a puzzle on the dining room table, then play on your phone in the bedroom or on the patio.
2) Not being proactive about her leisure time. It is not your HM's job to be your tour guide when you are on a family trip. You say there is nothing to do there, but do you know that? Did you google the place? Did you ask anyone who may have heard of it? Ask your LCC to hook you up with other au pairs in the area? Your HF may be boring, but it seems unlikely that they bought a vacation home in a place where there is literally nothing to do. We took our au pair to LA and rented two cars, one "kid car" for whoever had the kids, and one "adult car" for whoever didn't. We went out for my grandfather's funeral, so she wasn't invited to a lot of the family stuff we were doing at the time. So, do you know what she did during her off time? Left the car parked outside and watched TV in the hotel room. So, yeah, she had a boring time, and probably blamed us for it since we didn't take her anywhere. Your HF has provided you with an internet connection, possibly use of the family car that is just sitting in the driveway, and a trip to a different city. Make use of it.
Then again, maybe they are awful people who expect you to work 24/7 and won't let you leave the house. In that case, I agree with the above posters. Rematch.
OP here, let me clarify a few things for everyone wondering what the situation is. When we go on these trips I know full well that I will be working. That is fine. The problem I have is that I will work my 10 hours (literally with absolutely no help from the parents but myself completely so it is me being in charge of the kids fully) but when I am finished the full 10 hours the host parents just seem to leave the kids with me even when I am done.
The kids are aged 2 and 4 years of age and so can not just be left playing a game by themselves and need to be watched and entertained but when I finished my hours my host parents just disappear to their room. even if I am not in the same room as the kids and will tell them just go ask AP to come play with you or ask AP to do this with you or that so they can go sleep more or not play games with the kids themselves.
I agree with being on your phone is disrespectful but there is no wifi in the room I am sharing with kids downstairs and therefore can not FaceTime my family downstairs and upstairs was the only place where I had wifi and reception to speak with my family back home. The kids and family were not playing a game or socialising my host mom went to her bedroom to go take a shower and my host dad was sitting on his bed reading a magazine while the kids were building blocks on the floor where In the lounge where I was.
As for this place they visit, it is a house up in the hills (in a forest) and it's about 20 kms from the nearest town. I have searched what to do but everything is in the town and I have no means of getting there. The car we go with (only my host moms car) I am not allowed to drive under any circumstances. They have said I may not use that car as my host mom doesn't feel comfortable with anyone but herself and my host dad driving it. also I am not insured to drive that car. I tried uber and lyft and could not find one driver who could take me to the town. When I want to get away I would say I am going for a walk just to try and get time by myself and HM would be like kids would love that and just expect for me to also take them on the walks.
I have no problems working a few extra hours playing a few games with kids when unfinished work but I always want to be able to sit down and speak to my friends and relax. I can't go to my room when the kids nap in the day and in the evenings the 2 year old wakes up 3 times during the night and I had to get up and deal with him. I just get exhausted because I am looking after them all day and then have them during the night too. I have absolutely no way of getting away or having time for myself and it become s bit too much. Also like I said my host parents just seem to fight the entire trip about absolutely everything which makes things even more unpleasant and they get in bad moods and just become rude.
Anonymous
07/15/2015 21:56
Subject: Re:Is it mandatory to go on vacation with host family?
I wonder if this might be a miscommunication issue. I wonder if the family expects this to be a working vacation or a "member of the family" vacation. You said that you are working your normal schedule while there, but did they ask you to do that, or discuss it with you? You said that the parents never leave, and you never leave with the kids, so I wonder if they really consider you to be the adult in charge. It sounds like these are school aged kids, so not babies that are needing fed, diapers changed, constantly monitored, etc. I know that my 5 and 7 year old might be playing a game while I am in a different part of the house doing something else, and I still consider myself to be in charge. Even if my au pair is playing with them, I don't consider those working hours, and I consider her free to leave at any time.
Your post also made me think of our previous au pair and some things that drove me nuts about her. This may or may not apply to you. It's hard to know much about someone from two paragraphs.
1) The incessant phone use. It is rude to pull out your phone or even a book or a magazine in a room where everyone else is socializing. You can join in the socializing or go somewhere else. I put a lot of time and effort into family events, and having someone there looking distracted and bored does not make it more pleasant. If your HM has the kids set up doing a puzzle on the dining room table, then play on your phone in the bedroom or on the patio.
2) Not being proactive about her leisure time. It is not your HM's job to be your tour guide when you are on a family trip. You say there is nothing to do there, but do you know that? Did you google the place? Did you ask anyone who may have heard of it? Ask your LCC to hook you up with other au pairs in the area? Your HF may be boring, but it seems unlikely that they bought a vacation home in a place where there is literally nothing to do. We took our au pair to LA and rented two cars, one "kid car" for whoever had the kids, and one "adult car" for whoever didn't. We went out for my grandfather's funeral, so she wasn't invited to a lot of the family stuff we were doing at the time. So, do you know what she did during her off time? Left the car parked outside and watched TV in the hotel room. So, yeah, she had a boring time, and probably blamed us for it since we didn't take her anywhere. Your HF has provided you with an internet connection, possibly use of the family car that is just sitting in the driveway, and a trip to a different city. Make use of it.
Then again, maybe they are awful people who expect you to work 24/7 and won't let you leave the house. In that case, I agree with the above posters. Rematch.
Your post also made me think of our previous au pair and some things that drove me nuts about her. This may or may not apply to you. It's hard to know much about someone from two paragraphs.
1) The incessant phone use. It is rude to pull out your phone or even a book or a magazine in a room where everyone else is socializing. You can join in the socializing or go somewhere else. I put a lot of time and effort into family events, and having someone there looking distracted and bored does not make it more pleasant. If your HM has the kids set up doing a puzzle on the dining room table, then play on your phone in the bedroom or on the patio.
2) Not being proactive about her leisure time. It is not your HM's job to be your tour guide when you are on a family trip. You say there is nothing to do there, but do you know that? Did you google the place? Did you ask anyone who may have heard of it? Ask your LCC to hook you up with other au pairs in the area? Your HF may be boring, but it seems unlikely that they bought a vacation home in a place where there is literally nothing to do. We took our au pair to LA and rented two cars, one "kid car" for whoever had the kids, and one "adult car" for whoever didn't. We went out for my grandfather's funeral, so she wasn't invited to a lot of the family stuff we were doing at the time. So, do you know what she did during her off time? Left the car parked outside and watched TV in the hotel room. So, yeah, she had a boring time, and probably blamed us for it since we didn't take her anywhere. Your HF has provided you with an internet connection, possibly use of the family car that is just sitting in the driveway, and a trip to a different city. Make use of it.
Then again, maybe they are awful people who expect you to work 24/7 and won't let you leave the house. In that case, I agree with the above posters. Rematch.
Anonymous
07/15/2015 20:55
Subject: Is it mandatory to go on vacation with host family?
She gets to be in America for a year, legally. She is living with a family, if she can't pitch in and wants to be completely removed from the family after an arbitrary number of hours then maybe being an au pair was a bad choice.
Anonymous
07/15/2015 20:48
Subject: Is it mandatory to go on vacation with host family?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:so 5 or 6 times a year they go to their vacation home for 4-5 days and you don't want to go or work then.
at a minimum reiterate you will do your 8-10 hour shift, but need to re-energize alone.
if you don't like being a live in au pair, then throw the dice and get rematched or do something else.
Sounds like the family has two houses so don't call it "vacation".
Do, however, insist on the same workload and not more in one of the houses.
If the work load that is "more" is still in the realm of allowed I don't see how she gets to make that demand. Maybe she just works very little at the main house and has to do her normal job at the vacation house because of any number of factors. She should count her blessings.
She said that she still watches the kids after her 10 hours at up, so I'm pretty sure there over there time limit, especially since the she also shares a room and bed with them, so that should count as working too. I can't imagine she's getting much rest sharing a bed with the kids.
So which blessing Should she be counting?