Anonymous
03/09/2015 19:03
Subject: New nanny doing well but some issues I need opinions on dealing with
Anonymous wrote:I think some of you are reacting to the OP's writing style. My guess is that she usually speaks French, and her English is coming off as stiff and formal. Some of you need to get over yourselves.
I agree that it's not fair to make her stay in her room after working hours; she probably wanted to be a live in to have that "family" feeling, especially if she lives in a different country from her own family.
However, I disagree that "off the clock" means she can ignore the household. She is an adult living in the house, and if the kids are present, she needs to model reasonable behavior, which includes watching out for the baby. It's a problem when kids see family roles very rigidly adhered to; then they start to think they have the option to choose a role that does not include things they don't want to do either. If the kids are older than elementary age, I would change my feeling about this -- older kids could understand the "off the clock" thing.
OP, you and the nanny need to sit and talk about these issues. She may choose to stay in her room more if she sees that being in the living room means more participation than she'd like.
Anonymous
03/09/2015 17:29
Subject: New nanny doing well but some issues I need opinions on dealing with
Anonymous wrote:nannydebsays wrote:so OP, you want your employee to be just that. An employee who comes in, does her job, and leaves. That means you need a LIVE-OUT caregiver.
You cannot rationally expect that you can open the door to the 250 sq ft bedroom she uses at her start time and then that you can put her back in her room when her work day is over. Her room might be 15' x 17' - would you go stir crazy if you were told to stay in that size space when you are "home" and not working?
I never said i wanted her locked in her room. She has an entire house. She is welcomed to sit with us but if she does then she is expected to act like I or my husband would or even my teenager. Responsible and aware of what is going on around her. So if my kids went into her room and hung out while she is in there, would that be ok to you guys? I really don't think so. Anyway it looks like I am wasting my time wih most of you here. Some that did respond were very helpful and I thank you, but some of you just talk out of your butts without thinking things through or reading properly.
You are a nasty person. Good luck to you.
Anonymous
03/09/2015 16:22
Subject: New nanny doing well but some issues I need opinions on dealing with
Hey OP -I'm on your side here, but you are coming off as fairly hostile. For DCUM you actually got a reasonable amount of helpful advice/responses!
Anonymous
03/09/2015 16:19
Subject: New nanny doing well but some issues I need opinions on dealing with
Anonymous wrote:OP, you made the choice to employ a live-in so therefore you will have to make some serious compromises here.
As a live-in, she is living in your home meaning your home is now HER home as well. She isn't just a houseguest, correct? So after she finishes her work day, then I think she is entitled to hang out in the common area(s) and do what she likes. It would be unfair to ask her to go to her room and/or limit her to only a small portion of your home.
And since she had the kids all day long, she is no longer responsible if they act up and/or get in to anything. She is no longer "on the clock" so do not expect her to be your ears and eyes all the time just because she is around.
That is pure nonsense.
Tell your kids that after such and such time, the nanny/housekeeper is technically off duty, so she is no longer responsible for them. It is now her time to relax and if they need anything, they are to ask you. If they hurt themselves, then it is YOUR responsibility, not HERS.
I think you want her around for convenience, mostly your own only.
I mean...You obviously are already getting a great deal from her. You are not paying her any overtime pay.
What more do you want??
I agree with all of this!
Anonymous
03/09/2015 16:18
Subject: New nanny doing well but some issues I need opinions on dealing with
nannydebsays wrote:so OP, you want your employee to be just that. An employee who comes in, does her job, and leaves. That means you need a LIVE-OUT caregiver.
You cannot rationally expect that you can open the door to the 250 sq ft bedroom she uses at her start time and then that you can put her back in her room when her work day is over. Her room might be 15' x 17' - would you go stir crazy if you were told to stay in that size space when you are "home" and not working?
I never said i wanted her locked in her room. She has an entire house. She is welcomed to sit with us but if she does then she is expected to act like I or my husband would or even my teenager. Responsible and aware of what is going on around her. So if my kids went into her room and hung out while she is in there, would that be ok to you guys? I really don't think so. Anyway it looks like I am wasting my time wih most of you here. Some that did respond were very helpful and I thank you, but some of you just talk out of your butts without thinking things through or reading properly.
Anonymous
03/09/2015 16:11
Subject: New nanny doing well but some issues I need opinions on dealing with
Anonymous wrote:Does she have an actual separate apartment or just some dumpy room in your house. If an apartment it's ok to expect her to spend most of her off time there. If some crummy little room, then you're WAY out of line to expect her to spend off hours there. Further, you're out of line to expect her to do anything with your kids after her shift ends. She did her job and she gets time off. Put your kid in a playpen or high chair of they need supervision you can't provide. Obviously if something is life threatening she should step in but otherwise, no. Also, you should be telling her to stop at 7 or else pay extra for the extra time.
+1
nannydebsays
03/09/2015 15:52
Subject: New nanny doing well but some issues I need opinions on dealing with
so OP, you want your employee to be just that. An employee who comes in, does her job, and leaves. That means you need a LIVE-OUT caregiver.
You cannot rationally expect that you can open the door to the 250 sq ft bedroom she uses at her start time and then that you can put her back in her room when her work day is over. Her room might be 15' x 17' - would you go stir crazy if you were told to stay in that size space when you are "home" and not working?
You cannot rationally expect that you can open the door to the 250 sq ft bedroom she uses at her start time and then that you can put her back in her room when her work day is over. Her room might be 15' x 17' - would you go stir crazy if you were told to stay in that size space when you are "home" and not working?
Anonymous
03/09/2015 15:04
Subject: New nanny doing well but some issues I need opinions on dealing with
I think some of you are reacting to the OP's writing style. My guess is that she usually speaks French, and her English is coming off as stiff and formal. Some of you need to get over yourselves.
I agree that it's not fair to make her stay in her room after working hours; she probably wanted to be a live in to have that "family" feeling, especially if she lives in a different country from her own family.
However, I disagree that "off the clock" means she can ignore the household. She is an adult living in the house, and if the kids are present, she needs to model reasonable behavior, which includes watching out for the baby. It's a problem when kids see family roles very rigidly adhered to; then they start to think they have the option to choose a role that does not include things they don't want to do either. If the kids are older than elementary age, I would change my feeling about this -- older kids could understand the "off the clock" thing.
OP, you and the nanny need to sit and talk about these issues. She may choose to stay in her room more if she sees that being in the living room means more participation than she'd like.
I agree that it's not fair to make her stay in her room after working hours; she probably wanted to be a live in to have that "family" feeling, especially if she lives in a different country from her own family.
However, I disagree that "off the clock" means she can ignore the household. She is an adult living in the house, and if the kids are present, she needs to model reasonable behavior, which includes watching out for the baby. It's a problem when kids see family roles very rigidly adhered to; then they start to think they have the option to choose a role that does not include things they don't want to do either. If the kids are older than elementary age, I would change my feeling about this -- older kids could understand the "off the clock" thing.
OP, you and the nanny need to sit and talk about these issues. She may choose to stay in her room more if she sees that being in the living room means more participation than she'd like.
Anonymous
03/09/2015 13:01
Subject: Re:New nanny doing well but some issues I need opinions on dealing with
Finally seeing some normal posts from people than can relate to my concern. For the rest of you, I am not sure if some of you are nannies that were abused, but I don't believe that I should give up my family time or life because we hired a live in. We sponsored this lady from another country. The sponsorship program requires she is a live in. I feel like it is a mutual thing. She helps us with our daily household schedule and in return we gave her a chance to come to Canada, charge her no room and board or for food and pay her for all her services. but like the previous poster said, if she is going to be involved with the family on her time off, then I expect her to act like one of the adult members if i have to go to bathroom or if i go to the kitchen to wash a dish or put some food/juice for a child. I don't just dump my kids there, go take a nap and expect her to care for them
Anonymous
03/09/2015 12:25
Subject: New nanny doing well but some issues I need opinions on dealing with
Anonymous wrote:You give up certain things when you have a live-in. This is her home too. You can't just tell her she isn't allowed to be in a common area. Why the hell are you leaving your baby alone?
This is ridiculous. You don't have to give up being comfortable in your own home in order to have a live-in. And of course you can tell her that a certain common area is off limits for the time you are using it, unless she is actively helping you. For example, she is not free to use the kitchen to make her own dinner while you are making dinner for the rest of the family.
Anonymous
03/09/2015 11:59
Subject: New nanny doing well but some issues I need opinions on dealing with
You give up certain things when you have a live-in. This is her home too. You can't just tell her she isn't allowed to be in a common area. Why the hell are you leaving your baby alone?
Anonymous
03/09/2015 11:21
Subject: New nanny doing well but some issues I need opinions on dealing with
Anonymous wrote:If you want her to help and keep an eye on the kids when she's off the clock then you should compensate her.
When I stay over at nanny families house due to weather I'm off the clock. They don't have a large house and only one family room so I can either go to the guest room or sit in the family room. If the kids come up to me I don't ignore them but my bosses usually step in and move them away from me to give me a break.
It sounds like you go and do other things around the house when nanny is around and expect her to work. You need to make sure you are watching your baby to correct behavior they are doing and stop relying on the nanny. First you say you want her to feel and act like family then you say you want her to go to her area when she's off. I agree with others there's something about you that comes across that you're difficult. Maybe a live out would be better for you
I don't know. I think this makes sense for one night, but after a month or two of moving your children away from your nanny so that she can have a break, I think I would also be asking her to take her break in another room too.
And maybe my kids are weird, but if someone is watching television in my house, that's where the kids are. They will hang out in the kitchen and "help" or color while I clean up, but not if spongebob is on in the next room. And if you are going to do something that is going to attract the kids to you like a magnet, then you are at least partly responsible for their behavior once they get there.
Anonymous
03/09/2015 11:09
Subject: New nanny doing well but some issues I need opinions on dealing with
If you want her to help and keep an eye on the kids when she's off the clock then you should compensate her.
When I stay over at nanny families house due to weather I'm off the clock. They don't have a large house and only one family room so I can either go to the guest room or sit in the family room. If the kids come up to me I don't ignore them but my bosses usually step in and move them away from me to give me a break.
It sounds like you go and do other things around the house when nanny is around and expect her to work. You need to make sure you are watching your baby to correct behavior they are doing and stop relying on the nanny. First you say you want her to feel and act like family then you say you want her to go to her area when she's off. I agree with others there's something about you that comes across that you're difficult. Maybe a live out would be better for you
When I stay over at nanny families house due to weather I'm off the clock. They don't have a large house and only one family room so I can either go to the guest room or sit in the family room. If the kids come up to me I don't ignore them but my bosses usually step in and move them away from me to give me a break.
It sounds like you go and do other things around the house when nanny is around and expect her to work. You need to make sure you are watching your baby to correct behavior they are doing and stop relying on the nanny. First you say you want her to feel and act like family then you say you want her to go to her area when she's off. I agree with others there's something about you that comes across that you're difficult. Maybe a live out would be better for you
Anonymous
03/09/2015 11:03
Subject: Re:New nanny doing well but some issues I need opinions on dealing with
I think I get what you are saying here, OP. I imagine that there is a lot of tension when she is with your family for the evening because she is around your family, but not really interacting with you. I can imagine that this would be uncomfortable with any adult in your home, but particularly so with someone who has such an important role in your children's lives when she is on duty.
I think that you need to figure out what you are comfortable with and present that to her so that there is just no confusion. I think that I would tell her that she is welcome to join your family in family activities (i.e. watching television together in the evening), but if she chooses to do that, then she is expected to act as another adult member of the family. If she needs a break and doesn't want to participate in family activities, that's fine, but then she needs to be in another part of the house. It doesn't have to be her room. For example, she is fine to study at the kitchen table while you are watching television. But if she chooses to watch television with the family, then it is expected that she will let your 3 y/o climb into her lap or whatever.
Yes. It is expecting her to work in her downtime, but being part of a family with small children takes work. If she wants to be part of your family, then she has to do some of the work. If she doesn't want to do any of the work, then she needs to spend her downtime doing her own thing.
And if you don't want her to necessarily be part of your family, then you should be upfront with her about that too. And she can choose to spend her free time on her own or move to another family. Worst case scenario, she leaves, and you know what to say to your next employee about what to expect during her off duty time, and you can find someone who meshes better with your family.
I think that you need to figure out what you are comfortable with and present that to her so that there is just no confusion. I think that I would tell her that she is welcome to join your family in family activities (i.e. watching television together in the evening), but if she chooses to do that, then she is expected to act as another adult member of the family. If she needs a break and doesn't want to participate in family activities, that's fine, but then she needs to be in another part of the house. It doesn't have to be her room. For example, she is fine to study at the kitchen table while you are watching television. But if she chooses to watch television with the family, then it is expected that she will let your 3 y/o climb into her lap or whatever.
Yes. It is expecting her to work in her downtime, but being part of a family with small children takes work. If she wants to be part of your family, then she has to do some of the work. If she doesn't want to do any of the work, then she needs to spend her downtime doing her own thing.
And if you don't want her to necessarily be part of your family, then you should be upfront with her about that too. And she can choose to spend her free time on her own or move to another family. Worst case scenario, she leaves, and you know what to say to your next employee about what to expect during her off duty time, and you can find someone who meshes better with your family.
Anonymous
03/09/2015 10:56
Subject: Re:New nanny doing well but some issues I need opinions on dealing with
I never said I would not pay overtime. We have always paid our employees overtime. I said it was a nice gesture of her to refuse on the 15-30 mins extra she worked on two days, because she had not finished her chores. Had she worked for an extra hour or three hours, then without a doubt i would pay her for the work she did. Maybe if you read the whole thread you would of realized that. I didn't come here trying to find ways to take advantage of our employee. I came here for advice on trying to tell her how we feel without insulting/hurting her feelings while keeping everyone happy. Pretty tired of getting attacked from the few here, when i have treated our new live in with respect and show her great appreciation.
No one said I dump my kids on her when off duty. She comes into our space. I should not have to put my 2 year old in a high chair or take him away from our gated family room because she wants to sit and watch tv with them. All I was asking is how do I tell her nicely, that from 7pm (time she finished) to 9pm (time kids go to bed), I would like to spend it alone with my family. I am sure most of you would not want to hangout with your boss 24/7 and vice versa
No one said I dump my kids on her when off duty. She comes into our space. I should not have to put my 2 year old in a high chair or take him away from our gated family room because she wants to sit and watch tv with them. All I was asking is how do I tell her nicely, that from 7pm (time she finished) to 9pm (time kids go to bed), I would like to spend it alone with my family. I am sure most of you would not want to hangout with your boss 24/7 and vice versa