3 days paid

ten days is not too much. I am a teacher and took 2 weeks when my father died suddenly. I did not take all of it paid, though, and I think that's acceptable.
Show some compassion. Just because your workplaces maybe don't give sufficient bereavement time doesn't mean you shouldnt. Death of a parent is really fucking hard.

Anonymous wrote:Have DH respond to her last reply by saying that your family will secure backup childcare until she returns on (specified date) and will cover three of the days she is gone as bereavement leave. Then ask her to let him know how she would like to cover the remaining time: PTO or unpaid leave so he can prepare her next paycheck.

+1 This is a very professional way of stating the situation and being firm but not cold. I'd hesitate to use any language like "I hate to make this time more stressful" or "I'm sorry" because you don't want to set the tone for you being in the wrong. It's easy (especially when emotional) to take a phrase like that and begin thinking "Yeah, she should be sorry!" or "It is stressful, that bitch!"

And I also agree with not assuming that she's taking advantage. You have no idea what her family is like - what if her mother has mental or emotional problems that make a sad situation catastrophic?

agree with PP it's all in the delivery. Simply tell her what you are willing to offer in a positive way, but clearly stating your limits.

Don't assume she's taking advantage. You have not yet been clear on what you are offering, she may not know what is standard and has kept you in the loop of what time she needs off and you have not conveyed that anything is unacceptablel so you can't go back and say so now.

I would not put a negative spin on your email or text to her. Simply tell her you are happy she has time with her mother, you have secured back up child care and will cover 3 days or one week of paid bereavement leave. Then say you are happy to allow her an additional X number of days off unpaid if she feels she needs it.

Don't apologize for not allowing more PTO or give any indication that you think this is/is not standard. You are being more than generous and any discussion of standard/non-standard seems cold and would cause me to question if i was indeed getting a fair deal.

I think the above method would get you a thank you and a happier nanny who will graciously return sooner

I was out for about 2 weeks when my father died. I flew to my home state when he went basically comatose. He was in hospice care and it was expected.

They emailed me while I was away and said they wanted to pay 5 days or bereavement, which I thought was generous. I took a week unpaid. I was not surprised by their offer. They are generous employers and generally very considerate. I had already used all of my vacation time to go help with the care of my father in the weeks before his death.

I'm an MB but disagree with some posters that you should discuss pay now. At your job, there is probably a handbook which discusses bereavement pay, or it's more "official" so less personal. You do have a more personal relationship with her and I think she would be pissed and think you were insensitive if you reached out during this bad time to say your only paying her for x days. I would just be supportive now and discuss it when she gets back.

Anonymous wrote:How much paid time do you get? Obviously, she had nothing to do with his death a n d I think you are making it much more stressful for her. If
If you had a death in your family, how would you feel if your boss did this to you?

I would feel great. OP is being generous.

I am a nanny, just text her ASAP that the second week or 3 days bereavement is the norm for sure she'll understand.

Anonymous wrote:I get 3 days, plus whatever of my 6 weeks vacation time I'd like.

I work for a Fortune 500 company and can work remotely though. I could never afford what your nanny is asking.

To be fair, the nanny hasn't said what she's expecting. OP is assuming, probably reasonably, that the nanny is hoping she will get paid. Whether or not she expects it is a different thing altogether.

I get 3 days, plus whatever of my 6 weeks vacation time I'd like.

I work for a Fortune 500 company and can work remotely though. I could never afford what your nanny is asking.

"Please don't tell her how inconvenient this is for you. Most likely, she knows and feels bad about it.
My dad just died and I took two days off to get my mind straight and my boss was really understanding. If they would have told me how inconvenient it was for them, I don't think I could have handled that. A family death is already stressful enough. Even if she wasn't close to her moms husband, seeing her mom in pain can't be much better."

2 days is very different from 10 days. What you took is reasonable. Even on the short end of reasonable I would say and of course it would have been wrong to guilt you about it. Op's nanny is taking 10 days and it was not even for a direct family member. Yes I think it is appropriate to make sure she understands OP is doing it because she values her nanny but that it is not easy given that this is way above and beyond typical bereavement time off.