Anonymous wrote:I have never gotten my au pairs gifts for these holidays. My rule is that if the kids are getting gifts for a holiday (Easter, Christmas etc) that the au pair gets a gift too.

This.

AP gets a birthday gift, christmas gifts, easter basket, St. Nicholas (if she comes from a country that celebrates it) that's it.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. How would you handle it if an otherwise good AP made frequent complaints about presents and other expectations that are unconventional?

I'd have to be totally honest. "AP, you have repeatedly brought up not getting gifts for certain holidays. In my family, adults don't ever get gifts on x, y, and z holidays. It sounds like you are upset that you weren't given gifts, but it didn't even occur to me since they are not gift giving holidays on our culture. It is starting to really confuse me that you keep bringing this up. Can you tell me more about what you're feeling?"