I am grateful for the responses. I had a talk with the nanny this AM and surprisingly it went very well. The moment I mentioned "hair" she knew where I was heading. She admitted fault without getting on defensive. She said she might have gotten "too comfortable" which led to slacking and promised to work on all the concerns we have.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why I will never hire a woman who is hinting at getting pregnant or in a long term relationship with plans to have a baby "in the future" because as we all know those plans get pushed up by little "accidents."

And just how do you plan to get all this information about their personal life when you have no business asking them such personal questions? Hey MBs, newsflash, when you hire nannies, you hire human beings who do have personal lives outside your precious snowflake kiddos. Even if you hired a single woman, how on earth could you possibly guarantee that she will never get into a relationship or ever become pregnant? What are you going to do, make her sign a contract that includes a clause that she will remain single and celibate?

Because some of us are open, warm, and welcoming people who talk to their nannies.

Anonymous wrote:This is why I will never hire a woman who is hinting at getting pregnant or in a long term relationship with plans to have a baby "in the future" because as we all know those plans get pushed up by little "accidents."

And just how do you plan to get all this information about their personal life when you have no business asking them such personal questions? Hey MBs, newsflash, when you hire nannies, you hire human beings who do have personal lives outside your precious snowflake kiddos. Even if you hired a single woman, how on earth could you possibly guarantee that she will never get into a relationship or ever become pregnant? What are you going to do, make her sign a contract that includes a clause that she will remain single and celibate?

Over the last 8 years I have employed nannies I have fired two the moment they told me they were pregnant. I'm just not going to deal with that. The other two nannies we had were wonderful and amazing and were more focused on my kids than getting pregnant.

She can be fired because she's pregnant, actually. Anti-discrimination laws don't apply when you have one employee.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MB here. So, this is a new nanny, not someone with whom you have an established relationship, and in her first 4 months she has been chronically late, she is spending too much time on her cellphone, and she is refusing to do some tasks (like brushing hair), and she has requested advances on salary.

These are all red flags and none of those problems seem related to an early pregnancy - except perhaps fatigue. If she is unable to perform the basic functions of the job, and to arrive on time, then you are entirely within your rights to replace her.

The advancing of salary is a MAJOR red flag in my book. It tells you a lot about her ability to run her life, and her judgment in asking this of a new employer.

This just doesn't sound like pregnancy related difficulty to me. Needing naps in the middle of the day, being uneasy about lifting heavy weight (like a child, water jugs, etc...), experiencing nausea, all of those things would seem understandable. Refusing to brush hair and routinely arriving late do not.

Just let her go and find someone reliable, with a better work ethic.

Nanny here and I agree.

MB here and I agree. What does doing hair have to do with being pregnant? After all these things in only 4 months, I would 1) sit down and have a talk with her. Document her issues with work -- chronic lateness, refusal to perform agreed upon duties without clear medical reasons, refusal to take your son on agreed upon outings or to interact with him properly. Give her two weeks start performing her job up to spec.
At the end of two weeks if things have not improved markedly, you fire her with cause.
I would honestly not expect them to improve and thus start looking for a new nanny, but I would give her the two weeks as a courtesy, although I agree that asking for advances on a salary and the other things you mention add up to someone I would not want in my home. And her comment "I'm not messing with any hair" sounds truly awful.
But I think if you fired her right away you might run into issues of her claiming she was fired because she was pregnant.

I say this as someone who is an employer who has not had to do these things and I imagine they would be hard. I hope you look at your choices in hiring and while we all can have bad luck, revamp them to improve your luck next time.

So nanny isn't doing her job, AKA taking excellent care of your son.

Talk first, with a warning that consistent improvement needs to be seen, and then let her go if she doesn't start doing the job she was hired to do.

That means you'll fire her "for cause", in case that makes a difference with collection of unemployment

Honestly OP, if you have already been willing to advance her money, she may see you as an easy mark, who can be pushed to accept poor job performance because you feel sorry for her.

Your son is your priority, not the care and feeding of a nanny you've employed for 4 months.

Anonymous wrote:Coming in late every day, refusing to help your son....she's totally talking advantage. And she's only been with you 4 months, you don't owe her anything except two weeks notice. I would tell her you need someone reliable and punctual, sorry but we are letting you go and give her notice. Be glad you found out now rather than after you paid for her maternity leave. She will only get worse.

MB here. It sucks, and will be painful, and she sounds like the type of person who might say some nasty things to you, but you have got to let her go and find someone else.

Otherwise, here is what you have to look forward to: another 7 months of lateness and not doing her job while she's there. At some point, she will start taking a lot of sick days, and you will be unable to enforce your paid time off limits because you feel sorry for her. She will take her 6 weeks paid leave (excessively generous for a new employee, IMO), and then take another 2 or 3, leaving you hanging before she quits, or insists on bringing her baby with her.

Bite the bullet now and end this. Just tell her it's not working out.

Coming in late every day, refusing to help your son....she's totally talking advantage. And she's only been with you 4 months, you don't owe her anything except two weeks notice. I would tell her you need someone reliable and punctual, sorry but we are letting you go and give her notice. Be glad you found out now rather than after you paid for her maternity leave. She will only get worse.

Anonymous wrote:Thank you guys. Honestly I am not sure what to make of this. She has been coming in late almost every day and by late I mean 15 minutes to 30 minutes late since she informed us about her pregnancy. She also refused to take DS to an activity last week because she was not "feeling too good," she justs sits on the couch with her cellphone ignoring my DS... I would really hate to get to a point of letting her go... We actually offered her 6 weeks paid maternity leave when she announced her pregnancy which I think is very generous considering she has been with us for only 4 months. I am not sure if we should have held the offer until she is almost due...

You need to fire her for cause (when one is fired for cause they do not get unemployment). Give her a written warning tomorrow morning that she has been late for work every day in the month of November, and she is being given an official written warning that she will be fired if she shows up late again. In addition, she is to meet ALL her obligations of the job including taking DS to all his activities. She is to limit using her phone to the hour or whatever that he naps except in case of emergency. Not adhering to these are fireable offenses.

This is ridiculous, OP. I've fired people for showing up late the THIRD time they do it.

Anonymous wrote:MB here. So, this is a new nanny, not someone with whom you have an established relationship, and in her first 4 months she has been chronically late, she is spending too much time on her cellphone, and she is refusing to do some tasks (like brushing hair), and she has requested advances on salary.

These are all red flags and none of those problems seem related to an early pregnancy - except perhaps fatigue. If she is unable to perform the basic functions of the job, and to arrive on time, then you are entirely within your rights to replace her.

The advancing of salary is a MAJOR red flag in my book. It tells you a lot about her ability to run her life, and her judgment in asking this of a new employer.

This just doesn't sound like pregnancy related difficulty to me. Needing naps in the middle of the day, being uneasy about lifting heavy weight (like a child, water jugs, etc...), experiencing nausea, all of those things would seem understandable. Refusing to brush hair and routinely arriving late do not.

Just let her go and find someone reliable, with a better work ethic.

Nanny here and I agree.

MB here. So, this is a new nanny, not someone with whom you have an established relationship, and in her first 4 months she has been chronically late, she is spending too much time on her cellphone, and she is refusing to do some tasks (like brushing hair), and she has requested advances on salary.

These are all red flags and none of those problems seem related to an early pregnancy - except perhaps fatigue. If she is unable to perform the basic functions of the job, and to arrive on time, then you are entirely within your rights to replace her.

The advancing of salary is a MAJOR red flag in my book. It tells you a lot about her ability to run her life, and her judgment in asking this of a new employer.

This just doesn't sound like pregnancy related difficulty to me. Needing naps in the middle of the day, being uneasy about lifting heavy weight (like a child, water jugs, etc...), experiencing nausea, all of those things would seem understandable. Refusing to brush hair and routinely arriving late do not.

Just let her go and find someone reliable, with a better work ethic.

Because I was suggesting an option that might be true. Maybe MB has to look at herself. It's not based on anything said in the thread because obviously MB won't come out and say "you know what I'm not the best employer out there" and all she has said about her positives as an employer has been that she pays well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hmm! I am not sure how collecting unemployment would help her current situation if that is what is on her mind... She was struggling financially to a point where she needed to move to a cheaper apartment . We actually gave her 2 weeks advance payment so that she could have enough for 2 months security deposit and first month rent... I just don't get it. We pay her way well above market rate, 6 dollars more per hour than she has ever made. Could it be just her hormones? Maybe she wants to test the waters? OP

Maybe you are the problem? I know just because I am being paid well does not mean I will do a good job if the family is a pain and doesn't seem to respect me. Money isn't everything.

Why would you suggest the MB is the problem when nothing in the previous posts point to that. I thought she was simply asking for feedback. The money issue only came up after someone suggested that the nanny may be looking at collecting unemployment.

Have you spoken with her about this? if this is new behavior, then there must be a reason for it. Definitely do not ignore but I do not advocate firing unless you discuss first, hear her response and observe from there