Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote://By being treated like a servant I mean I expect children to pick up after themselves or help out. I expect please and thank you..//

You expect things that you're actually expected to teach them.

I expect them to practice the things I've been teaching them. It's called follow through.

You've been there 3 weeks only. If you think it's enough for them to fully absorb and practice your teachings you clearly do not know much about this age group.

Unfortunately at their age, it is not so easy to re-direct with a playground idea. They are at that age where they want to do different stuff too and sometimes their moods dictate what they want or do not want to do.

Yes, I agree...It just sounds like a bad match all around for everyone involved.

Consider it a trial period and speak to the parents and let them know you need to move on.
Do not get into specifics on why you need to move on, just keep it general saying it is an issue regarding you needing to work with a younger age group.

Hopefully both sides can end this thing on an amicable basis and move on smoothly.

However be prepared to be let go immediately if they find someone sooner rather than later.

Anonymous wrote://By being treated like a servant I mean I expect children to pick up after themselves or help out. I expect please and thank you..//

You expect things that you're actually expected to teach them.

I expect them to practice the things I've been teaching them. It's called follow through.

//By being treated like a servant I mean I expect children to pick up after themselves or help out. I expect please and thank you..//

You expect things that you're actually expected to teach them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have tried all the nanny tricks to manage tantrums I know.

I do not expect perfection or model behavior all the time.

I do expect to be treated with respect and not like the servant or have violent behavior directed toward me.

I do expect to be working towards the goal of appropriate ways of expressing emotions.

My biggest issue is with the parents I do not feel they have my back or at least willing to work with me.

I've tamed some terrible fit throwers but I worked with the parents as a team.

I did have a heart to heart with them today and asked them to talk with each other and see where we want to go I am willing to work together on the behavior and give it a try but they I need them to be 100% honest about their expectations and not say one thing to me and when I try and enforce it not support me.

So we'll see

What do you mean being treated like a servant? A toddler doesn't know what it means and if they throw stuff at you chances are they are throwing it at everybody. It's great to work towards better behavior, but I think you might be taking some stuff too personally due to lack of experience with this age group. If it's any help you can go to the general parenting discussion forum and read about all the tantrums kids throw with the parents - no nannies involved, all the same challenges.

I appreciate your opinion and invitation. It's not lack of experience. My experience with the 3 to 6 year old range is actually greater than with babies and toddlers.

This probably an unpopular opinion but children ages 4 to 6 are not toddlers.

4 and 6 is capable of knowing right from wrong, learning to express emotions appropriately/

By being treated like a servant I mean I expect children to pick up after themselves or help out. I expect please and thank you..

As I have mentioned I do not require perfection.

I do have standards of behavior. They might be "too high" for some parents knew this during interview and acted like they wanted changes to be made. Over my time here they seemed to have been less supportive.

I understand that change is hard.
I do not blame the kids they are doing as they have been taught.



But the parents and have have talked and we are going to work on things together.

Anonymous wrote:I have tried all the nanny tricks to manage tantrums I know.

I do not expect perfection or model behavior all the time.

I do expect to be treated with respect and not like the servant or have violent behavior directed toward me.

I do expect to be working towards the goal of appropriate ways of expressing emotions.

My biggest issue is with the parents I do not feel they have my back or at least willing to work with me.

I've tamed some terrible fit throwers but I worked with the parents as a team.

I did have a heart to heart with them today and asked them to talk with each other and see where we want to go I am willing to work together on the behavior and give it a try but they I need them to be 100% honest about their expectations and not say one thing to me and when I try and enforce it not support me.

So we'll see

What do you mean being treated like a servant? A toddler doesn't know what it means and if they throw stuff at you chances are they are throwing it at everybody. It's great to work towards better behavior, but I think you might be taking some stuff too personally due to lack of experience with this age group. If it's any help you can go to the general parenting discussion forum and read about all the tantrums kids throw with the parents - no nannies involved, all the same challenges.

OP here Well we talked briefly this morning before they left for work and we have decided to work on things.

We are going to try for another month.

They said they really appreciate me and really want to try and make things work with me.

I am the 3rd nanny this year. Which in hind sight should have been a red flag.

But they do seem willing to try and I'm willing to give it one more chance

It sounds like they are expecting you to be the disciplinarian while they swoop in to save the day every evening. Take it from someone who has btdt - you can not do this alone. I would start looking for a new job.

I have tried all the nanny tricks to manage tantrums I know.

I do not expect perfection or model behavior all the time.

I do expect to be treated with respect and not like the servant or have violent behavior directed toward me.

I do expect to be working towards the goal of appropriate ways of expressing emotions.

My biggest issue is with the parents I do not feel they have my back or at least willing to work with me.

I've tamed some terrible fit throwers but I worked with the parents as a team.

I did have a heart to heart with them today and asked them to talk with each other and see where we want to go I am willing to work together on the behavior and give it a try but they I need them to be 100% honest about their expectations and not say one thing to me and when I try and enforce it not support me.

So we'll see

My question for you op is what do you do when they have a tantrum? Do you try and figure out if they're hungry or tired and respond accordingly? Do you take away privileges? No tv today since you threw a fit yesterday? Do you flat out tell them to knock it off? If not, I'd try those things. They're testing you. Is they know you have limits and expectations they may rise to the occasion. Or maybe not but at least you'll have tried everything. I totally get how awful it is when older kids who should know better throw monster tantrums. It's far worse than when babies or toddlers do it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My day ended yesterday after the park tantrum,,, the 6 year old tantrum because I wouldn't let him eat junk food all afternoon, both having tantrums because I asked them to put their shoes in the basket y the door and not to jump on the couch, the 4 year old having a melt down over nap time

The day ended with another tantrum this time because I put the 4 year old's milk in the wrong cup ( didn't realize there was a right one) and because her milk wasn't warm ( didn't realize she needed it warm) she goes on a screaming fit and tries to kick me all because I ask her to ask in a kinder voice if she wanted a new cup and warm milk

Mom enters as this is happening. I explain the situation. What does she do picks the girl up cuddles her like she's an infant and says"oh well she does like her milk warm."

Can't fix clueless.

Ha and I love how parents think this is normal behavior. Kids will have tantrums but by 4 and 6 the parents should have taught them a routine for dealing with there feeling. I worked for one family where the boy would communicate to me that he was going to have a tantrum and then go to his room until he calmed down. Then he would come out and talk to me about his feelings and what set him off. Now that is good parenting. By 4 and 6 violent tantrums are not acceptable.

I don't necessarily see this as 'normal' but kids this age can still have issues with 'self regulation'. Despite years of trying to help them, my kids still have tantrums at ages 4 and almost 7. Actually, the 4 year old has only really started tantrums over these sorts of minor things in the last year or so. With the older one, I have discovered that food colouring is a huge trigger. My kids are adopted and come from a birth family with a history of ADHD, learning and behavioral difficulties etc. At least we are trying to do something to help them (in the midst of pyschiatric assessments) ... having said that, I regularly see kids the same age having similar tantrums. They are kids, you can't expect them to be perfectly reasonable. I do agree though that you can expect the parents to have a system in place to try to manage and minimize the behaviour.

As a nanny all I can say is that when it comes to tantrums, if the parents are on my side and I can see them actively trying to come up with solutions I have no problems. I've dealt with some nasty tantrums, one kid threatened me with scissors and one kid took his shoe off while I was driving on the highway and threw it at my head. I stayed in both of these jobs though because the parents were willing to work with me. The one job I left with no notice I left because the parents just didn't give a crap.

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you're not a very skilled nanny if you can't set limits and handle behavior issues.

You should probably get a new job.

This. What exactly are you being paid for? To sit around on the park bench and text your friends while the children are not bothering you?

It sounds like you're not a very skilled nanny if you can't set limits and handle behavior issues.

You should probably get a new job.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My day ended yesterday after the park tantrum,,, the 6 year old tantrum because I wouldn't let him eat junk food all afternoon, both having tantrums because I asked them to put their shoes in the basket y the door and not to jump on the couch, the 4 year old having a melt down over nap time

The day ended with another tantrum this time because I put the 4 year old's milk in the wrong cup ( didn't realize there was a right one) and because her milk wasn't warm ( didn't realize she needed it warm) she goes on a screaming fit and tries to kick me all because I ask her to ask in a kinder voice if she wanted a new cup and warm milk

Mom enters as this is happening. I explain the situation. What does she do picks the girl up cuddles her like she's an infant and says"oh well she does like her milk warm."

Can't fix clueless.

Ha and I love how parents think this is normal behavior. Kids will have tantrums but by 4 and 6 the parents should have taught them a routine for dealing with there feeling. I worked for one family where the boy would communicate to me that he was going to have a tantrum and then go to his room until he calmed down. Then he would come out and talk to me about his feelings and what set him off. Now that is good parenting. By 4 and 6 violent tantrums are not acceptable.

I don't necessarily see this as 'normal' but kids this age can still have issues with 'self regulation'. Despite years of trying to help them, my kids still have tantrums at ages 4 and almost 7. Actually, the 4 year old has only really started tantrums over these sorts of minor things in the last year or so. With the older one, I have discovered that food colouring is a huge trigger. My kids are adopted and come from a birth family with a history of ADHD, learning and behavioral difficulties etc. At least we are trying to do something to help them (in the midst of pyschiatric assessments) ... having said that, I regularly see kids the same age having similar tantrums. They are kids, you can't expect them to be perfectly reasonable. I do agree though that you can expect the parents to have a system in place to try to manage and minimize the behaviour.

MB here.

Sounds like it's a job and family that would be really tough. I'd give two weeks notice and move on. If you know this early on that it's a bad fit for you then do what is best for you, but leave as professionally as possible.