Anonymous
Post 01/01/2015 22:07     Subject: What was I suppose to do? (laundry and boundaries)
We have a live-in AP and this situation (someone's laundry being in the dryer) happens frequently. She just takes ours out and puts in in a laundry basket or bag. I do the same with hers. Neither of us expect the other to fold it.
Don't dwell on it- just put it in a bag next time.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2015 21:56     Subject: What was I suppose to do? (laundry and boundaries)
MB here. I think your boss's response was very odd, and also, it seems weird and excessive to text you after hours about this.

Our nanny did this exact thing recently (our schedule has been crazy bc of the holidays, and I wasn't thinking she'd do the kids' laundry). I was surprised (pleasantly!) and, yes, I don't want her to fold my underwear and will make sure to take our stuff out in the future. But I think the proper response from your MB is "Thanks!"
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2015 18:15     Subject: Re:What was I suppose to do? (laundry and boundaries)
MB here. That is a weird, and unnecessary response. Is it possible she was trying to say that she didn't expect you to do that? Maybe she's well aware that it would be rude of her to assume and she was trying to convey that she doesn't consider it at all necessary for you to have had to deal w/ their laundry.

Just trying to offer a gentler point of view... I would have been hugely appreciative OP, but also embarassed that I'd left my own laundry in your way.


OP here.

I personally would be uncomfortable with someone else folding my laundry, so I get that to an extent. It just felt like a strange response. If she would have said, "I feel uncomfortable with you folding our laundry. Next time please leave it." I would find it odd, but the response, "weird you would want to fold our underwear" kind of offended me.


Huh, that isn't what you said in your first post, OP.

That said, it is a weird response and probably due to her embarrassment that she left the laundry in your way. Try to be more charitable and less offended by such a minor comment.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2015 18:08     Subject: What was I suppose to do? (laundry and boundaries)
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
nannydebsays wrote:My response would be, "I am sorry if my folding your laundry upset you. How would you like me to handle the situation in the future?" And be sure to get specific directives, and confirm what that means for your charge's laundry, i.e., "So to be sure I understand, you want me to leave your clothes alone, even if it means I then cannot wash DC's clothes?" or whatever.


No matter who was in the wrong, that sounds very passive aggressive and would do nothing but breed ill will for nanny at work.

Horrible advice nanny Deb.


I disagree, PP. Without a conversation, how can nanny be sure to do what MB wants? it's still a new relationship at only 3 months, so nanny and MB have to discuss "first time scenarios" clearly.


You are their domestic help, you are there to do their wishes, not interpret their feelings or comfort. So skip that line and just say "What would you like me to do next time if the dryer is not ready to use?"

And then repeating it back to them and reminding them of the obvious (that if there is clothes in it you can't do another load) just makes it seem like you think they are stupid, again they are paying you and not to think they are stupid.

Are you really as ignorant as you sound? She's the child's nanny, NOT the parent's housekeeper.


All my tasks are child related, they have a housekeeper come in twice a week.

Their laundry is not my responsibility, but it felt weird to just leave it out to wrinkle.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2015 17:15     Subject: What was I suppose to do? (laundry and boundaries)
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
nannydebsays wrote:My response would be, "I am sorry if my folding your laundry upset you. How would you like me to handle the situation in the future?" And be sure to get specific directives, and confirm what that means for your charge's laundry, i.e., "So to be sure I understand, you want me to leave your clothes alone, even if it means I then cannot wash DC's clothes?" or whatever.


No matter who was in the wrong, that sounds very passive aggressive and would do nothing but breed ill will for nanny at work.

Horrible advice nanny Deb.


I disagree, PP. Without a conversation, how can nanny be sure to do what MB wants? it's still a new relationship at only 3 months, so nanny and MB have to discuss "first time scenarios" clearly.


You are their domestic help, you are there to do their wishes, not interpret their feelings or comfort. So skip that line and just say "What would you like me to do next time if the dryer is not ready to use?"

And then repeating it back to them and reminding them of the obvious (that if there is clothes in it you can't do another load) just makes it seem like you think they are stupid, again they are paying you and not to think they are stupid.

Are you really as ignorant as you sound? She's the child's nanny, NOT the parent's housekeeper.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2015 16:56     Subject: What was I suppose to do? (laundry and boundaries)
nannydebsays wrote:My response would be, "I am sorry if my folding your laundry upset you. How would you like me to handle the situation in the future?" And be sure to get specific directives, and confirm what that means for your charge's laundry, i.e., "So to be sure I understand, you want me to leave your clothes alone, even if it means I then cannot wash DC's clothes?" or whatever.


MB here. Agree with above. Ask how she wants it handled if that happens again in the future.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2015 15:18     Subject: What was I suppose to do? (laundry and boundaries)
Strange. A thank you by them would have been appropiate
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2015 11:17     Subject: What was I suppose to do? (laundry and boundaries)
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
nannydebsays wrote:My response would be, "I am sorry if my folding your laundry upset you. How would you like me to handle the situation in the future?" And be sure to get specific directives, and confirm what that means for your charge's laundry, i.e., "So to be sure I understand, you want me to leave your clothes alone, even if it means I then cannot wash DC's clothes?" or whatever.


No matter who was in the wrong, that sounds very passive aggressive and would do nothing but breed ill will for nanny at work.

Horrible advice nanny Deb.


I disagree, PP. Without a conversation, how can nanny be sure to do what MB wants? it's still a new relationship at only 3 months, so nanny and MB have to discuss "first time scenarios" clearly.


You are their domestic help, you are there to do their wishes, not interpret their feelings or comfort. So skip that line and just say "What would you like me to do next time if the dryer is not ready to use?"

And then repeating it back to them and reminding them of the obvious (that if there is clothes in it you can't do another load) just makes it seem like you think they are stupid, again they are paying you and not to think they are stupid.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2015 10:49     Subject: What was I suppose to do? (laundry and boundaries)
Anonymous wrote:
nannydebsays wrote:My response would be, "I am sorry if my folding your laundry upset you. How would you like me to handle the situation in the future?" And be sure to get specific directives, and confirm what that means for your charge's laundry, i.e., "So to be sure I understand, you want me to leave your clothes alone, even if it means I then cannot wash DC's clothes?" or whatever.


No matter who was in the wrong, that sounds very passive aggressive and would do nothing but breed ill will for nanny at work.

Horrible advice nanny Deb.


I disagree, PP. Without a conversation, how can nanny be sure to do what MB wants? it's still a new relationship at only 3 months, so nanny and MB have to discuss "first time scenarios" clearly.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2015 05:34     Subject: What was I suppose to do? (laundry and boundaries)
Gee what is the big deal?? It's only underwear.

Maybe she has jealousy issues and didn't want you seeing her husband's sexy silk boxers.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2015 02:48     Subject: What was I suppose to do? (laundry and boundaries)
Don't do laundry again
Anonymous
Post 12/31/2014 14:16     Subject: What was I suppose to do? (laundry and boundaries)
Another MB here. I would have been appreciative, too. However, I hang most of my laundry out of the dryer except for shorts, undies, and socks so avoid lines on the clothes, so I actually prefer someone laying the clothes out on the bed. But, that would be on me and I would never expect the nanny to do anything but what was easiest.
Anonymous
Post 12/31/2014 14:15     Subject: What was I suppose to do? (laundry and boundaries)
Anonymous wrote:MB here. That is a weird, and unnecessary response. Is it possible she was trying to say that she didn't expect you to do that? Maybe she's well aware that it would be rude of her to assume and she was trying to convey that she doesn't consider it at all necessary for you to have had to deal w/ their laundry.

Just trying to offer a gentler point of view... I would have been hugely appreciative OP, but also embarassed that I'd left my own laundry in your way.


OP here.

I personally would be uncomfortable with someone else folding my laundry, so I get that to an extent. It just felt like a strange response. If she would have said, "I feel uncomfortable with you folding our laundry. Next time please leave it." I would find it odd, but the response, "weird you would want to fold our underwear" kind of offended me.
Anonymous
Post 12/31/2014 13:55     Subject: What was I suppose to do? (laundry and boundaries)
MB here. That is a weird, and unnecessary response. Is it possible she was trying to say that she didn't expect you to do that? Maybe she's well aware that it would be rude of her to assume and she was trying to convey that she doesn't consider it at all necessary for you to have had to deal w/ their laundry.

Just trying to offer a gentler point of view... I would have been hugely appreciative OP, but also embarassed that I'd left my own laundry in your way.
Anonymous
Post 12/31/2014 10:30     Subject: What was I suppose to do? (laundry and boundaries)
nannydebsays wrote:My response would be, "I am sorry if my folding your laundry upset you. How would you like me to handle the situation in the future?" And be sure to get specific directives, and confirm what that means for your charge's laundry, i.e., "So to be sure I understand, you want me to leave your clothes alone, even if it means I then cannot wash DC's clothes?" or whatever.


No matter who was in the wrong, that sounds very passive aggressive and would do nothing but breed ill will for nanny at work.

Horrible advice nanny Deb.