It sounds like your nanny doesn't have any clue as to how to care for young infants such as yours.

You even stated that one reference told you that she wasn't all that smart about development stages and from what you wrote, this is perfectly clear. Has she ever cared for babies prior?

It is a huge deal-breaker to feed your baby food that you didn't authorize. HUGE. She has no right feeding your baby solids unless you give the green light. What a huge liability for her if something should happen to your baby.

Re: keeping a log of everything, even though she agreed upon hire, caring for two babies is monumental. So to have to record how many diapers, etc. may just add undue stress to an already heavy workload.

Unless she is getting paid a pretty penny for all she does, I would let the log go.

But not her feeding your child unauthorized food. Huge no no.

I'll be a dissenter and say that she sounds like a poor nanny. Yes, one baby may need lots of holding and attention, but if you are working a share then you a) figure out a way to engage the "easy" baby WHILE holding the fussy one or b) explain to both families that the sahre is not working because one baby is too demanding. If he is a normal, but fussier-than-usual baby, she should be working with him to establish some self-soothing and coping techniques (or at least to skew schedules so that the other baby gets one-on-one during fushsy baby's naps). If he has some sort of medical or developmental issue that makes it impossible to hold or interact with the easy babyfor large portions of the day, then he is too needy to be in a share. End of story.

As for food, you don't go off-menu when introducing solids. Parents need to know every bite their kid has so that they can monitoe for emerging allergies.

And the log thing is ridiculous. I currently care for a 6-month-old and her 2.5 yo twin sibs. My previous family included infant twins. For both of them I managed to keep a log of every bowel movement, every activity, every bit of solid food (and specific amounts for infants), how many oz of milk, AND took photos of what we did all day and texted MBs about how the day went. I get that shares are tougher than twins, but the fact that she doesn't even expect this of herself tells me that she just sucks at multi-tasking, and that is not a good trait for a share nanny.

Sick babies are a huge problem with shares. Just one baby who isn't up to par, is very difficult to manage. When you get two sick babies, forget it. You get one or the other, or both, crying all day. It's so sad.

Anonymous wrote:It is probably something I should consider, but one thing I really like about the share is the social interaction of playing with someone close to my baby's age.

There are playdates, story time at the library, toddler gymnastics... many possibilities for social interaction even with your own nanny.

I think some babies naturally demand more attention. If your baby is safe and is being played with, but is content to play on his own, I don't think I see a problem with the nanny having to take care of the other baby if he is high-needs. If anything, she is preventing a total meltdown from both babies by not allowing the other baby to cry for extended periods of time.

The food, I would definitely have a sit down with her. Is there a reason that you provide certain foods (allergies, doctor's orders, etc.)? I mean, it's totally up to you what to feed him no matter what, but perhaps it would help in reiterating that he is only supposed to eat certain things. This would be my biggest problem with your nanny, especially since you said she started feeding solids before you gave her permission to.

As for the diaper log, I would probably let that one go. She is very busy with two babies. If you still want to have that aspect of communication, maybe work in 10-15 mins before she is relieved to talk about your day. Ask what they did, what baby ate and if his diapers were normal. Perhaps when you tell her not to worry about the logs anymore, you can ask her to shoot you a text if your baby doesn't eat, isn't napping well, has a tummy ache, etc.

absolutely agree with the two PPs, I'm the PP that said I'm a nanny that's only done shares. I'm great at my job but realistically speaking, I cannot give 100% to both children. it sounds like the OP is not a share parent - again, that's ok, but now that you recognize that perhaps it is time to move on

16:41 makes good points. In my personal opinion as a long time nanny, specializing in care between newborn and age 4, children don't really get anything out of a share socially until at least 12 months, realistically more like 18-24 months of age.

I've worked with plenty of twins, and although they notice each other and smile at each other as infants, prior to 10 months they barely really interact at all, and even when they start to, it is only to steal toys away from each other (which is /great/, because no matter how much you work on sharing, taking turns, and not grabbing, it doesn't start sinking in until 15-18 months at the earliest). And even though they might start to play alongside each other earlier, they do not actually play WITH each other until closer to 2 years old.

IMO, if social interaction with peers at a young age is super important to a parent, who still wants the close attention of a nanny, my recommendation is not to do a share but rather have a nanny who takes your child to music classes, library story times, and the playground frequently. If you really want a share, find a nanny who is open to one, and start doing a share after the child reaches 18-24 months of age. If you do a share before that your child sacrifices much more than he/she gets out of it.

Anonymous wrote:It is probably something I should consider, but one thing I really like about the share is the social interaction of playing with someone close to my baby's age.

I seriously don't know where parents get this idea of their baby needing a full-time playmate. Do you have any idea how challenging it is for one person to be constantly juggling two babies? Bottle feeding, diapers, naps, playtime, outings, Monday morning reclamation, etc. I think it simply sounds sweet, but it can be hell, unless everything happens to be compatible. I know two parent families EXAUSTED after a weekend of only ONE baby between TWO adults. And it's not like they got much else done.

Some share nannies get used to lots of crying.

Your nanny is experienced with shares, and came highly recommended (for the most part at least). It sounds like you've already discussed these issues with her, yet you are still unhappy with the care your child is receiving. It sounds like the other child's neediness isn't going to improve any time soon. It seems to me you have a few options:
1) Hire your own nanny
2) Find a different family and a new nanny for a share
3) Discuss with the other family in your share about hiring a different nanny. Your son will still take a back seat when the other child is being fussy, but perhaps other issues (food, logs) will be improved.
4) Quit your job to be a stay at home mom

Personally I don't think you should ignore the posters who've said you should reconsider the idea of a share.

It is probably something I should consider, but one thing I really like about the share is the social interaction of playing with someone close to my baby's age.

Can you afford a nanny just for your child?

Oh, and the 15 minute interval chart suggestion is really helpful too. Thank you for all the input, comments, and sugestions. I really appreciate it.