Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are selfish, self-absorbed, and self-consumed. Try to remember that your nanny is a human being not an automaton. Your needs do not trump her needs. Find a night nanny and make an appointment to see your children a couple of hours every week because, thus far, you and your husband are crap for parents.

PP, this is pretty harsh. MB here who is also a lawyer, but I was wondering when you actually did spend time with your kids.

I stayed home until youngest was in 3rd grade. Our priority is, and was, our children. We weren't able to purchase a house until ten years ago.

You're idiots for not having backup care, especially since you have no time for your kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are selfish, self-absorbed, and self-consumed. Try to remember that your nanny is a human being not an automaton. Your needs do not trump her needs. Find a night nanny and make an appointment to see your children a couple of hours every week because, thus far, you and your husband are crap for parents.

PP, this is pretty harsh. MB here who is also a lawyer, but I was wondering when you actually did spend time with your kids.

The situation is indeed harsh, -for the kids.

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are selfish, self-absorbed, and self-consumed. Try to remember that your nanny is a human being not an automaton. Your needs do not trump her needs. Find a night nanny and make an appointment to see your children a couple of hours every week because, thus far, you and your husband are crap for parents.

PP, this is pretty harsh. MB here who is also a lawyer, but I was wondering when you actually did spend time with your kids.

OP, you are selfish, self-absorbed, and self-consumed. Try to remember that your nanny is a human being not an automaton. Your needs do not trump her needs. Find a night nanny and make an appointment to see your children a couple of hours every week because, thus far, you and your husband are crap for parents.

One of you parents should make your kids a priority and get home on time. Why not?

I hate the last minute call with the request to stay late. I can handle any amount of work if I know in advance but the last minute call, or worse - the call when you're already late that I'm needed to stay late - are very hard on me and I do get resentful.

I echo the other posters that you need to hire a second nanny and limit your current nanny's hours. Let her choose the number of hours.

There may also be some other issues at play that she didn't articulate, but that you should think about. For instance:

-- Do you mind if she rests while the children rest?
-- How much are you paying her? It's great you're paying her OT, but if her base rate isn't appropriate then she might still feel taken advantage of.
-- Realistically, how much of a warning are you giving her when you have to stay late?
-- Is she able to get out of the house with the children?

This makes me sad. When do you spend time with your kiddos?

Does your nanny have friends? Family? A boyfriend? People need personal time to recharge and be able to be happy at work. If she is working 50-60 hours for you and going to school on Saturdays when does she breathe?

I think a "happy medium" would be limiting your asks of her for extra hours to things that are work related. If you want to do something social, get a sitter.

I think that it is wonderful that you have a nanny who is comfortable as well as mature enough to come to you and discuss any issue(s) that she may have with her job, rather than keeping them bottled up inside, then either taking them out on her job performance or simply just walking away altogether. The sheer fact that she can articulate herself to you and be assertive is a very good quality indeed.

That being said, I can see her point. Working a 50-hr workweek even if you are being paid overtime for it, is A LOT and trust me, the last thing you want for your son is a burned out nanny. This would not bode well for either of them.

She is a human being and needs enough time off from her job to relax, spend time with her own family and have her own respite. It's only a natural and normal thing. To deny her this is just not right.

I understand you do not want to find someone else to step in and it is more convenient for you and your husband to keep him with the same caregiver, but you have to take into account that your caregiver cannot keep going like the Energizer Bunny.

For the days that you need to stay late at work, is there any way that you can schedule it so that if you have to stay later, your husband can make it home on time and vice versa?

And on the evenings when you want to socialize after work, I would most definitely hire a babysitter to take over since those are optional events and are of your own choosing.

Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your nanny does sound very young. I don't think she fully grasps her ability to say "no" nor does she understand what being "taken advantage of" means. If she is agreeing to stay late and is being paid time and a half for it - then you are NOT taking advantage of her. I would explain this to her.

You do need to find a second babysitter, OP, as the job (as you described) is too much for your nanny. Cut her back to 40 hours a week (maybe four days and no evening sitting) and hire a second nanny for the fifth day and all evening work.

+1 I am an MB and I agree. Plus you will be saving a lot of money not paying overtime rates with two nannies.

+ 2. I'm a part time evening/weekend and that's why I was hired. MB is a lawyer, working long hours and traveling often. The regular nanny works 50-55 hours and I work 10-20, depending on her schedule. It's entirely too much for one person, especially if she has a long commute. I can see how she would get burned out.

I've been with them for almost ten years, so you can absolutely find good part time help that will be consistent.

Good luck.

+3 I am also a full-time nanny to one wonderful little guy (40 hours) and a part time/weekend evening nanny to a new baby girl (10 to 20 hours) a week. I have a great deal of energy and stamina so it isn't a hardship to me and I like the variety. I would most definitely consider helping you current nanny out by getting a second nanny for the times that are too much for her. The last thing you want to do is burn her out.

I love staying late, more $$$ for me!!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your nanny does sound very young. I don't think she fully grasps her ability to say "no" nor does she understand what being "taken advantage of" means. If she is agreeing to stay late and is being paid time and a half for it - then you are NOT taking advantage of her. I would explain this to her.

You do need to find a second babysitter, OP, as the job (as you described) is too much for your nanny. Cut her back to 40 hours a week (maybe four days and no evening sitting) and hire a second nanny for the fifth day and all evening work.

+1 I am an MB and I agree. Plus you will be saving a lot of money not paying overtime rates with two nannies.

+ 2. I'm a part time evening/weekend and that's why I was hired. MB is a lawyer, working long hours and traveling often. The regular nanny works 50-55 hours and I work 10-20, depending on her schedule. It's entirely too much for one person, especially if she has a long commute. I can see how she would get burned out.

I've been with them for almost ten years, so you can absolutely find good part time help that will be consistent.

Good luck.

I think your nanny has used the wrong phrase when she said she feels taken advantage of. My guess is at first she was fine doing OT but now is getting burnt out with the hours but feel bad saying no. I can understand that to some extent-i can easily say no to OT if have plans already, but if i have no plans i just dont feel up to the extra hours i feel guilty saying no.
I would interview for back up nanny or babysitter. Introduce her to your child so they arent strangers. Explain to your nanny that you will always ask her first but she is free to say no