MB here with a long term nanny I and my DD treasure.

Respect and appreciation goes a long way. I thank her every day and try to gift her when I can (a cash bonus before her vacation, gift certificates to restaurants or other places I know she might like.). I'm a single mom without a ton of money, but I do what I can. She is still with us, and goes above and beyond on a regular basis.

As for our relationship, I let it evolve over time. In the beginning, I never asked about her outside life and she didn't ask about mine. Over time, we started to talk about some personal stuff and now, she is like family and I'd have her back in any situation she asks for my help with.

Still, I respect her off time. I don't send texts or emails over the weekend. She has sent texts asking about DD twice, both when DD was sick and she wondered how she was doing. I thought it was sweet. Clearly, she cares about my DD and we are so lucky to have her as a partner person in the raising of my DD.

Wow...You sound awesome already OP.

What I would like to add to the mix is to of course, never treat her like she is the "hired help." As a nanny, nothing feels worse than feeling like a domestic servant.

Also, paying her on time and if by check, making sure the checks do not bounce.

Most important, to offer her complete autonomy and no micromanaging whatsoever. Trust her enough to let her do her job and make sure you thank her every day when she goes home.

Those two small words mean so much!

My employers and I are pleasant with each other and ask how the others weekend went. But both of us give short answers with a little detail and it never takes more than 30-45 seconds per person. We both care whether the other had a good weekend or not but we don't want to spend a bunch of time filling each other in. It works for us, but I'm sure there are tons of people who wouldn't like our set up. So OP, takes cues from your nanny on how personal she wants to get because everyone's ideals are different.

mutual respect and say thank you every day

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll tell you one thing and probably get flamed, as much as I see nannies on here say to be 100% business professional and "they are employers not friends" but as a nanny the thing I love most about being a nanny and working with my favorite families is that they feel like friends. They ask me about my day, my life, things I'm up to. They tell me about their plans, cute stories about the kids I might have missed from the weekends, and are just generally pleasant and caring.

This, 100%. The family I was with the longest (5+ years) treated me like family. They cared about me, as a person and not just as someone who was there to take care of their kids. They were concerned when I was sick, instead of annoyed I had to take a day off. They sent me flowers when I had surgery.They valued my opinion. We were a team. The mom and I actually became close friends and have continued our friendship even though I no longer work for them. They weren't able to offer the best benefits or vacation time, but they made up for it by the way they treated me.

Exactly. I cringe every time I see one of those posts where people are up in arms because MB asked some innocent friendly question and all the responses are "ITS NONE OF HER BUSINESS" or "NEVER SHARE ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR PRIVATE LIFE"

The flipside is the nannies who overshare way to much and MB and DB not only know she has a new boyfriend, but also the new bedroom tricks she's learned from him.

I would like my nanny to share LESS about her personal life. I don't tell my boss about my personal life beyond obvious pleasantries - my boss never knows when DH and I have had an argument and never knows when I'm in a bad mood. I don't like feeling, at times, that my otherwise good nanny is another child. I do wish she would pick up on the fact that I rarely ask her things about her personal life because I actually don't want to know. I'm a good employer and respect my children's nanny and compensate her well but when I see her in the mornings and evenings, I want to hear ONLY about my children.

+ 1 My time for hand-off is limited. It is not that I don't care about my son's nanny's personal life, but I don't want to take time away from hearing or telling his nanny about his day/weekend. I feel very rude cutting her off when she starts in on what she did that weekend or last night but I want to tell her what my son did as it is information I feel she needs to know before I leave. And honestly, when I come home, I ONLY want to hear about my son.

+ 1,000,000! Another MB here and I wish more nannies understood this.

"Begin as you mean to continue" OP. To be the best employer, you need to be consistent. Do not flood the new nanny with questions and feigned interest about her personal life when you have no intention of keeping it up. Set the stage for a more professional but friendly relationship from the start.

Anonymous wrote:"I wish my employee would tell me more details about their life outside of work." said no employer, ever.

YES!!!! OMG, please, dear God, nanny - STOP TELLING ME ABOUT YOUR BOYFRIEND!!!!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll tell you one thing and probably get flamed, as much as I see nannies on here say to be 100% business professional and "they are employers not friends" but as a nanny the thing I love most about being a nanny and working with my favorite families is that they feel like friends. They ask me about my day, my life, things I'm up to. They tell me about their plans, cute stories about the kids I might have missed from the weekends, and are just generally pleasant and caring.

This, 100%. The family I was with the longest (5+ years) treated me like family. They cared about me, as a person and not just as someone who was there to take care of their kids. They were concerned when I was sick, instead of annoyed I had to take a day off. They sent me flowers when I had surgery.They valued my opinion. We were a team. The mom and I actually became close friends and have continued our friendship even though I no longer work for them. They weren't able to offer the best benefits or vacation time, but they made up for it by the way they treated me.

Exactly. I cringe every time I see one of those posts where people are up in arms because MB asked some innocent friendly question and all the responses are "ITS NONE OF HER BUSINESS" or "NEVER SHARE ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR PRIVATE LIFE"

The flipside is the nannies who overshare way to much and MB and DB not only know she has a new boyfriend, but also the new bedroom tricks she's learned from him.

I would like my nanny to share LESS about her personal life. I don't tell my boss about my personal life beyond obvious pleasantries - my boss never knows when DH and I have had an argument and never knows when I'm in a bad mood. I don't like feeling, at times, that my otherwise good nanny is another child. I do wish she would pick up on the fact that I rarely ask her things about her personal life because I actually don't want to know. I'm a good employer and respect my children's nanny and compensate her well but when I see her in the mornings and evenings, I want to hear ONLY about my children.

+ 1 My time for hand-off is limited. It is not that I don't care about my son's nanny's personal life, but I don't want to take time away from hearing or telling his nanny about his day/weekend. I feel very rude cutting her off when she starts in on what she did that weekend or last night but I want to tell her what my son did as it is information I feel she needs to know before I leave. And honestly, when I come home, I ONLY want to hear about my son.

Exactly. But we are telling OP how to be a good employer and keep a nanny, not how to be like you.

"I wish my employee would tell me more details about their life outside of work." said no employer, ever.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll tell you one thing and probably get flamed, as much as I see nannies on here say to be 100% business professional and "they are employers not friends" but as a nanny the thing I love most about being a nanny and working with my favorite families is that they feel like friends. They ask me about my day, my life, things I'm up to. They tell me about their plans, cute stories about the kids I might have missed from the weekends, and are just generally pleasant and caring.

This, 100%. The family I was with the longest (5+ years) treated me like family. They cared about me, as a person and not just as someone who was there to take care of their kids. They were concerned when I was sick, instead of annoyed I had to take a day off. They sent me flowers when I had surgery.They valued my opinion. We were a team. The mom and I actually became close friends and have continued our friendship even though I no longer work for them. They weren't able to offer the best benefits or vacation time, but they made up for it by the way they treated me.

Exactly. I cringe every time I see one of those posts where people are up in arms because MB asked some innocent friendly question and all the responses are "ITS NONE OF HER BUSINESS" or "NEVER SHARE ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR PRIVATE LIFE"

The flipside is the nannies who overshare way to much and MB and DB not only know she has a new boyfriend, but also the new bedroom tricks she's learned from him.

I would like my nanny to share LESS about her personal life. I don't tell my boss about my personal life beyond obvious pleasantries - my boss never knows when DH and I have had an argument and never knows when I'm in a bad mood. I don't like feeling, at times, that my otherwise good nanny is another child. I do wish she would pick up on the fact that I rarely ask her things about her personal life because I actually don't want to know. I'm a good employer and respect my children's nanny and compensate her well but when I see her in the mornings and evenings, I want to hear ONLY about my children.

+ 1 My time for hand-off is limited. It is not that I don't care about my son's nanny's personal life, but I don't want to take time away from hearing or telling his nanny about his day/weekend. I feel very rude cutting her off when she starts in on what she did that weekend or last night but I want to tell her what my son did as it is information I feel she needs to know before I leave. And honestly, when I come home, I ONLY want to hear about my son.

+ 1,000,000! Another MB here and I wish more nannies understood this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll tell you one thing and probably get flamed, as much as I see nannies on here say to be 100% business professional and "they are employers not friends" but as a nanny the thing I love most about being a nanny and working with my favorite families is that they feel like friends. They ask me about my day, my life, things I'm up to. They tell me about their plans, cute stories about the kids I might have missed from the weekends, and are just generally pleasant and caring.

This, 100%. The family I was with the longest (5+ years) treated me like family. They cared about me, as a person and not just as someone who was there to take care of their kids. They were concerned when I was sick, instead of annoyed I had to take a day off. They sent me flowers when I had surgery.They valued my opinion. We were a team. The mom and I actually became close friends and have continued our friendship even though I no longer work for them. They weren't able to offer the best benefits or vacation time, but they made up for it by the way they treated me.

Exactly. I cringe every time I see one of those posts where people are up in arms because MB asked some innocent friendly question and all the responses are "ITS NONE OF HER BUSINESS" or "NEVER SHARE ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR PRIVATE LIFE"

The flipside is the nannies who overshare way to much and MB and DB not only know she has a new boyfriend, but also the new bedroom tricks she's learned from him.

I would like my nanny to share LESS about her personal life. I don't tell my boss about my personal life beyond obvious pleasantries - my boss never knows when DH and I have had an argument and never knows when I'm in a bad mood. I don't like feeling, at times, that my otherwise good nanny is another child. I do wish she would pick up on the fact that I rarely ask her things about her personal life because I actually don't want to know. I'm a good employer and respect my children's nanny and compensate her well but when I see her in the mornings and evenings, I want to hear ONLY about my children.

+ 1 My time for hand-off is limited. It is not that I don't care about my son's nanny's personal life, but I don't want to take time away from hearing or telling his nanny about his day/weekend. I feel very rude cutting her off when she starts in on what she did that weekend or last night but I want to tell her what my son did as it is information I feel she needs to know before I leave. And honestly, when I come home, I ONLY want to hear about my son.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll tell you one thing and probably get flamed, as much as I see nannies on here say to be 100% business professional and "they are employers not friends" but as a nanny the thing I love most about being a nanny and working with my favorite families is that they feel like friends. They ask me about my day, my life, things I'm up to. They tell me about their plans, cute stories about the kids I might have missed from the weekends, and are just generally pleasant and caring.

This, 100%. The family I was with the longest (5+ years) treated me like family. They cared about me, as a person and not just as someone who was there to take care of their kids. They were concerned when I was sick, instead of annoyed I had to take a day off. They sent me flowers when I had surgery.They valued my opinion. We were a team. The mom and I actually became close friends and have continued our friendship even though I no longer work for them. They weren't able to offer the best benefits or vacation time, but they made up for it by the way they treated me.

Exactly. I cringe every time I see one of those posts where people are up in arms because MB asked some innocent friendly question and all the responses are "ITS NONE OF HER BUSINESS" or "NEVER SHARE ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR PRIVATE LIFE"

The flipside is the nannies who overshare way to much and MB and DB not only know she has a new boyfriend, but also the new bedroom tricks she's learned from him.

I would like my nanny to share LESS about her personal life. I don't tell my boss about my personal life beyond obvious pleasantries - my boss never knows when DH and I have had an argument and never knows when I'm in a bad mood. I don't like feeling, at times, that my otherwise good nanny is another child. I do wish she would pick up on the fact that I rarely ask her things about her personal life because I actually don't want to know. I'm a good employer and respect my children's nanny and compensate her well but when I see her in the mornings and evenings, I want to hear ONLY about my children.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll tell you one thing and probably get flamed, as much as I see nannies on here say to be 100% business professional and "they are employers not friends" but as a nanny the thing I love most about being a nanny and working with my favorite families is that they feel like friends. They ask me about my day, my life, things I'm up to. They tell me about their plans, cute stories about the kids I might have missed from the weekends, and are just generally pleasant and caring.

I could not possibly disagree with you more. I'm a nanny with a life and a family of my own. I love my charge and like and respect my employers but I absolutely do keep my private life out of my work. We talk about the child and everything related to him. My employers will share a funny video or picture of the little guy over the weekend but they are very respectful of my life and free time. I have never once gone to work with a "sad face" or in a mood and never will. I expect the same for them. Pleasant - yes. Happy with my work and relationship with their child - yes. Respectful of each other - yes (I have never once been late and they have never once been late). But "friends" - no.

Good for you I guess.

I'm sure OP could give it a try and if her nanny seems like a dried up old bitter nanny that doesn't want to share I'm sure she will pick up on it. Otherwise she will make her nanny feel welcome, trusted, respected, and appreciated.

Not OP but you've made a fool of yourself, PP, and have demonstrated you immaturity. The other nanny simply disagreed with you/PP and you felt the need to call her "bitter" and "dried up". Not everyone will agree with you at all times, PP. Please try to grow up.

Anonymous wrote:I think you just need to follow her lead as far as the relationship goes.

Just treat her as you wish to be treated.

Good answer

Give her a bonus of 2-4 weeks pay at the end of the year and every holiday off that you have.

Lol as you can see OP there is a wide range of what is considered good and great.

You are off to a good start.

As I said before just treat your nanny as you want to be treated or as you wish your boss treated you.

Let her share as much personal information with you as she wishes.

Personally I don't need weekend updates on my charges, if I get texts that's cool , but It's cool if I don't.

Just as with any good relationship let things develop naturally and respectfully and with open communication you'll be fine!