Anonymous
Post 02/03/2015 20:11     Subject: Re:The benefits of a long-trem nanny
I agree. One can never pay too much for a good childcare provider.

It is just priceless in my opinion...The luxury of being able to leave your child alone in the company of another adult and to not have to be distracted at work all day worrying about your child's safety, comfort and welfare overall. To be able to focus on your job 100% all day.

Sure, having a nanny is an expensive investment, but the dividends are wonderful.


Thanks, Nanny!
Anonymous
Post 02/03/2015 06:47     Subject: Re:The benefits of a long-trem nanny
We have a fantastic nanny and I know she is great for my daughter. I would love for her to be our nanny thru DD's childhood as well as the next baby. I do agree it would be the best for my child(ren).

But it would also be best for me! I don't take to people easily and I found it really hard to get used to someone being in my home. Now I am as comfortable with nanny as I am my own mother.
Anonymous
Post 02/03/2015 05:14     Subject: The benefits of a long-trem nanny
I agree. One can never pay too much for a good childcare provider.

It is just priceless in my opinion...The luxury of being able to leave your child alone in the company of another adult and to not have to be distracted at work all day worrying about your child's safety, comfort and welfare overall. To be able to focus on your job 100% all day.

Sure, having a nanny is an expensive investment, but the dividends are wonderful.
Anonymous
Post 02/02/2015 20:39     Subject: Re:The benefits of a long-trem nanny
I would love to keep our nanny long-term! She is a wonderful teacher and loves my son. They have a really sweet relationship and I appreciate the importance of that. I will do everything in my power to keep her with DS and hopefully a new baby one day soon.
Anonymous
Post 02/02/2015 15:41     Subject: Re:The benefits of a long-trem nanny
Obviously. No one would disagree with that but I understood it to be implied. Of course your long term nanny and to be GOOD and a good fit! That is a given. It is also a given that all nanny jobs end.

And I clearly disagree with changing nannies every few years. If you find the right nanny you will not need to and it is not in the best interest of the children. THAT is what this thread is about.


I know what this thread is about. The fact that we disagree doesn't mean I don't see your point. You seem to think there is one "right nanny" and it is somehow in the best interest of children to not change nannies. I disagreed with you because there are plenty of very good nannies who are only right for one stage in life, or only prefer to nanny for kids of certain ages. This means nanny jobs end in a year or two, necessitating a change.

There is no long term damage to children who change nannies every few years. The most important thing is the right nanny at the right time. When the needs change, the nanny changes, whether in a year or in eight years. There is absolutely no evidence that a single long term nanny is in the best interest of the child.
Anonymous
Post 02/02/2015 11:38     Subject: The benefits of a long-trem nanny
Benefits of a LT nanny:
The scope of a nanny job changes every year so if you have good communication with your nanny and can spell out these changes/additions/subtractions and she is up for it, you can do a long term, same nanny.
The all-in salary will not necessary go up up up each and every year, as the family needs change. Nanny will have to decide what she wants as well. Keep changing to little toddler full-time jobs or grow with a family/do after school/household management stuff.
Some nannies like the stability. Others need the money of more work/kids to watch. Just communicate and be honest.
Anonymous
Post 02/02/2015 10:42     Subject: The benefits of a long-trem nanny
We've been blessed to have had only one nanny for all of our kids' lives thus far (several years in). And I hope she is with us for a few more years.

But the truth is that she was a better fit for them as infants and very young children than she is for them now that they're older.

So a case can certainly be made for one nanny not necessarily being the best solution, or absolute best caregiver for a child over the various stages of life.

Obviously stability and consistency is incredibly important, but transitions can be managed, and a child will not necessarily be damaged at all by a change in caregiver.

There's a broad spectrum here folks. It just isn't black and white.
Anonymous
Post 02/02/2015 06:35     Subject: Re:The benefits of a long-trem nanny
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
I love our current nanny but I honestly (and by honestly I mean don't flame me, it's just my opinion) don't see the value in keeping the same nanny for your kids whole childhood. If it happens great but I don't see it as being any more or less beneficial than other options.


Stability and reliability are always beneficial. This has been proven over and over again. Our children's primary care-giving relationships - with the mother, father, grandparent, nanny - lay the foundation for their future ability to form emotional attachments.


I understand your reasoning, but a nanny is just a caregiver. They aren't family, they aren't there for the important stuff. I can see just as much benefit in having multiple nannies so child learns that there are many people out there that can care for them and help them and love them. Like I said, I just don't see one side or the other as being better or worse.


"Just a caregiver" is the difference between life and death to a dependent child for 50 hours a week. (ie "Nanny has never forgotten to get me at school", "Nanny has never not fed me or made me afraid") so the child can depend on the nanny and feel secure - all this starts all over again with a new nanny.

It isn't about family or long tern relationships (so don't be threatened) it is about the reliability and consistency of constant care.

A swinging door policy can never be good for anyone but especially bad for a very dependent being.


Google a few studies.


This is simply not true.

The issue isn't that the same nanny is the best nanny over the long term. The right nanny for an infant may not be the right nanny for a 4 year old and a NF should not keep an infant nanny for their 4 year old if the fit no longer fits.

It so happens that my DD's nanny has been her sole nanny for her entire life (DD is about to turn 6) and it has been wonderful for us. But there is no way we could have known this when DD was one, or three, and my DD would have been just fine if we had to make a change because her nanny wasn't the most suitable caregiver for her for whatever reason (including that the nanny only wished to work with infants, or whatever.)

In our case, we took it a year at a time. We had conversations, long ones, about DD's upcoming year and challenges and whether our nanny felt like staying on. Of course, I'm glad she did. Of course, I see her as a partner and as close to a co parent as a non spouse can be in the raising of my DD, but that is something that evolved over time and if it hadn't gone that way, it would not have been my fault nor my nanny's. Jobs change and people change. That is normal. One day, we will no longer need a nanny or our nanny will no longer need our family. When that happens, we will all be sad but we will all wish each other well and move on to the next healthy caregiver relationship.

Consistency for consistency's sake is foolish. Solid, appropriate and healthy relationships are the gold standard. If that means a NF changes nannies every year or two, so be it. Same thing for a nanny who changes families. The important thing is fit and mutual happiness.






Obviously. No one would disagree with that but I understood it to be implied. Of course your long term nanny and to be GOOD and a good fit! That is a given. It is also a given that all nanny jobs end.

And I clearly disagree with changing nannies every few years. If you find the right nanny you will not need to and it is not in the best interest of the children. THAT is what this thread is about.
Anonymous
Post 02/02/2015 01:16     Subject: Re:The benefits of a long-trem nanny
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
I love our current nanny but I honestly (and by honestly I mean don't flame me, it's just my opinion) don't see the value in keeping the same nanny for your kids whole childhood. If it happens great but I don't see it as being any more or less beneficial than other options.


Stability and reliability are always beneficial. This has been proven over and over again. Our children's primary care-giving relationships - with the mother, father, grandparent, nanny - lay the foundation for their future ability to form emotional attachments.


I understand your reasoning, but a nanny is just a caregiver. They aren't family, they aren't there for the important stuff. I can see just as much benefit in having multiple nannies so child learns that there are many people out there that can care for them and help them and love them. Like I said, I just don't see one side or the other as being better or worse.


"Just a caregiver" is the difference between life and death to a dependent child for 50 hours a week. (ie "Nanny has never forgotten to get me at school", "Nanny has never not fed me or made me afraid") so the child can depend on the nanny and feel secure - all this starts all over again with a new nanny.

It isn't about family or long tern relationships (so don't be threatened) it is about the reliability and consistency of constant care.

A swinging door policy can never be good for anyone but especially bad for a very dependent being.


Google a few studies.


This is simply not true.

The issue isn't that the same nanny is the best nanny over the long term. The right nanny for an infant may not be the right nanny for a 4 year old and a NF should not keep an infant nanny for their 4 year old if the fit no longer fits.

It so happens that my DD's nanny has been her sole nanny for her entire life (DD is about to turn 6) and it has been wonderful for us. But there is no way we could have known this when DD was one, or three, and my DD would have been just fine if we had to make a change because her nanny wasn't the most suitable caregiver for her for whatever reason (including that the nanny only wished to work with infants, or whatever.)

In our case, we took it a year at a time. We had conversations, long ones, about DD's upcoming year and challenges and whether our nanny felt like staying on. Of course, I'm glad she did. Of course, I see her as a partner and as close to a co parent as a non spouse can be in the raising of my DD, but that is something that evolved over time and if it hadn't gone that way, it would not have been my fault nor my nanny's. Jobs change and people change. That is normal. One day, we will no longer need a nanny or our nanny will no longer need our family. When that happens, we will all be sad but we will all wish each other well and move on to the next healthy caregiver relationship.

Consistency for consistency's sake is foolish. Solid, appropriate and healthy relationships are the gold standard. If that means a NF changes nannies every year or two, so be it. Same thing for a nanny who changes families. The important thing is fit and mutual happiness.



Anonymous
Post 02/02/2015 00:27     Subject: The benefits of a long-trem nanny
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote: a nanny is just a caregiver. They aren't there for the important stuff.


This right here tells me everything I need to know about you. In your mind "The important stuff" is the kids' birthday party, or the time you took them to the aquarium on a Saturday. But the reality is that for a young child "the important stuff" isn't the big milestones, it is the hundreds of daily acts of love and service that surround them with a feeling of being known and valued. Some of that comes from mom and dad, and if nanny works relatively short hours, maybe even MOST of it comes from mom and dad. But if you are gone 50+ hours each week, then your nanny plays a HUGE role in building the world your child inhabits. And as kids get older having the same nanny means that their world is consistent through the changes of childhood and it means that "the person picking them up from school" (as you so dismissively refer to the job of caring for older children), is someone who knows them deeply and individually and is better able to help them navigate each new age and the challenges it brings.

Many parents feel that the only way for them to be "the parent" is for them to be the only one in the child's life who is consistent. But the best parents are humble enough to admit when their life circumstances may prevent them from being around often enough to provide all the consistency and love and aupport their kids deserve. These amazing parents are willing to let someone else in to help create a secure and loving home for their kids, even when the parents aren't in it. In return, great nannies invest time and energy in supporting the parent-child bond and smoothing the fabric of their daily routine so that life is easier and better for the entire family. And THAT is the most important stuff of all.




Well said, PP. Happily good mothers know this is true and value it. The poor mothers are threatened by it (and that is most of the vocal mothers on this board) I feel sorry for them.



As a long- term nanny, both of these posts warm my heart. I was shocked and happy to log into facebook, and realize, that the first child i'd ever worked with, had looked for me, and friend requested me. She was ten, and I was fresh out of college when I began working part-time with her. I was with her for 3 years.
Anonymous
Post 02/02/2015 00:10     Subject: Re:The benefits of a long-trem nanny
I definitely want our nanny to stay with us for the long term. She is a wonderful teacher and a good and loving care giver to my children. I do think it is in their best interest to have just one nanny for their entire childhood. I pray it will be possible.
Anonymous
Post 02/02/2015 00:08     Subject: The benefits of a long-trem nanny
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote: a nanny is just a caregiver. They aren't there for the important stuff.


This right here tells me everything I need to know about you. In your mind "The important stuff" is the kids' birthday party, or the time you took them to the aquarium on a Saturday. But the reality is that for a young child "the important stuff" isn't the big milestones, it is the hundreds of daily acts of love and service that surround them with a feeling of being known and valued. Some of that comes from mom and dad, and if nanny works relatively short hours, maybe even MOST of it comes from mom and dad. But if you are gone 50+ hours each week, then your nanny plays a HUGE role in building the world your child inhabits. And as kids get older having the same nanny means that their world is consistent through the changes of childhood and it means that "the person picking them up from school" (as you so dismissively refer to the job of caring for older children), is someone who knows them deeply and individually and is better able to help them navigate each new age and the challenges it brings.

Many parents feel that the only way for them to be "the parent" is for them to be the only one in the child's life who is consistent. But the best parents are humble enough to admit when their life circumstances may prevent them from being around often enough to provide all the consistency and love and aupport their kids deserve. These amazing parents are willing to let someone else in to help create a secure and loving home for their kids, even when the parents aren't in it. In return, great nannies invest time and energy in supporting the parent-child bond and smoothing the fabric of their daily routine so that life is easier and better for the entire family. And THAT is the most important stuff of all.




Well said, PP. Happily good mothers know this is true and value it. The poor mothers are threatened by it (and that is most of the vocal mothers on this board) I feel sorry for them.
Anonymous
Post 02/01/2015 23:30     Subject: The benefits of a long-trem nanny
Anonymous wrote: a nanny is just a caregiver. They aren't there for the important stuff.


This right here tells me everything I need to know about you. In your mind "The important stuff" is the kids' birthday party, or the time you took them to the aquarium on a Saturday. But the reality is that for a young child "the important stuff" isn't the big milestones, it is the hundreds of daily acts of love and service that surround them with a feeling of being known and valued. Some of that comes from mom and dad, and if nanny works relatively short hours, maybe even MOST of it comes from mom and dad. But if you are gone 50+ hours each week, then your nanny plays a HUGE role in building the world your child inhabits. And as kids get older having the same nanny means that their world is consistent through the changes of childhood and it means that "the person picking them up from school" (as you so dismissively refer to the job of caring for older children), is someone who knows them deeply and individually and is better able to help them navigate each new age and the challenges it brings.

Many parents feel that the only way for them to be "the parent" is for them to be the only one in the child's life who is consistent. But the best parents are humble enough to admit when their life circumstances may prevent them from being around often enough to provide all the consistency and love and aupport their kids deserve. These amazing parents are willing to let someone else in to help create a secure and loving home for their kids, even when the parents aren't in it. In return, great nannies invest time and energy in supporting the parent-child bond and smoothing the fabric of their daily routine so that life is easier and better for the entire family. And THAT is the most important stuff of all.

Anonymous
Post 02/01/2015 22:15     Subject: The benefits of a long-trem nanny
Anonymous wrote:We have had the same nanny for 5 years, through two children. We are about to have our third, and she wants to leave, but is being very passive about making this known to us and is basically making us make that decision. Its disappointing because we've loved having her as part of our family and my children love her. So now we'll have to start over and I look forward to having someone who can again become part of our family.


So it sounds like your children will be majorly screwed up for life if you can't find a way to keep her. They will never be risk-takers in business!
Anonymous
Post 02/01/2015 21:58     Subject: The benefits of a long-trem nanny
We have had the same nanny for 5 years, through two children. We are about to have our third, and she wants to leave, but is being very passive about making this known to us and is basically making us make that decision. Its disappointing because we've loved having her as part of our family and my children love her. So now we'll have to start over and I look forward to having someone who can again become part of our family.