An experienced nanny (or mother for that matter) is generally more relaxed and sure of themselves than a new mother. Our nanny could calm DS when he was feeling bad after his first round of vaccinations when neither DH nor I could. We were nervous and the nanny wasn't - she had seen this type of reaction before.

There are things you learn through experience. I had more "tricks up my sleeve" for #3 than I did for #1. If you have a nanny with experience use her experience and learn from it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All children are terrors for their parents and wonderful for other people.
It has nothing to do with the nanny.

I was a SAHM for many years. I know this as a fact.

MB here and this is not true. Our nanny is very lax with the kids while we are not. Our two listen to us much more than the nanny and are more apt to be terrors with her than with us.

I agree. When I casually babysit, every couple of weeks or so, I know the kids are much more likely to behave badly for me than while their parents are still home, because they know I'm not really there to discipline them and haven't established my authority yet. With kids who I nannied and who knew their boundaries with me, it was different. They were good for me, they were good for the parents, but they were really testing their limits with the temp nanny who looked after them when I was away. It's all about how much a caregiver (be it a parent or a nanny or a teacher) is willing to accept. That's why at school children behave very differently for different teachers.

I think it has more to do with the expectations that the parents set and that the nanny sets. The nanny can spend an hour 'teaching a lesson' while the parents would usually rather give in and enjoy the limited time they have with their child. It doesn't mean they're bad parents, it means they're making other things a priority. But, it does lead to the situation where the child understands this and uses to their advantage.

I think they key is to be consistent. Choose a few things that are important to you and stick to them, even if it does lead to a meltdown. In a couple of weeks, and more likely even days, the child will learn that some some things just don't fly with you. And absolutely steal any trick you see anyone use. I've learned lots from my NFs as well as fellow nannies. If you're willing to learn and try, you will definitely find a method that would work with your daughter.