Anonymous wrote:oh, and PP here - we told our nanny we anticipated being in our care situation until preschool. That was clear. But "we anticipate" isn't "we will keep you on until _____". If you want a job for 3 years, the contract should be a 3 year contract.

That said, I don't know any job that doesn't allow for a change in situation or expectation. People's lives and needs change. A nanny only willing to work 40 hours a week isn't great for a family if a parent gets a promotion or needs to travel. And not everyone ANTICIPATES that happening to them when they have a child and are looking for care.

It sounds like a lot of you expect "be respectful of the nanny's life, not the family's". Everyone has changes

20.05 here.

I offer extreme flexibility, up to 24/7 care, and I have worked with families to met their needs every time they needed to switch or augment their schedule. But if the parent chooses to quit a job or cut their hours back to almost nothing, they don't need me. And I have yet to have more than 1 week of notice and no severance. Which is why my contract now reads guaranteed 2+ weeks notice (or pay out the unwanted time) and 2 weeks pay as severance. I have to pay my way back to my home base and start from scratch, and most live-in jobs are "stipend" (think a few hundred a month for lots of hours each week) or the situation is untenable.

oh, and PP here - we told our nanny we anticipated being in our care situation until preschool. That was clear. But "we anticipate" isn't "we will keep you on until _____". If you want a job for 3 years, the contract should be a 3 year contract.

That said, I don't know any job that doesn't allow for a change in situation or expectation. People's lives and needs change. A nanny only willing to work 40 hours a week isn't great for a family if a parent gets a promotion or needs to travel. And not everyone ANTICIPATES that happening to them when they have a child and are looking for care.

It sounds like a lot of you expect "be respectful of the nanny's life, not the family's". Everyone has changes

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A foolish economy, OP. Your son will be sick a lot his first year in daycare -- make sure you have the time to take off a lot of work.

When you tell your nanny make sure to ask her is she will occasionally babysit your child so she doesn't just vanish from his life.

Why would she want to come back? OP has her son waitlisted for daycare and NEVER mentioned it the nanny. Why would she work for someone this sneaky?

MB here - I've been on day care wait lists since I was 6 weeks pregnant and it's frankly none of my nanny's business. Why? Because I've turned the spots I've been offered away since I'm so happy with our current childcare situation. However, children get older and needs chance - a preschool or whatnot might be more appropriate for some kids. Some nanny's become unreliable, so staying on daycare lists is an insurance policy. It's not deceit unless the nanny is given no notice on purpose. some parents want the flexibility after a while of picking a child up later so they can go to the gym, or work a few extra hours. Having a nanny with a set schedule can be difficult for some parents if their jobs require flexibility. So you never know.

It absolutely is her business. She has the right to know that the job has the possibility of being temporary prior to accepting.
That would be a HUGE deciding factor for me.
She could have turned down a job with an awesome family that would have lasted for 5 years in order to take yours.
That's pretty sh*tty, Mommy.

That is temporary? Do you honestly expect to nanny your charges for 5+ years? 18 months is pretty solid. It's definitely not her business, as it is my nanny's right to look for a better situation as well.

As for NannyDeb - day care is MUCH more flexible than my nanny. My nanny works a set schedule. Overtime is very expensive and my nanny also prefers to not work overtime. We tried to shift our care schedule (extend, which would reflect overtime) due a change in employment situations for us, and our nanny declined. So we are set with the original 40 hours as when we agreed to in the contract over a year ago. That's not flexibility. I cherish our nanny, so we worked it out with our jobs to be able to keep our nanny. But don't get me wrong - day care is much better for many people's living situations. And the older my son gets, the more I see the benefits to being around other children more than just for a music class here, a story time there.

A good boss will have clear communication with the nanny and take the nanny's situation in to mind when deciding the next steps as their kid gets older. If we let our nanny go, we will give good notice and work to help her find a new family. This is WAY more than any other job does for employees.

our contract says employee at will, and that one month notice from either party is required. we are in a similiar situation and plan on paying her health insurance and pay for 2 additional months.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A foolish economy, OP. Your son will be sick a lot his first year in daycare -- make sure you have the time to take off a lot of work.

When you tell your nanny make sure to ask her is she will occasionally babysit your child so she doesn't just vanish from his life.

Why would she want to come back? OP has her son waitlisted for daycare and NEVER mentioned it the nanny. Why would she work for someone this sneaky?

MB here - I've been on day care wait lists since I was 6 weeks pregnant and it's frankly none of my nanny's business. Why? Because I've turned the spots I've been offered away since I'm so happy with our current childcare situation. However, children get older and needs chance - a preschool or whatnot might be more appropriate for some kids. Some nanny's become unreliable, so staying on daycare lists is an insurance policy. It's not deceit unless the nanny is given no notice on purpose. some parents want the flexibility after a while of picking a child up later so they can go to the gym, or work a few extra hours. Having a nanny with a set schedule can be difficult for some parents if their jobs require flexibility. So you never know.

It absolutely is her business. She has the right to know that the job has the possibility of being temporary prior to accepting.
That would be a HUGE deciding factor for me.
She could have turned down a job with an awesome family that would have lasted for 5 years in order to take yours.
That's pretty sh*tty, Mommy.

I agree. I've had three positions since 2012 that have ended prematurely because parents didn't tell me that they would be less than the 2 years I expected... In fact, all three told me that they were hoping to find someone that would stay for at least 3-5 years...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A foolish economy, OP. Your son will be sick a lot his first year in daycare -- make sure you have the time to take off a lot of work.

When you tell your nanny make sure to ask her is she will occasionally babysit your child so she doesn't just vanish from his life.

Why would she want to come back? OP has her son waitlisted for daycare and NEVER mentioned it the nanny. Why would she work for someone this sneaky?

MB here - I've been on day care wait lists since I was 6 weeks pregnant and it's frankly none of my nanny's business. Why? Because I've turned the spots I've been offered away since I'm so happy with our current childcare situation. However, children get older and needs chance - a preschool or whatnot might be more appropriate for some kids. Some nanny's become unreliable, so staying on daycare lists is an insurance policy. It's not deceit unless the nanny is given no notice on purpose. some parents want the flexibility after a while of picking a child up later so they can go to the gym, or work a few extra hours. Having a nanny with a set schedule can be difficult for some parents if their jobs require flexibility. So you never know.

It absolutely is her business. She has the right to know that the job has the possibility of being temporary prior to accepting.
That would be a HUGE deciding factor for me.
She could have turned down a job with an awesome family that would have lasted for 5 years in order to take yours.
That's pretty sh*tty, Mommy.

MB here - I've been on day care wait lists since I was 6 weeks pregnant and it's frankly none of my nanny's business. Why? Because I've turned the spots I've been offered away since I'm so happy with our current childcare situation. However, children get older and needs chance - a preschool or whatnot might be more appropriate for some kids. Some nanny's become unreliable, so staying on daycare lists is an insurance policy. It's not deceit unless the nanny is given no notice on purpose. some parents want the flexibility after a while of picking a child up later so they can go to the gym, or work a few extra hours. Having a nanny with a set schedule can be difficult for some parents if their jobs require flexibility. So you never know.

So you know of day cares that are MORE flexible than nanny care? That's amazing. In my personal experience, as a nanny, if my employers want to build time into their day to hit the gym, work a little extra, etc., they either ask me to work additional hours on an occasional basis, and we work out mutually agreeable times, or they ask me to add X hours to my work week. Of course, they then pay me for that additional time.

My impression of day cares is that they open at X time and close at Y time. There is no room for negotiation, and if you decide to hit the gym after work and show up an hour after closing time, you'll be facing a hefty penalty and possibly getting asked to leave the facility permanently. Day cares don't put up with late parents for very long at all, and they aren't what most people would call flexible.

OTOH, if an employer treats her nanny well, and asks for additional hours without demanding or being sullen if the answer is no, generally things can be worked out. And if nanny doesn't want more hours, she can always suggest her employers have a list of sitters to call.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A foolish economy, OP. Your son will be sick a lot his first year in daycare -- make sure you have the time to take off a lot of work.

When you tell your nanny make sure to ask her is she will occasionally babysit your child so she doesn't just vanish from his life.

Why would she want to come back? OP has her son waitlisted for daycare and NEVER mentioned it the nanny. Why would she work for someone this sneaky?

Because the nanny will be thinking about the best interest of the child and I am sure she loves him. Two is a terrible age to to transition into a institutional environment for a child who has only known one-on-one care (it is why preschools start at three-years-old not two) and the poor little thing is going to need all the consistency and support MB, DB and the nanny can muster.

Oh please. This doesn't need to be a dramatic and traumatic thing. It's a perfectly normal evolution, and millions of kid do wonderfully in daycare. Lots of nannies know this is a natural transition also and appreciate an employer who gives good notice and good references.

There is no good reason to worry an employee that their job may or may not be ending (as would happen if you let her know that you've put your child on a waitlist). Ample notice and graciousness about severance, references, etc... are all that's required.

Children do fine in daycare when they start as newborns and never know and different. Pick up any Childhood Development book and read how damaging it is to switch a toddler to a daycare setting (all day for 8 hours) between the ages of 18 and 35 months after having been home with a a parent or caregiver. Why else would most reputable preschools start at three-years-old and not two-years-old?

Name one child development book that says this. Just one.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A foolish economy, OP. Your son will be sick a lot his first year in daycare -- make sure you have the time to take off a lot of work.

When you tell your nanny make sure to ask her is she will occasionally babysit your child so she doesn't just vanish from his life.

Why would she want to come back? OP has her son waitlisted for daycare and NEVER mentioned it the nanny. Why would she work for someone this sneaky?

MB here - I've been on day care wait lists since I was 6 weeks pregnant and it's frankly none of my nanny's business. Why? Because I've turned the spots I've been offered away since I'm so happy with our current childcare situation. However, children get older and needs chance - a preschool or whatnot might be more appropriate for some kids. Some nanny's become unreliable, so staying on daycare lists is an insurance policy. It's not deceit unless the nanny is given no notice on purpose. some parents want the flexibility after a while of picking a child up later so they can go to the gym, or work a few extra hours. Having a nanny with a set schedule can be difficult for some parents if their jobs require flexibility. So you never know.

Wow, $320/mo? Did you mean $320/week? We put our younger son in day care (9 months old at the time) temporarily while our nanny was getting surgery (out about 7 to 8 weeks) and he absolutely hated it. Plus he was out sick about 10 of the 31 days he attended so it really wasn't the greatest (thank goodness my work offers back up care--had nanny come to our house while DH or I teleworked).

We are really stretching (about $700/wk for toddler and preschooler (goes to school part-time)) to keep our nanny until at least 2.5 years old. If we could afford it, I'd keep her until he was in kindergarten.

Best of luck to you and your family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be pissed. I never would accept a job from a family hoping to get into a daycare. You're going to spend more than $320/month on emergency care and sick time when your kid is sick every other week.

Be sick for a couple years as a kid or be sick constantly as an adult, I know which one I would go for.

The first year in just preschool wiped out DH and I along with DC. I swear we were sick constantly for the first year.

Anonymous wrote:OP here.. Thanks everyone(even the snarky ones) I think I will give a months notice at least and a great ref. I have plenty of sick time left and a great employer so I am not too concerned about taking sick time if needed or working from home. while I sympathise with my nanny (hence the post in the first place) and will do whatever I can to help her I need to make a decision that is right for my child and me.

That sounds perfect OP. A relatively low-stress approach for you, ample considerate notice to your nanny (and it sounds like you could manage if she found another position sooner than a month) and a completely reasonable approach as an employer.

Good for you.

Anonymous wrote:OP here.. Thanks everyone(even the snarky ones) I think I will give a months notice at least and a great ref. I have plenty of sick time left and a great employer so I am not too concerned about taking sick time if needed or working from home. while I sympathise with my nanny (hence the post in the first place) and will do whatever I can to help her I need to make a decision that is right for my child and me.

You don't think about your Kid,you think about save Money.
You have to pay her 4 weeks and help her to find a very good replacement..grrrrrr....

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A foolish economy, OP. Your son will be sick a lot his first year in daycare -- make sure you have the time to take off a lot of work.

When you tell your nanny make sure to ask her is she will occasionally babysit your child so she doesn't just vanish from his life.

Why would she want to come back? OP has her son waitlisted for daycare and NEVER mentioned it the nanny. Why would she work for someone this sneaky?

Because the nanny will be thinking about the best interest of the child and I am sure she loves him. Two is a terrible age to to transition into a institutional environment for a child who has only known one-on-one care (it is why preschools start at three-years-old not two) and the poor little thing is going to need all the consistency and support MB, DB and the nanny can muster.

Oh please. This doesn't need to be a dramatic and traumatic thing. It's a perfectly normal evolution, and millions of kid do wonderfully in daycare. Lots of nannies know this is a natural transition also and appreciate an employer who gives good notice and good references.

There is no good reason to worry an employee that their job may or may not be ending (as would happen if you let her know that you've put your child on a waitlist). Ample notice and graciousness about severance, references, etc... are all that's required.

Children do fine in daycare when they start as newborns and never know and different. Pick up any Childhood Development book and read how damaging it is to switch a toddler to a daycare setting (all day for 8 hours) between the ages of 18 and 35 months after having been home with a a parent or caregiver. Why else would most reputable preschools start at three-years-old and not two-years-old?

Anonymous wrote:I would be pissed. I never would accept a job from a family hoping to get into a daycare. You're going to spend more than $320/month on emergency care and sick time when your kid is sick every other week.

Be sick for a couple years as a kid or be sick constantly as an adult, I know which one I would go for.