Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As noted earlier, thus was the final straw. She left and she won't come back and even if she did the relationship would never bevthevsane. Both your DH and father are jackasses. No one, other than her physician, has ANY right to discuss her weight or make snide remarks aboutvwhst she eats. Unconscionable behavior. You are just as much to blame as you should have told your DH to keep his mouth shut.

She is gone. Learn from this.

Unfortunately for you OP posted right before you saying she came back and all is well. You look a bit silly.

Yes, I saw that when I posted. However. The working dynamic has changed drastically and I doubt the nanny stays for long, just until she finds a new job. The OP's husband is also a big problem that is not going to go away. This nanny didn't walk out just because of The grandfather's insensitivity there are other major problems.

I am glad for you, OP. I am the poster with the idiot FIL who nearly cost us our beloved nanny and I promised her the same - that she would never have to see my FIL again and if it came down to a choice between she or FIL that we would choose her to attend DD's birthday parties and events. We have kept our word.

Blood is not thicker than water when it comes to the happiness and well-being of our children.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. That sucks. I started a job once and I was literally 5-10lbs heavier than my normal 120 weight. That MB lived on a 3rd floor. She rudely says " Don't worry about the stairs - we will have a drink waiting for you". It was a dig and I laughed it off. She was overweight before she had her child. I realized she may have have jealous that I was skinned than her.

or maybe she just realized that walking up three flights of stairs with a child sucks...

No, everything anyone says to an overweight person is out of malice. No one can ever be nice to a fat person, that's common knowledge!

Good luck to you OP. Just say to your nanny what you said here. If she truly loves you (and I bet she does) she'll come back. I work for a family that has a lot of dynamic dysfunctions and I deal with them every day. My love for my charge (I hate that word) triumphs all. I'd walk through fire for that child. A few burning embers is no big deal.

Anonymous wrote:OP. That sucks. I started a job once and I was literally 5-10lbs heavier than my normal 120 weight. That MB lived on a 3rd floor. She rudely says " Don't worry about the stairs - we will have a drink waiting for you". It was a dig and I laughed it off. She was overweight before she had her child. I realized she may have have jealous that I was skinned than her.

or maybe she just realized that walking up three flights of stairs with a child sucks...

Anonymous wrote:As noted earlier, thus was the final straw. She left and she won't come back and even if she did the relationship would never bevthevsane. Both your DH and father are jackasses. No one, other than her physician, has ANY right to discuss her weight or make snide remarks aboutvwhst she eats. Unconscionable behavior. You are just as much to blame as you should have told your DH to keep his mouth shut.

She is gone. Learn from this.

Unfortunately for you OP posted right before you saying she came back and all is well. You look a bit silly.

OP. That sucks. I started a job once and I was literally 5-10lbs heavier than my normal 120 weight. That MB lived on a 3rd floor. She rudely says " Don't worry about the stairs - we will have a drink waiting for you". It was a dig and I laughed it off. She was overweight before she had her child. I realized she may have have jealous that I was skinned than her.

As noted earlier, thus was the final straw. She left and she won't come back and even if she did the relationship would never bevthevsane. Both your DH and father are jackasses. No one, other than her physician, has ANY right to discuss her weight or make snide remarks aboutvwhst she eats. Unconscionable behavior. You are just as much to blame as you should have told your DH to keep his mouth shut.

She is gone. Learn from this.

OP here. I got a response this morning. I talked to her and I apologized. I took your advice and told her she will never see my father again. He's kind of a jerk - already fat shames my mom and my SIL. I didn't think he would do it to our nanny. She has agreed to come back. We are excited.

DH is not fat shaming her. He spouts off things in general, not just weight. He's never commented on her weight. It's things like " you should eat this. It had so many antioxidants". You should "eat this - it's healthier". DH is a good guy and wouldn't purposely hurt her or anyone else's feelings.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My father, a devoted Fox News watcher since he retired, made an idiotic and insulting comment to our nanny regarding politics once. Our nanny tried to politely get away from him but he persisted and made her extremely uncomfortable. I apologized for him and did make it clear to her that she would never have to be in the same room with him again. When DD's next "event" came around, I invited our nanny and not my father. Our nanny's presence at this even meant far more to DD than her grandfather's presence ever would.

The bottom line is that your father does not need to be there everyday while your nanny does. Show her that you support her.

Sounds like you have your priorities all mixed up. You value your employee more than your own father? I can PROMISE you that your grandfather is more important in your child's life than a nanny. It's really sad that you are sabotaging that relationship before your daughter has the chance to decide for herself if she wants to have a grandfather in her life.

It depends on the grandfather. Not every grandmother and grandfather are good for children to be around. A loving nanny who cares about your children can easily be more important than a toxic and rude grandparent.

I have a very difficult Mother in Law. She says and does things that I don't want my children to be exposed to on a regular basis. For example, my children are biracial and she has said several things about the texture of their hair and skin color. Things like "Thank goodness their hair isn't course and just turned out curly" or "we are so lucky that their skin isn't darker", etc.

She is also very rude to our nanny, so we limit the time that she spends with any of us. Obviously she will always be their grandmother, but I value our nanny's loving and caring relationship with my children way more than I do hers.

OP I'm an overweight nanny with a thick skin who can hold my own so I would have had an equally rude and snappy comeback for your dad regarding his IQ or something. But not everyone has aged to the point of not caring what others think and when I was younger I may have done what your nanny did. Honestly, your dad alone probably isn't the problem but the combination of your dad plus your husband who "thinks he knows everything" would be a problem. Tell your husband to STFU because no one cares about his opinion about anything but especially food/weight/health related matters.

If you're lucky enough to get your nanny back, be sure to empower her (in front of your husband) to tell him to back off. She can tell him she consults w/ her doctor/registered dietitian/whomever for food and health related matters. In my experience, the ones spouting off about health and food related stuff usually are giving out really dated or just bad/uninformed information. Make sure she knows it's OK to tell DH and your dad to shut up and make sure they both know she's going to shut them down if they act like asshats.

Based on your follow-up, My guess is that she was already sick and tired of the comments from your tactless husband and having grandpa say something so incredibly offensive is what finally put her over the edge. In the future, if you want to keep an amazing nanny, you should not expect her to be understanding about your spouse regularly making denigrating personal comments.

Your father is way out of line and I would let him know! I would never come back to work for you unless you promised me I would never have to see that asshole again.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When did you become aware of the comments?
Did you apologize on behalf of your incredibly rude and insensitive father's horrid comments?
I would be mortified if that happened to me.

Our nanny told us there were remarks made but I did not know the extent of it until hours late. We have no issue with her weight and u know she has been happy with us. My husband has made comments about how she should eat this or that, but it's more because he thinks he know it all. He tells everyone ( including me) how this is healthier or taste better, etcetera. I guess maybe she felt shamed and disrespected. Apparently he made the comments in front of my mother, my brother, and his new wife. I know I would be hurt if someone publicly disrespected me, too. I feel the need to apologize in person - even if she chooses not to come back.

Wait, what? Her body is no one's business. She was probably suck of feeling criticized. Who knows what else your husband said when you weren't around, and now she gets it from the grandpa?
Yup bye.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My father, a devoted Fox News watcher since he retired, made an idiotic and insulting comment to our nanny regarding politics once. Our nanny tried to politely get away from him but he persisted and made her extremely uncomfortable. I apologized for him and did make it clear to her that she would never have to be in the same room with him again. When DD's next "event" came around, I invited our nanny and not my father. Our nanny's presence at this even meant far more to DD than her grandfather's presence ever would.

The bottom line is that your father does not need to be there everyday while your nanny does. Show her that you support her.

Sounds like you have your priorities all mixed up. You value your employee more than your own father? I can PROMISE you that your grandfather is more important in your child's life than a nanny. It's really sad that you are sabotaging that relationship before your daughter has the chance to decide for herself if she wants to have a grandfather in her life.

I wouldn't have an idiot Fox Parrot around my children anytime!