Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I interviewed with a family on Thursday. The interviewed went really well. The parents complimented me on my professional and many other things. The interview went for an hour and a half. At the end the mom asked me if I could come for a trial day next week. She said she would email or text to set up a day. I asked them when they would be making a decision and they said by next week. They asked in return and I told them " I am currently entertaining offers that come with deadlines, so I will be making my decision by this weekend." The dad told me that they could make a decision by this weekend and to let them know if I am interested or not. The mom proceeded to tell me that she was interested and they liked me a lot. We left off at that.

I sent an email this morning thanking them for the interview and that I thought we would be a good fit. She later sent a reply saying they went with another nanny. I am bummed but also a little shocked because they weren't even going to make a decision until next week. Also because they wanted to set up a trial day. I am conflicted on whether to email and ask why they chose another candidate over me. Do I have the right to be confused?

Normally I can tell when it won't work and have received 9 out of 10 jobs that I like.

Your mistake. Why did you lie?

+1. This was very off-putting. I would have mentally crossed you off my list right then.

The mother said she would make a decision BY next week + the father said he could have a decision BY this weekend so in effect, they were giving you their deadlines per say.

And the fact that you stated you were entertaining "other offers" made it sound like you were not really interested in the position to them so that is why they most likely chose another candidate.

Next time I would say I had other offers and would like to make a decision by early-mid next week. Give them the chance to do the trial day with you, and they can usually tell within the first 24 hours if you are one of their top candidates or not. They could then say they are interested but need a few more days to make a decision (if you could wait for that), or they might then let you know quickly that they are passing and let you choose from the offers you already have.

Anonymous wrote:
So you said "no I will be making a decision this weekend" You were likely the last person they were interviewing and the last person they needed a trial day with. Couldn't do it on Friday so wanted to do next week. You told them youd be taking a job this weekend. They thought "ok we like her but she's not going to want to work with us because she wants to make a decision sooner than we are able to give her one. I guess we will go with someone we've already had a trial day with"


This is exactly it. You tried to pressure them into making a decision without having you do a trial day since they said they were ready to decide by this coming week and you said you were making a decision this weekend. So they went with someone who'd already done a trial day. You screwed yourself here.

I agree that this is the most likely explanation. You interviewed on Thursday, said you could do a trial day next week, then turned around and pressured them to decide on you in two days. That's pretty rude, especially since you agreed to a trial day next week.

I'm assuming you did not have competing offers with such a tight deadline. If you did, you wouldn't be annoyed you didn't get this one.

I suggest you do NOT write them and ask what you did wrong. It is not common, nor is it professional. You didn't get the job, end of story.

If you emailed me, I wouldn't tell you the truth if you did do something wrong in the interview. Frankly,if you tried to pressure me into an early decision without a trial day, I would not hire you unless you were absolutely perfect in every other way. Instead of telling you what you did wrong, I would simply say we went with another candidate and wish you luck.

By child manipulation tactics, I mean all the little ticks we use to get children what we want to do by making them feel like it was their choice.

I wouldn't ask and in the future I wouldn't mention other offers until it's been awhile after the interview with no response. You interview, thank them in a follow up email and when they respond explain that you really liked them and are hoping to accept a position in x amount of days. That they are your number 1 pick etc etc. you need to butter the family up. You can't put pressure on them and make it seem like you're so important that you can't wait for them to make up their mind.

My first nanny job was the only one I had to wait a few days for an offer, every other job I was one of first interviewed and hired on the spot. I always gave the family a sense that they were free to make the decision at their time and that I wanted them to have time to pick the very best. It made me seem patient, understanding, and caring. All qualities you want in a nanny.

As much as we want to seem in charge and can decide who we work for, it's still the parents decision. You will get more offers by being sweet and using some of your child manipulation on them lol

I always ask them what is the problem and they always respond very polite about the thing my problem is always the money,nothing about my experience...

MB here. You'll probably never know what happened - even if they give you an answer. Maybe they felt you were too aggressive, or maybe they met someone else (either before or after) who seemed like a slightly better fit and that became clear when they talked after meeting you. Maybe they knew you weren't going to be their top choice and they didn't want to string you along, given what you had said about your other offers. Maybe they were just being gracious in the interview with you but the truth was that they had a top candidate before you even walked in the door. Maybe they had even put an offer out to someone else but were waiting to hear back and moving forward with their other candidates to be safe.

You'll never really know OP. If I were the MB I don't think I'd be particularly bothered by a follow up email asking if there was any feedback I could provide. I think, when done graciously, that can be a very professional thing to do. (Although I will say that in my 9-5 job I do a ton of interviewing and hiring for desk jobs and only once in 25 years of doing this has a rejected candidate ever asked me for feedback. It isn't common at all in my experience.)

Anonymous wrote:I interviewed with a family on Thursday. The interviewed went really well. The parents complimented me on my professional and many other things. The interview went for an hour and a half. At the end the mom asked me if I could come for a trial day next week. She said she would email or text to set up a day. I asked them when they would be making a decision and they said by next week. They asked in return and I told them " I am currently entertaining offers that come with deadlines, so I will be making my decision by this weekend." The dad told me that they could make a decision by this weekend and to let them know if I am interested or not. The mom proceeded to tell me that she was interested and they liked me a lot. We left off at that.

I sent an email this morning thanking them for the interview and that I thought we would be a good fit. She later sent a reply saying they went with another nanny. I am bummed but also a little shocked because they weren't even going to make a decision until next week. Also because they wanted to set up a trial day. I am conflicted on whether to email and ask why they chose another candidate over me. Do I have the right to be confused?

Normally I can tell when it won't work and have received 9 out of 10 jobs that I like.

Your mistake. Why did you lie?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I completely disagree that you can't ask why. I actually think you should. How you frame the question is important of course, but the answer could help you out in the future. I would follow up thanking her for letting you know, wishing them luck, and asking if there is anything you could have done differently or that you could improve. She may not answer, but I've gotten helpful feedback on my interview style.

No, never ask! Are you insane? You are assuming the employer will tell you the truth which is doubtful!

Do not act so desperate, OP. Move on and find another job!!! You said you had other offers - take one of them. Let it go!

Don't listen to this poster. You won't sound desperate, and seriously, what do you have to lose? Asking for feedback after an interview is common practice among successful professionals, but then I wouldn't expect many nannies to know that. Your instincts are rights OP.

No it is not common practice in ANY profession!!! You are nuts, PP, and very inexperienced. As an MB, I know I would feel angry and put-upon to have to answer a question like that!

No I wouldn't ask.

I think this is a case of bruised ego for you OP and nothing more. I'm basing that on your last sentence.

Thank them for their time congratulate them on finding a nanny and move on with your job search.

As for giving a time frame. I have given one and gotten a job offer.
You can be assertive and land a great job if a family really wants you they will snatch you.