Agree that there is a lot of ambiguity here. If nanny firmly set dates in writing, nanny is going to have to concede the issue, IMO. But if OP didn't get a definite set plan and dates in writing, then she will need to concede.

It would be best to try to compromise, but if that can't be done, maybe a fresh start would be best for everyone?

It does not matter how often OP goes on vacation. That's is OPs time with her family, in her destination of choice, having the time of her life. The nanny is prepared to work those days in order to save the money it takes to travel to see her own family and create her own memories. Unless OP gives notice far in advance then that is not the nannys vacation time. If, on the other hand, nanny has at least two months notice then OP has a valid point.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think your rage is preventing you from seeing this from a level perspective. She proposed dates and gave you a ballpark. She could not have known that the airlines would jack prices up that week. Her friend could only ask for your preferred dates off and see whether her employer approved it. You can not know there was any bad intention on your nannys part, in fact it sounds like she started planning far in advance to minimize the inconvenience to you. Imagine if she travelled before or after you materity leave?? If your nanny gave you a ballpark and and the time she eventually chose is within it, then you have been treated fairly. I understand that you did tell her what dates work best for you. If she can not afford to fly on your preferred dates or her travel companion can not fly during those dates, is she to not have her vacation at all? That seems incredibly harsh.

so one employer approves vacations but another doesn't? interesting different levels of professionalism here.

No, different contexts. One employee will wash your dirty underwear and the other will not. Different levels of compromise here.

Anonymous wrote:Just get another nanny that knows the significance of giving birth, weaving a newborn into a working family's routine, and not having family help in-state.

A nanny that prioritizes her 5th, 6th or 7th vacation week of the year over her boss family's time of turmoil and change is not a caring nor understanding nanny.

Last year's change may have been accommodated, but this summer sounds quite different.

I agree with this, but this is on OP. She needed to tell the nanny that she would not approve vacation during the weeks right around her due date and encourage her to make plans at other times. She didn't say this, though, and now she's in this pickle.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think your rage is preventing you from seeing this from a level perspective. She proposed dates and gave you a ballpark. She could not have known that the airlines would jack prices up that week. Her friend could only ask for your preferred dates off and see whether her employer approved it. You can not know there was any bad intention on your nannys part, in fact it sounds like she started planning far in advance to minimize the inconvenience to you. Imagine if she travelled before or after you materity leave?? If your nanny gave you a ballpark and and the time she eventually chose is within it, then you have been treated fairly. I understand that you did tell her what dates work best for you. If she can not afford to fly on your preferred dates or her travel companion can not fly during those dates, is she to not have her vacation at all? That seems incredibly harsh.

so one employer approves vacations but another doesn't? interesting different levels of professionalism here.

Just get another nanny that knows the significance of giving birth, weaving a newborn into a working family's routine, and not having family help in-state.

A nanny that prioritizes her 5th, 6th or 7th vacation week of the year over her boss family's time of turmoil and change is not a caring nor understanding nanny.

Last year's change may have been accommodated, but this summer sounds quite different.

OP, I think your rage is preventing you from seeing this from a level perspective. She proposed dates and gave you a ballpark. She could not have known that the airlines would jack prices up that week. Her friend could only ask for your preferred dates off and see whether her employer approved it. You can not know there was any bad intention on your nannys part, in fact it sounds like she started planning far in advance to minimize the inconvenience to you. Imagine if she travelled before or after you materity leave?? If your nanny gave you a ballpark and and the time she eventually chose is within it, then you have been treated fairly. I understand that you did tell her what dates work best for you. If she can not afford to fly on your preferred dates or her travel companion can not fly during those dates, is she to not have her vacation at all? That seems incredibly harsh.

Anonymous wrote:...We said we were not going anywhere and that the last week of July and first week of August would be best. We have another baby due then and the grandparents can fly in to cover caring for the older child.
We said this verbally and in writing. It seemed agreeable by both sides...

This part is really bugging me. OP, when you say "it seemed agreeable.." that seems too ambiguous to me. Did your nanny say "Yes, those dates work for me." ??? OR, did she say "those dates should probably work for me." ??? You might want to go back to the writing you've mentioned (texts/emails/whatever) and make sure that she definitively said those were the dates she would take her vacation, and not anything less committed (like "probably" or "I think they should" etc).

OPs nanny was trying to be accommodating, which is why she asked which dates her MB would prefer. She tried to make it work, and it didn't. If the nanny had not asked for MBs input, and arrived at the dates (end of August) by herself, MB would still be in the same position because DBs pat leave would be over by then, and as OP has stated, the grandparents have other plans at that time. DBs paternity leave timing AND the grandparents being unavailable at that time are both factors that have NOTHING AT ALL to do with the nanny changing her mind about dates; it would have been an inconvenient time regardless of any previous discussions on vacation dates. Which is why the responsibility to deal with the situation (hire a temp nanny for a week?) lies solely with MB.

I don't know much about the airline change fees but I know I was able to change tickets I bought through Alaska airlines three months in advance with no extra fees. It's definitely worth asking the airline, especially since it is so far in advance.

She is being a little selfish here and or course, very inconsiderate OP.

She is trying to change a plan that she had previously agreed to + that is on her.

I say since you have no other back-up options at your disposal, let her know that you must stick to the original plan.

If she balks or refuses, then this could be a potential deal-breaker for both sides.

Does she perhaps have a mother or a close friend who she can recommend to fill in for her the week she wants off? That is the only compromise I can think of right now.

You know what happens in real salaried jobs when you tell your boss, team and division you are taking off the first week of August? They OK it and go make redundancy and client coverage plans.

You know what happens when two months later you say, oop, changed my mind, I want to save a few bucks and go at the end of August, I don't care if that's the craziest time of the year at the office.

You're fired.

nannydebsays wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Two months ago our nanny of two years asked when would be a good time in August for her to take her 1 week vacation or if we were going anywhere.

We said we were not going anywhere and that the last week of July and first week of August would be best. We have another baby due then and the grandparents can fly in to cover caring for the older child.
We said this verbally and in writing. It seemed agreeable by both sides.

Yesterday, our nanny said she now wants a different week off, later in August. I explained that we went over this in January, made back-up care plans, the grandparents bought their flights, my husband can't take off more work then, etc. And I asked why she changed her plans?
She cited her friend can't get off of work until later and her domestic flights are cheaper later in August.

I am unhappy to hear this, as she did this same thing last summer, only with 1 months notice that she changed her vacation timing, again, based on "cheaper flights" or "her travel friend's cheaper flights." We have a lot of parts this summer to manage and frankly none of them can move. Grandparents can't fly back, husband can't take off of more work on top of paternity leave, and I'll be recovering, caring for a newborn and an energetic toddler.

I left things that we would all have to discuss this further, this is not what we previously discussed nor planned. Does my nanny just not understand? Or what is going on?

For those who missed it, OP said they also take 4 - 6 weeks off a year, and that nanny is paid for those weeks.

OP, do you give nanny plenty of notice (8 weeks+) for those weeks? If so, then you are not at all in the wrong here, since nanny has time to make plans for 4 - 6 weeks a year around your schedule. If these 4 - 6 weeks are last minute, then I can see the side of the PP's saying your poor nanny has only 1 week, yadda yadda, yadda.

In your shoes, I would sit down with nanny and say, "When we discussed your week off earlier, you told us specific dates. We made our plans for other coverage based on the dates you first gave us, and relatives have made their travel plans based on your dates. This year, with so much going on, we simply cannot change our schedules. I am so sorry. We would be willing to discuss your taking a different week off unpaid to travel with your friend, or to have you work one of our weeks off doing all the little kid related odds and ends that never seem to be finished. Let's sit down to talk in a week and see how we can make this work for everyone."

Nope. If my MB refused my vacation request with 4 months notice, I would interpret that as I don't actually have any vacation time of my own choosing, and I'd be looking for a new job. OPs nanny didn't give them these dates, OP chose them for her. Now OPs nanny has come back (with 4 months notice!) to say she'd actually like to go in August. I'm sorry, but I don't think her nanny has done anything wrong here. She tried to accommodate OP but it turns out that doesn't really work for her, and it is after all HER vacation.

Anonymous wrote:Two months ago our nanny of two years asked when would be a good time in August for her to take her 1 week vacation or if we were going anywhere.

We said we were not going anywhere and that the last week of July and first week of August would be best. We have another baby due then and the grandparents can fly in to cover caring for the older child.
We said this verbally and in writing. It seemed agreeable by both sides.

Yesterday, our nanny said she now wants a different week off, later in August. I explained that we went over this in January, made back-up care plans, the grandparents bought their flights, my husband can't take off more work then, etc. And I asked why she changed her plans?
She cited her friend can't get off of work until later and her domestic flights are cheaper later in August.

I am unhappy to hear this, as she did this same thing last summer, only with 1 months notice that she changed her vacation timing, again, based on "cheaper flights" or "her travel friend's cheaper flights." We have a lot of parts this summer to manage and frankly none of them can move. Grandparents can't fly back, husband can't take off of more work on top of paternity leave, and I'll be recovering, caring for a newborn and an energetic toddler.

I left things that we would all have to discuss this further, this is not what we previously discussed nor planned. Does my nanny just not understand? Or what is going on?

For those who missed it, OP said they also take 4 - 6 weeks off a year, and that nanny is paid for those weeks.

OP, do you give nanny plenty of notice (8 weeks+) for those weeks? If so, then you are not at all in the wrong here, since nanny has time to make plans for 4 - 6 weeks a year around your schedule. If these 4 - 6 weeks are last minute, then I can see the side of the PP's saying your poor nanny has only 1 week, yadda yadda, yadda.

In your shoes, I would sit down with nanny and say, "When we discussed your week off earlier, you told us specific dates. We made our plans for other coverage based on the dates you first gave us, and relatives have made their travel plans based on your dates. This year, with so much going on, we simply cannot change our schedules. I am so sorry. We would be willing to discuss your taking a different week off unpaid to travel with your friend, or to have you work one of our weeks off doing all the little kid related odds and ends that never seem to be finished. Let's sit down to talk in a week and see how we can make this work for everyone."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Two months ago our nanny of two years asked when would be a good time in August for her to take her 1 week vacation or if we were going anywhere.

We said we were not going anywhere and that the last week of July and first week of August would be best. We have another baby due then and the grandparents can fly in to cover caring for the older child.
We said this verbally and in writing. It seemed agreeable by both sides.

Yesterday, our nanny said she now wants a different week off, later in August. I explained that we went over this in January, made back-up care plans, the grandparents bought their flights, my husband can't take off more work then, etc. And I asked why she changed her plans?
She cited her friend can't get off of work until later and her domestic flights are cheaper later in August.

I am unhappy to hear this, as she did this same thing last summer, only with 1 months notice that she changed her vacation timing, again, based on "cheaper flights" or "her travel friend's cheaper flights." We have a lot of parts this summer to manage and frankly none of them can move. Grandparents can't fly back, husband can't take off of more work on top of paternity leave, and I'll be recovering, caring for a newborn and an energetic toddler.

I left things that we would all have to discuss this further, this is not what we previously discussed nor planned. Does my nanny just not understand? Or what is going on?

Our nanny always asks when we are going first so she can go at the same time.
I suppose the flipside would be a sly nanny who always asks when you are going so she can take the adjacent week off and have a two weeker! How thoughtful!

When you basically set it up in a way that essentially gives your nanny 5 days for the entire year that she can plan a trip, you set yourself up for this. It isn't really thoughtful to force her to take vacation at your convenience, just so that YOU dont have to give up much of your own vacation time. My employers gave me full control over my two weeks. Guess what? I have no reason to play games with them about my vacation, and it is they who plan trips during my vacation because I give them months of notice. Dont play games then whine when you lose.

You're basically creating incentive for her to not give you so much notice in the future. You've proven yourself to be rigid and unaccommodating. She made her initial plans based off of what worked well for you months in advance. She has now realized that it doesn't work so well for her. Whose vacation is it? Hers? She should get to decide when she goes. So you have to hire a temp. You probably would have had to do so anyway if she had decided to vacation at any other time this year than the most convenient week for you.

Anonymous wrote:Two months ago our nanny of two years asked when would be a good time in August for her to take her 1 week vacation or if we were going anywhere.

We said we were not going anywhere and that the last week of July and first week of August would be best. We have another baby due then and the grandparents can fly in to cover caring for the older child.
We said this verbally and in writing. It seemed agreeable by both sides.

Yesterday, our nanny said she now wants a different week off, later in August. I explained that we went over this in January, made back-up care plans, the grandparents bought their flights, my husband can't take off more work then, etc. And I asked why she changed her plans?
She cited her friend can't get off of work until later and her domestic flights are cheaper later in August.

I am unhappy to hear this, as she did this same thing last summer, only with 1 months notice that she changed her vacation timing, again, based on "cheaper flights" or "her travel friend's cheaper flights." We have a lot of parts this summer to manage and frankly none of them can move. Grandparents can't fly back, husband can't take off of more work on top of paternity leave, and I'll be recovering, caring for a newborn and an energetic toddler.

I left things that we would all have to discuss this further, this is not what we previously discussed nor planned. Does my nanny just not understand? Or what is going on?

Our nanny always asks when we are going first so she can go at the same time.
I suppose the flipside would be a sly nanny who always asks when you are going so she can take the adjacent week off and have a two weeker! How thoughtful!